Help Stan Sakai!

I was just made aware, via a comment posted today in my recent "Ask PL #11" blog entry, that CAPS, the Cartoon Art Professional Society, has started a fund-raising effort, though direct donations of money and donations of original artwork which will be auctioned, to try to help out Stan Sakai and his wife Sharon with the many expenses they have incurred recently as they have struggled with Sharon's health issues.

For more information, go to this link:

http://garageartstudio.blogspot.com/2013/11/help-stan-sakai.html

Blast from the Past #612: April 23, 2003: Hey Stan and Stan Sakai, and April 30, 2003: Re: Checkin' in...

Subj: Hey Stan!
Date: Wednesday, April 23, 2003 12:22:17 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Stan Sakai

Stan,

I hope this is still your email address -- you sent it to me March 5, 2002.

If you do get this message, I hope it finds you and your family healthy and happy. Thanks for continuing to send the USAGI comics -- I enjoy reading them.

I'm not sure if you've had the opportunity (or the inclination!) to see our new TMNT show on Fox (Saturday mornings at 10:30, I think). I'm really happy with it -- it is so much more like the show I hoped for way back when. I worked really closely with 4Kids on the storylines, many of which have come right from our original comics, which is quite satisfying.

Anyway, on to the specific reason for this email... this past month I have been working with Lloyd Goldfine (head writer at 4Kids) on the second season of the show, and we both agreed that, if possible, we would love to include Usagi in one or more episodes. In REALLY rough form, the idea that I proposed to Lloyd (which would allow us to have the Turtles encounter Usagi without having him come to the present time in NYC) is that Splinter and one or more of the Turtles (maybe all of them) travel through some "mystic ninja portal" to a place outside of time and space, where dimensions collide... and martial artists from all over come together for a series of competitions. So Usagi, from his reality of anthropomorphic animals in feudal Japan, can meet the Turtles, from their human-dominated reality of NYC in the year 2003.

I'm sure there are any number of other ways to get Usagi and the Turtles together, but that's the one idea we've talked about so far.

If you're interested in pursuing this, please let me know, and we can get the ball rolling on both the legal (contracts) and creative (you, me and Lloyd) sides. I think it would be a heck of a lot of fun!

Take care!

-- Peter Laird

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Subj: Stan Sakai
Date: Wednesday, April 23, 2003 10:54:22 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Today I emailed Stan Sakai and asked him if he'd be interested in our including Usagi Yojimbo in one or more episodes of the second season, and he responded positively. Cool! So, while our legal beagles work out a good deal with Stan, I think we should start bending our brains to figure out a way to get the TMNT and Usagi together. I'm sure Stan will have some good ideas of his own.

-- Pete

---------------------------------

Subj: Re: Checkin' in...
Date: Wednesday, April 30, 2003 12:52:44 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 4/28/03 8:40:15 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Please take the time to look over the additional story arc stuff I sent you earlier today and get me your comments asap (greatly appreciated, as
always!). >>

Lloyd,

notes re: second season 

     Episode 35/"Reflections": I think I've already said that I don't like "clip" shows (who does?), but if we must, we must. I would like to try to make it into something cool, if possible, something that would stand out from a typical "clip" show. Not sure what that would be, exactly. One idea: Make the framing sequences April writing in a new journal, telling her story of the incredible new life she has  had since meeting the Turtles. She could be doing it on a bus, or out in the park, or in a coffee shop, or maybe in a number of locations. The end of the show could be a funny bit where she packs up her stuff to go home, but unseen by her, her new journal slips out of her purse/bag and is subsequently picked up by someone who reads it and says (gag coming!) "This would make a great comic book!" I wonder if that gag would work if we had the two cops who are drawn as caricatures of me and Kevin be the ones who find the journal... we could show them in that same coffee shop, eating donuts or something. The younger cop could be the one who is enthusing, and we could reprise a gag from the first episode of the first season when the older cop pauses for a moment, then says "Rookie...!", then takes the journal and tosses it into the coffee shop's "lost and found" box as the two cops leave the shop.

     Episode 36/"The Ultimate Ninja": This isn't a bad idea, but needs some honing. A basic problem I have with this kind of story is that if this Ultimate Ninja (is that name taken already?) is so good he can easily defeat Casey, Raph, Mike and Don, why does he have any trouble with Leo? Are we saying that Leo is better than Casey, Mike, Raph and Don together? Doesn't seem right.

     I think it would be cool if we could tie this story in to the "The Big Brawl" cross-dimensional martial arts tournament. Perhaps this Ultimate Ninja is a recruiter sent out by the organizers of the tournament to evaluate possible contenders... or maybe he is truly evil, and he's going around trying to eliminate possible contenders. If done right, this could not only be a standalone story but serve as a nifty foreshadowing of "The Big Brawl".
     Some detail comments:

          -- I like the watching of the western movie thing, but Mike doing a "John Wayne" thing to Splinter and referring to him as "l'il missy" and "ma'am" seems a bit weird. I'd suggest changing those to "pardner" and "muchacho" or "hombre" or some such.

          -- The idea that the Ultimate NInja would attack them at an ice cream shop seems kind of strange. Why there?  How does he know the Turtles are even there, if they never come out of the BattleShell? And why does he take April prisoner (shades of the old series!)? Also, I thought Splinter has stayed behind in the lair, but he shows up in the battleshell to talk about the gunfighter in the movie, but then is seen no more in that scene.
     
     Episode 37/"Modern Love: The Return of Nano": 

          -- I think there is an opportunity for some humor if Mike gives Don some crap about needing scuba gear ("Man, you're a TURTLE!"), followed by Don telling Mikey that the water passage from the lair could be miles long ("How long can YOU hold your breath, Mikey? Remember, turtles don't have GILLS!").

          -- I don't object to the return of Nano per se, but I really don't want to see him becoming a recurring character or becoming too important to the Turtles, i.e. making a whole lot of Don's inventions for him. I also think we're missing a really interesting opportunity here by not playing with the interaction between Harry and Dr. Richards (did she have a first name? I can't remember), and also between those two and Nano. It's cool how Nano has brought together his "mother" and his "father" to try to have a family, and I think we can do more with this to make this a really strong emotional episode. If it works out, it might even make a neat two-parter.

     One thing that struck me as I was reading your plot idea is that both Harry and Dr. Richards are both "damaged" people who have made some bad choices in their lives and have come to the conclusion that they'll just have to live with them. They've both abandoned any hopes or dreams of having families -- Harry because he's a two-bit hustler living out of a suitcase, and Dr. Richards because she's so career-obsessed and driven. I think it would possibly be a cool thing to have Nano's misconceived idea (bringing these two people together to be his "family") actually, in the end, work... some spark or connection happens between Harry and Dr. Richards, something that makes them realize how much they have given up, and that this might be the opportunity for both of them to have a fresh start. 

     In fact... if we could have these two opposites come together in a "love connection", it might afford us a fun opportunity to have a little moment where our regular cast is observing this, and one of them comments on the fact that these two are such opposites and yet they have bonded... and there could be a look, a glance between Casey and April... something brief, and they hastily look away, but that glance spoke volumes. (It also connects to another point I was going to make -- I would really like to see the Casey/April relationship move forward this second season. Specifically, I think it would be cool/fun to do a "First Date" episode which would be a "comedy of errors" type thing wherein Casey and April attempt to go on a first date, but all kinds of things and misunderstandings get in the way, finally culminating in their first kiss. As well as this, we should attempt to fit in -- wherever possible and as long as it makes sense -- little Casey/April bits in the other episodes which show them slowly growing closer (much to their mutual amazement).
     
          -- "Back at the secret lab, Harry, Nano, and Dr. Richards are hiding out." Is this HER secret lab? I was under the impression that this was some large company she worked for, with other staff and such. If so, it might be kind of hard for all of them to hide out there.

          -- I don't have a problem with April wanting to reopen her father's antique shop, but calling it "The 3rd Time Around" doesn't sit right with me, for some reason.

          -- I'm REALLY not sure I want Nano coming to stay with the Turtles.

     Episode 38/"Return to the Underground":

          -- I'm REALLY not sure I want Nano coming to stay with the Turtles.

          -- The Tunneler is a cool idea, but I don't really like the way it's used. The idea that our heroes are going to get into what is essentially a rocket and fire themselves at breakneck speed down some kind of dodgy pre-drilled tunnel just seems weird and needlessly dangerous to me. Why do they need to go so fast?

     I think a different kind of Tunneler mechanism would be better. Here's a thought -- what if Don had somehow scavenged (or adapted from some technology in the Utrom hoverskiff) a kind of short-range transmat gizmo which he mounts on the front of the Tunneler, and what it does is transport a big clump of stuff from in front of the Tunneler, creating a void into which the Tunneler advances, then it beams that clump into the space the Tunneler just vacated. No muss, no fuss! No messy tunnels leading every which way! This method might also lead to a cool moment of jeopardy when the drive fails momentarily -- and our heroes are trapped in a pocket within the rock, with no entrance... and no exit!

          -- As I've said, I'm not crazy about the idea of Nano being used so much. I really feel like we should wrap up his story in the "Modern Love" episode. That being said, I could see Don having a sample of Nano (a non-sentient sample) which he could use to help out the Underground dwellers.

          -- I'm also not crazy about the underground genetics lab becoming the Shredder's new hideout. It brings him uncomfortably close to the Turtles' lair, and also I feel like we should try to add some new locations in this second season so we don't seem to be rehashing stuff. 

     Episode 39/"City at War" part 1: I like the fact that you want to adapt the "City at War" stories from the comics, but I think some basic things need to be readjusted.

          -- We originally broke up the Foot into the following factions, all of which were at odds with the others:

               -- Shredder's Elite Guard -- the smallest group, fanatically devoted to the Shredder, consummate martial artists

               -- Foot Soldiers -- the basic "grunts" of the Foot Clan, numerous, skilled, not very good planners

               -- Foot Scientists -- the tech division of the Foot, somewhat skilled in martial arts, but mostly talented in creating/developing high-tech weapons (they created the robots in the comic version of "City at War")... less numerous than Foot Soldiers, somewhat better at planning. For the TV show, the enhanced Foot Tech Ninja could be part of this crew.

               -- Foot Accountants -- don't laugh! These guys ran the daily financial operations of the Foot Clan in NYC, and are skilled at manipulating same and also any kind of organizational paperwork stuff. (They shut off the power to the Foot Scientists' lab facilities in the comics by manipulating billing records at the electric company!) They number about as many as the Foot Scientists, and are about as skilled in martial arts.

               -- Foot Mystics -- we actually didn't have these guys in the comics (though they WILL be showing up in some of the new Mirage TMNT comics; Steve Murphy has a cool story for the new Tales of the TMNT comic featuring a battle between Splinter and a Foot Mystic), but as they are a part of the show it would be cool to include them. They are perhaps less numerous than the Shredder Elite, but very skilled in the dark arts.

     The reason I have gone through all this is that I think it's important for the "City at War" storyline to keep one of the major threads, which is the idea that the Foot, now being leaderless, has fractured into these squabbling factions, and really needs a strong leader (in this case Karai) to come in and bring them all back together again. The Shredder Elite would never work with the basic Foot Soldiers in an alliance against the other Foot factions -- they are too fanatical.

     Also, while it's kind of a neat twist to make Karai a pawn of the Utrom known as the Shredder, I thinks it's also a mistake. I think Karai should be much like she is in the comics, a powerful character who brings unity (and the potential for conflict with the Turtles down the road) to the Foot. This is key because that also means that she can/should come into conflict later on with the Shredder, if we bring him back as I suspect we might. I think she could become a strong adversary for the Turtles in her own right.

     We need to be very careful to not forget another key ingredient of the "City at War" saga -- and that was how it pointed out quite clearly (and I remember we very deliberately did this) that as strong and powerful and capable as the Turtles are, they are completely out of their depth when they get involved in this huge war among the Foot factions. I feel there is a but too much "superhero-ing" in these "City at War" episodes, with the Turtles jumping in and fighting with the different groups in this conflict for no reason (apparently) other than to have fights. (For example, there's a scene where Leo has followed some Foot Soldiers to the "rundown place" where they are squatting in "filth and squalor", and for no reason that I can see he's about to "leap down and engage them" when he is held back by the other Turtles.) I really want to keep this to a minimum, and have them only get involved when they have to.

     It also affords us the opportunity to show some conflict AMONG the Turtles, to show that they don't all always think with a "group mind". Raphael -- and Mike, who has shown himself to have a desire to "do good" -- might feel more inclined to jump in and mix it up with the battling factions, and Leo could find himself leaning in that direction (i.e. not wanting to be passive) but also realizing that as leader that would be a bad decision. Don  might take a more passive attitude ("Not our problem!") and argue that not only are they "the Turtles) not capable of battling all these factions, but maybe they'd all be better off if these factions essentially killed each other off.

     Episode 40/"City at War" part 2: 

          -- While the exchange between Mikey and April about him leading the Foot back to her new shop is a funny bit of business, it also makes Mikey look like a complete insensitive jerk due to the way it's handled, i.e. he KNOWS that he has put her in danger... but does it anyway. If, on the other hand, we could play it as if he didn't even THINK of that possibility, and when April angrily points it out to him he's really freaked out, that might work.

          -- Going along with my earlier comments about the structure of the conflict among the Foot factions, I think a key thing to make this story work is to get across the idea that when Karai arrives from Japan, she is able to take control of the basic Foot Soldiers, as she represents an authority that they understand and respect, and she is then able to use them in her efforts to bring the Foot factions back together under her control.

     I mention this in part because of some questions raised in my mind when I read the water tower scene where Karai and her two aides somehow conceal themselves in the water tower while the Turtles are there sitting around talking, with no idea that anyone else is in there with them. This seems somewhat silly. I'd like to bring this more in line with the way it was in the comics, if possible. And we have another situation here where a character is introduced (Karai) who is apparently better and more skilled than all of the Turtles combined.

     Episode 41/"City at War" part 3:

          -- My two major problems with this episode are (a) the continued (over)use of the underground Foot Genetics lab, and (b) making Karai the Shredder's secret accomplice.

     Episode 42/"What a Croc!":

          -- I like the use of Leatherhead in this episode, and I think the way you have brought Baxter Stockman into it is cool, though I think we have to be a little careful that he doesn't turn up EVERYWHERE.
     
          -- I don't see why the Turtles' switching weapons would confuse the TurtleBot -- wasn't it just able to counter those same weapons? I think we need a more clever solution to this problem -- maybe Leo tells them all to "fight badly", i.e. alter their usual precision of attacks and counterattacks to mess with the robot's programming. This could be foreshadowed by a "Splinter lesson" where he teaches them (or tries to) about the value of flexibility in battle, of changing your attack to adapt to your foe's unique qualities.

     Episode 43/"The Garbageman Returns": I think this one needs to be thought out a lot more... if we bring back a character like Garbageman, who -- let's face it -- was not our most cool or interesting character, we should have a very good reason. I need to hear more about what you have in mind here -- the image of the junk car slowly making its way across the seabed is an intriguing visual, but right now makes not a whole lot of sense.

     Episode 44/"April's Artifact": Of course I love the idea of mixing in dinosaurs and time travel! It would also be cool to introduce Renet from the TMNT comics, and, in fact, we have in the works right now a "reimagining" of TMNT Vol.1 #8 which is going to tell the story of how the Turtles first met Renet and the sorcerer Savanti Romero, but in a different way (and without Cerebus). It might actually be a story which could be adapted to an episode without much trouble.

     Episode 45/"Monster Mash": A good monster story is always fun, and it might be cool to get a little spooky. And if we can work some Lovecraftian stuff in there -- all the better!

     Episode 46 and 47/"Rogue Triceraton": Cool.

     Episode 48/"Northampton Retired Superheroes": Cool.

     Episode 49-51/"The Big Brawl": This could be great fun and help to expand the Turtle universe (something I think we really need to do in this and following seasons), and especially would be great if we can work Usagi Yojimbo into it. There could be tons of cool kick butt ninja action. As mentioned earlier, it might be neat if we could connect the "Ultimate Ninja" episode with these.

     Episode 52/"Big Season-Ender Cliffhanger": I'm not sure if by "exposed to the media once and for all" and "return of the Utroms" you meant that you are considering working in the continuity from Vol. 4 (the current TMNT comics series), where the alien Utroms have arrived on Earth in full view and the world is changed completely. It would be a bold step, and might work well for a number of different reasons. I'm not so sanguine about the "one Turtle seemingly killed" thing, though I will keep an open mind.

------------------

     I think we really need to put our thinking caps on and try to think up some new villains, heroes, and situations to get the Turtles into for this and future seasons. I'm not averse to bringing back characters from past episodes, but I'm only really interested in doing that when we can tell some new and compelling stories. What about friends and family of Casey and April? What about a Splinter solo story? What about an adventure in a "microworld" (the old "universe in a grain of sand" idea)? 

     Look forward to working on any and/or all of these with you, Lloyd!

     -- Pete

Blast from the Past #394: Apr. 8, 2004: Re: Ep. 72 (Planet Racers) final draft, notes on Ep.76 outline, and TMNT - Show 74 1st draft

Apr. 8, 2004: Re: Ep. 72 (Planet Racers) final draft

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I'm pretty darn happy with the way this one turned out. I just sent it to Jim so he can check it out -- haven't heard from him yet, but I have a feeling he will like it to.

There is one thing I want to push a little more, something I suggested in the last email I sent re: this script. Here's the excerpt in question:

"2.) Before I forget, I had an idea which might be both fun AND maybe give Playmates a cool Turtle variant for the toyline. The idea is this: When Raph takes over as pilot of the #23 bike, Meth wants him to look the part as much as possible. There's no time to make him a real set of leathers in the Team Fitts design, but I'm envisioning some kind of "spray on" costume machine which essentially paints onto Raphael a decent replica of Fitts Racing leathers, complete with his name on the back (which Raph would love).And so as to not have any kind of continuity problem in the following reunion episode, this "spray on gear" is only good for a certain amount of time, after which it naturally degrades and sheds itself... which could happen near the end of the last race, or just after it, and before Raph vanishes."

I really think this would be a cool thing to do, and I have yet another suggestion for how it could be done economically and  unobtrusively. Somewhere -- I'd suggest around liine 75, when the Planet Racers are just about to begin the race on the ice world -- Raph and Falcon could have this brief exchange:

RAPHAEL (plucking at/touching the racing "suit" painted onto him, regarding it admiringly)

Hey, this spray-on temporary racin' gear is SWEET! Lookin' good!

FALCON

Well, don't get too attached to it -- in a couple of days, it'll flake right off!

Those two lines would be, I think, plenty to get across the idea.

Plus -- it occurred to me that it would be really cool and fun if the suit didn't disappear until AFTER Raph has been summoned to the BattleNexus and joined the fray with his brothers. My reason for thinking it would be cool and fun is simply this -- when the fight's over, the racing suit would be Raph's "souvenir" of his adventure with Godman and Methania, something the other guys could remark on and he can comment on (briefly, of course) before the suit deteriorates and flakes/shreds off.

-- Pete

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Apr. 8, 2004: notes on Ep.76 outline

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the Ep. 76 outline.

       1.) Here I go again! Hopefully my computer won't crash and lose everything that I've already typed twice.

I like the idea of the sonic device which flushes (no pun intended) Splinter and all the rats out of the sewers, but it does raise a possible problem, i.e.: Given how well this thing works, what's to keep Bishop or one of his associates from using it again and again in future episodes? I have a couple of suggestions for how to resolve this:

--have Don figure out -- either in this episode or in future episodes -- how to (a) "soundproof" the lair to keep Splinter safe, or (b) create some tiny earplugs that protect Sensei from this kind of sonic attack, or (c) both.

-- have Bishop or one of his minions mention in passing that this is pretty much -- practically speaking -- a "one time" use device. The reason for this is that because it creates such a disruptive mass "rat panic" and forces legions of rats out of the sewers all at once, repeated uses of it would of necessity bring down some serious investigations of the causes, and perhaps lead to inconvenient revelations about the users.

On a related note, while there is nothing inherently wrong about one large device broadcasting this sonic attack, I wonder if it would be a cooler visual if done like this: Various vans and trucks, disguised as municipal service vehicles, park near/over open manholes and their operators dump hundreds or thousands of small (egg-sized?) devices, which fall into the sewers and are carried hither and yon by the various streams and currents, effectively spreading out in a huge net of "nodes". Each of these devices is a lower power version of the large unit described in the outline, but because they are more widespread they actually have wider coverage.

These things could also be, given Bishop's penchant for and abilities in genetic engineering, bio-tech based units -- and they only operate for a short period of time, then rot and decay away, leaving no evidence. Sneaky!

2.) I like the inclusion of the idea I suggested about the counter-extraterrestrial organization being begun a long time ago -- the Civil War-era soldiers and President Grant bit are perfect.

3.) I'm not clear why the Turtles would think of taking Splinter to April -- why would they think she could help? Doesn't seem to follow logically, and I suspect that Don would be at least as capable as April of coming up with an on-the-spot theory about what might be afflicting their Sensei.

However, I do think it makes sense that they would take Splinter out of the sewers and aboveground... especially if we tweak the effects of this sonic attack a little bit, and have the Turtles themselves be able to hear, very faintly, the noise that is deafening to Splinter. This would allow Don to quickly come up with a theory about what might be happening, and thus lead to the plan to get the hell out of the sewers -- he could even use some kind of sensor gizmo that could show the sound waves propagating through the sewers.

4.) Re: the following:

"NOTE:  LeatherHead and Professor Honeycutt (a.k.a. the Fugitoid), who’s still “living” inside a palm pilot/computer, are both working building something with a little more space and mobility for the Professor (perhaps a hover disk with more memory and controls and abilities to link up to other systems and a round screen for a face).  They are doing this as the turtles arrive on the scene."

I need my memory refreshed -- what happened to the original Fugitoid body? Was it destroyed, or does it still exist somewhere? I can't recall.

5.) If someone could come up with a cool visual idea for how Bishop's subway car can quickly and easily change tracks -- I'm thinking of perhaps some kind of extending-arm system whereby the car's wheels would be on the ends of sturdy folding/telescoping arms which would allow the car to actually elevate itself several feet off the ground (and the tracks) and "crab walk" for short distances so that it could get up off one set of tracks, and "walk" over to another, then set itself down on those tracks, ready to roll again -- it would make me happy, and also add a lot more flexibility into the vehicle.

6.) Re: the following:

"Leonardo:  “Don’t let them seal that door!”

The commandos try to seal the door, but …"

Just so we're totally clear, the door in question is NOT the door of the subway car, but the door to Bishop's secret HQ. Yes?

7.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, Bishop is packing up DNA samples and hopes to accelerate Splinter’s “donation” of DNA; poor Splinter lies in unconsciousness having his life drained away."

There seems to be a somewhat strange treatment of science here, with the implication -- apparently -- that Bishop is "draining" Splinter of his DNA. I don't quite see how that could happen, unless he is literally sucking DNA out of Splinter -- which I think would cause severe physical damage -- not just lack of consciousness. Also, DNA -- being a basic part of cells -- can be replicated by culturing those cells. So Bishop wouldn't have to basically take Splinter apart cell by cell to get what he wants -- all he really needs is a substantial sample (which could be a vial of blood).

I think the writer was trying to do something which would work in parallel with the Turtles' struggles, a "ticking clock" which they needed to beat. Here's another idea: Bishop got the sample that he needed from Splinter, enough to perform all his future experiments, and while he has no immediate need for the rest of Splinter, the mutated rat is too interesting a specimen to just trash. So Bishop gives the order to preserve Splinter's body in a thick, clear, quick-hardening plastic -- a unique polymer of his own design, which preserves organic specimens perfectly without decay -- which is slowly flowing into the small chamber in which Splinter is imprisoned. As the clock ticks down and the fight rages, will the Turtles win out and rescue Splinter before he is encased in a solid block of clear plastic like an insect in synthetic amber?

If we used this idea, it might even be handy in the resolution of the battle if the Turtles or the Fugitoid can somehow turn the flow of the sticky polymer against their foes.

8.) Re: the following:

"Bishop finishes his leap … coming down right on Leonardo’s swords, which run Bishop through."

Cool -- but can we get away with it?

9.) Re: the following:

"With the DNA case in hand, Bishop makes it to an escape elevator, which takes him to the street above.  Close on, his wounds from Leonardo’s katana heal … almost vampiric in manner … his blood isn’t even red … it’s a greenish blue … there’s something about Bishop we don’t know yet …"

That's for sure! I hope we can at the appropriate moment bring this all together in a way which makes sense.

10.) Re: the following:

"The figure at the desk is upset … and perhaps a tad nervous.  Bishop has spent too much already.  There are a lot of questions that are being asked!

There’s an uncomfortable silence.  Then …

Bishop:  “You don’t want to get on my bad side, Mr. President.  It wouldn’t be good for your health.”

The President stays calm … “All right, Agent Bishop.  I’m going to ignore that threat because I know your work is important.  What is it that you need?”

Bishop:  “Give everything I ask for and it’s all going to be just fine.”"

While this is a little better than the original, I strongly feel that Bishop's behavior here is way too overt and not anywhere near subtle enough. I suppose we can address this at script stage, to get across the creepiness and menace of Bishop without the President looking like a wimp, or Bishop looking like an overly aggressive idiot.

Part of how we could accomplish this might be to have the President's finger hovering near a hidden "Panic Button" while he is talking with Bishop -- the pressing of which would bring in a whole squad of heavily armed commandos.

-- Pete

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Apr. 8, 2004: Re: TMNT - Show 74 1st draft

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

comments on EP. 74 first draft

This one is looking good! Please bear in mind that regardless of any comments I make here, I defer to Stan Sakai in the matter of whether or not the UY characters are IN character, in actions and dialogue.

1.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE ON LEONARDO and USAGI, looking out over the view.  They both know what their up against, and it isn’t pretty."

"Their" should be "they're".

2.) Re: the following:

"43. LEONARDO

Are you alright?  You came out of nowhere and-"

"Alright"should be "All right".

3.) Re: the following:

"44. TOMOE AME

Ninja SCUM!

45. LEONARDO

(shocked)

You’re… a CAT?

CLOSE ON - Tomoe Ame, now on her feet, both hands tightly gripping her sword as she glares at Leo.

46. TOMOE AME

You won’t have him!  I don’t care how many ninja clans come!

47. LEONARDO

Wait… are you a mutant, too?"

I'm not sure if it really works to have Leo doing the "You're an ANIMAL?" thing here. He's already (in "Big Brawl") met Usagi and Gen, so anthropomorphic animals should be no big deal. (This comment also applies to this line later on: 

56. LEONARDO

(surprised)

It’s a panda!?!")

I think it would work better if we use this time for him to try to convince Tomoe Ame that he means no harm, to try to forestall a battle with her.

4.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE ON LEO – as he ducks, Tomoe’s blade cutting the air where his head WAS.  His head pops back up into frame as he pleads with her."

Hmmm... I need some reassurance that this won't somehow end up animated in a way which shows or implies that Leo has ducked his head into his shell.

5.) Re: the following:

"51. LEONARDO (CONT’D)

I am not your enemy!  At least… I don’t think I am!  Let’s just talk about this!  Seriously!

ON LEO – still on the defensive, blocking Tomoe’s attacks.

52. TOMOE AME

Ninja TRICKS!"

I wonder if it would be better if instead of "Ninja tricks!", she says "Ninja deceit!"

6.) Re: the following:

"58. LEONARDO

Wait… is this JAPAN?  You don’t by any chance know a samurai named-"

This line raises an interesting issue. Stan's UY characters live in what is clearly an analog of feudal Japan, but Leo -- who comes from our world with the "real" Japan -- would know right away (or at least shortly) that given the fact that this world he finds himself in is populated by a variety of anthropomorphic animal characters, he is NOT in Japan (at least his world's Japan). SO... I think we could lose that first line ("Wait... is this JAPAN?"), and either just have the second line, or replace the first line with something different that indicates his dawning comprehension that while this is not the "real" Japan of his world, he is beginning to suspect that this is where his friend Usagi comes from.

7.) Re: the following:

"TOMOE swipes out with her katana, which one mole ninja blocks with its claws, but the mole is knocked over by the force of the blow."

I know that in a previous line the moles' claws are referred to as "hard as steel", but... given that this is a katana we are talking about, would it make more sense if the moles had some kind of ninja tool thing on their claws, or hands, that was LITERALLY made out of steel? I'm just thinking that it might seem weird that these mole claws could deflect the super-sharp blade of a katana.

8.) Re: the following:

"65. USAGI

There’s only one swordsman who fights with such honor… and always against such terrible odds.  Welcome to my world, Leonardo-san."

It's really nice of Usagi to say that about Leo... but is it really true? What about Usagi himself? Doesn't he fight with at least as much honor as Leo? I have to say the line sounds a WEE bit too gushy. I think either some other line would be appropriate -- maybe some kind of pleased surprise from Usagi that Leo has popped up out of nowhere -- or just lose it entirely.

9.) Re: the following:

"66. LEONARDO

Usagi!  So this IS Japan… sort of.  I wonder why-  the panda!"

As noted earlier, I think Leo should say "So this IS your world" instead of the bit about Japan. Also, instead of "the panda", I would prefer that he say "the child".

10.) Re: the following:

"Leo looks to his feet, bowing his head as well.

69. LEONARDO

I… am sorry, Lord… Noriyuki.  The moles, they took her down into the tunnels.  I tried, but…"

I have no problem with Leo bowing to Noriyuki, but I thought it would work better if before this line he has a brief "Oh...!" moment where he -- somewhat belatedly -- picks up on Usagi's gesture of respect for the prince, and follows suit. Only because in Leo's world, the only person he bows to on a regular basis is Master Splinter.

11.) Re: the following:

"79. LEONARDO

…and then I woke up in that valley.  Next thing I knew, I was fighting alongside a sword carrying cat against ninja moles."

Again, I think the animal references are too much -- I would just have him say:

"79. LEONARDO

…and then I woke up in that valley.  Next thing I knew, I was fighting alongside Tomoe against those Mogura Ninja."

12.) Re: the following:

"118. GEN

Wait – you’re joking!  I can’t-

Usagi pushes Gen off the cliff, as four ARROWS <THOK!> into the cliff path where he was.  Usagi leaps off after him.  

119. GEN (O.C., CONT’D)

(falling)

-swwiiiiiiiiiimmmmmm!!!"

I know that the "I can't swim!" is the classic line in this situation from a character whose ONLY choice is to dive into some body of water to escape a threat, but I think we should pose the question to Stan -- can Gen swim? And do you feel the answer to that question is important enough to change his lines here? For example, he could say he hates cold baths or hates high dives, etc..

13.) Re: the following:

"138. LEONARDO

I’m glad I’m not allergic to cats."

Another animal reference, which I think we should lose. Maybe instead Leo can make a "Phew!" gesture or comment and say something like "Don't these Neko Ninja ever do laundry?"

14.) Re: the following:

"139. USAGI

Hrm.  I feel cloaked in dishonor… Let us speak of this to no one.

140. LEONARDO

Oh, there’s no going back now, ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Rabbit!’

Leo moves forward.  Frowning, Usagi follows.

141. USAGI

Leonardo-san… I hope you have a back up plan.  And I am NO teenager!"

Hmmm... Leo's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Rabbit" comment is KIND of funny, but not a whole lot. I could see him saying "Ninja Rabbit" -- but why add the "Teenage Mutant" bit? I would lose it.

15.) Re: the following:

"158. USAGI

I am no NINJA!  I am a SAMURAI!"

Would this read/sound better if we lost the "a", so it went like this:

"158. USAGI

I am no NINJA!  I am SAMURAI!"

16.) Re: the following:

"160. USAGI

Your lord is safe, Tomoe Ame.  Please, hurry – we have little time.

Grabbing her hand, Usagi leads her out into the corridor… only to find them surrounded by DOZENS of Hebi’s SOLDIERS.

161. TOMOE AME

Usagi…

CLOSE ON USAGI’S GLARE.

WIDE – the SOLDIERS escort Usagi and Tomoe down the corridor, away from the cells.  CAMERA DRIFTS UP to the ceiling – in the shadows above, LEO’s EYES open in the blackness, watching."

Because Usagi has demonstrated his ability to handle groups of armed foes quite successfully in the comics, this seems a little weird to me without some kind of explanation of WHY he would surrender so quickly and without a fight. Perhaps it is because Tomoe is unarmed and at the guards' mercy? I don't know, but I would prefer SOMETHING.

17.) Re: the following:

"168. LEONARDO

It’s creatures like YOU that give us HONORABLE reptiles a bad name!"

I suggest changing the word "creatures" to "guys".

18.) Re: the following:

"ON USAGI and GEN, who simultaneously SLAM their heads back, knocking the already surprised guards back.  Usagi grabs one of his swords from the downed guard, cutting through Tomoe Ame’s bonds." 

Aren't Usagi's hands still tied together at this point? Maybe Leo could give Usagi's bonds a quick slash to free him.

 -- Pete

Blast from the Past #90 repost: roughs for Leonardo and Usagi story "The Crossing"

Going through some old files a few years ago, I found this interesting artifact -- eight sheets of what looked like scratch paper clipped together, with my loosely-scrawled rough layouts and dialogue for my Usagi Yojimbo and Leonardo crossover short. It's been a while since I last read the finished piece, but I think it pretty closely followed these roughs.









According to the folks at the very cool Usagi Yojimbo fan site (http://www.usagiyojimbo.com/), the issue of UY with this story is still available from Fantagraphics.

One thing I'd like to mention relates to a comment I read somewhere -- an UY fan was miffed that, in this story, I had Usagi behaving in an arrogant, obnoxiously aggressive manner... something the real Usagi would not do. That is true -- but what Usagi is doing in this little tale is using himself as the basis for an object lesson, a kind of parable to help the youngster understand concepts of honor and respect. To help get the message across, Usagi shades the truth and makes himself look less honorable than he really is. Looked at this way, it's very doubtful the Leonardo/Usagi meeting ever happened quite like this. (But it's still a fun story!)

----------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's it -- I've finished reposting all of the old "Blast from the Past" posts I had originally put up on the "Planet Racers" website. It was fun doing it, as it allowed me to see your thoughts on those items. Going forward, "BftP" will now feature only new old stuff (and maybe a few new new things as well)! -- PL