Blast from the Past #392: Apr. 2, 2004: Re: TMNT -72 2nd draft 4-2-04

Apr. 2, 2004: Re: TMNT -72 2nd draft 4-2-04

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the second draft of Ep. 72.

1.) Re: the following:

"75. methania

Wait!  Raphael.  Maybe we can help YOU.  There’s a super-computer called Janus on the Toyetsu Station.  If there’s a way to get you back, it will know.  We’ll take you there... AFTER the race."

While I appreciate the mention of Janus, it is problematic -- because, given PLANET RACERS continuity, the Janus supercomputer is a SECRET project, and there's really no way for Meth to know about it. But all is not lost!

I think she could instead say something like this:

"Wait!  Raphael.  Maybe we can help YOU.  After this charity race series, we'll have a break of a couple of weeks. Back on my home world, one of my uncle's friends is the premier subspace and temporal mechanics theorist in this sector. If there’s a way to get you back, he'll figure it out.  We’ll take you there... AFTER the race."

If we use this, it would be a cool detail to also use Meth's uncle's name (which I forget right now).

Of course, I still like my "we're planning to give the purse money to the Basfornia orphans" idea, but I'm willing to let it go.

2.) Before I forget, I had an idea which might be both fun AND maybe give Playmates a cool Turtle variant for the toyline. The idea is this: When Raph takes over as pilot of the #23 bike, Meth wants him to look the part as much as possible. There's no time to make him a real set of leathers in the Team Fitts design, but I'm envisioning some kind of "spray on" costume machine which essentially paints onto Raphael a decent replica of Fitts Racing leathers, complete with his name on the back (which Raph would love).And so as to not have any kind of continuity problem in the following reunion episode, this "spray on gear" is only good for a certain amount of time, after which it naturally degrades and sheds itself... which could happen near the end of the last race, or just after it, and before Raph vanishes.

3.) Re: the following:

"There’s a bit of a jump!

EXT. ICE PLATEAU - FAR SIDE OF GLACIER – CONTINUOUS

Bike-23 launches out of a crack in the glacier wall –

-- and ARCS OVER a huge bottomless chasm.

140. FALCON

Going for the burn!

We see a PLUME OF FLAME shoot from the rear exhaust, propelling the bike forward as the worm flies out after them.  But it can’t make the jump and disappears down into the misty depths --"

A couple of problems with this. First, Falcon is not the pilot and I think this kind of action is something the pilot would need to take. Second, I'm not crazy about this "going for the burn" line followed by flames (!) shooting out of the rear exhaust. The bike is not rocket-propelled. (This kind of reminds me of the cover art on some of the old Gold Key "Star Trek" comics based on the original TV series, where the cover artist -- in ignorance of the advanced nature of the Enterprise's propulsion systems -- would draw the ship with rocket flames shooting out of the warp nacelles!) Why not have Falcon just say "Full throttle!"?

4.) As I have said before several times, I am REALLY not loving this whole "phasing" thing. To me it's totally extraneous and inconsistent with the way we have the Turtles (or at least Raph, Mike and Don) get rescued from the different dimensions they've been sent to, i.e. by Leo using the power of the Daimyo's warstaff... which, if memory serves, he uses only ONCE. So why are the boys constantly "phasing" in and out?

And if the "phasing" has NOTHING to do with the warstaff, and it's just some weird side-effect of the Turtles' being sent to the other dimensions, why bother with it? It's just a time-waster then.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #303: More notes

Yet another in my continuing series of randomly chosen emails to Lloyd Goldfine from the days when we were working together on development of the scripts for the 4Kids TMNT show. This one is about Episode 100. -- PL

____________________________________

Subj: comments on Ep. 100 second draft
Date: Wednesday, November 17, 2004 7:06:50 PM
From: Pete
To: Lloyd

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 100 second draft.

Much improved!

1.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
Yeah, Leo, let’s hear about the Ancient One...!"

Don says "Yes", not "Yeah". But "Yes" would sound a little odd here, so why don't we keep this line as is and combine it with Raph's next line ("I want to learn about all the new ways you learned to kick butt") and make it all Raph dialogue.

2.) It's cute how Yoshi and Mash meet the Ancient One, but a little sketchy in the way the Ancient One decides to invite them to become his students of ninjitsu just because Yoshi returned a five yen note to the Ancient One. I wonder if it might be fun to stretch this scene out just a bit to include some display of physical prowess (flexibility, speed, agility, whatever) in addition to honesty on the part of Yoshi.
I think we also miss an opportunity here to foreshadow Mash's second string status. After all, it's Yoshi who returns the money. Mash is just there. Perhaps we could do something like this: The Ancient One looks at the slightly ragged Yoshi and says something to the effect that it looks like Yoshi could use a job/money. He tells Yoshi to follow him. Yoshi starts to, remembers Mash, asks the Ancient One if his friend can have a job too. The Ancient One pauses, looks at Mash, shrugs in agreement.

3.) Re: the following:

"CUT forward in time to show the two boys, now about age 16, hunkered up close to a black and white tv with the Ancient One, watching the first astronaut step out on the moon (1969). The boys are quite excited, the Ancient One not so impressed.
YUKIO MASIMI
Wow, Yoshi, a man walking on the moon!
HAMATO YOSHI
Outer space... it is so fascinating.
THE ANCIENT ONE
Feh. "

It occurred to me that it might be fun to have the Ancient One say something to indicate that he thinks the moon landing isn't real (whether he REALLY thinks this, or is just saying it to hold up his "old curmudgeon" image for the boys, is not clear). It could be as simple as changing the last line as follows:

"THE ANCIENT ONE
Feh. Special effects."

4.) Re: the following:

"THE ANCIENT ONE
Good, you talk too much as it is. Lunar eclipse much better enjoyed in silence. "

There's nothing wrong with this line. However, it occurred to me that it might be cooler if, instead of "lunar eclipse", the Ancient One uses some kind of more poetic/traditional description of the phenomena -- something like "dragon swallowing moon". I have no idea if there is such a term in Japanese mythology/astronomy, but if so, it could be fun.

5.) Re: the following:

"Mortu has an arm cut off by the (last) katana-wielding Foot Ninja.

MORTU
My arm!"

I don't think Mortu needs to say anything here.

6.) Re: the following:

"WIDER to show Mash and Yoshi standing and facing the Mortu, unconscious Foot Soldiers strewn here and there. Mortu stoops and picks up his severed arm and begins reattaching it (it is now more obviously not flesh and blood but robotic).

MORTU
Nothing that can’t be fixed."

Because Mortu's arm has been SLICED off by a katana, it is unlikely that he could simply reattach it (as if some screws had come loose and it had fallen off). Yes, it can be fixed, as he says, but it will require significantly more effort that simply screwing or snapping it back together. I would prefer that when he says this line, instead of trying to reattach it, he simply examines the cut end of it, then tucks the severed arm under his other arm.

7.) Re: the following:

"YOSHI
By the stars above...!
TIGHT on Mortu.
MORTU
Indeed... perhaps it is by the stars above. Yes, it must be... it must be destiny that you two have saved my life tonight... destiny that has brought us together...
WIDER to show Mortu putting one hand on each of (one of their) shoulders.
MORTU
And destiny that you join... the Guardians. "

What is it that Mortu is smoking? He's babbling. That's a lot to be read into a chance encounter. I would like to suggest an alternative close to this scene: Yoshi and Mash react in astonishment to Mortu's robot-like anatomy. Just then, four (maybe fewer?) Guardians arrive, prepared to attack Yoshi and Mash. Mortu stops them, telling the Guardians that these boys saved him from the Foot attack.. The Guardians apologize to Mortu for being late to the battle (they were assigned to protect him, but were delayed for some reason which we probably don't need to get into here). One of the Guardians realizes -- and points out -- that Yoshi and Mash have seen part of his true nature. What to do? Mortu says something to the effect that they can leave, and the two boys will be left with a small mystery and their normal lives... OR... the boys can enter the world of the Guardians and the service of the Utroms, and learn the whole story. It's their choice.

8.) Re: the following:

"Walking barefoot across a bed of red-hot coals but not feeling any pain."

I'd prefer to take this one out. It's been pretty well conclusively proven that the classic "firewalking" stunt, which is supposed to show evidence of some incredible psychic power/mind over matter ability, is actually feasible because of the insulating/heat conducting qualities of ash (or something like that -- I've read about it in a number of places). So to avoid any kind of cheesy phony mind power stuff, let's replace this with something else or just take it out.

9.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO (V.O. NARRATION)
As a result Yoshi was promoted time and time again, right up to the top rank of Guardian Commander... while Mashimi was passed over... time and time again."

Can we think up a different term than "Guardian Commander"? Nothing wrong with it per se, just thought something cooler and less military might be better. Maybe "Guardian Prime" or something like that.

10.) Re: the following:

"MASHIMI
You dare ask why, Yoshi? Isn’t it obvious? You have taken everything from me... beaten me at everything! But with this betrayal..."

Because the best bad guys never really think of themselves as "bad", I question Mash describing his own actions as a "betrayal". I think he would use some other more neutral or even positive word.

11.) Re: the following:

"TIGHT on Yoshi, holding up and looking at Tang Shen’s purple chopsticks, a silent tear running down a cheek while his face is filled with silent fury."

I think it might be a good idea here to do a quick dissolve to an image of Tang Shen showing here wearing the purple chopsticks... just to reinforce the connection for the viewer. It would only take a second or two.

12.) I still think we need more foreshadowing of Mash's drift to the side of evil, i.e. the Foot and the Shredder. Perhaps a quick, wordless scene during or near the end of the "Yoshi rising in the Guardian ranks/Mash getting jealous" sequence that would go something like this: A bitter-looking Mash ducks down some dark alley in a seedy part of time. He leaps over a wall and drops into a leaf-strewn and weed-choked courtyard. Cut to him standing in front of a door... he knocks on it in a specific sequence of knocks... the door opens onto darkness, and Mash -- with a quick glance backward (symbolizing his last moment "in the light", as it were) -- slips inside. The door shuts, and we see that there is a weathered (but still legible) Foot symbol on it. (We couldn't see it a moment ago when Mash was standing in front of the door.)
The reason I suggest this is that in the script as is, the entry of the Shredder and the Foot into the story (via the Mash connection) still seems too abrupt to me.

13.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO (V.O. NARRATION)
Mashimi’s words struck Yoshi with the blistering force of an atomic bomb. Everything he cherished had been suddenly stripped away... leaving him blank... senseless... like he was filled with nothing at all. Empty."

The atomic bomb reference is a bit over the top. Actually, this whole paragraph is over the top. I get that Tang Shen has been taken from him, and he's bereft about that, and also about Mash's betrayal... but EVERYTHING? I think this needs to be toned down a little.

14.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO (V.O. NARRATION)
Yoshi gave no quarter, took no prisoners... he was a machine intent on only one thing: victory.
LEONARDO (V.O. NARRATION)
Within minutes the tide had turned, as Yoshi single-handedly drove the Foot before him..."

I question the use of the word "machine" to describe Yoshi at this moment, because it seems to be the exact OPPOSITE of what he is here, which is a man driven by PASSION. Also, I have to say that I'm not crazy about this "super Yoshi" who is single-handedly driving the Foot horde before him. I think it would work better if his inspired combat actions inspire the other Guardians and Utroms, and they rally around him.

15.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO (V.O. NARRATION)
Yoshi went after the Shredder with ferocity and precision...
Yoshi hacks off one of the Shredder’s arms and sends his helmet flying off, revealing a surprised and pissed Oroku Saki face.
LEONARDO (V.O. NARRATION)
Cutting off an arm, knocking off his helmet..."

Because we've already done an arm-severing in this episode, maybe instead Yoshi cuts off one of the Shredder's hands -- perhaps the one with the bladed gauntlet.

16.) Re: the following:

"YOSHI
I don’t blame you, sensei. I blame Mashimi. I will set this to rights or I will perish trying.
THE ANCIENT ONE
Perhaps more blood is not the answer. More blood will not bring Tang Shen back. More blood will only stain your hands forever."

I don't know if this will work, but I'll mention it anyway. What if the Ancient One uses a metaphor here to try to illustrate to Yoshi his point about vengeance? The metaphor is about a splinter... vengeance is like a splinter... it gets under your skin... irritating, torturing, getting infected and poisoning your life... unless you pluck it out (i.e. reject the way of vengeance). Yoshi goes ahead with his plans for revenge anyway, and kills Mashimi... but afterward realizes the truth of the Ancient One's words. And to forever remind himself of that sad lesson, he re-names his new pet, the rat which had belonged to Tang Shen... he calls it "Splinter".

17.) Re: the following:

"CUT back to the Shredder, quite pissed that things have once again gone awry. (Without Krang around to blame) Shredder (instead) moves into position to stand above Mashimi (much like Yoshi had stood a few minutes earlier).
TIGHT on Shredder delivering a powerful downward death-blow at us (at camera).
TIGHT as one of Mashimi’s hands goes limp."

I wonder if it might make the Shredder seem more like a badass is he doesn't deign to execute Mashimi, but instead makes a small gesture to his Foot Elite... who close in on Mashimi... one of them raises a weapon... and brings it down.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #301: More notes from the development of the 2K3 TMNT series

Here's another look back at an email of mine to Lloyd Goldfine, this time making comments about several different episodes -- at various points in their development -- of the 4Kids TMNT series. -- PL

_______________________


Subj: notes on 60, 61, 62 and 63 (various stages)
Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 4:28:22 PM
From: Pete
To: Lloyd

notes on extended 61 outline

1.) Could/should Marlin be related to Abigail Finn ("Monster Hunter"), with a similar accent? Maybe her brother?

2.) Should "Betsy" (Marlin' hunting rifle) have that name inscribed on it somewhere?

3.) Again, why, when Mikey has JUST GOTTEN THE CRAP BEAT OUT OF HIM, are the other Turtles just worried about poor l'il Leatherhead's feeling? I really think that at least ONE of them should say something to the effect that maybe it's not such a good idea to have Leatherhead as their house guest.

4.) This may be a bit too goofy, but I was thinking it also might be cool if Marlin had a little robotic "caddy" which would follow him around and carry his various mines, lasers, etc.... almost like a big robot dog. (It would give the Turtles or Leatherhead something to wreck, too.)

5.) I still think the gun should protect itself (i.e. when Leatherhead bites it) rather than have Marlin "pull a taser" from his pocket.

6.) Again, how does Marlin not only bind the huge Leatherhead but also "suspend" him from a catwalk?

7.) I'm not sure if/where this would work in, but I just had an image (inspired by the fact that Marlin uses such destructive weapons while hunting) of Marlin's "trophy room"... and it's not your typical trophy room with carefully mounted heads of large animals. Instead, it's a series of smallish domed glass cases with little BITS of various creatures he has tracked and blown to shreds.

8.) I'm still not loving the "drop Leatherhead into the pool of doom" plan that Marlin apparently has. DIdn't we just a bit earlier hear him say that this creature would bring him a lot of money if he could bring it back alive?

9.) I'm also still not buying that Raph's sais stop the giant cutting blades of the "sewage processor". And why do ALL of the Turtles jump into the water, when Marlin is still a threat?

10.) I don't like that Marlin does the suicide bit. It would work just as well if when he realizes "Betsy" is damaged, he also realizes that she is on overload and will very shortly blow up.

11.) Again -- WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY does Leatherhead SMASH through the wall to get to his new pad? It makes ABSOLUTELY no sense.

----------------

notes on final draft of ep. 60 "Touch and Go".

This one is much improved. I only have a few minor comments.

1.) Mike calling Splinter "Obi-Wan" in line 113 is very disrespectful. It's something that Mike MIGHT call Splinter when talking with his brothers, but NEVER to Splinter's face. I'd just use "Master" instead.

2.) As per my last notes about this, I think the staging of Mike and Splinter's miraculous "jump in front of the speeding train" escape could be staged much better.

3.) Do Mike and Splinter take Splinter's robe and walking stick and Mike's nunchaku from the hotel room after they beat up Hun and Touch and Go?

--------------------------------

notes on Ep. 63 Premise/Outline "Nobody's Fool"

1.) I love the (I think unintentionally) oxymoronic line describing Nobody in his police uniform in the preview -- "his face clearly not visible."

2.) Re: the following:

"Nobody (v.o. cont’d): "Even after the department buried me under a desk down in the dead case archives, I’m still a cop."

Close on – Nobody/Cop clenches his fist and slams it down on the desk.

"Nobody (v.o. cont’d): "They told me I rocked the boat too much. They told me police work was now more about public relations than catching the bad guy."

I suggest changing this to read "They told me I rocked the boat too much. They told me police work was now as much about public relations as catching the bad guy."

And I think it's "cold case files", not "dead case files".

3.) Re: the following:

"Nobody (v.o. cont’d): "Don’t bother trying to figure out who I am."

And, with an athletic, acrobatic leap and flourish of his cape, Nobody leaps over the side of the building and is gone disappearing into the night.

Nobody (v.o. cont’d): "My name is Nobody."

I would change the last line to just "I'm... Nobody."

4.) What if... when Leo and Mike encounter Nobody when he's wounded, part of what he does to convince them he's on the up-and-up (an important point) is to show them a "Justice Force" secret ID. However -- later on, we discover that it is not exactly valid.

5.) In Act Two, just before or while Mike and Leo are waiting for Nobody to show up at the Brooklyn Bridge, it might be a good opportunity for Leo or Mike to put a Shell Cel call in to Steve "Stainless" Steel to verify Nobody's JF credentials. To their surprise, Steve tells them that Nobody was once invited to join the Justice Force, but turned them down... but he apparently kept his temporary JF ID!

6.) Splinter's little lecture to Leo before he and Mike leave the lair seems a bit much.

7.) Why does Hun need The Twins (and why Twins? why not Triplets?) to signal that "it's safe" for him to exit the limo? Is Hun SCARED?

8.) The "Raph and Don becoming video game zombies thing" seems WAY out of character for both of them. This, I think, should be played more as a competition which gets out of hand, not some self-hypnotizing bit.

------------------------

notes on Ep. 62 outline "Survivalist Skills"

This one is in need of serious work. I'm not really happy with it.

1.) First of, I think Raph, Don AND Mike should be out in the woods (I'll get to "why"
in a moment). The scene with the apple being shot off the head should be DON shooting an apple off MIKE's head with a BOW AND ARROW (as in the comic) -- NOT Raph throwing a sai.
The major reasons (though not the only ones) to have Mike here are (a) he's not really needed in the farmhouse scenes, and (b) it is a CRIME to lose the "'chukker vs. 'chukker" gag when Pewk pulls out his nunchakus to threaten the Turtles, and NOT have Mike be there to respond.

2.) The Casey/April interaction is STILL stupid. Weren't these two just an episode or two ago making goo-goo eyes at each other while fixing April's shop's window? Why are they now pretending to not be interested in each other?
I suggest that we make a big change here, and that is this -- Casey's mom doesn't just randomly show up. Casey has secretly ASKED her to drop by, and his reasoning is this -- he wants April to meet his Mom (and vice versa) but in his own lug way, doesn't want April to feel like he's pressuring her or moving to fast in their developing relationship. (Meeting the parents, as we all know, is a big deal.) The reveal (that Casey asked his Mom to visit) could happen at the very end, and even continue to be a secret from April, in a coda scene with just Casey and his Mom, where he thanks her and she tells him that -- even with all of the wacky things that just transpired -- April is a peach, in her opinion. And in a REAL "zinger" upon which to end the episode, Casey's Mom says to him "... and you don't have to do it now, but someday I'd like to hear the story behind that big rat and the giant turtle." (Implying, obviously, that not only is Casey's Mom a lot sharper than they -- and the audience -- think she is, she's also willing to accept weird things in her son's life -- and I think we SHOULD bring her into the Turtles' world in future episodes.)
Also, let's get rid of the "Oops! Hide the Turtles!" stuff, which I think is REALLY tired and lame, and could be solved in one fell swoop by Leo and Splinter just LEAVING the house while Casey's Mom is there. Instead, let's do this as a series of "tests" that Casey's Mom gives April so she can see exactly what this potential daughter-in-law is made out of. (And April is more or less unaware that Casey's Mom is deliberately testing her.) Leo and Splinter could in fact surreptitiously HELP April pass those "tests" (whatever they are -- I'm sure we can come up with some good ones, probably involving patience, fortitude, strength, "class", etc. -- all things that anyone who marries Casey will HAVE to possess!).
I probably don't have to say it, but the "intro" bit with April tackling Casey's Mom and Casey wielding his baseball bats at the same moment is dopey and should GO.

3.) Re: Raph "slicing off Spud's entire belt" with his sai. Once again, the sai is not a slicing weapon. Just have him hook the grenade (or maybe ALL of them one after another, really fast) with his sais and toss it/them away.

4.) We probably WON'T have this scene anymore, but -- WHY are clean sheets kept in the ATTIC?

5.) The wedding gown bit is stupid.

6.) Re: the following:

"Donatello: "Yo, Rambo! Don't you know Turtles are cold-blooded? We don't give off heat signatures."

Somebody needs to bone up on science. "Cold-blooded" doesn't mean COLD!!!

7.) Re: the following:

"ON THE ROAD, the Shell Cycle ROARS down the road at speeds in excess of 140 miles per hour. The cycle ROARS right at camera... through camera... and away from camera..."

Why such ludicrous speeds?

8.) If we have Mike be with Raph and Don (and I think we should), he could head back to the farmhouse to warn Leo and the others about the survivalists AND get April or Casey to call 911 to help the wounded kid (Michael). Raph and Don could then -- instead of using the ShellCycle -- grab another vehicle from the survivalist camp and give chase with that. I'm thinking some kind of cool, souped-up dune buggy would be fun.

9.) Casey's Mom would not want to stay with "cousin Sid" (cousin Sid's a butthead).

10.) The plutonium core left sitting on the General's desk should have some kind of "Danger! Radioactive!" sign affixed to it (by Don), and not just a "from Santa" note.

11.) At some point Casey or his Mom should make clear that his full name is actually "Arnold Casey Jones".

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #300: More notes from the development of the 2K3 TMNT series

Here's another email, dated February 11, 2005, from back in the days when Lloyd Goldfine and I would work together on the development of the stories for the 4Kids TMNT tv show. I have to say, after re-reading this one, that maybe I could have been a little less obviously irritated, sarcastic and snappish. But sometimes, the material that some of the writers produced just struck me as egregiously careless. I think that this usually happened with writers who hadn't worked on the show before, or those who hadn't done their homework. Fortunately, it didn't happen all the time. -- PL

___________________________________________________________________________________

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 110 first draft.

Before I get into specific comments, I have to reiterate that I think we are missing a wonderful opportunity with this episode to add a lot of depth to two under-rendered characters -- Hun and (especially) Garbageman -- by exploiting my suggestion that we reveal that they are brothers. Instead, we basically have a repeat of the previous two Garbageman episodes, with a few details changed, and a silly, cliched origin story for Garbageman.

1.) Re: the following:

"CLOSER ON A CONVEYOR BELT – we watch some of the recycling process. A CRANE drops a LOAD OF TRASH onto the belt. Instantly CHOPPING BLADES descend on MECHANICAL ARMS to DICE up the trash. FOLLOW THE TRASH as the conveyor belt moves the sliced trash under a HUGE COMPACTOR that comes down to MASH all the trash flat. The conveyor belt proceeds to feed the sliced up, mashed trash into a huge FLAMING INCINERATOR (NOTE: the belt runs UNDER the flames of the incinerator, carrying the trash through to be melted, not entirely burned).
GARBAGEMAN (VO CONT’D)
Where the garbage that this city foolishly squanders is harvested – given value, given worth!
FOLLOW THE TRASH on the conveyor belt as it comes through the other side of the incinerator and we see two of the GARBAGEMAN’S WORKERS sifting through the STEAMING GARBAGE on the belt."

I am baffled -- how is this "recycling"? It seems totally ludicrous, done solely so we can have a "Tim Burton-esque" setting. I'm pretty sure that REAL recycling doesn't start with CHOPPING, MASHING, and MELTING, but instead begins with separating your raw materials into different basic groups so you can then determine what you have and what can be reused. Or maybe Garbageman's version of recycling is totally insane... which could be valid, given his character, but then that would affect the rest of the story.

2.) Re: the following:

"CLOSER ON THE TWO WORKERS: they are ghoulish, deformed, subhuman looking characters. Their skin is pressed tight against their skulls. They have large, protruding eyes (think Gollum from Lord of the Rings). Their teeth are pointy, their hair disheveled, their skin a sickly yellowish hue. "

The obvious question here is -- aside from the desire to have a "Tim Burton-esque" look -- WHY? Why do they look this way? Why are their teeth "pointy"? Garbageman later claims that the were "once human garbage", so the assumption is that they are or were human -- how did they become these "Lord of the Rings" rejects?

3.) Re: the following:

"A loud BUZZING goes off. The group stops short and looks around, alarmed – except for Don, who looks at his work area.
CLOSE ON DON – his eyes widen as he smiles.
DONATELLO
The Shell Comm!
WIDE ON DON - running to his work area towards a new device, THE SHELL COMM. – a COMPUTER HUB with FLAT SCREEN MONITORS SUSPENDED ON METAL ARMS and lots of DIALS, BUTTONS and SPEAKERS."

This is SO dumb. Are we REALLY supposed to believe that this is the first time the Turtles have heard the "Shell Com"'s buzzer, so that they're "alarmed"? A buzzer -- yeah, that's pretty alarming. And the description of this "Shell Com" thing sounds ridiculous, considering that Don had, three seasons ago, created the Shell Cells, which were apparently a lot more sophisticated than this thing.

4.) Re: the following:

"OTS DON as he takes a SEAT at the Shell Comm’s console. A monitor before him ignites, on the screen is APRIL O’ NEIL."

"Ignites" does not mean "turns on", it means "starts burning". Or is this a new retro-tech Don has come up with -- candle-powered monitors?

5.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
See you at the junkyard in half hour!"

That should be "half AN hour".

6.) Re: the following:

"A COUGHING APRIL throws her arms around a COUGHING Casey.

CASEY
April! I’ve cough been wantin’ to COUGH ask you somethin’

CASEY AND APRIL pass out to the floor, shrouded by black smoke."

Considering that he says this AFTER they've all started choking and passing out from the gas coming out of the submersible, this is REALLY dopey timing for this Casey line.

7.) This whole "Trojan Horse" bit with the submersible in the junkyard strikes me as really silly and lacking in logic. How did it get there? How does it leave? It seems to me that something that weird would garner a LOT of attention coming and going. And it's a SUBMERSIBLE, right? Wouldn't it make more sense if it were found somewhere near WATER? Also, why does Garbageman bother with this "dependent on sheer chance" method of gathering his "human garbage", when in his very first appearance he had a much more efficient way of doing so (his amphibious vehicle camouflaged as a garbage truck)? I appreciate the need to somehow get the our characters into Garbageman's clutches, but this just seems really weak and contrived.

8.) Re: the following:

"HUN
If this is some trick you sick freaks pulled, I’m gonna tear your heads off and use them as Xmas ornaments."

So how is Hun going to say that -- "Xmas" or "Christmas"? Can't the writer be bothered to actually write out "Christmas"?

9.) Re: the following:

"ON A GARBAGE WORKER - furiously shoveling COAL into a FURNACE with a SHOVEL. PAN LEFT past the furnace to see an ASSEMBLY LINE, where another GARBAGE WORKER greedily sifts through TRASH."

So Garbageman, with all his high tech devices, uses a COAL-burning furnace?

10.) Re: the following:

"GARBAGEMAN
A closed system…a perfect system!"

Garbageman (or the writer) obviously doesn't know what a closed system is -- one where nothing comes in and nothing goes out. That is clearly NOT what he has set up here.

11.) Garbageman's "circus freak" origin story is about as hoary a cliche as you can get.

12.) Re: the following:

"Casey and Hun find a PIPE and a STOP SIGN respectively and smash a blade apiece, but two blades lower to take the place of the blades they smashed! They keep swinging!"

Thank goodness that the blades which would otherwise chop up stop signs and pipes are vulnerable to those same stop signs and pipes when they are swung against the blades!

13.) Re: the following:

"RAPH dodges, then SMASHES two blades with his sai, breaking both!"

Maybe these are just the "practice blades", not the real ones which are supposed to chop up the garbage. Or somebody sold Garbageman some cheap imitation counterfeit blades. Sheesh.

14.) Re: the following:

"HUN
I’m gonna kick that fat psycho’s butt, right after I “recycle” you Jones!
HUN and CASEY leap for each other angrily and start fighting.
CASEY
Yeah…your mother!"

This action is SO dopey... and makes both Hun and Casey seem like complete morons who can't see IMMEDIATELY that escaping their imprisonment by this whackbag Garbageman takes precedence over their feud with each other.

15.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
I’ve seen Garbageman tech before… Disable one, and they all go down"

Isn't THAT convenient? When did Don see this? I don't remember any incidents from Garbagman's past two appearances that would lead to this conclusion. And what does it mean, anyway? "Disable one, and they all go down" -- one WHAT?

16.) Re: the following:

" The conveyor belt drops everything into a HUGE SHREDDER.

CLOSE ON OUR HORRIFIED HEROES AND HUN. Hun points ahead!

HUN
The Shredder!"

Hah. Hah. This might ALMOST be funny if Raphael didn't repeat pretty much the same gag after the break.

17.) Re: the following:

"ON PLATFORM– Hun grabs the BO and THE TURTLES AND CASEY hoist him up. Hun is stunned, incredulous, wide-eyed, touched.
HUN
You…saved…me…WHY?"

While I have no problem at all with a scene which has the Turtles and Casey saving Hun instead of doing nothing and letting him die, this one is just dumb. This is HUN, remember -- the guy who can swing lampposts like they're toothpicks. SURELY in this kind of situation, he could pull himself up!

18.) Re: the following:

"THE GROUPS POV of the platform leading to the corridor – a ways down it is GARBAGE WORKER #1 carrying a WHEEL BARREL OF TRASH."

A "wheel barrel" -- is that anything like a WHEELBARROW?

19.) Re: the following:

"ON GROUP – on Casey’s order they charge after him.
CASEY
Get’ em!"

"'Em" is short for "them". If they are only chasing one person -- and assuming that person is male -- it would be "'im" (short for "him").

20.) The whole scene with the worker is, to put it mildly, wacky. First, our group charges after this poor guy -- why? Then Raph immediately wants to just beat the crap out of him -- why? Then Don stops Raph from hurting the guy, saying that they need to find out from the guy where Garbageman is (huh? why do they need to know that?) and how to get out of Recycle World... but doesn't even ASK the guy anything! (Bizarrely, Don even promises that Raph can beat the guy up later if Raph's good.) And then everybody stands around watching as Hun tortures this guy, breaking his bones, and nobody lifts a finger. And to cap off this stupidity, Don and Raph have a fun little conversation about how "good guys" can't torture people, but lucky for them "bad guys" like Hun can, all while this worker -- who has done NOTHING to any of them, and is obviously one of Garbageman's VICTIMS -- is brutalized by Hun. This is APPALLINGLY bad writing.

21.) Re: the following:

"THE TURTLES, CASEY, AND HUN look utterly horrified as they look off camera.
REVERSE – the lights reveal the GARBAGEMAN. "

Has this writer even SEEN any of the episodes of this show? Why are these characters "utterly horrified"? They have all seen things MUCH scarier than freakin' Garbageman! I could see them looking disgusted or repulsed, but "utterly horrified"? No way.

22.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE ANGLE ON DON - the SERPENT’S JAWS are headed for his head. SUDDENLY - RAPH leaps in and STABS at the serpent’s “neck”.
The “HEAD” flies off, the arms coils loosen, Don wriggles free.
WIDER – GARBAGEMAN watches the action! The arm extends forth a new SERPENT HEAD (from the “neck hole” left by the first head) then CHOMPS DOWN AROUND RAPH’S TORSO and hoists him in the air.
ON RAPH - the SERPENT ARM sends ELECTRICTY surging through it, ZAPPING Raph, keeping him in a painful electrical stasis. "

This stuff is painfully cheesy. I like how the magical head-replacing serpent arm only remembers that it can send electricity through itself when it's holding Raph, but doesn't do it to Don. Bad, bad, bad.

23.) Re: the following:

"CASEY wails on GARBAGEMAN’S OPPOSITE SIDE with two bat-sized PIPES. "

It's "whales", not "wails".

24.) Re: the following:

"GARBAGEMAN
You had “opinions” about my work, perhaps you be recycled first?"

Should that be "you should be"?

25.) Re: the following:

" Hun continues WAILING on the machine fiercely."

Buy this writer a dictionary! It's "whaling", not "wailing".

26.) Re: the following:

"FOLLOW CASEY as he runs to a nearby PILE OF TRASH and picks up a giant TIMBER SAW BLADE. He runs to the base of the CLAW ARM holding APRIL and SLICES the arm clean off. "

I don't get this action at all. A "timber saw blade"? You mean one of those things that is used to cut WOOD? And Casey simply picks it up and casually slices through a METAL arm?

27.) Re: the following:

"Garbageman hangs on to the damaged catwalk for dear life. It CREAKS, giving way.
THE TURTLES get as close as they can get to him on their (undamaged) catwalk. Don reaches out with his BO.
ON GARBAGEMAN – he reaches out, but at the last second, the catwalk gives, dropping him into the acid below as it falls.
GARBAGEMAN
FRIGHTENED YELL
DRAMATIC DOWNSHOT – of Garbageman falling into the acid. "

Let me see if I understand this. Shortly before Garbageman is dangling over the vat of acid, the Turtles are willing to push over another vat of acid, the plan being that the acid will rush towards Garbageman and his partially-disabled walker machine and (apparently) destroy both him and the machine. They clearly don't care if Garbageman gets caught in the "river" of acid that they make flow toward him. But now, for some reason, they want to SAVE him from being dissolved in acid. WTF?!

28.) Re: the following:

" RAPH
Hey, that oversized noggin of yours sure came in handy when you climbed on up and fried those robo blade arms.
DONATELLO
And nice assist on the lock to Garbageman’s lair.
DONATELLO (CONT’D)
By the way, thanks for getting “mean and green” on Garbageman when he had me in his claw. I thought he as going to drop me in that acid for sure. You really raised some shell, Raph.
RAPH
Aw…that was nothing…compared to your idea to tip over the acid. Hey…who needs Leo and Mikey…we are the Teenage Mutant Dream Team. Gimme’ some green!"

This congratulatory exchange seems completely pointless to me, reiterating as it does action we've already seen, and for no apparent reason.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #298: more notes from developing the 2K3 TMNT show

Another randomly-chosen email, this time about one of my favorite TMNT Volume 1 comic book adaptations. -- PL

________________________________________


Subj: Fwd: Kirby
Date: Friday, May 23, 2003 11:52:36 PM
From: Pete
To: Lloyd

In a message dated 5/8/03 5:51:46 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Peter -

I was working my way through the Kirby show and I noticed that he calls the
device he made the "Gravity Equalizer" and not the "Gravitic Equalizer" as
it's called in the original comic. I don't recall this change, and as I
know how attached you are to the original I wanted to know your feelings
about it. I can easily have it changed if you prefer.

Lloyd,

I appreciate your perceptiveness, but I think that's no big deal. I didn't notice it!

Also, while I have you here, did you watch the Kirby locked picture yet? I
have to say that the ending is a REAL DOWNER, and it kinda bothers me. I
know we talked about it, and Kirby's last line does speak to his situation
in life, but it really doesn't speak to his situation this particular story
(which is a rather light-hearted fantasy, all things considered). I really
think it'd work better to find another quote from him (did you ever get that
Comics Journal Jack Kirby book I sent you?) that was a more appropriate
message to Don and the situation than what we currently have. Let me know.
After viewing the episode I had to ask one last time!

I did watch the locked picture today -- I was really looking forward to this one. I got quite a thrill seeing so much of one of my favorite TMNT stories realized on screen. And while I am about 95% happy with it, I am also somewhat disappointed with the ending, though for a slightly different reason than yours. I don't recall exactly how it was in the final script and/or the storyboards, but I was surprised and a bit let down that the episode ends on Raph's "What's eatin' him?" line and not Kirby's "Life at best..." quote as in the comics (in the show, that quote comes when Don looks at the paper airplane in the cellar). Also, because there is no written text on the paper airplane/sketch page, the scene is kind of weird because it plays as if Kirby is speaking (which he is not), instead of Don reading what Kirby has written and the audience (and Don) hearing the words in Kirby's voice. If there is any way to get the text of the note onto the paper in that scene, I think we should do it.
While the story is a downer in a sense, in another sense it's not. The only REAL downer, as I see it, is that Don had made a cool new friend and lost that friend all in one afternoon... and MAYBE also that Kirby can't get back to our world. I guess I always thought that there are two reasons that Kirby sacrifices his chance to get back to our world and lets Don go though the shrinking portal first: One, Kirby's a good guy with great nobility, and Two, if he had to be stuck somewhere with little or no chance of getting back to our world, this other dimension -- where he is now a hero in the eyes of the human-types that live there, and they've come right out and told him that he's welcome in their lands -- is definitely far from the worst place to be. And when you think about it -- he's a guy living by himself in a crummy little dingy basement one-room apartment!
Here's what I would prefer to see, if possible: The paper airplane flies out of the disappearing portal. Don picks it up, and looks at it. Cut there (before we see the drawing or hear Kirby speaking his written lines on that sketch), then go to the shots of Don coming back upstairs, Raph doing his "What's eatin' him?" line. Then a new shot of Don sitting down somewhere (preferably by himself in a separate room, but maybe we could get away with him sitting down on the living room floor as he had been earlier, or maybe at that table where we had seen him earlier welding/soldering something). And this is where we cut to the angle on the unfolded paper airplane, and see and hear Kirby's last note to Don. End.
Now... I can almost hear your voice saying we can't do any new animation, because of time constraints, or budget. I hope that's not the case, and this would be very little in the way of new animation, and as I pointed out we could probably use already created backgrounds, and only animate a couple of seconds of the figure of Don as he sits down and holds the paper.
As far as changing the content of those last lines from Kirby to Don, I would prefer to leave them as is, but if you want to offer a hint that MAYBE Kirby is not lost forever in that other dimension, perhaps Kirby could say something like "See ya around, pal!" or "Hope to see ya again someday!" or something like that after or before his "Take care of yourself!" line. Oh... I just thought of another subtle but perhaps cool way to imply that maybe it isn't hopeless -- if we COULD do another couple of seconds of animation (and this would not be terribly complex animation -- one figure against a static background) AFTER Don reads/hears the note from Kirby... we cut to a medium (waist up) shot of him sitting there... and then he just raises one eyebrow, maybe touches his chin (the classic "Thinker" pose) and maybe goes "Hmmm..." The idea here is that the viewer would be inclined to think, from this little hint, that clever boy Donatello is already thinking up some way to rescue Kirby from that other dimension (even if he isn't going to in the course of this series).

Dan Berger watched the episode with me and pointed out a possible goof-up in logic and continuity: As animated, the drawings that we actually SEE come to life and come off the page in Kirby's sketchbook don't leave any trace (the weird little winged fly thing, the stickman)... but later, when Kirby and Don are in the other dimension, we see that all of the other creatures that Kirby drew ARE still in the sketchbook, at least in the form of pencil drawings. It's probably too late, but I wonder if we can change those bits where the critters come off the page (and by the way, I LOVED the way they animated that -- peeling off the page -- and the way the "stickman" acted cracked me up) and instead of the drawing disappearing as the critter comes off the page, have it stay there, not in color, but as a black and white pencil drawing.
Dan also pointed out that Raph is wearing his elbow and knee pads... in the shower! (I can't recall right now -- is he also wearing his bandana?)

Lastly, I desperately need your notes for episode 34 1st draft script! And
we'll be sending you a new draft of 33 tonight.

I'm trying to find that file for ep. 34 first draft script, but all I can locate on my computer for ep. 34 is the outline. Please re-send it! (I also did NOT get ep. 33 new draft today.)

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #297: more notes from developing the 2K3 TMNT show

Here's another randomly-chosen email exchange between Lloyd Goldfine and me, this time regarding the development of the story arc for the second season. Curiously, it is from a day almost exactly seven years ago -- I only noticed this when I checked the date. -- PL

______________________________________________________


Subj: Fwd: Checkin' in...
Date: Friday, April 29, 2003 11:50:52 PM
From: Pete
To: Lloyd


In a message dated 4/28/03 8:40:15 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Please take the time to look over the additional story arc stuff I sent you earlier today and get me your comments asap (greatly appreciated, as always!). >>

Lloyd,

notes re: second season

Episode 35/"Reflections": I think I've already said that I don't like "clip" shows (who does?), but if we must, we must. I would like to try to make it into something cool, if possible, something that would stand out from a typical "clip" show. Not sure what that would be, exactly. One idea: Make the framing sequences April writing in a new journal, telling her story of the incredible new life she has had since meeting the Turtles. She could be doing it on a bus, or out in the park, or in a coffee shop, or maybe in a number of locations. The end of the show could be a funny bit where she packs up her stuff to go home, but unseen by her, her new journal slips out of her purse/bag and is subsequently picked up by someone who reads it and says (gag coming!) "This would make a great comic book!" I wonder if that gag would work if we had the two cops who are drawn as charicatures of me and Kevin be the ones who find the journal... we could show them in that same coffee shop, eating donuts or something. The younger cop could be the one who is enthusing, and we could reprise a gag from the first episode of the first season when the older cop pauses for a moment, then says "Rookie...!", then takes the journal and tosses it into the coffee shop's "lost and found" box as the two cops leave the shop.

Episode 36/"The Ultimate Ninja": This isn't a bad idea, but needs some honing. A basic problem I have with this kind of story is that if this Ultimate Ninja (is that name taken already?) is so good he can easily defeat Casey, Raph, Mike and Don, why does he have any trouble with Leo? Are we saying that Leo is better than Casey, Mike, Raph and Don together? Doesn't seem right.
I think it would be cool if we could tie this story in to the "The Big Brawl" cross-dimensional martial arts tournament. Perhaps this Ultimate Ninja is a recruiter sent out by the organizers of the tournament to evaluate possible contenders... or maybe he is truly evil, and he's going around trying to eliminate possible contenders. If done right, this could not only be a standalone story but serve as a nifty foreshadowing of "The Big Brawl".
Some detail comments:

-- I like the watching of the western movie thing, but Mike doing a "John Wayne" thing to Splinter and referring to him as "l'il missy" and "ma'am" seems a bit weird. I'd suggest changing those to "pardner" and "muchacho" or "hombre" or some such.

-- The idea that the Ultimate NInja would attack them at an ice cream shop seems kind of strange. Why there? How does he know the Turtles are even there, if they never come out of the BattleShell? And why does he take April prisoner (shades of the old series!)? Also, I thought Splinter has stayed behind in the lair, but he shows up in the battleshell to talk about the gunfighter in the movie, but then is seen no more in that scene.

Episode 37/"Modern Love: The Return of Nano":

-- I think there is an opportunity for some humor if Mike gives Don some crap about needing scuba gear ("Man, you're a TURTLE!"), followed by Don telling Mikey that the water passage from the lair could be miles long ("How long can YOU hold your breath, Mikey? Remember, turtles don't have GILLS!").

-- I don't object to the return of Nano per se, but I really don't want to see him becoming a recurring character or becoming too important to the Turtles, i.e. making a whole lot of Don's inventions for him. I also think we're missing a really interesting opportunity here by not playing with the interaction between Harry and Dr. Richards (did she have a first name? I can't remember), and also between those two and Nano. It's cool how Nano has brought together his "mother" and his "father" to try to have a family, and I think we can do more with this to make this a really strong emotional episode. If it works out, it might even make a neat two-parter.
One thing that struck me as I was reading your plot idea is that both Harry and Dr. Richards are both "damaged" people who have made some bad choices in their lives and have come to the conclusion that they'll just have to live with them. They've both abandoned any hopes or dreams of having families -- Harry because he's a two-bit hustler living out of a suitcase, and Dr. Richards because she's so career-obsessed and driven. I think it would possibly be a cool thing to have Nano's misconceived idea (bringing these two people together to be his "family") actually, in the end, work... some spark or connection happens between Harry and Dr. Richards, something that makes them realize how much they have given up, and that this might be the opportunity for both of them to have a fresh start.
In fact... if we could have these two opposites come together in a "love connection", it might afford us a fun opportunity to have a little moment where our regular cast is observing this, and one of them comments on the fact that these two are such opposites and yet they have bonded... and there could be a look, a glance between Casey and April... something brief, and they hastily look away, but that glance spoke volumes. (It also connects to another point I was going to make -- I would really like to see the Casey/April relationship move forward this second season. Specifically, I think it would be cool/fun to do a "First Date" episode which would be a "comedy of errors" type thing wherein Casey and April attempt to go on a first date, but all kinds of things and misunderstandings get in the way, finally culminating in their first kiss. As well as this, we should attempt to fit in -- wherever possible and as long as it makes sense -- little Casey/April bits in the other episodes which show them slowly growing closer (much to their mutual amazement).

-- "Back at the secret lab, Harry, Nano, and Dr. Richards are hiding out." Is this HER secret lab? I was under the impression that this was some large company she worked for, with other staff and such. If so, it might be kind of hard for all of them to hide out there.

-- I don't have a problem with April wanting to reopen her father's antique shop, but calling it "The 3rd Time Around" doesn't sit right with me, for some reason.

-- I'm REALLY not sure I want Nano coming to stay with the Turtles.

Episode 38/"Return to the Underground":

-- I'm REALLY not sure I want Nano coming to stay with the Turtles.

-- The Tunneler is a cool idea, but I don't really like the way it's used. The idea that our heroes are going to get into what is essentially a rocket and fire themselves at breakneck speed down some kind of dodgy pre-drilled tunnel just seems weird and needlessly dangerous to me. Why do they need to go so fast?
I think a different kind of Tunneler mechanism would be better. Here's a thought -- what if Don had somehow scavenged (or adapted from some technology in the Utrom hoverskiff) a kind of short-range transmat gizmo which he mounts on the front of the Tunneler, and what it does is transport a big clump of stuff from in front of the Tunneler, creating a void into which the Tunneler advances, then it beams that clump into the space the Tunneler just vacated. No muss, no fuss! No messy tunnels leading every which way! This method might also lead to a cool moment of jeopardy when the drive fails momentarily -- and our heroes are trapped in a pocket within the rock, with no entrance... and no exit!

-- As I've said, I'm not crazy about the idea of Nano being used so much. I really feel like we should wrap up his story in the "Modern Love" episode. That being said, I could see Don having a sample of Nano (a non-sentient sample) which he could use to help out the Underground dwellers.

-- I'm also not crazy about the underground genetics lab becoming the Shredder's new hideout. It brings him uncomfortably close to the Turtles' lair, and also I feel like we should try to add some new locations in this second season so we don't seem to be rehashing stuff.

Episode 39/"City at War" part 1: I like the fact that you want to adapt the "City at War" stories from the comics, but I think some basic things need to be readjusted.

-- We originally broke up the Foot into the following factions, all of which were at odds with the others:

-- Shredder's Elite Guard -- the smallest group, fanatically devoted to the Shredder, consummate martial artists

-- Foot Soldiers -- the basic "grunts" of the Foot Clan, numerous, skilled, not very good planners

-- Foot Scientists -- the tech division of the Foot, somewhat skilled in martial arts, but mostly talented in creating/developing high-tech weapons (they created the robots in the comic version of "City at War")... less numerous than Foot Soldiers, somewhat better at planning. For the TV show, the enhanced Foot Tech Ninja could be part of this crew.

-- Foot Accountants -- don't laugh! These guys ran the daily financial operations of the Foot Clan in NYC, and are skilled at manipulating same and also any kind of organizational paperwork stuff. (They shut off the power to the Foot Scientists' lab facilities in the comics by manipulating billing records at the electric company!) They number about as many as the Foot Scientists, and are about as skilled in martial arts.

-- Foot Mystics -- we actually didn't have these guys in the comics (though they WILL be showing up in some of the new Mirage TMNT comics; Steve Murphy has a cool story for the new Tales of the TMNT comic featuring a battle between Splinter and a Foot Mystic), but as they are a part of the show it would be cool to include them. They are perhaps less numerous than the Shredder Elite, but very skilled in the dark arts.

The reason I have gone through all this is that I think it's important for the "City at War" storyline to keep one of the major threads, which is the idea that the Foot, now being leaderless, has fractured into these squabbling factions, and really needs a strong leader (in this case Karai) to come in and bring them all back together again. The Shredder Elite would never work with the basic Foot Soldiers in an alliance against the other Foot factions -- they are too fanatical.
Also, while it's kind of a neat twist to make Karai a pawn of the Utrom known as the Shredder, I thinks it's also a mistake. I think Karai should be much like she is in the comics, a powerful character who brings unity (and the potential for conflict with the Turtles down the road) to the Foot. This is key because that also means that she can/should come into conflict later on with the Shredder, if we bring him back as I suspect we might. I think she could become a strong adversary for the Turtles in her own right.

We need to be very careful to not forget another key ingredient of the "City at War" saga -- and that was how it pointed out quite clearly (and I remember we very deliberately did this) that as strong and powerful and capable as the Turtles are, they are completely out of their depth when they get involved in this huge war among the Foot factions. I feel there is a but too much "superhero-ing" in these "City at War" episodes, with the Turtles jumping in and fighting with the different groups in this conflict for no reason (apparently) other than to have fights. (For example, there's a scene where Leo has followed some Foot Soldiers to the "rundown place" where they are squatting in "filth and squalor", and for no reason that I can see he's about to "leap down and engage them" when he is held back by the other Turtles.) I really want to keep this to a minimum, and have them only get involved when they have to.

It also affords us the opportunity to show some conflict AMONG the Turtles, to show that they don't all always think with a "group mind". Raphael -- and Mike, who has shown himself to have a desire to "do good" -- might feel more inclined to jump in and mix it up with the battling factions, and Leo could find himself leaning in that direction (i.e. not wanting to be passive) but also realizing that as leader that would be a bad decision. Don might take a more passive attitude ("Not our problem!") and argue that not only are they "the Turtles) not capable of battling all these factions, but maybe they'd all be better off if these factions essentially killed each other off.

Episode 40/"City at War" part 2:

-- While the exchange between Mikey and April about him leading the Foot back to her new shop is a funny bit of business, it also makes Mikey look like a complete insensitive jerk due to the way it's handled, i.e. he KNOWS that he has put her in danger... but does it anyway. If, on the other hand, we could play it as if he didn't even THINK of that possibility, and when April angrily points it out to him he's really freaked out, that might work.

-- Going along with my earlier comments about the structure of the conflict among the Foot factions, I think a key thing to make this story work is to get across the idea that when Karai arrives from Japan, she is able to take control of the basic Foot Soldiers, as she represents an authority that they understand and respect, and she is then able to use them in her efforts to bring the Foot factions back together under her control.
I mention this in part because of some questions raised in my mind when I read the water tower scene where Karai and her two aides somehow conceal themselves in the water tower while the Turtles are there sitting around talking, with no idea that anyone else is in there with them. This seems somewhat silly. I'd like to bring this more in line with the way it was in the comics, if possible. And we have another situation here where a character is introduced (Karai) who is apparently better and more skilled than all of the Turtles combined.

Episode 41/"City at War" part 3:

-- My two major problems with this episode are (a) the continued (over)use of the underground Foot Genetics lab, and (b) making Karai the Shredder's secret accomplice.

Episode 42/"What a Croc!":

-- I like the use of Leatherhead in this episode, and I think the way you have brought Baxter Stockman into it is cool, though I think we have to be a little careful that he doesn't turn up EVERYWHERE.

-- I don't see why the Turtles' switching weapons would confuse the TurtleBot -- wasn't it just able to counter those same weapons? I think we need a more clever solution to this problem -- maybe Leo tells them all to "fight badly", i.e. alter their usual precision of attacks and counterattacks to mess with the robot's programming. This could be foreshadowed by a "Splinter lesson" where he teaches them (or tries to) about the value of flexibility in battle, of changing your attack to adapt to your foe's unique qualities.

Episode 43/"The Garbageman Returns": I think this one needs to be thought out a lot more... if we bring back a character like Garbageman, who -- let's face it -- was not our most cool or interesting character, we should have a very good reason. I need to hear more about what you have in mind here -- the image of the junk car slowly making its way across the seabed is an intriguing visual, but right now makes not a whole lot of sense.

Episode 44/"April's Artifact": Of course I love the idea of mixing in dinosaurs and time travel! It would also be cool to introduce Renet from the TMNT comics, and, in fact, we have in the works right now a "reimagining" of TMNT Vol.1 #8 which is going to tell the story of how the Turtles first met Renet and the sorcerer Savanti Romero, but in a different way (and without Cerebus). It might actually be a story which could be adapted to an episode without much trouble.

Episode 45/"Monster Mash": A good monster story is always fun, and it might be cool to get a little spooky. And if we can work some Lovecraftian stuff in there -- all the better!

Episode 46 and 47/"Rogue Triceraton": Cool.

Episode 48/"Northampton Retired Superheroes": Cool.

Episode 49-51/"The Big Brawl": This could be great fun and help to expand the Turtle universe (something I think we really need to do in this and following seasons), and especially would be great if we can work Usagi Yojimbo into it. There could be tons of cool kick butt ninja action. As mentioned earlier, it might be neat if we could connect the "Ultimate Ninja" episode with these.

Episode 52/"Big Season-Ender Cliffhanger": I'm not sure if by "exposed to the media once and for all" and "return of the Utroms" you meant that you are considering working in the continuity from Vol. 4 (the current TMNT comics series), where the alien Utroms have arrived on Earth in full view and the world is changed completely. It would be a bold step, and might work well for a number of different reasons. I'm not so sanguine about the "one Turtle seemingly killed" thing, though I will keep an open mind.

------------------

I think we really need to put our thinking caps on and try to think up some new villains, heroes, and situations to get the Turtles into for this and future seasons. I'm not averse to bringing back characters from past episodes, but I'm only really interested in doing that when we can tell some new and compelling stories. What about friends and family of Casey and April? What about a Splinter solo story? What about an adventure in a "microworld" (the old "universe in a grain of sand" idea)?

Look forward to working on any and/or all of these with you, Lloyd!

-- Pete >>

Blast from the Past #296: notes from developing episodes of the 2K3 TMNT show

I'm going to try something a little different with this BftP -- it's going to be purely text, and it will reproduce one of the many, many emails that went back and forth between me and Lloyd Goldfine, head writer on the 2K3 4Kids TMNT show, while the show was in development and production. This is actually the result of a project that I have been meaning to do for years but haven't started until now -- a comprehensive text archive of all the work I did vis a vis the approval process for that TMNT show. As I have mentioned before, it was a great experience, a lot of fun, and Lloyd was wonderful to work with -- intelligent, creative, and never afraid to tell me outright when he thought I was full of crap (and, conversely, able to admit that HE was full of crap when it was convincingly pointed out to him). That's a rare thing in a collaborator, and it made working with him a joy.

I recently asked Lloyd if he would mind my sharing some of these emails with the readers of my blog, and he was fine with it. Depending on the response to this one, I may continue to post them from time to time.

The following email (chosen pretty much at random) was from me to Lloyd on August 1, 2003. To try to make it a little easier to follow, I'll put my part of the exchange in boldface. (Many of our emails -- especially when we were arguing -- I mean discussing! -- various points about an episode ended up having lots of cut-and-pasted pieces of previous emails, and it was sometimes quite confusing trying to follow the flow. In this email, even though it's just between Lloyd and me, Lloyd copies something from an email of Gary's (who read and commented on every episode of the series, and made quite few very good points).

_________________________________________________________

"Subj: Re: Notes and such
Date: Friday, August 1, 2003 12:39:36 AM

In a message dated 7/31/03 6:24:58 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete -

Thanks for the notes. I wanted to ask you a couple of quick questions.

First, Gary had this to say about Stockman's appearance in "Rogue in the
House":

Also, my previous concerns about the rather sadistic image of Baxter's
brain, spinal column and one eye in the vat and being tortured by Hun
still stand.

I wanted to know your thoughts? Do you agree, or can we keep it
(providing BS&P doesn't have a problem)?

I am of two minds on this one. On the one hand, as you know, I was never a big fan of the "butcher Baxter" approach, but it has served its purpose, and this bit with his brain, spinal column and one eye floating in a vat is just the logical/ludicrous extremity of that evolution (or devolution), so it's appropriate. However, though we have allowed the Shredder to "torture" Stockman before with little shock devices to keep him in line, Stockman never seemed totally helpless, even though he had been reduced to a head in a spider robot body -- you always felt (and with good reason) that he had the potential to free himself and be dangerous. Shocking this floating brain, on the other hand, just seems a little bit too gratuitously sadistic, as these remnants of Stockman seem so obviously helpless. If Stockman's voice is grating, all they need to do is cut the volume on the speakers. I guess I don't feel the visual is too much, but the gratuitous torture is. It also might work better story-wise if Baxter Stockman APPEARS to be totally pliable without coercion, as he recognizes his precarious situation and has to try to weasel his way back into the Shredder's good graces if he is ever to escape this hell that he is in.

Next, Gary questions Karai's ability to best Leo in a fight, and also
suggests she would (or should) cheat to get the upper hand. His note
was:

#46 Rogue II - I agree with Pete's comment about Karai having her
katanas "scissor like" against Leo's throat, and would add that I don't
like the idea that Karai "gets the upper hand" in a one-on-one fair
fight with Leo. If she is going to get the upper hand I think it
should be because someone cheated, like the Hun intervenes in the
Leo/Karai fight somehow and his action allows Karai to get the upper
hand. Such an event would further call into question her "honor".

Again, just want your opinion on this. I think what we're trying to do
is say A) there are people out there that can best the Turtles (at least
some of the time). they're not invincible, and B) Karai really is (or
really wants to be) honorable, and she is conflicted about the role
Shredder has chosen for her.

I am comfortable with Leo and Karai fighting to a "draw", and I like the suggestion I made about the John Woo-style stand-off, where each fighter has the other at an equal disadvantage. However, even though you are right and the Turtles are NOT invincible and CAN be bested (we've certainly shown that before), at the end of the day Leo IS better than Karai as a ninja, even if in this fight with her he has not been at his best. I don't really see a need, therefore, for Karai to have cheated... though it might make for an interesting bit if Hun -- who we have seen in these scripts to have negative feelings for Karai -- to do something which on the surface looks like he's doing it for her benefit (i.e. intervening in some way in her fight with Leo), but which in fact he does because he knows it will undermine her sense of confidence and mess with her sense of honor.

Lastly, you noted that you couldn't wait to see Hun fight with Zog,
which I'm worried you might not get to see since I asked the writer not
to do that! Did I err?!

Well, I think it's in there -- there's a line which says, I think, "they wrestle like titans".

Since Hun has recently been beaten up by
everyone from Leo to Splinter to Stockman,

I'd have to go back and look to really know the particulars, but my memory of those fights is that he was never totally taken out by those guys, but they made some moves which temporarily put him down. I still see Hun as that hugely strong beast who nearly flattened all four Turtles in the arena cage in the "Angel" episode.

I thought he actually
wouldn't be much of a match for Zog. Instead we're going to have Zog
slug it out with Shredder, which I'm hoping will be even cooler!

The Zog/Shredder slug-fest was actually one of the things about that outline that I wasn't that happy with (too much of a weird mismatch), though not enough to comment on. I would have commented on it, however, if the other bit about Zog fighting Hun was not in the outline.
One of the reasons I like the idea of a clash between Hun and Zog is that for the first time in the series this is a foe which really LOOKS like a match for Hun, in sheer physicality... and I could see Hun seeing this, and I can just picture a wicked grin on his scarred face as he sizes up Zog and realizes that THIS is the kind of opponent he's been looking for, not those puny leaping Turtles or that scrawny nutbag Casey Jones. To me, it's like a classic Kirby confrontation -- like when Thor fought Hercules, or the Thing fought the Hulk. Can't you just see Kirby drawing that panel as they come rushing at each other with meaty fists raised, ready to collide with a senses-shattering, bone-jarring KKRRASSHHHH!!!!?

Anyway, lemme know your thoughts asap!

And so I have!

Hope you're having fun in Maine!

Yes, but it's almost over -- just ten hours until we have to vacate the premises.

Lloyd Goldfine

PS - NYC Police Officers are currently doing a trial run to see if
patrolling the city on SEGWAYS is effective!!!!

I saw that! Cool!

-- Pete

"Turtles Forever" to air this Saturday, November 21

This information has already been made widely available, but just in case any TMNT fans who read this blog are not aware of it yet, here it is:

"From 4Kids.tv:
“We’re excited to announce that the world premier of the “Turtles Forever” movie will take place on SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21 at 10 a.m. on The CW4Kids TV. “Turtles Forever” will air on TV ONE TIME ONLY! Check your local listings. The classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from the 1980’s are back with a new adventure set in the present day with the Turtles of the 21st Century! Experience more TMNT action than ever before.* Keep checking the TMNT blog for new TMNT “Turtles Forever” details as we get closer to the “Turtles Forever” movie world premier! PLUS 4Kids.tv will be doing lots of fun “Turtles Forever” activities, Papercraft, exclusive trailers, and MUCH MORE!”



I'm very happy that this is finally happening -- I think you will find it was worth the wait! -- PL

"Turtles Forever" poster art concept

Lloyd Goldfine sent me this image a couple of days ago. It's something he and the crew at 4Kids worked up as a possible poster for the "Turtles Forever" animated special. I think it's pretty darn cool... and I surely wouldn't mind one hanging on my wall. -- PL



UPDATE 09-16-09! I just found the artist's blog with a nifty entry on how this poster art was created. Check it out at http://e-mannland.blogspot.com/2009/09/turtles-foreverposter.html