Blast from the Past #407: May 31, 2004 Re: TMNT Ep. 79 ("Cousin Sid") Outline and TMNT Ep. 80 ("The People's Choice") Outline

Subj: Re: TMNT - 79 Outline
Date: Monday, May 31, 2004 3:06:01 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 79 ("Cousin Sid") outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"April heads downstairs to see who it is.  As she comes down, there a <knock> on the door.  Without a thought in his head, Casey opens it… 
revealing SID.  "

I think "without a thought" is too stupid even for Casey, who, at the very least, should be aware that keeping people out of the farmhouse when the Turtles and Splinter are in there and not at the top of their game is a high priority. I think it would work better if he does a quick look around to see that nobody is in plain sight of the front door, and then says something like "Whoever it is, I'll get rid of 'em pronto."


2.) Re: the following:

"Casey:  “April… this is my gamblin’, thievin’, lousy, good-for-
nothin’ cousin Sid.  He’s the black sheep of the family.”


April:  “Wow… In a family that has a lot of black sheep to begin 
with.”"

I'm not sure why April would say that, given that she only knows Casey and his Mom. I think it's a bit extreme, and really isn't necessary.


3.) Re: the following:

"Spuds, the leader of the Holyoke Branch of the Purple Dragons, gives a sinister smile as they head for the front porch.  Camera booms up to find the Turtles and Splinter watching from the porch roof."

I think we need to be careful and perhaps a bit more logical in how we are playing the whole bit with the Turtles' and Splinter's injuries, which when they first get to the house are portrayed as terribly debilitating, to the point where several of them can barely walk... but now they're all out of the ROOF?!


4.) Re: the following:

"Mikey asks if anyone has a plan – Ninja stealth with two broken legs isn’t going to cut it.  (“Speak for yourself!” Raph shouts.  He’s ready to fight, he says - still lying on his back in bed.)"

A few paragraphs back, they were all on the roof. What's going on?


5.) Re: the following:

" At just the right moment,
Michelangelo drops down from the hayloft above and knocks the
Federation blaster out of the Dragon’s hands, but the landing proves too hard on broken legs in casts and Michelangelo teeters
going down hard on his back.  “Okay, I should have remembered
you need legs for landings …” "

Jumping down from a hayloft with TWO BROKEN LEGS???!!! This is a good example of how ludicrous this is getting and why we need to be more logical about the level of the Turtles' injuries and what they are able to do with them. 


6.) Re: the following:

"The third Dragon is looking around near the stables.  He starts sniffing… ‘Man… smells like burnt hair in here!’  Suddenly, Master Splinter’s stick appears above him and smacks the Dragon on the back of his head, knocking him out.  Splinter appears from out of the stable doors.


Splinter:  “I do NOT smell!”"

Goofy Splinter line -- I mean, he DOES smell. Why have him say anything here?


7.) Not to sound like a broken record, but I really think we need to either (a) give the Turtles a little time to heal (the arrival of Sid and the Purple Dragons doesn't HAVE to happen the same day that the Turtles arrive at the farmhouse, right?) so that their injuries aren't so fresh and debilitating and/or (b) think out VERY carefully how the Turtles can function and fight off the Purple Dragons with those debilitating injuries. Right now, it's really not working for me, at least in terms of making sense.


-- Pete


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Subj: Re: TMNT - 80 ("The People's Choice") Outline
Date: Monday, May 31, 2004 3:47:30 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 80 outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"The turtles come across an abandoned saw mill on a lake and decide to do a little exploring. "

I can't recall exactly how it looked in Mike Dooney's original story, but I wonder if it would be appropriate and visually cool if this "abandoned sawmill" was actually on a stream-fed pond which has a dam at one end, where the sawmill used to employ a waterwheel to provide power. That would give us a waterwheel, a dam, and perhaps a waterfall to play with.


2.) Re: the following:

"The turtles lift the unconscious alien girl out of the wreckage.  Raph comments that she’s a lot heavier than she looks but Donatello still thinks she’s kind of, uh… cool looking.  They place her on Don’s unfurled bedroll.  She doesn’t appear to be seriously injured.  Donatello covers her with his blanket."

I think it would be fun if Don's estimation of the alien girl's lack of serious injury is tempered by him also saying something to imply that that would be his analysis if she were human. As she is an alien, it could be a wild ass guess.


3.) Re: the following:

"Moriah berates her crew of motley monstrous aliens (“freaked out Herculoids”) for screwing up a simple ambush.  She particularly doesn’t like it when her general (lizard-bird man), Krang, points out that she was the one who fired on Jhanna’s transport before they were in range. "

Uh-oh! Name alert! I really don't think we want to be naming any characters KRANG.


4.) Re: the following:

"Krang:  “Greetings, Earthlings, we mean you know harm.”"

I was trying to puzzle out this line, when I suddenly realized its mysterious nature is just due to a misspelling ("know" instead of "no").


5.) Re: the following:

"At the lake, the turtles discuss Jhanna and how they might help her. Donatello thinks she’s amazing… Mikey and Raph make fun of Don.  


Mikey:  “She’s so dreamy.”  
Raph:  “Oh, I’m fainting.  Catch me.”  
Don:  “Cut it out, you guys.”"

Urr... my "cheese alert" is going off.


6.) The Casey/April stuff is fine up until the "we should get hitched" bit. It's not appropriate, and it's not cute, and it's not funny. The resulting tiff between Casey and April is REALLY dopey and sophomoric... and THROWING PLATES? What is this -- "Dagwood and Blondie"?
I really don't think we need yet another "Casey tries to express his feelings to April/April misinterprets Casey's fumbling attempts/fight ensues" thing. I'm not saying this is the best route, but here is an alternative suggestion: What if April also goes to Splinter for  help, much as Casey does? And what if he gives her the same advice he gave Casey, and they BOTH end up bringing -- or trying to bring -- the other breakfast in bed. Or maybe he gives her some other advice which ends up comedically conflicting with his advice to Casey (not sure what that would be right now). But I think instead of resorting to this TRULY tired fight scenario, it would be better if they come to realize through each other's actions how they feel about each other.
Again, I'm not sure exactly how it would work out, but I think something along the lines of that old story (by O. Henry, I think) "The Gift of the Magi" might be cool. Remember that story?

7.) Re: the following:

"All the monsters are wiped out.  But, Jhanna and the turtles appear to be down for the count.  Moriah relishes her victory, laughing.  "

I don't get this "down for the count" thing. Didn't the Turtles just kick all of Moriah's monsters' collective alien asses? How can they then be "down for the count"?


8.) Re: the following:

"The turtles approve of this honorable combat and wonder who will be victorious.  Donatello is rooting for Jhanna, of course."

And the other Turtles AREN'T?


-- Pete