Blast from the Past #423: August 13, 2004 Re: Ep. 92 ("The Ancient One") outline, Ep. 93 ("Samurai Tourist") premise, first draft of Ep. 88 ("Dragons Rising"), and Ep. 89 ("Still Nobody") first draft

Subj: Ep. 92 outline
Date: Friday, August 13, 2004 12:25:50 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 92 outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"Leo (V.O. Narration):  “I’ve traveled hundreds of miles… thousands of miles, looking for an answer….”"

I feel that the "hundreds of miles" part is superfluous here. I would take it out.


2.) Re: the following:

"Leo (V.O. Cont’d):  “…leaving me to fight for both our lives … and doesn’t look good!” "

The last part of this line sounds a little off -- was there supposed to be an "it" between "and" and "doesn't"? In any event, I would probably prefer to end the line with an exclamation point after "lives".


3.) Re: the following:

"He tells Leo that there is but one master in the entire world with whom Leo can train."

A small point, but -- given that Splinter, while wise and knowledgeable, is not omniscient -- perhaps Splinter should tell Leo that as far as HE knows, "... there is but one master in the entire world with whom Leo can train."


4.) Re: the following:

"And we see a montage of images (in this order): of Leo stowing away on a freight steamer (he wears a full backpack) berthed at a Manhattan pier, of Leo looking out across the passing moonlit ocean surface, sneaking through the shadows of an Asian port city, hiking along jungle trails, past remote mountaintop lakes and ancient Japanese temples, ever closer towards the distant snowcapped peaks of a mountain range, and all the while we hear Splinter’s voice, telling Leo how to travel, where to go, and how to find the mystical door that will lead to the land wherein the Master Sage’s mountaintop retreat can finally be found."

I like this, and it will be a cool little sequence if (when) animated properly. Couple of things: "Ancient Japanese temples" are mentioned. Now, those kinds of structures look cool, but are we saying that this adventure takes place in Japan? I kind of thought we were implying it was in Tibet or Mongolia of something. The reason I bring this up is that I believe at the end of this fourth season we have Splinter telling the boys that they are heading for Japan, which is cool and exciting, and I wonder if having Leo go there in this episode might make that trip less unique.
Which actually raises another question in my mind -- while the "world travel" scenario sketched out in the above paragraph is cool, I wonder if it is really necessary for Leo to leave the continent? In other words, couldn't this sensei be anywhere (especially if at some point you have to pass through a "mystical door" to get to him)? Like on the opposite coast, perhaps somewhere in Alaska? It might be a little bit more believable that Leo could make his way in ninja stealth across the US and Canada than across the world. Also, his journey wouldn't take as long. Just a thought. (The "Yetis" could be Bigfeet!)
Also, might it not be fun to take a few seconds to have the other Turtles -- who would be concerned for Leo -- giving him a little send-off? They could each offer words of encouragement in their own inimitable fashions, Mikey could give him some special trail mix (Oreos, Doritos, and M&M's), etc.


5.) Re: the following:

"He passes cairn after cairn, the cairns and day blurring together and then the day rapidly fading when he suddenly walks past what looks like just another rock cairn… but after passing it he hears what sounds like a loud slow fart coming from behind him. "

Hey, I think it's funny -- but can we really get away with farting on Saturday morning?


-- Pete

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Subj: Ep. 93 premise
Date: Friday, August 13, 2004 12:42:55 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on the Ep. 93 premise.


1.) Re: the following:

"The Foot Ninja (in redesigned Foot Ninja garb) are better, faster, and more skilled than ever before.  These are Karai’s Foot Ninja!"

This made me wonder -- what about the Shredder Elite? Are they no longer in the picture?


2.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles are overwhelmed, too stunned to mount a defense.  "

I know what the writer is trying to say here, but as I pointed out in earlier notes, it is literally not true that they are "too stunned to mount a defense". They DO mount a defense -- it's just not a great one, and it leads to them having to vacate the lair in the face of overwhelming force. If they were in fact "too stunned to mount a defense", they would be defeated.


3.) Re: the following:

"Don tries to pull his battered master away and into the ShellSub, but not before Splinter can grab the TCRI canister and the orb the Utroms gave him that holds memories of master Yoshi. "

As I suggested in earlier notes: "This seems a little forced. And maybe these things SHOULD be destroyed, to emphasize the devastating nature of the attack. I can't think of any reason, story-wise, that we would need either of these objects in the future. It might be good to trash them." Given the desperate nature of this battle and the odds they are up against, it really does seem a trifle odd that Splinter would waste time and risk their lives for these things.


4.) Re: the following:

"Mike, with Klunk, manages to escape by attacking with the TurtleTunneler.  He charges one of the Shreddnaughts, but really he’s just making himself a new exit.  When the Shreddnaught peels the Tunneler open, he finds that it’s empty. "

Again, from previous notes: "Given that the Tunneler is outfitted with disintegrator beams which can carve through solid rock, I think it could be used as a pretty devastating weapon, and I think we should show Mikey doing just that, before the Tunneler get  trashed. He should take out one of the Shrednaughts with it."


5.) Re: the following:

"We cut back to the lair in ruins.  Karai calls to Chaplin to make sure her teams hunt the Turtles down.  Karai then turns to her Shrednaughts and orders them to tear the place down – leave nothing standing. "

It just occurred to me as I read this again that when the lair is demolished, the mysterious Y'Lyntian elevator will surely be revealed... and would Karai be intrigued by this strange technology? She might want to salvage it and learn its secrets, and maybe that could lead to another "Underground" tale (or another encounter with the Avians), but this time getting Karai and the Foot into the mix.


6.)  Re: the following:

"A Foot copter will chase the BattleShell and blow it to bits, but Raph will escape at the last minute on the ShellCycle. "

From previous notes: "As I suggested at our meeting this past week, I'm not sure if it is necessary to totally destroy the Battleshell, and we might do well by just having the body get destroyed so that the Turtles can later build a NEW Battleshell upon the old one's battered but sturdy chassis. I have this image in my head of Raph driving a really blown to heck Battleshell, with almost all of the bodywork and extras blown away, leaving only the chassis, engine, and maybe a seat and steering wheel."


7.) Re: the following:

"Foot troops comb every inch of the city looking for them."

From previous notes: "That seems like quite an exaggeration."


-- Pete

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Subj: comments on the first draft of Ep. 88.
Date: Friday, August 13, 2004 1:13:50 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd, 


Here are my comments on the first draft of Ep. 88.


1.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Two words and two words only … Purple Dragons."

The "tough guy" phrasing here sounds more like Raph, not Leo. I'd just have him say "Purple Dragons..."


2.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER (CONT’D)
Because assuredly you would simple sneak out later when my back was turned.  Would you not?"

I think that should be "simply" instead of "simple".


3.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER stands to face his sons.
SPLINTER
Better that I simply say go … and be careful."

I can't recall any time in an earlier script when Splinter gives this kind of leave to the Turtles to go out and get into trouble, and it might be a good time to have one of them comment on it, on the idea that Splinter is starting to treat them like responsible young adults.


4.) Re: the following:

"WIDER STILL TO SHOW the very angry/determined Leonardo and Raphael with their weapons pointed right at Hun.
RAPHAEL
Yeah, you’re gonna be through …
LEONARDO
Run through."

I know we're still doing "angry Leo", but this seems pretty explicitly brutal -- "run through" means Leo is going to shove his swords through Hun's body. Do we REALLY want to say that?


5.) Re: the following:

"Donatello is pissed and reverses the rockets on the BattleShell and <FIRES> …
DONATELLO
Get off my tail!"

Minor point, but... would "shell" be better than "tail" here?


6.) Re: the following:

"CASEY (O.C. CONT’D)
For you did to me and mine."

Should that be "For WHAT you did to me and mine"?


-- Pete

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Subj: notes on Ep. 89 first draft
Date: Friday, August 13, 2004 1:56:59 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on Ep. 89 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"Hanging by one arm, Mikey answers the phone
MIKEY
Talk to the turtle … Hey, long time no hear! … uh-huh … uh-huh … uh-huh … no problem … we’ll be there.
Mike <DISCONNECTS> and puts the cell back on his belt.
RAPH
Who was it?
MICHELANGELO
Nobody."

Maybe it's just TOO obvious -- and too much -- but should we do, for a few lines, a variation on the classic "Who's on first?" gag here?


2.) Re: the following:

"LEO
Your slipping, Nobody.  That kid almost took you out."

It should be "you're", not "your".


3.) Re: the following:

"NOBODY (
Try not to hurt them.  They’re just kids.
They duck as <WEAPONS FIRE STRIKES> around them … Leo looks at Nobody.
LEO
Sure.  Kids with Uzis.  Real cute."

I know they have been referred to as "Laser Uzis" in the script (albeit not in the dialogue), but do we really want Leo to say "Uzis"? Maybe it would be better if he just said "guns" or "blasters" or "lasers".


-- Pete