Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Blast from the Past #531: January 25, 2006: Re: 143 2nd draft, Re: TMNT Revised Final 139 and Final 140, and Re: Stuff

Subj: Re: 143 2nd draft
Date: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 9:44:40 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my notes on the improved Ep. 143 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

"Zixx Sense"

Minor point -- I guess "Zixx Sense" is supposed to be a parody of "Sixth Sense"... but it so, shouldn't it be "Zixxth Sense"?

2.) Re: the following:

"Zixx slaps his hands together, he’s gotten a brilliant idea.  
*A Matter Transmitter!  
*Like the Utrom Transmat?
No, its range is too limited.  But I’ve got this new experimental Transmat that might be able to zap the whole mess to an empty sector. Voila!  No harm done.  "

Thank you for taking my suggestion to heart, but I think that saying the Utroms' transmat's "range is too limited" is kind of silly -- after all, they were able to beam back and forth between their planet and Earth. I would prefer that we change this to something like my last suggestion, which was as follows:

"Simple! (The Utroms') transmat doesn't work on "dark matter". That's why we need... the "experimental DARK matter transmitter"!"

3.) Re: the following:

C’mon!  We’re outta here! "

This is more of a Raph or Mike line, as spoken.

-- Pete


Subj: Re: TMNT Revised Final 139 and Final 140
Date: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 9:45:26 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


I have no further comments about Ep. 139 -- it's fine as is.

I stand by my last comments about Ep. 140, as follows:

"1.) Though the second half has improved considerably, I am very disappointed that the first half has changed very little and remains as weak and silly as it was in previous drafts. Much valuable time is wasted on irrelevancies and lame slapstick (i.e. we already know the Dark Turtles are gross and evil; the Darius stuff is superfluous; we already know the Turtles are a "happy family" -- why rehash the obvious?; and the "turtle tag" in the living room is infantile) when it could instead be used to better effect in trying to "sell" the idea that Dark Leo could actually be wanting to go move away from the "dark side" -- and that the Turtles are coming to believe him.
But I'm not going to pursue the matter."

-- Pete

Subj: Re: Stuff
Date: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 9:50:51 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 1/24/06 6:57:43 PM, Lloyd writes:

Howdy Pete -

Two quick things:

- In TMNT 140, we reworked a few things up front in the hopes you would
find 'em less unpalatable.  Take a look and  let me know if you like
this any better or not (because if you don't like it much better, we'll
revert to the previous version which is already under way in production.>>


The elimination of the silly "ninja parlor tag" is appreciated, and I like the bits that have replaced it.
That being said, I still think this one could have been so much better. But as I also said in my last notes, I'm not going to push it any more.

<<- After a long, painful search (you have no idea!) we have finally found
a better, younger voice for Cody (you may recall that you weren't all
that happy with our final pick).  As soon as you get it, give it a
listen and let me know what you think.  I much prefer this new actor and
we can get him started as soon as you give the thumbs up.>>

Thanks for making that effort! As you probably already saw in my email response, I agree that this one is better, and thus approved from my point of view.

-- Pete

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