Monday, January 28, 2013

Blast from the Past #609: April 5, 2003: Re: Season 2 voices, and April 7, 2000: notes on Ep. 30 and 31 first draft scripts

Subj: Re: Season 2 voices
Date: Saturday, April 5, 2003 7:43:43 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 4/4/03 9:36:58 AM, Lloyd writes:

<<Hey Pete -

When you get a minute or three, would you mind jotting down your thoughts on
how the following character's VOICES might sound:

The Fugitiod - I'm thinking C3P0-ish, kinda cultured, intelligent, and
slightly fussy>>

This is an interesting question which I've never thought about before, but -- according to the backstory, Honeycutt's mind was transferred into the body of a robot worker, Sal. So you have to ask yourself -- what would the voice of a worker robot sound like? And then, how would that voice change -- if at all -- if the MIND behind it was suddenly switched from a basic worker robot computer brain to an older, brilliant, human scientist? I would suspect it would only really need to sound clear and probably unaccented (for greatest comprehension). However, I have no problem with your description.

<<Triceratons - Gruff, deep, warriors (lean towards Klingon) - the
leaders/politicians of the bunch might try to sound a bit more "civilized">>


<<General Blanque - Commanding, no-nonsense>>

I'm thinking George C. Scott in "Patton".

<<Trusted Aide - she needs to be able to play "conniving" and she should sound
markedly different than April>>

Maybe a sort-of French or Italian accent.

<<Rynoxx - thug, bully, an alien mook!>>

Vin Diesel!

<<Sleeg - sleazy, Peter Lorre type alien, always angling>>

Gotta love Peter Lorre! Although a David Spade-type might be funny, too.

<<Traximus - deep voiced, weary hero, beaten gladiator, bordering on

James Earl Jones.

<<Leatherhead - gravely, rough, highly intelligent>>

Fine. Paul Newman?

<<Karai - sleek, no-nonsense, commanding, Japanese accent>>


-- Pete


Subj: notes on Ep. 30 and 31 first draft scripts
Date: Monday, April 7, 2003 7:35:40 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Re: notes on Ep. 30 and 31 first draft scripts -- I just has the pleasure of reading these two scripts and have a few comments, but I think these are a lot of fun and need only minor tweaking. (Please note that I am going to be referencing line numbers instead of page numbers because I reduced type size to save paper and time during printing, and thus changed the page numbering.)


Episode 30: "The Arena"

1.) I think it would be fun to include some "throwaway" lines from the arena announcers which would kind of reflect/parody the typical stuff you hear over the loudspeakers at a race or other large sporting event. Here are a couple of possible examples:

-- "Don't forget to pick up your event program at any of the arena's sales kiosks -- at only fifteen plecks, it's a steal!"

-- "This event is cosponsored by Rad Zam's YumStuf™ -- makers of the best "meatfood on a stick" treat in this galaxy... or any other!"

2.) It would be cool to see some Triceraton youngsters (smaller, shorter horns) in attendance at the Arena, as well as "ordinary" Triceratons in "civilian" clothes.

3.) Line 93: Gruel is said to be using his "walking stick to pick his nasty teeth". I thought he was going to use his prosthetic horn (per my suggestion) to do this.

4.) Line 151: Raphael's line "I don't mean no disrespect, Traximus, but what's a Triceraton like you doing fighting in the games?" reads well but doesn't make much sense in context, as shortly thereafter we show an "official" Triceraton team (Monza Ram and his All-Stars) fighting in the games. I think it might make more sense if Raph says something like "So what's a Triceraton doing locked up in here with the rest of us "gladiator scum"?"

5.) Line 153: I would suggest taking the phrase "were a nation that" out of Traximus' first line here -- it seems extraneous.

6.) Line 155: Traximus' line "The Prime Leader hopes the games will silence me" doesn't sound right. Is Traximus a gladiator against his will -- essentially a prisoner forced to fight to the death, as the result of his speaking out against the Triceratons' dishonorable war with the Federation? If that's the case -- and it appears to be so -- then it would seem that the Prime Leader wouldn't really care, or need to "hope", about Traximus speaking or not speaking -- Traximus is a disgraced individual now, the lowest of the low. I would suggest changing that line to imply that the Prime Leader is enjoying humiliating Traximus by forcing him to be a gladiator, but Traximus himself has not -- nor will he, ever -- given up hope or given up speaking out against the evil of the current Triceraton regime.

7.) Line 156: The Soldier's line here about locating the Triceraton Homeworlds made me think it might be cool to throw in a comment or two about how difficult it is to keep track of them because -- unlike the worlds of the Federation -- the Triceraton homeworlds, given their mobile nature, are constantly roaming about the galaxy.

8.) Line 158: This line of General Blanque's strikes me as (a) bad, and (b) unnecessary. I would suggest taking it out.

9.) Line 159: I thought it might be fun to add to Zed's gushing lines about the Prime Leader something like "May his horns never dull!"
Also, it seems that Zanramon's name is misspelled throughout this script as "Zanroman".
And line line 163, "All right" is misspelled as "Alright".

10.) Line 186: I would suggest taking out the "You disgusting dinosaur!" from this line by the Fugitoid.

11.) Line 188: I think the word "Star" is missing here -- it should read "... Monza Ram and his All-Star warriors!"

12.) Line 197: Suggest changing Zed's line as follows:

These Turtles fight like... like Triceratons!

13.) Line 199: I suggest changing "little guys" in Raz' line so it reads "The crowd is really taking to these hard-shelled off-worlders!"

14.) Line 209: Even though it's Leo who does it in the original comic story, I wonder if it would make more sense if the Turtle who jumps into the alien camera platform and quickly figures out how to drive it would be Don (techno-boy) instead of Leo.


Episode 31: "Triceraton Wars"

1.) Line 4: In Don's line -- "We're all on the run, lots of stuff blows up, the Triceratons capture us and throw us in this gladiator arena to try and convince Honeycutt to build his Teleportal device, but those dipstick hornheads should have known we would have kicked butt and taken names." -- I would change "and" to "to" in the phrase "try and convince Honeycutt". And the last part -- "those dipstick hornheads should have known we would have kicked butt and taken names" -- is awkward and actually sounds more like Raph talking. I would suggest changing it to something like "we fought with honor -- and won!"

2.) Prime Leader ZanRamon's name is misspelled in this script also.

3.) Line 18: I suggest taking out "Mr." in Leo's line.

4.) Line 29: I like that Leo is taking charge and issuing orders, but some of what he says doesn't make sense to me. They all came in through a hatch in the ceiling, but Leo says nothing about that -- instead, he tells Mikey to help him barricade the door (with a table). I think it might make more sense and look cooler if he tells the other guys to use their blasters to weld the doors AND that ceiling hatch shut.

5.) Line 31: I suggest changing Don's line from "But if you don't build the Teleportal we'll never get home to our Master Splinter" to read "But if you don't build the Teleportal we'll never get home to rescue Master Splinter."

6.) Line 38: Given the seriousness of the dialogue here, I would suggest changing the somewhat inappropriate slapsticky stuff with the Fugitoid grabbing Raph's blaster, Raph grabbing it back, Fugitoid grabbing it back, etc. -- maybe the Fugitoid should instead take Mike's blaster, or else another one which is lying around.

7.) Line 74: I just want to remind everyone that, although I think it's fun and cool to see them used again, the Triceraton one-man flying rigs are NOT meant for extended, long-range space pursuit.

8.) Line 88: After Leo's line about Master Splinter, I thought it would be fun to have the Fugitoid -- who a moment earlier looked like he "may blow a fuse" -- to say something like "Hmph! I really MUST meet this Master Splinter someday...!"

9.) Line 97: I would suggest changing Raph's "Give it a rest, Mikey." line to something like this:

Have you seen THIS one before?!"

10.)  Instead of having the Federation ships "decloaking", I would instead have them appear as they "come out of warp speed". 

11.) Line 108: When the Turtles get away from the two battle fleets, I think they should go "into warp" and get really far away, giving them some time in which to try to build the Fugitoid's Teleportal. Then, the Triceraton Ensign's line #121 could be altered to read something like "We have traced the warp vector pattern of the Fugitoid's stolen ship to the Egarim sector."

12.) I think it's great that you were able to work the Turtles in space suits into this story in a logical way. I was thinking we could have a little bit of fun with this, in this way -- the Prime Leader's opulent and well-equipped Cruiser comes stocked with a variety of space suit configurations made to fit not only Triceraton anatomy but other alien forms, which is how the Turtles (or at least some of them) are able to find space suits which fit them pretty well. But maybe when they ALL have to go outside the ship, Mikey is stuck wearing a Triceraton space suit, which is too big for him, the tail piece is awkward and annoying, and he has the big Triceraton space helmet which looks really funny on him.

13.) Line 133: The "Who hails the Triceraton Flagship?!" line (#134) works fine, as it seems to fit the more formal and stilted way the Triceratons speak, but doesn't work for me when General Blanque says almost the same thing. In fact, I wonder if we actually need EITHER of these lines -- they do seem kind of extraneous.

14.) The Fugitoid is said to have "tool attachments on each of his extended fingers". Are these literally attached to his fingers, or, as I suggested in a previous email:

"I suggest that we give him the ability (logical given that the Fugitoid's robot body is that of a worker droid) to detach his forearm/hand units and snap on/screw on other "tool" or "weapon" arm units. And this page might be a good place to show this for the first time, when Don and Honeycutt are trying to build Honeycutt's Teleportal. I did some drawings of the Fugitoid with these kinds of replacement units years ago -- I'll see if I can dig those out and send them along."

15.) Line 164: It's interesting that the writer extrapolated on the Federation/Triceraton history by suggesting that the Federation caused the Triceratons to move to their asteroid ships, but I don't like it. I suggest either eliminating lines 164 and 165 altogether or changing them in some fashion similar to this:

164. MOZAR
That was a NATURAL disaster -- which we survived with courage and cunning!

Obviously not disastrous enough!

16.) Line 176: I suggest changing Mike's line to read "Hey, at least we got 'em to agree on something!"


That's it from me for now! One other thing -- has the Triceraton "Battle Asteroid" ship been designed yet?

-- Pete

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