Blast from the Past #465: March 18, 2005: Re: Revised final of 112 ("New World Order, Part One"), and March 20, 2005: Fwd: comments on outlines for 115 ("Past and Present"), 116 ("Enter the Dragons, Part One") and 117 ("Enter the Dragons, Part Two")

Subj: Re:   Revised final of 112  ("New World Order, Part One")
Date: Friday, March 18, 2005 11:59:38 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 112 final.


1.) Re: the following:

"**RAPHAEL
Yeah, that was my dream.  There were all these funny lines.  And then, she was at the mercy of the Shredder!
ON DONNY, cautiously adding to the narrative.
***DONATELLO
I saw that, too! And then New York was transformed into a horror show … like an alternate universe … but worse."

It's nice that my suggestion to have Don compare his nightmare to his experience in the Shredder-ruled alternate universe he was sent to in "Same As It Never Was" was considered, but the way it is rendered here misses the point. My idea was not that Don compare this nightmare to just "... AN alternate universe", but to THE alternate universe he was sent to. Here, his comparison of his nightmare to an alternate universe just seems weird and pointless.
Here's a suggestion:


"DONATELLO
I saw that, too! And then New York was transformed into a horror show … sort of like that alternate universe that Ultimate Draco blasted me into… but worse. (Don pauses, shivers.) If that's possible..."


2.) Re: the following:

"*KARAI and SHREDDER move toward each other.  Shredder’s hand glows with DARK MYSTIC ENERGY.  KARAI rears back with her GAUNTLET-CLAW, preparing to strike a blow.
*ON the Turtles, weapons raised, as MYSTICS advance on them.
***RAPHAEL
Tell me again why saving Karai is such a good idea?
***LEONARDO
Obviously … it’s not."

Those last two lines are better than what they replaced, but it's still a little flat. I think it is so this time because Leo's "Obviously... it's not" line is, well, OBVIOUS (and a little superfluous)! Maybe we should just take his line out and end on Raph's ironic/sarcastic one.


-- Pete

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Subj: Fwd: comments on outlines for 115, 116 and 117
Date: Sunday, March 20, 2005 11:44:42 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


I'm re-sending this in case it didn't get through the first time.


-- Peter

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comments on Episode 115  ("Past and Present") outline


     1.) Re: the following:

"And without even looking at him, Shredder turns the Mayor into a TOAD! Shredder confirms with the mystics that all is prepared, “For this is your final opportunity to prove your worth to me.” With a nervous glance, they nod, “You may begin the metamorphosis, my lord…”"

     Turning the Mayor into a toad is just too "Harry Potter" for my taste -- pretty silly. Maybe he warps him into a toadlike humanoid.


     2.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly, the bedroom wall EXPLODES to reveal a very gung ho CHAPLIN! He’s finally the hero he’s always wanted to be for Karai, dramatically lifting her out of bed. “I thought I’d lost you!”


Thwak! Chaplin gets a full taste of Casey’s Baseball Bat! Chaplin levels his blasters at Casey – THWAK! Karai kicks Chaplin next, “Idiot! They’re helping me!” Chaplin turns grim, “Helping you? No one can help you…don’t you know what’s happened?”


From the roof, everyone looks in horror at the BLACK DOME spreading out from uptown! LINES OF MYSTICAL ENERGY crackle weakly and then disappear."

     This is a little confusing. Why does Chaplin blow the bedroom wall apart? Seems like a pretty stupid thing to do if he is trying to keep Karai from harm. And is he just carrying blasters, or is he in a Shrednaught? And how do they get to the roof?


     3.) Re: the following:

"“Indeed, the true nightmare has begun.” Everyone is shocked to see Karai and Chaplin in the lair! Raph is the first to pipe off, about to draw his weapon when Casey and April enter, grim. “You better listen guys…something terrible has happened.”"

     Hey, I'M shocked to see Karai and Chaplin in the lair. It seems more than a bit cavalier that April would lead them there. Why doesn't she just call the Turtles on a Shell Cell to set up a meeting somewhere neutral? And the idea that Karai and Chaplin would be standing there by themselves, and THEN April and Casey would follow them and enter the room seems goofy and done just for the sake of a "dramatic" surprise.


     4.) Re: the following:

"The Ley Lines intersect around the perimeter of Manhattan at FIVE POINTS. Chaplin’s jaw hits the floor, “If this is accurate, we’d better pack our bags now…we’ve already lost.”"

     I don't think it is possible that the ley lines could "intersect AROUND the perimeter of Manhattan at FIVE POINTS" (think about it), but they COULD intersect the perimeter of Manhattan at five points.
     And why is Chaplin declaring defeat at this point? What is so devastating about what he sees on the screen that his "jaw hits the floor"?


     5.) Re: the following:

"Atop the main support, they find the Keystone – a section of bridge that comes to life as they approach, revealing a GLOWING DRAGON built into the steel!"

     Should this really be a dragon? It seems to me that this could get a little confusing with the Turtles' dragon avatars -- maybe this thing should be another kind of monster/creature.


     6.) Re: the following:

"Leo almost loses April when she falls off of the crown, but remembering the painful loss of Faraji (and because she’s a best bud, of course!) he manages to catch her and slide down the statue’s dress, dragging the guardian into the water with him!"


     I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that it you were to slide down the Statue of Liberty's robe, you would not end up in the water, but on land.

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comments on Ep. 116 ("Enter the Dragons, Part One") outline


     1.) This episode is very cool, and filled with all kinds of wild action which should excite the fans. I really only have two comments:


     -- maybe we should see the new Justice Force members (that guy with the power gloves, the bow guy, and the shrinking guy) in action along with the older members.


     2.) Given that if this kind of thing were ever to happen in the "real world", there would likely be a vigorous response from various agencies -- police and National Guard among them -- who would attempt to battle the various demons and such that have been manifested by the Shredder. I think it would be cool to at least mention that this kind of action is taking place, even if we don't show it -- maybe a line or two from the Turtles which refers to the fact that it's good the cops and the National Guard are fighting these things, because their actions take some of the pressure off us.

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comments on Ep. 117 ("Enter the Dragons, Part Two") outline


     1.) Pretty freakin' cool! I have one comment, re: the following:

"Later.  Gracie Mansion.   Several of the Mayor’s employees look up at the weird new tree in front of the mansion.


     The bark looks frighteningly like a demon’s face.


As they leave, a HUMAN HAND pierces the bark from the inside of the tree, reaching out!!"

     What is up with this? What is this human hand? Are we bringing back the Tengu Shredder so soon? If so, I'm not sure that is such a great idea. I'd like to know more about what is meant by this scene.
     If we want to end this season on a cliffhanger, here's an alternate suggestion (incorporating some ideas I discussed with Lloyd earlier):


     The big battle is over, and our heroes breath a sigh of relief. "Finally... the Shredder is gone forever."
     Cut to outer space, many light years away. A hulking space ship makes its way through an asteroid field. We see that it is crewed by Triceratons... they are part of a long range deep-space survey/salvage crew. A shuttle is launched from the ship and it lands on one of the larger asteroids, a bleak and frozen place. Freezing, howling winds blow snow and shards of ice around. Several Triceratons in space suits exit the ship and go about some kind of scanning for valuable resources on this planetoid. They are about to leave when one of them gets an odd reading on his scanner. They follow the readings...


     ... and come to their source: the frozen Utrom Shredder!!!


     -- Peter