Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Blast from the Past #578: May 22, 2002: Re: 102 Outline, May 24, 2002: Re: Episode 102, and May 27, 2002: Re: Howdy!, Re: The new Lair, and Re: Howdy!




Subj: Re: 102 Outline
Date: Wednesday, May 22, 2002 10:06:48 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 5/22/02 7:09:16 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hi Pete -

Here's the outline for episode 102 (soon to be called 1488-02 - don't ask!).
I haven't read it yet, but I will have notes by tonight, so I'm still
planning to talk with you about it tomorrow around noon.

I haven't distributed it to anyone else yet!

Talk to you soon!

Thanks,

Lloyd

PS - by the way, feel free to call me at home anytime up to 11:30 pm -
honest!

Lloyd,

I just finished reading the outline #102, and feel that while it starts out sort of okay, it kind of falls apart in Act Two. Here are some specific coments:

1.) While trying to visualize the Sewer Sled, I had a hard time imagining what the point of the "appendages that jut out and hug the tunnel walls" would be. Sounds kinda silly. And if this is something that Don has just "cobbled together" since theymoved in to their new lair (which was how long ago -- days? weeks?), it would seem likely that it's not really up to the kind of "sewerbatics" described in the teaser.

2.) Stockman throughout seems much more concerned about harming innocent bystanders than I think he would be. He comes of as kind of a good guy.

3.) Does Raph really have a dream abut Stockman? Or is this just a figure of speech?

4.) Do the Turtles really need to get on the Sewer Sled to follow the mouser? (Are we already overusing this toy?) Do mousers move that fast? (I didn't think they did.)

5.) The whole "Mouser derailing the subway train and Turtles using the Sewer Sled to slow the train down" is, as you predicted, almost enough to make me hurl. 

6.) The Mousers are starting to seem like totally uncontrollable engines of random destruction. Is this realistic? Or would they be programmed to only chew through stuff to acheive a specific goal? How much control does Stockman have over them, and if he doesn't have much control, aren't they essentially useless to him? (Or is the point that this Mouser which Don has put back together is screwed up and not following its original programming? What the heck IS it doing?)

7.) April has a "palmtop tracker" to follow the mousers? For logic's sake, I think it would be a good idea to perhaps show earlier that this is one of the devices Stockman uses to track the Mousers during test runs -- maybe even show April using it in Stockman's lab -- and then have her smuggle it out of the lab when she gets suspicious and does her "tracker program" thing. Also, again -- how fast can these Mousers go? Does April really need to be driving around? Or would it be more interesting  and fun to have her walking, running, skating, scootering, or whatever? That way she could be forced to get a good (and very visual) workout by having to go through alleyways, climbing over walls, running through stores, restaurants, etc.

8.) Why the heck are the Mousers attacking sporting goods equipment??!!

9.) If the mousers are attacking April and the Turtles rescue her, I don't understand how they can think she might have been controlling them. This final battle scene seems kind of forced, and part of that is the set of rationales put forth for why the turtles take April back to the lair. Why not have this battle scene either take place in the swers or at least conclude in the sewers (i.e. it starts above ground when April tracks down the mousers but but then moves underground when the mousers attack April and she has to escape -- she's trapped, cornered until she sees an open manhole, or she runs off down a subway tunnel or whatever) so that we could do the scene from the original comics (issue #2), and thus give the Turtles more of a common-sense reason to take her back to the lair.

10.) I can't remember if we talked about this before -- are the mousers blind, and if so, how do they navigate? Wouldn't it make sense that Stockman would have made them from  the beginning with cameras built in? I ask this because in the end of this outline Don realizes that one of these Mousers has been "upgraded" with a camera. And why do we want Baxter to get a picture of the turtles? Is this important for future story development? Should it be a clear picture?

That's all for now!


--Pete

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Subj: Re: Episode 102
Date: Friday, May 24, 2002 12:28:58 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 5/23/02 11:46:11 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hey Peter-

In working with our writers tonight, I think we’ve come up with a
substantially better bit of business than the subway/sewersled thing!
In brief, broad strokes:

*        The turtles are following the Mouser through the sewers
*        They come to a particularly harrowing “drop” where several major
conduits drain torrents of water into a central chamber thingy (cool
underground “sewery” area).  The Mouser crosses this – the turtles follow.
It’s a looong way down…
*        As our boys continue to follow the Mouser, it demolishes a water
main.  The turtles get swept away by the force of the oncoming water…
towards the previously passed particularly harrowing drop!  End of Act 1!

These are the broad beats; I think we can make this play, I think it can be
kinda unexpected, and I think it’s in keeping with the ”rules” of our game!
Just wanted your thumbs up or down.

We did discuss several other options, but they were along the lines of
trying to rescue people from a train, pulling an emergency brake on a train,
water and electricity threat, etc., but I think this is the best of the
bunch and it can be pretty cool.

Lemme know – Marty Isenberg (our writer) is revising even as I type these
woids!

Lloyd

Lloyd,

In, as you put it, "broad beats", I think that bit works. I would say let's try it, and see how it works.

--Peter

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Subj: Re: Howdy!
Date: Monday, May 27, 2002 1:53:32 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 5/24/02 4:18:41 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hi Pete!

I just sent you (and everyone else, if you check the scary-long distribution
list!) the revised episode 2 Mouser/Stockman outline.  I think it's light
years better than where we were, much closer to the comic book, and a pretty
damn exciting episode.  I also think Baxter can be a really fun villain once
we write his dialogue.  Actually, his smarmy, egomaniacal manner is annoying
me as I type these words!


Anyway, hope you like it, and even more importantly, I hope you have a great
weekend!

Lloyd >>

Lloyd,

My weekend has been kind of crazy and so have not yet had a chance to read the outline. I hope to do so and get comments to you by Monday afternoon/evening. I look forward to reading it!

--Peter

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Subj: Re: The new Lair
Date: Monday, May 27, 2002 1:55:50 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 5/24/02 6:41:50 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Peter -

What if we eventually reveal that the new lair was formerly a "good Utrom"
stronghold back in the day?

Lloyd

(going for the "clean underwear" idea this time!) >>

Lloyd, 

I would categorize that as "cleaner" underwear. I don't know... it just doesn't feel right to me. Maybe it's because as we're now tying the Shredder/Foot and the Utroms in together so tightly, that this extra coincidental connection just seems too much. Plus, I think we miss an opportunity to tell a cool NEW story and introduce some new mystery/menace/whatever.

--Peter

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Subj: Re: Howdy!
Date: Monday, May 27, 2002 2:07:34 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 5/24/02 4:18:41 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hi Pete!

I just sent you (and everyone else, if you check the scary-long distribution
list!) the revised episode 2 Mouser/Stockman outline.  I think it's light
years better than where we were, much closer to the comic book, and a pretty
damn exciting episode.  I also think Baxter can be a really fun villain once
we write his dialogue.  Actually, his smarmy, egomaniacal manner is annoying
me as I type these words!


Anyway, hope you like it, and even more importantly, I hope you have a great
weekend!

Lloyd >>

Lloyd,

I just finished reading the revised outline of Episode 2, and I have no comments, except "Well Done!". I agree that this version is much better. I'm looking forward to seeing the script.

--Peter

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