Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Blast from the Past #532: January 26, 2006: Re: huge mouser alien from show 139 ("Head of State") and January 29, 2006: Subj: Re: Show 142 ("The Day of Awakening") First Draft

Subj: Re:   huge mouser alien from show 139 ("Head of State")
Date: Thursday, January 26, 2006 8:30:33 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Interesting design. I wonder if it might be cool to give it a one-eyed "Cyclops" look to connect it visually to the original Mousers. I'm attaching a "quick and dirty" tweak to show what I mean.

-- Peter

Subj: Re: Show 142 ("The Day of Awakening") First Draft
Date: Sunday, January 29, 2006 8:02:59 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my notes on the Ep. 142 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

Forgive the dramatics, Gentlemen, but subtlety is not an option. This is a matter of intergalactic security."

Isn't "intergalactic" a bit much? I think "galactic" would be more appropriate.

2.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER AND LEO – Leo <POWERS UP> his sword, putting it away once he’s satisfied."

Satisfied with WHAT? Is he checking its batteries? Kind of odd.

3.) Re: the following:

"UP ANGLE on Bishop’s intense face as he <COCKS> a laser rifle.
I’ve spent centuries in preparation of alien invasion. If one has finally come... it will only be over my rotting stinking corpse!"

This is not a big deal, but I've always cringed when we've had characters "cocking" laser rifles or blaster. Could we please have him doing some different type of "getting ready" action, like punching some buttons on the laser rifle (checking/setting power levels), or, if that's too weak, showing a powercell into the rifle (as if it were a magazine on a conventional rifle which might actually need cocking)?
Also, I think the "rotting, stinking corpse" is not only over the top, but doesn't sound like Bishop. And I think it should be "in preparation FOR", not "in preparation OF".

4.) Re: the following:

"Bishop doles out SOLAR RADIATION GRENADES from polished metal case. One to each character. 

Take these. Experimental solar radiation grenades. We built them at Donatello’s suggestion after your last run-in with the Kanabo Drones.
DONATELLO – pleased, turning it over in his hand.
Sweet! If these work as planned, they’ll each release an intense burst of light and radiation resembling the wavelengths produced by the sun."

I don't know if this would work to our benefit, and if it doesn't, it should be ignored, but as I was reading the above, I thought that it might be cool to make these "solar grenades" a two-stage weapon: First, the grenade fires and releases a large blast of solar-type radiation; then, it fragments into hundreds (thousands?) of mini-solar "shrapnel" which are actually kanobo-seeking mini-missles, which lodge in the flesh of the kanobo drones and continue to pump solar radiation into them for a few minutes.
The reason I suggest this is that (a) it might lend a more technical and less magical air to these weapons, and (b) be a nice visual effect.

5.) Re: the following:

Right. The hope is that should we encounter any Kanabo Drones, these grenades will convert them back to normal... maybe even hurt Sh’Okanabo himself. But no promises.
When are there ever..?"

The cynicism of Splinter's line here makes it sound less like a Splinter line and more like something Raphael would say.

6.) Re: the following:

"ON THE AGENTS – Firing NON-LETHAL <LASERS> at the Drones. Bishop barks out orders from behind them--
Non-lethal ordnance! Try to herd them into a group..!
THE KANABOS – Dodge the blasts, retreating back INTO THE TUNNEL! When they are hit, they just shake it off. Everyone follows--"

It occurred to me while reading this that the lasers -- being weapons which fire LIGHT beams -- might possibly be configured/tuned to emit blasts which mimic solar radiation, like the solar grenades. Thus, their effect could be to help start (or enhance) the transformation of the kanobo drones back into their original human (or alien) forms.

7.) Re: the following:

Greetings, meatbags. Drones, disarm them…
The Kanabos <SNARL> as they remove THE TURTLES weapons and grenades, snatching them roughly away."

Maybe it's just me, but this bit with the drones disarming the Turtles seems very facile. Could/would they be disarmed this easily?

8.) Re: the following:

Well? Till think “The President” can handle it?
REVEAL – SERLING, who stands, heroic.
There are times, Master Cody, that insubordination is not only required…but is to be applauded."

Given that we have already shown, earlier in this episode (and in others, for that matter) that Serling is loathe to have Cody expose himself to danger, I would suggest that his line above be altered as follows:

Though it pains me to admit it, Master Cody, there are times that insubordination is not only required…but is to be applauded."

9.) This suggestion may be completely stupid, but I'll throw it out anyway. There may also be no place to use it in this script, but what the heck: What if, when the Turtles and Bishop are in the shuttle heading to the moon, one of the Turtles notices a locked compartment on the shuttle -- maybe there are odd noises coming from it, growling, etc. -- and asks Bishop about it. And Bishop responds curtly and grimly "That's... backup. Which I hope we won't need."
And at the right critical moment, the "backup" is released (maybe via a hidden control on Bishop's suit) -- it's a bunch of Baxter Stockman's monstrous organic mousers (from a few episodes ago)! Imagine them battling it out with Kanobo Drones!

10.) Re: the following:

Annoying human child. That trash heap will be your coffin!"

As Viral is (or at least seems to be) referring to Serling with the "trash heap" bit, perhaps a more appropriate phrase would be "trash CAN".

11.) Re: the following:

"TURTLE X/SERLING LANDS between Cody and Viral.
Have at thee, harlot!"

"Have at thee, harlot"? WTF??!!! Why is Serling suddenly spouting pseudo-Shakespearianisms and calling Viral a whore? VERY weird.

12.) Re: the following:

SH’OKANABO – yells out, pointing to another exit—
AT THE WINDOWS - SUNLIGHT CUTS into the chamber through the SLASHES!
ANGLE – The KANABOS bathed in light <ROAR> IN PAIN!"

I'm not sure exactly where or when this would be appropriate, but it might be cool if at some point one of our heroes points out that sunlight on the moon would likely have an even greater effect on the Kanobo drones that sunlight on Earth, as -- unlike Earth -- the moon has no atmosphere to filter/refract/weaken the power of the sun's rays.

13.) Re: the following:

Not this time, Viral! UPLOADING FIREWALLS!
Cody <SLAMS> his fist onto the Consile, “uploading” his program-
ON A HOLO MONITOR – We see VIRAL’S FACE screaming as CODY’S PROGRAM swirls around her, forcing her to SHRINK…
No—You can’t—I—Where is the exit? I—I can’t get out of the mainframe! MASTER! HELP ME! I—ERROR! ERROR!"

A minor point, but I still like my idea that Cody has written a "decompiler" program which he somehow gets Viral to absorb (maybe it's "piggybacked" on the firewall which he knows Viral will go after -- and in so doing, Viral catches a virus!)... and that program proceeds to "decompile" Viral's code (essentially "un-writing" her), turning Viral into harmless bits and bytes.

-- Pete

1 comment:

  1. The only problem I have with viral is that she is so blasted in destructible. Which is probably how the Shredder War would have happened, as Glimpsed in Tempis Fugit. The De-compiler didn't work well on Cyber Shredder either, and he somehow came back just like Viral always did.

    Shame the Shredder War never happened..