Blast from the Past #503: October 12, 2005: Re: Show 128 Outline notes

Subj: Re: Show 128 Outline notes
Date: Wednesday, October 12, 2005 4:27:38 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 10/11/05 11:09:44 AM, Jonathan at 4Kids writes:

<<Peter,
  
 Hello.  128 will be going to first draft soon and I wanted to make sure that we receive any notes you have for 128 Outline.  I had sent it last week along with 127 first draft.  Just let me know if you need it resent. 
  
 Thanks, Peter.
  
 ~Jonathan>>

Lloyd,


The file that I got along with the first draft script of Ep127 was "TMNT128Premise.doc" -- not an outline, at least by how it was labeled and described on its first page. I just finished making comments on it and was about to send them, but just realized (because the date on this document was September 16, 2005) that maybe this was the old premise that I had been sent before (which I didn't like at all). I'm going to go ahead and send these comments anyway, but in the event that there actually is a new OUTLINE for this episode which is significantly different from this premise, please send it ASAP.


Thanks!


-- Peter

--------------------------

notes on Ep128premise


This premise has the same HUGE problem that the initial draft of it had, which is the whole "sunlight destroys the geneseeds and makes everything better" bit. It's a lazy, "magic" solution to the problem set up in the story... and it lessens the threat of Sh'Okanabo by making him seem STUPID, for overlooking such an OBVIOUS and easily tested weakness.


(I'm also not a big fan of stories like this one which put characters through HUGE physiological changes and BACK in the space of a few hours -- the basic problem with that is that it makes the threat posed (in this case by the "gene seeds" -- seem pretty tame. But as this element seems to be absolutely necessary for this story to even BEGIN to be used as an episode, I suppose I should grit my teeth and plow ahead.)


But the "sunlight cure" has to go, I think. It's just TOO cheesy and dopey for me -- much like the "aliens that can travel through interstellar space but are vulnerable to tap water" (??!!) dumbassitude that was one of several dumbass things that ruined the movie SIGNS for me. So now I'm going to suggest something that is just slightly less cheesy and dopey -- but which does have the twin virtues of being (a) funnier (which we ARE going for this season, right?) and (b) connected to one of our main settings in this episode. Oh, and it's something Sh'Okanabo probably WOULDN'T have thought of. The solution? HOT SAUCE! Yes, it's the hundreds (thousands?) of gallons of Tabasco sauce in the storage room of the "Original Ray's" restaurant that Raph finds -- inadvertently, in the midst of fighting off the drones -- has the special properties which can cause the Drones to spontaneously revert. All sorts of goofy hijinks could ensue as the Drones comically react to the hot sauce which Raph sprays/dumps/paints on them.




1.) Re: the following:

"The others head back home, but Mikey can't resist sticking around to order one last extra large empañada to go.  Although there's something odd about Ray when he takes Mikey's order.  Could it be the glowing red eyes and zombie-like demeanor?"

Did no one else notice the "glowing red eyes and zombie-like demeanor" when they were all eating a few minutes ago, or has Ray JUST started acting like this?


2.) Re: the following:

"Ray's is a lone oasis in an otherwise abandoned neighborhood of burned out, boarded up buildings that more resembles the South Bronx than the West Village."

It seems very odd to me that in the New York City of 2015, there would be ANY "burned out, boarded up buildings".


3.) Re: the following:

"Serling performs a full diagnostic on Mikey ("Too bad he's not awake.  I was going to make this really uncomfortable."), discovering that Mikey's DNA contains something... alien"

Why is Serling doing this, instead of Don? Is Serling now an expert in DNA analysis?


4.) Re: the following:

"They shine flashlights down to reveal they're in the middle of a "nest" of sleeping dormant Kanabo Drones... and they're starting to stir!"

Why are all these other Kanobo Drones "sleeping" and "dormant", when all of the Turtles who are thus infected so far are wildly active?


5.) Re: the following:

"We learn that Sh'Okanabo is the "prime specimen" of his species, the Kanabo, the equivalent of a "Queen Bee" whom all else serve.  The Kanabo subsist as intergalactic parasites, finding a planet and sucking it dry of its populace and resources by "infecting" host bodies with their DNA and slowly consuming them.  Once the entire planet is consumed, Sh'Okanabo will move to another planet and begin the process anew.  And nothing will stop him!"

So what, exactly, is the point of all this infestation? What happens to all those transformed "Kanobo Drones" once all of the planet's resources are depleted and Sh'Okanabo moves on to another planet? If there are no more resources, do those Drones DIE? While I suppose one could postulate that a species could exist whose life cycle works to its own worst interest (i.e. destroying all of its hosts and thus exterminating itself in the long run), I think it might be a good idea if we could come up with a better rationale for the likes of Sh'Okanabo than this.


This thought just occurred to me: What it the whole process of transforming all of the inhabitants of a planet into "Kanobo Drones" (and here's another question -- is it just intelligent species, or ALL species, which are targets of these "gene seeds"?) is only PART of the process, and its final purpose is to reduce the intelligent population of the planet into consumable "soul nuggets"... little blobs of energy/protoplasm that a being like Sh'Okanabo can eat, and in this way can absorb the collective intelligence, knowledge and creativity of an entire planet, adding hugely to its own power. 


And to add an extra "frisson" of horror to this, maybe part of the process is the consuming of Drones by OTHER Drones, in a horrific cycle of global cannibalistic reduction until only a limited number of "Uber Drones" are left... and THESE are the ones Sh'Okanabo himself consumes. And maybe he keeps a few of these "Uber Drones" for future use (as "muscle" to be used as a last resort? -- could be a cool extra villain character set for our heroes to battle).


6.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, Sh'Okanabo can't risk having his plot exposed.  He slashes open a gas main in the basement and disappears into the shadows."

Hmm... a being who destroys worlds -- and his BEST way of eliminating the evidence is to slash open a gas main... and then (apparently) HOPE it causes a fire? EXTREMELY lame.


-- Pete


------------------------------


Subj: Re: Show 128 Outline notes
Date: Wednesday, October 12, 2005 8:47:28 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on the problematic Ep128 outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"Everyone is ready to head back home, but Mikey can't resist staying behind to order one more with everything to go.  We (but not Mikey) catch a glimpse of the hot dog as Ray shoves it into the to-go bag.  The mustard is green.  And slimy.  Just like the slime that came out of Sh'Okanabo's gene seeds earlier."

Okay, I'm confused. Did the pigeon crap on Mike's hot dog? Are the "gene seeds" now irrelevant (i.e. if it's the "slime" inside them which carries the infestation)?


2.) Re: the following:

"Mikey polishes off the food... and then starts chowing down on the dishes!"

This takes a funny bit and makes it dumb. How about if -- instead of dishes -- he starts eating packaged food out of the cupboards without first taking the food out of the packages?


3.) Re: the following:

"Later, in CODY'S LAB, an unconscious Mikey is strapped down to a lab table while Serling, Cody and Don perform a full diagnostic on him."

I really don't think Serling should be involved in this procedure. He's not a scientist.


4.) Re: the following:

"The guys all pore over the diagnostic readouts, unaware as Mikey's EYES GLOW RED HOT and his shadow suddenly comes to life (like Sh'Okanabo's), seeming to completely engulf him in shadow, twisting and writhing and pulsing until it finally dissipates... revealing Mikey now fully transformed into a full fledged alien of Sh'Okanabo's species: a KANABO DRONE!"

See my previous emails where I comment about radical physical transformations within minutes. Are we really saying that Mikey has COMPLETELY changed into a Sh'Okanabo lookalike (boring AND preposterous!) or into a Turtle who has some of Sh'Okanabo's characteristics? 


5.) Re: the following:

"Leo begins to rampage inside the Hovershell with the same ravenous appetite Mikey did earlier, tearing apart the seats, even chomping down on Splinter's walking stick!"

As dopey as Mike trying to eat plates.


6.) Re: the following:

"Raph and Cody battle the Kanabo Drones, who attack with their vicious clawed hands and taloned feet.  Raph shoves Cody to safety just as a huge shelf full of slime is about to smash down on him, narrowly avoiding the alien-DNA-infecting slime."

"A huge shelf full of slime..."??!! What -- JARS full of it? 

7.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, Sh'Okanabo can't risk having his plot exposed.  He slashes open a gas main in the basement and disappears into the shadows."

Hmm... a being who destroys worlds -- and his BEST way of eliminating the evidence is to slash open a gas main... and then (apparently) HOPE it causes a fire? EXTREMELY lame.




8.) There are several things in this outline which are kind of sloppily realized and confusing. One if them is the nature of Sh'Okanabo's "test" of his "gene seeds". It starts when we see him somewhere down in Chelsea Chasm releasing his infected pigeon, which flies up and out of the chasm to perch on the awning of Ray's Papaya Dog restaurant. Fine... but later on, that same restaurant not only has a basement full of Kanobo Drones (and it's never explained how or WHY all of these drones end up in this particular basement), and not only THAT, but Sh'Okanabo also has a "a huge adjacent GARAGE with Hover Trucks, all filled with green slime dripping gene-seeds!" I don't get how all these things connect, especially that last part, which seems REALLY over the top. I mean -- this is a TEST? It seems more like an all-out assault!


Another thing which seems weird to me is the way people get infected. It seems really haphazard and sloppy to just have the infection take place when you are merely touched by this slime, as -- if you think about it -- it would be almost impossible to NOT come in contact with it when there's so much of it flying around. It also takes the "gene seed" concept and makes it more of a "gene goo" idea, which I find less interesting.


Perhaps this could be made a little less indiscriminate if we established that it's not the slime per se which infects you, but the gene seeds (if there are any) contained in the slime which you get on you. These could be nasty little buggers which exhibit an insect-like motility as they BURROW into your skin and proceed to infect you. (We could tweak the opening to show this, as well as have one of our Turtles -- i.e. the smart one, Don -- figure it out and let the audience know.)


Which brings me to another thing I think should change -- let's have Don, not Raph, be the one who doesn't get infected. Not only have we already seen Don get turned into a monster (in Season 4), but it helps to have the smart Turtle be the one who figures out how to combat this infestation.


Having now read through this outline, I see that there is a set up for a future episode where Sh'Okanabo tries to do something to our sun... and maybe that's part of the reason for the "sun cures the Drone infection" bit in this outline. I've not read anything so far for a future episode of this type, though it may be in my "In Box".


If it is felt to be necessary to have Sh'Okanabo attack our sun (though there are some SERIOUS logic flaws in that path of action -- primary among them being that if he destroys the sun, everything on Earth DIES), maybe we can tweak this outline's conclusion so that the sun is PART of the solution, though not the WHOLE solution. Maybe it's the sunlight working IN CONCERT with a bath of Tabasco sauce! (Now that's something Sh'Okanabo REALLY would not likely have thought of!)


-- Pete