Saturday, January 26, 2013

Blast from the Past #608: April 1, 2003: Re: Shredder Clones Color and Re: TMNT - Final draft 028 ("Turtles in Space, Part 2: The Trouble with Triceratons"), and April 3, 2003: Re: TMNT - Final draft 028 and Re: TMNT ep 032 Outline

Subj: Re: Shredder Clones Color
Date: Tuesday, April 1, 2003 8:31:43 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 4/1/03 8:18:50 PM, Lloyd writes:

 Hey Pete -

Vinnie sent a comment that he didn't like the flesh-colored arms on the
attached Shredder Clone color model.  I wanted your thoughts on this.

Also, I believe we sent you a few new models for season 2.  Lemme know
your take on those as well!




I did see the color Shredder Clone art, and I liked it -- I actually thought "the creepier the better!"

As for the three pieces of art I got faxed -- alien sewer tunnel, crab-like creature, and sewer sweeping machine -- the only thing question I have is about the size of the sewer sweeping machine and how large it is in relation to the sewer tunnel... if the method of locomotion for this thing is a kind of inchworm effect -- which seems to be the case from the artwork, it would seem to have to be significantly smaller in diameter than the sewer tunnel (otherwise it could not raise its back very high to "inch" along). If so, that would seem to run counter to the idea that it takes up so much space in the tunnel that the Turtles and the Fugitoid are trapped by it and can't get by it.
I would suggest perhaps a different mode of locomotion -- perhaps rows of little caterpillar-type feet.

-- Peter


Subj: Re: TMNT - Final draft 028 3-31-03
Date: Tuesday, April 1, 2003 8:50:35 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Not sure if this went through, so I'm sending it again...


The final of episode 27 looks fine to me.

I'm still disappointed in the denouement of the Turtles in aircar vs. Triceratons in Flying Rigs scene. I have read it over and over and it dawned on me a moment ago that there seems to be -- for some reason I don't quite understand -- the idea that we need to have the Turtles defeat ALL three Triceratons in this skirmish. I don't see why that's necessary -- why can't they take out two and then the third one disables their aircar, and when it looks like the Turtles are definitely going to crash, that remaining Triceraton could just fly away to join his comrades?

I've extracted the part of the script in question, and here's how I would suggest changing it:


ANGLE ON - THE REMAINING TRICERATON comes swooping down in a long ARC …

CLOSE - on the Air Car’s remaining engine, shaking and rattling in  engine mounts loosened from previous Triceraton blasts, belching smoke and FIRE …

CLOSE - on the remaining Triceraton, looking down and cracking an evil grin, <CHUCKLING>.

I've had just about enough of these green punks -- now I'm going to take them out in style!

ANGLE ON - the Triceraton as he continues his sweeping arc on a vector which will take him up UNDER the Turtles' aircar.

ANGLE - on sky as Mikey suddenly zooms out of the clouds on his sidecar -- out of control -- and desperately jumps out of the sidecar back onto the Air Car. 

CLOSE - on Mikey <LANDING HARD> in the back seat.

I’m saved!  I’m saved!

ANGLE ON - the Triceraton, muscular arm raised, as he zooms up under the aircar and GRABS the aircar's engine, and RIPS a large hunk of it loose, bits and pieces of metal popping off, fuel spraying from torn fuel lines.

** ANGLE - on shuddering Air Car – Donatello struggles with the controls.

Complete engine failure!  We’re going down!

HIGH ANGLE – of Michelangelo looking up toward us, and falling away toward the forest below, shouting:  

I’m doomed!  I’m doomed!

ANGLE ON - the Triceraton as he flings the smoking, now-useless engine part away, circles back, and, laughing evilly, watches the Turtles falling to their doom before he ZOOMS off to join the main force of his Triceraton comrades.

ANGLE – on the Turtles, the air <SCREAMING> around them. 


ANGLE - on the ground rushing up to meet them, as they fall out of the sky toward certain pancake-flat extinction! 


How about it? Otherwise, this one looks fine too.

-- Pete


Subj: Re: TMNT - Final draft 028 3-31-03
Date: Thursday, April 3, 2003 8:55:59 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 4/2/03 11:53:45 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hi Pete -

I wanna talk with you about your last note re: episode 28 and whether or
not the Turtles should defeat all 3 Triceratons or not.  While at first
I didn't think it mattered all that much one way or the other, after
goin' in and checking it out, I think it's actually much better that the
Turtles do in fact defeat the Tri's.  It's really the only thing they
get to accomplish in the whole episode, a kind of "mini-victory" for
them.  The rest of the time they're on the run, getting chased or trying
to catch the Fugitiod, that kinda thing.

But I think the more important (actually, more FUN) reason to let them
have their moment of victory is that it makes a comedic contrast to what
happens to them in the next moment (namely their AirCar gives out and
they're about to die), from one extreme to the other.  I think that
works better for us.

Anyway, let's talk around 12:30.  I'll be working from home tomorrow.

Have a nice night!

Lloyd  >>


Not to be disagreeable, but -- I disagree!

I think the Turtles get to do a LOT of cool stuff in this episode -- they acquit themselves quite nicely in the bar against various alien scum and Federat soldiers, they successfully steal an unfamiliar alien aircar and take out two tough, experienced Triceraton commandos IN MID-AIR, and they battle their way into the Triceraton bunker/ship.

And if we have them take out TWO Triceratons instead of THREE, that's still TWO moments of victory to make what you refer to as the "comedic contrast" to their following distress. I just don't see why they have to take out ALL of the Triceratons. I mean, the Turtles don't HAVE to win ALL the time.

Not to mention the fact that as it stands now, we're supposed to believe that Mikey can slam himself and his sidecar into the Triceraton HARD enough to KNOCK that big Triceraton and his combat flying rig out of the sky -- and yet Mike is apparently unscathed and unshaken (and so apparently is the sidecar, this rusty beat up sidecar from a rusty beat up stolen aircar!), and -- la di da, piloting his sidecar as if nothing has happened -- "swoops around, passing his buddies again and jumping out of the sidecar back onto the Air Car." 

I think the scenario from the comics (as reworked in my last email) is tighter, more dramatic AND funnier, unexpected and less cliched, and my suggestion is to stick with it.

By the way, I will be out of town all day tomorrow (Friday) but if you want to call me I should be available via my cell phone, except for a few hours in the afternoon.

-- Pete


Subj: Re: TMNT ep 032 Outline
Date: Thursday, April 3, 2003 11:10:58 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


I think this outline for Episode 32 is good, and the only comment I have -- which I'm sure will be addressed at script time, but I'll mention it anyway -- is that at one point (while watching the Utrom's history on Earth unfold in the virtual reality thing) one of the Turtles is said to be looking over an Utrom's shoulder, while on their spaceship before it crashes to Earth. As this is BEFORE the Utroms create their humanoid exo-suits, I assume that the "shoulder" reference just means the Turtle is standing behind the Utrom.

-- Pete

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