Friday, April 20, 2012

Blast from the Past #522: December 17, 2005: Re: Show 141 ("The Cosmic Completist"), Re: TMNT Show 139 ("Head of State") Outline, and Re: 137 ("Turtle X-Tinction") 2nd draft

Subj: Re: Show 141 ("The Cosmic Completist")
Date: Saturday, December 17, 2005 7:21:34 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my notes on the Ep. 141 premise.

1.) Re: the following:

"THE PENTHOUSE – SERLING is complaining to Splinter because he wanted to clean the place tonight, but can’t because Mikey has his vintage TOY COLLECTION piled all over the living room.  

Mikey is explaining to Cody that a rare figure is missing from his collection –– a rare one that took him ages to find to complete the collection."

I need a little clarity here -- is this "collection" of Mikey's one he started when they came to this future? How did he get the money to buy enough vintage toys to fill the living room? If it were Cody's cash, maybe a line or two could be inserted to show Mikey's gratitude to Cody for his help.
It might also be funny to drop in a line or two where one of the Turtles ponders the possibility that some of these toys MIGHT have been Mikey's to begin with (back in the past) and he's actually bought them TWICE.

2.) Re: the following:

"Raph teases Mikey for being a total geek.  Mikey accuses Raph of stealing the figure.  A shoving match ensues that causes Raph to accidentally knock over the collection dominos-style.  Now the real fight starts, with the toys inadvertently trampled in the ensuing chaos.  

Leo and Don enter and try to stop the fight.  They are quickly pulled into it.  

Splinter says to Serling, “Perhaps it IS a good night for cleaning.  I’d start with the carpet.”  Serling, smiling (he’s been waiting for an opportunity like this) literally YANKS the carpet from under the Turtles.  They land in a helpless heap."

I'm not too crazy about the slapstick action "fight", but I'll let it go. But I do draw the line at Serling pulling the carpet out from under the Turtles and having them all land in a "helpless heap" (some ninjas they are, huh?). A small rug, maybe... but the whole carpet? Uh-uh.

3.) Re: the following:

"Don announces they’ve arrived.  The Stealth Shuttle is dangerously close to falling back to Earth, but it should be safe to board for awhile.

The Turtles and Cody with Leader IG investigate the creepy wreck of the IG’s STEALTH SHUTTLE, wearing spacesuits in the airless ship.  The whole roof’s been ripped open by whatever took the Gunjin.  This scares Cody a bit.  All the auto-defense mechanisms have been immobilized by sheets of an EXOTIC ALIEN POLYMER.  Cody points up…

…to where a huge behemoth of an ALIEN SHIP has pulled into orbit above the Stealth Ship."

Now, was that ALIEN SHIP there all the time? Because if the Turtles and Cody MISSED noticing it when they pulled up to the STEALTH SHUTTLE, they are beyond lame.

4.) Re: the following:

"Don does a lifescan on the alien ship –– lots of activity, but only one lifeform.  He outputs a QUARTZ HOLO-DATACARD to try and figure out what the lifeform is."

What the hell is a QUARTZ HOLO-DATACARD, and why does Don "output" it to do his search when he clearly already has some kind of device he's carrying which can do that job?

5.) Re: the following:

"Then it corners the Leader IG underneath the tear in the roof.  The IG is angry and wants to fight to his last breath.  The Bot remotely activates a CANON on the skiff above to burp out a huge loogie of LIQUID POLYMER that flattens the Leader IG."

I think it's "cannon", not "canon".

6.) Re: the following:

"Raph hears a tiny screaming inside.  He finds the real Aramzedo inside the robot body ––Aramzedo is SIX-INCHES TALL!"

If Aramzedo is only six inches tall, why does he need a personal Pack-Bot the size of a Mack Truck?

7.) Re: the following:

"Cody, hanging upside down, polymer-bound, yells to Raph, “the most powerful weapon you have is the world around you.""

I get the idea that Cody is learning from Splinter, but this is NOT the time for him to be trying to pass on that sage advice in the form of vague suggestions.

-- Pete


Subj: Re: TMNT Show 139 ("Head of State") Outline
Date: Saturday, December 17, 2005 7:22:23 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my comments on the Ep. 139 outline revised.

1.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO: Come on, guys! Bishop’s President of the Galactic Alliance now! He’s not the gene-splicin’, double-crossin’, DNA-stealin’ big bad we knew 100 years ago!"

Leo doesn't drop his "g"'s like this.

2.) Re: the following:

"Bishop enters, flanked by SECURITY, and in short order gets to the point. He needs their help...someone has made multiple attempts on his life.  He says that he’s being hunted by underground monsters, and, not wanting to frighten the public, needs the Turtles “unique” skills.

DONATELLO: So what do these “monsters” look like?

Suddenly, the room begins to SHAKE and RUMBLE. A huge, gaping hole opens up in the middle of the floor. Emerging from the abyss is a strange and terrifying BIPEDAL ALIEN MONSTER!  (It’s a LIVING MOUSER, but we don’t know that yet!) The size of a bear, this disgusting beast drools and wheezes through a cavernous mouth and hungry teeth."

How convenient that the monster arrives right at the moment Don asks about it. And that no one and no alarm system in the Galactic Alliance HQ detected this thing as it shook and rumbled its way through the building until it got to Bishop's office.
Also, I think we need a MUCH better rationale than "not wanting to frighten the public" for Bishop's asking for the Turtles' help -- i.e. their special skills and experience in the underground spaces.

3.) Re: the following:

"The Great Hall of the Galactic Alliance. Before dozens of bored ALIEN DIPLOMATS, a speaker drones on and on (just like C-SPAN).

ALIEN SENATOR: ...and if we were to refer to Subsection Q of Paragraph Three, we would find that-

The Hall’s massive doors rip open as the four Turtles and Bishop run inside.

LEONARDO: Make way, Turtles comin’ through!

ALIEN SENATOR (still droning): The Floor has yet to recognize the green gentlemen accompanying President Bishop.

CRASH! The rampaging Mouser smashes its way into the Hall, knocking aside Bishop’s SECURITY as if they were nothing.

MICHAELANGELO: Do you recognize that!

ALIEN SENATOR (quickly): Recess!

Amid the chaos of fleeing aliens, the Turtles take defensive positions to protect Bishop. Raph strikes first-"

This staging makes no sense to me. Why would the Turtles lead this monster into the Great Hall of the Galactic Alliance?

4.) Re: the following:

"Raph grabs one of the Galactic Alliance flags and hurls it at the Mouser like a javelin. It careens of its thick hide, but the attack earns Raph the creature’s attention (and ravenous rage).


As it charges, Mikey RIPS off a piece of red felt from the ornamental drapes and throws it to Raph. He teases the beast as would an expert matador.

MICHAELANGELO: And they say dancing is a dead art!

RAPHAEL: And I’m gonna be a dead Turtle! I’m outta moves!

The Mouser finally bites the red cape and devours it. Knocking Raph out of the way with a thrust of its massive head, the creature takes aim at Bishop and charges. Its gnashing jaws rip through everything- wood turns to splinters, metal to shrapnel, and Bishop (though hopefully not) to a stain on the carpet."

Is this "Raph Lite" or our regular Raph? How the heck can he be "out of moves"???!!!

5.) Re: the following:

"Donatello leaps in and tackles Bishop out of the way. The Mouser CRASHES into a marble wall, reducing it to rubble.

RAPHAEL: How do we stop it?!

LEONARDO: We give it what it wants!

Crawling from rubble, the Mouser shakes its head clear. Bishop, back in his office, shouts to grab the monster’s attention. It charges again.

BISHOP (nervous): You better be right about this!

LEONARDO: Look on the bright side. When I go back in time 100 years, I’ll tell you not to do this!"

How and why is Bishop "back in his office"? Aren't they all still fighting in the Great Hall?  And Leo's last line is very confusing.
Also, this wonderful plan of Leo's seems to me to be more than a little bit goofy. Let's see... he's going to have Bishop stand in front of the hole in the floor the monster made... have the monster charge at Bishop... and then at the last moment have Mikey snatch Bishop away from the hole so that the monster's lunge will make it fall DOWN the hole. Setting aside the problem of how they PLAN this "strategy" (telepathy?), doesn't it seem weird to anyone that the monster would just free-fall down into a hole which was only as big around as itself? Why doesn't it just grab on to the sides of the hole and climb back up?
I think there needs to be a decisive victory over this thing (maybe a killing one) so that we don't have this silliness and we also have a body that can be examined for more clues to this "mystery".

6.) Re: the following:

"MICHAELANGELO: Whew! What was that thing?!

BISHOP (grim): A genetically engineered engine of destruction...forged from the DNA of multiple alien species…

DONATELLO: How do you know that?

BISHOP: Because I made it."

Now, did Bishop just this moment realize this... or had he known it earlier? If the latter, why didn't he tell the Turtles this? It's sort of important information, wouldn't you think?

7.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO: We can’t hurt it! It takes a kickin’ but keeps on tickin’!"

Leo's dropping his "g"'s again! Maybe this is a line better suited to Raph.

8.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO: The sirens are freakin’ him out!

RAPHAEL: We can discuss the big monster’s musical tastes later, Don!"

Now DON'S droppin' his "g"'s! These lines should be switched, as follows:

"RAPHAEL: The sirens are freakin’ him out!

DONATELLO: We can discuss the big monster’s musical tastes later, Raph!"

9.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO: And I gotta feeling that’s the least of our problems!"

Leo doesn't say "gotta".

10.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles stare at the gaping hole down which the President and his Mouser kidnapper vanished. Should they rescue him?"

How do they know that the monster went this way with Bishop? Weren't they in the stratosphere when that happened?

11.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL: Five minutes ago, we had an ex-villain as President, a drooling beastie who wanted to eat us and a crash-landing shuttle. Right now, my biggest worry is getting monster spit out of my clothes. ‘Nuff said."

Possibly the most idiotic set of lines ever given to Raph.

12.) Re: the following:

"DEEP UNDERGROUND. A distant ROAR. The relative peace of the underground is shattered as a quartet of Shell-Speeders race through the tunnels, tracking the Mouser DNA-signature.

RAPHAEL: DNA? How do you track that?

DONATELLO: Drool, saliva, bodily discharges.

RAPHAEL: Forget I asked!"

Even non-scientist Raph should not find this reply from Don startling and/or disgusting. This MIGHT work if (a) it were Mikey instead of Raph, and (b) it went as follows:

"DEEP UNDERGROUND. A distant ROAR. The relative peace of the underground is shattered as a quartet of Shell-Speeders race through the tunnels, tracking the Mouser DNA-signature.

MICHAELANGELO: DNA? How do you track that?

DONATELLO: Hairs... skin cells...

MICHAELANGELO: That's what I --

DONATELLO: ... also drool, saliva, bodily discharges...

MICHAELANGELO: Forget I asked!"

Also -- where the HECK are the Galactic Alliance security forces and/or the Peackeepers? Shouldn't they be AT LEAST investigating the giant hole in the floor of the President's office, and/or trying to locate/save the President?

13.) Re: the following:

"As the Turtles question “who,” a huge light BOOMS to life. It illuminates a high-tech podium holding a large jar. Dozens of cables flow into the jar’s gelatinous liquid, keeping its contents alive... a pulsating brain.

BAXTER: Who else? Your old friend, Dr. BAXTER STOCKMAN!


This is kind of funny. Is it supposed to show that all the Turtles are speechless at this reveal, or did the writer just forget to have them say anything?

14.) Re: the following:

"In isolation, Baxter finished the experiment, creating his Mousers. He also managed a few side projects, including a Mind Transference Machine. (This can be a more “real world” auto-doc that can transplant brains, if we prefer.) Gone are the days of hiding like a freak in the sewer, as he would be able to take any body he wanted. And who better than Bishop? He’s shown a proclivity for long life and he just happens to be President."

I think that it would work best as a literal brain transplant machine, as it would (a) allow Stockman to gain power by taking over Bishop's position, and (b) give Baxter the real body he has craved for decades.

15.) Re: the following:

"MICHAELANGELO: So what are you gonna do, get Raph to sing karaoke for ‘em?!

DONATELLO: I just have to find the right frequency to stop them! Cover me!

Donatello starts splicing wires in his sonic bo while the other Turtles do their best to ward off the huge beasts. One of the creatures bites Leo’s katana and rips it from his hands. Mikey tries a nunchuk attack, but only gets an ear-splitting roar in response. Raph has a little more luck with his sais, that is until a Mouser swallows one of them! It explodes in his stomach, but the only damage is a bad case of indigestion."

Maybe he can get Dan Rather, a.k.a. "Kenneth", to tell him what the frequency is...

.. but I digress. Rather than "splicing wires", which seems VERY "stone knives and bear skins", maybe Don should just use a combination of whatever control things are on his bo and his gauntlet to try to REPROGRAM the bo.

16.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO: I have. Look at me. I’m a five foot talking turtle. But that doesn’t matter anymore. Bishop’s created a new world. There’re aliens of every shape and size walking around up there. Being a monster isn’t what you look like. It’s what you do. So tell me, Baxter...

Leonardo removes his blue ninja mask.

LEONARDO, cont’d: Are you a monster, or a man?"

I don't get it -- why does Leo remove his mask?
Also, I think we need to CAREFULLY craft this scene to make it at least SOMEWHAT believable that someone as twisted and crazed as Baxter is can be so easily and quickly "turned". Perhaps Leo can tell Baxter that science/medicine has changed/advanced greatly since Baxter went underground, and there are also alien advances which can help him regain his humanity without doing something so drastic as stealing Bishop's (or anyone else's) body.

17.) Re: the following:

"THE GALACTIC ALLIANCE. Later. The Turtles sit inside Baxter’s tattered office. Contractors use matter-replicators to instantly repair the damage. Bishop states that although he’s unable to publicly thank the Turtles, they have his gratitude. Again.

Bishop has offered his help to Baxter in building him a body, and even offered him a research grant."

Shouldn't that be BISHOP'S office, not Baxter's?
And what happens with all those crazy organic Mousers? Are they destroyed? Rehabilitated? Put in a zoo? Sent to the spice mines of Kessel?

-- Pete


Subj: Re: 137 ("Turtle X-Tinction") 2nd draft
Date: Saturday, December 17, 2005 7:31:42 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my notes on the Ep. 137 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

(into gauntlet) (Turtle X! Override code: Goongala! Override!! This is impossible. I rigged that armor with every kind of security protocol imaginable. Who could ve jacked it? "

As I'm PRETTY sure we have established in past episodes that "Goongala!" is the ACTIVATION code for Turtle X, it might behoove us to have something a little different for this "override" command. How about "Cowabunga"? Or maybe "Goongala Cowabunga"?

2.) Re: the following:

"Turtle X <ROCKETS> into the Trophy Room, <CRASHING> into the GIANT ROBOT SUIT, sending it <TOPPLING> over. Turtle X random <BLASTS> up the room and its memorabilia.
How does it feel, my, dear boy. To watch everything you ve built be destroyed before your very eyes?"

I'm not sure if this would fit, but as I read this scene I thought it would be cool (and reference an earlier episode) if one of this destroyed in this scene was "Casey's Journal" -- maybe Darius could make Turtle X hold it up in front of Cody and BURN it.

3.) Re: the following:

"The TANK <BREAKS THE SURFACE> of a pool. The Hatch cycles open, and RAPH AND SPLINTER emerge.
How did you know this vehicle could operate underwater?
I didn t."

This exchange between Raph and Splinter seems pointless.

4.) Re: the following:


"Let my boy go!" seems a bit weird. Maybe just "Let Cody go!" would be better.

-- Pete

1 comment:

  1. I always thought it would have been a great moment to have Good Baxter in his new body in the 'day of Awakening' episode. Just to show that he really was 'rehabilitated'. But I Agree with you. Baxter suddenly 'turning on a dime' like that was a bit simple...after about 70 years of going insane underground..