Saturday, March 3, 2012

Blast from the Past #486: August 12, 2005: Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Outline and Re: Episode 119 ("Obsolete") 3rd draft

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Outline
Date: Friday, August 12, 2005 4:28:47 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my notes on the ep122 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"Night. Inside the PENTHOUSE, Mikey hasn t eaten, slept or bathed for days. But it s all about to pay off as he finishes up HAPPY-HAPPY-MEGA-HYPER-HELIX-REWIND-BASH!, the world s most intense hyper-reality video game ever! (He s suspended by an anti-grav harness, complete with night-vision-style goggles, flippers on his feet plus inflatable orange water wings; it s Dance Dance Revolution on steroids) "

Ditch the water wings, please.

2.) Re: the following:

"AT CODY S - In the living room, Mikey tackles Serling.

Mikey:   Quick! Make with the MapQuest! Where s the closest store?
Serling:   Very well. Levellex Mall.
Mikey:   Hurry, Robin! To the Shell-Mobile!

Mikey swings toward the door, then realizes he s still trailing the Helix rig. He grows increasingly frantic as Cody shakes his head."

How does Mikey tackle Serling if he's still hanging by one ankle?

3.) Re: the following:

"Master Splinter:   For once, Michelangelo may be almost correct.
Leonardo:   "Michelangelo may be right?" Wait a sec. My head's going to explode. "

The Leo line sounds a lot more like a Raph line. Also, shouldn't the quotation marks in Leo's line mean that he's quoting -- i.e. repeating exactly -- Splinter's words? And if so, shouldn't he then say "Michelangelo may be almost correct"? In any event, I'd make it a Raph line, and make it read as follows:

"Mikey may be right? Wait a sec. My head' s gonna explode."

4.) Re: the following:

"Raphael:   You ve got a better chance of walking to the moon than guessing what a girl likes, so I m opting out of this little knitting circle. "

This is a pretty goofy line, given that I doubt Raph knows a whole lot about "what girls like". I'd take it out.

5.) Re: the following:

"The guys are wowed by the mall culture, which includes   Mallrats , pale aliens with huge eyes who work, live and sleep at the mall, never venturing out into the sunlight. Leonardo muses about a possible connection to Master Splinter. "

I don't get why Leo would muse that. Seems goofy.

6.) Re: the following:

"As the little aliens hit Serling s   shoulders , a shiny silver   slide -like device suddenly pops out of Serling's   back . (NOTE: this will be incorporated into the   armor design revealed shortly). The little aliens merrily slide down. The ladder retracts, and Serling reacts, horrified."

Hmm... I can't wait for the soda machine that comes out of his knee, and the umbrella that pops out of his head, and so on. I fear that this is leading to something unbearably silly.

7.) Re: the following:

"Serling:   The last time you messed with me, you used me as a blender! To make salsa! I couldn t get the taste of cilantro out of my circuits for weeks! "

Yup, here we go. Why in the name of all that's holy would Cody (or the Turtles, it's unclear which) turn Serling into a BLENDER???!!! This is really, really, REALLY silly.

8.) Re: the following:

"The clerk is ready to spray everyone on line with fire extinguishers   They re coming up from the loading docks! Easy people! I m not afraid to use this! "

Why not old-fashioned selzter bottles? That would make just as much sense and be just as lamely goofy. Remember -- IT's THE FUTURE!!!

9.) Re: the following:

"Mikey s just about to leap over the counter and grab the game when Cody reminds him about ninja honor &It works for three seconds, and Mikey yanks Cody to &"

What game? I thought they were all still on the trucks. And speaking of which -- both Cody and Mikey have NEVER been to this gigantic, enormous, so-confounding-in-its-vastness-that-they-have-to-bring-along-Starlee mall -- so how do they locate the loadiing docks so easily?

10.) Re: the following:

"Mikey takes on Jammerhead himself, but is quickly overpowered by the gang. He calls for help from his bros &but Jammerhead JAMS his wrist gauntlet. Mikey sends Cody for help!"

It's very convenient that Jammerhead ignores Cody -- who arrived on the loadings docks WITH Mikey -- and allows him to go off and warn the other Turtles. Did Jammerhead miss what I assume would be a shout from Mikey to Cody to go get the other Turtles?

11.) Re: the following:

"AT THE LOADING DOCKS, the Street Phantoms manage to keep Michelangelo at bay just long enough for Jammerhead to make off with the still-full truck. "

"At bay"...? I thought Mikey had already been "overpowered by the gang".

12.) Re: the following:

"INSIDE the Rolling Section of the Hovershell, the four Turtles concentrate on closing the gap with the fast-moving delivery truck. "

Something's missing here. When the Turtles left to go to the loading docks, they were described as "bounding off". When did they get back in the Hovershell? And, if they somehow went BACK to the Hovershell to go to the loading docks, why are they in the "rolling section" of it instead of using the whole FLYING Hovershell to intercept the delivery truck? Seems like it would be a heck of a lot faster.

13.) Re: the following:

"INSIDE the Stolen Delivery Truck, Jammerhead uses his HEAD HARDWARE to confuse the mall s security cameras / bots, swapping the Turtles images for his own.

AT THE MALL, the giant vid-screens kick back on. The altered security tape starts to run on continuous loop. The shoppers grow very agitated (especially those in the Happy-Happy-Mega-Hyper-Helix-Rewind-Bash!-2 line). Cody bristles with frustration, wanting to help & but not wanting to leave Starlee. Serling continues to complain about   feeling of &

Okay, getting more confused. Didn't the delivery truck already LEAVE the Mall?, "disappearing into the distance"? Why then are we still AT the mall in this scene? If the idea is that the vid-screens at the mall are going to continue to play Jammerhead's altered video, what does that matter when the chase is going on across town?

14.) Re: the following:

"The guys manage to stop Jammerhead, but when Biggles joins the guys   He tries to detain them! The APB is for four   Turtle-esque aliens and he shows them the   vid-proof. Jammerhead seizes the moment and re-steals the delivery truck.

Michelangelo nearly loses his mind as the Happy-Happy-Mega-Hyper-Helix-Rewind-Bash! 2 games streak away again. In his mania, Mikey gets ahead of his brothers, and steals Biggle s own emergency-craft. He swoops around for his startled brothers, and they re off! "

Is the Hovershell disabled? I don't see anything here to indicate that, thus no particular reason for Mikey to steal Biggles' vehicle.

15.) Re: the following:

"Mikey is so crazy with the Happy-Happy-Mega-Hyper-Helix-Rewind-Bash! Mania, he s about to follow when his brothers stop him but their vehicle is rammed by Biggles, and they teeter on the edge of Chelsea Chasm!! "

Other than for a silly slapstick visual, WHY do they all stop? Seems senseless.

16.) Re: the following:

"Serling reacts to all this, quite confused.
Then Cody gives him a secret command,   GOONGOOLA! (which sounds an awful lot like that baby alien babble). Serling   clicks off, then: (


Cody climbs into the battle armor and takes off from inside the mall. He races across town, leaving Starlee in a state of shock."

While there is an interesting visual idea here -- a robot wearing Casey's hockey mask -- the rest of it is simply preposterous, as I feared from what I saw coming earlier. I mean, think about it -- the effort required to turn Serling from a butler/assistant robot into an exoskeleton-type Transformer-style " SUIT OF TURTLE-INSPIRED BATTLE ARMOR, wearing a HOCKEY MASK" which has the ability to FLY across the city and catch up with the battle would be HUGE, and it's totally unbelievable. If we want to give Cody a " SUIT OF TURTLE-INSPIRED BATTLE ARMOR, wearing a HOCKEY MASK", let's do it another way.

17.) Re: the following:

"Biggles is about to put the Turtles under arrest   Mikey happy to go along as he s got   nothing to live for. - But holo-footage of the incident recorded by Cody s armor clears the Turtles name!"

Mike MIGHT -- if you stretch credulity quite a bit -- be RESIGNED to going along. But he would certainly not be HAPPY to do it.

-- Pete


Subj: Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Outline
Date: Friday, August 12, 2005 6:30:11 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 8/12/05 5:21:11 PM, Lloyd writes:

"Hey Pete –
 Thanks for the notes.
 Regarding Cody wearing Serling as a battlesuit, I thought that was something we had already discussed and agreed upon as an idea?  We even sent a rough design to you regarding it.  While you weren’t 100% convinced that you liked our rough sketch (we agreed that once we signed off on an approved model of Serling we would refine how Cody and Serling would work together), the idea of Cody using Serling as his battle armor was approved.
 I agree that the other bits with Serling having a little slide for the aliens, or becoming a blender are stupid (and unnecessary), but I’d hate to get rid of the Serling as battlesuit idea because of those extremely expendable bits of business.  Feels like were tossing the baby out with the bath water…
 Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.  Let me know how we should proceed.
 Have a great weekend!
 PS – I also sent everyone a note that Serling should not be able to fly"


I can't find anything in my emails that would indicate that I approved the concept of Cody using Serling as a robotic suit of armor -- I do, however, have a memory of a cel phone conversation with you in which I expressed my distaste for the idea. I think we talked about (if we had decided to use the more human-proportioned version of Serling -- which, unless I'm hallucinating, is NOT the one we're going to use -- for the regular seen-in-every-episode Serling) having an EARLIER (clunkier, bulkier) version of Serling which Cody could reconfigure in some fashion. (Sorry about that run-on sentence!)

Which might in fact be the way to save this bit, as I do feel pretty strongly that gutting and rewiring/rebuilding the Serling we see in every episode to be this Transformer-Serling is not a good idea. Part of my strong reaction to this idea is that the way I see it, to do what Cody does to this robot would require tearing out so many internal parts that Serling would be rendered far less competent that he is at present, just so Cody could fit inside him. 

     So here's what I am going to suggest: Near the beginning of this tale, one of the Turtles notices that Sterling looks a little... off. He's not as shiny, a little dented in places, with a few seams that he didn't have before... and when he speaks, he sounds significantly slower, duller and less sarcastic. When asked, Cody tells the Turtles that this is an older version of Serling that was "retired" years ago (maybe this model was his guardian when he was a toddler) -- the current Serling is right now in the shop for his yearly diagnostics and computer systems upgrade. Cody could even let a SMALL hint slip when he mentions that he's been fiddling around with this old robot for the last few years, but not give away the scope of the changes he has made.

This way, we can keep the current Serling intact, and simultaneously give Cody this older Serling which COULD have a lot of its internals taken out and the rest reconfigured for the "Transformer" bit.

In addition, we could even play with the humor inherent in Serling's disdain for this earlier version of himself, if the two come into contact in any future episodes.

Also, I can't remember if I mentioned this in my notes, but I think it would be a good idea if Cody was not shown as TOO competent in his first battle using this Serling/Transformer suit of armor.

And I wanted to comment on something I found a little odd in this outline -- there were a number of times when various lines seemed to imply that a lot of time had passed since the Turtles first came to this future NYC. And that is, as far as I have been assuming, NOT the case... that in fact at the time of this episode, it's only been days or at most weeks since they arrived. Am I crazy?

Stay cool!

-- Pete


Subj: Re: Episode 119 ("Obsolete") 3rd draft
Date: Friday, August 12, 2005 6:28:46 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my two, relatively minor notes on 119 third draft.

1.) Re: the following:

CONSTABLE BIGGLES – stands beside his CAR as a DEPUTY walks toward him, loaded with TO-GO CUPS.
First rule of code enforcement. Never start the day without tea! <Whoop!>"

Maybe the third time is the charm -- so IS Biggles a robot now? And if so, what's up with the tea thing?

2.) From my previous notes:

"Re: the following:

Girls mature faster than boys… especially girls from Omitron with five times the brain capacity."

So does she have a giant head?"

Seriously -- does she have a giant head? Or perhaps a better question would be "five times the brain capacity" of WHAT? If what is being said here that "girls from Omitron" have five times the brain capacity of human boys like Cody, then she WOULD have a head  roughly three to five times as large as a human boy or girl of the same age. I suspect that it not desirable, so maybe a better alternative would be to say "five times the brain density" or "five times the neural connections."

I just realized that the writer may be trying to say that Starlee's girl brain has the CAPACITY to do five times as much mental work as a boy, but it doesn't read that way, at least to me.

It might be too goofy, but it might also be funny if we left it as is and then had Mikey make a comment on it, something Mikey-ish like "Uh... but doesn't that mean your head should be, like, this big?" (And he can hold his hands up about a foot from each side of his head.) Then Don could roll his eyes and say "She means the capacity to do mental work, Mikey." And Raph could follow that up with a sarcastic "Yeah... and by THAT standard of measurement, Mikey, your head should be about THIS big". (Raph indicates the size of an orange.)

-- Pete

1 comment:

  1. if all your comments on these episodes holds true, I can only IMAGINE your reaction to the Raph hand puppet Mike Makes in a later episode.....

    Almost like they where trying to destroy the dark image of the turtles with these episodes down to three stooges level ;).