Subj: Re: Outlines 111 ("Membership Drive") and 113 ("New World Order, Part 2")
Date: Friday, February 18, 2005 2:48:09 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Lloyd,
Here is my one comment on the Ep. 111 outline second draft.
1.) Re: the following:
"Stockman interrupts. He’s detected an odd but powerful source of energy. Very advanced, potentially alien. Bishop tells him to take a commando unit to investigate; he’s totally focused on finding the identity of the shadowy informant who duped him."
Because it seems to me that the nearly-inert/inactive Nanobots would not logically be giving off anything near a "powerful" energy signature, I would like to suggest an alternative way of getting the Nanobots and Stockman together:
Bishop receives (or intercepts) a police report of a smallish-- but potentially powerful/dangerous/useful -- piece of what appears to be Triceraton or Federation technology left over from the invasion of Earth. Stockman jumps on this -- most of this alien debris has long since been cleared away and/or destroyed, and this could be his last chance to grab a piece of what might be very valuable alien technology. He takes a squad out to the amusement park to check it out.
It turns out that the mysterious artifact -- which had lodged in the head of a big plastic figure (one of many decorating the park) -- is a dud... it's just a fragment of spaceship hull, perhaps interesting for its metallurgical properties, but not much else. Disgusted, Stockman turns to go... but then notices an odd, fine dust clinging to his hand where he had rested it on a railing (or some other appropriate surface). Intrigued, he "magnifies his computerized POV over and over" and sees, to his surprise -- Nanobots! Millions of them! Stockman immediately orders his squad to bring special high-tech magno-vacuum cleaners and suck up as many of these little robots as they can find (we could do a shot of the squad wearing magnifying goggles and wielding these specialized vacuum cleaners).
I think it's important -- though we don't need to dwell on it -- that both Stockman and Bishop are somewhat mystified as to the origin of these nanobots, as this sort of tech is definitely not common. Perhaps they could even muse that it might be the remnants of some Triceraton or Federation weapon which misfired, or something.
Here are my comments on the Ep. 113 outline.
1.) Re: the following:
"Karai then dishes out another kick to Don, then Raph and then Mikey!
Mikey (confused, in pain): “Uh, ya missed him again!”
Raph (angry, in pain): “Sheesh lady, what is your problem?! We’re here to help ya!”
Before the Turtles know it, they’re all piled in a beat up heap at the corner. Karai then looks to the Shredder, hoping to have proved a point."
I might be able to buy Karai sucker punching and taking out one, or MAYBE two Turtles, but her being able to do this to all four of them so easily is silly. I think her point could be made by taking out one Turtle.
2.) Re: the following:
"With that, Karai charges the Shredder and the fight is on. The Turtles to stay out of it for now—after all, Karai’s made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want their help and perhaps she won’t even need it…at least, for now.
The Foot Mystics also stay out of the fight. Not only do they want to fully savor their revenge, but why would the Shredder need their assistance to take out Karai?"
I could kind of see the Foot Mystics staying out of the fight, but it seems weird to me that the Turtles would, REGARDLESS of what Karai says she wants. The Turtles should KNOW that -- unless Karai has some incredible power or ability that she has been hiding up until now -- there is really no way she is going to be able to take down this resurrected icon of evil. For them to then stand back and watch her get pulverized seems... dishonorable.
If it is deemed necessary to keep the Turtles temporarily out of this fight so that we can SHOW how powerless Karai is against this newly resurrected Shredder, maybe they can be held back by the Mystics... or some other menace the Shredder has called up.
3.) It seems a bit odd -- almost insane -- that Karai would continue to try to best the Shredder in physical combat after he has just shown her that even her sword through his chest does nothing to stop him or even slow him down. Not great strategy on her part. Maybe it would make more sense if we show that she tries to retreat and regroup her forces, but the Shredder and his allies make it difficult if not impossible for her to do so.
4.) Re: the following:
"With the Mystics and the Shredder still taken aback, the Turtles each grab a Ninja Air Pack from one of the fallen Foot Soldiers, then grab the badly wounded Karai and make a quick escape."
As none of the Turtles has ever used -- or even SEEN -- a Foot Ninja Air Pack before this episode, doesn't it seem kind of silly that they would be able to just grab this unfamiliar technology and know how to use it to make a "quick escape"?
-- Pete
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