Thursday, September 15, 2011
Blast from the Past #406: May 25, 2004 Re: Ep. 78 ("Exodus: Part Two") "final" draft, and May 28, 2004 Re: Premise 81 ("Sons of the Silent Age")
Subj: Ep. 78 "final" draft
Date: Tuesday, May 25, 2004 11:50:44 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Here are a few comments on the Ep. 78 "final" draft.
1.) Re: the following:
"**THE TURTLES AND SPLINTER all join hands (Mikey, Raph and Splinter barely able to move where they’re lying on the floor)."
This sounds almost unbearably sappy. I understand the impulse to somehow show them coming together at this final moment, but this? Unnecessary and silly.
2.) I am still not loving the use of the Utrom "stasis field" effect to "freeze time" so that we can indulge in a silly, cliched "Matrix"-y effect. It's a powerful technology that we have not previously demonstrated that the Utroms possess, and it's really unnecessary -- why not just have the Utroms beam the Turtles et al out just before the explosion, or if you want to keep a little bit of tension, show the explosion, then a moment later show the Turtles materializing in the Utrom ship, with a quick line or two from Mortu to explain what just happened.
Also, not only is this "time freeze" thing not necessary, it also make NO sense given the description of events, as follows:
"EXT. SHREDDER’S SHIP – SPACE - SAME TIME
The ship DETONATES in a MASSIVE, BLINDING FLASH that FILLS SCREEN, as we --
END ACT THREE
EXT. SPACE – NEAR EARTH – RESUME
WIDE on the SHIP as it STARTS TO EXPLODE... and then... the explosion freezes like a still picture – the sound silenced."
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but -- the Turtles used the power core to destroy the ship, right? That's CORE as in "center", right? So if the ship blows up FROM THE INSIDE OUT, and we see -- as described -- the ship detonating in a "MASSIVE, BLINDING FLASH that FILLS SCREEN", how can we then say that the Turtles and everyone else is still alive inside the ship? If its EXTERIOR is blowing up, then it stands to reason that its INTERIOR preceded it... and that's where all the characters are.
3.) Re: the following:
"*** JUDGE #1 (O.C. CONT’D)
Ch’rell, you are hereby sentenced to eternal exile on the ice asteroid Morgal’Tall!
You will never finish me! I am invincible. I … I … nooo …
***EXT. ICE ASTEROID
***SHREDDER/UTROM is transmatted onto the ice asteroid … he is in chains that affix him to the asteroid’s surface. Ice blows through FRAME.
JUDGE #1 (VO)
May your actions haunt you forever.
Nooooooooo!!! Nooooooooooo … !!!!
But, his scream is suddenly cut short as he <FREEZES> solid!"
Maybe I have a different understanding or definition or "exile", but -- as I pointed out before -- this REALLY reads like "execution" rather than exile. And if the Utroms are going to execute him, why bother with this rigmarole? Why not just use the transmat to disperse his atoms?
I think the Utroms probably have some rule against capital punishment, which is why they exile even a mass murderer such as the Shredder. With that in mind, I think it would be much more interesting to leave the Shredder WITHOUT his armor/exoskeleton (think about it -- WHY would the Utroms leave him this weapon?) and with minimal supplies on this freezing planetoid, alone and without hope, left to scrape out a miserable existence in his final days, always on the run from whatever predators are there, always trying to stay warm enough to not freeze to death.
Subj: Re: Premise 81
Date: Friday, May 28, 2004 11:10:41 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Here are my comments on EP. 81 premise based on the comic story "Sons of the Silent Age".
1.) Re: the following:
"The raft continues on its way down river and veers off towards a reservoir."
Do we mean some kind of lagoon or oxbow or something? "Reservoir" seems strange to me -- I don't recall ever seeing or hearing of a reservoir fed by a river of this kind.
2.) A few things that aren't in this story and were not in the original, as far as I can recall -- but which might be fun to play with -- relate to what each character is getting out of this rafting trip, or what they are doing while floating down the river. I thought it might be cool if Don was making scientific observations, maybe testing the water as they go down the river for various substances (pollution, radiation, etc.), taking depth readings, etc.. Leo could be moodily sitting on the back of the raft, trailing his feet in the water as he whittles something out of wood (NOT with a katana, but with some small knife -- maybe Casey's pocketknife), the chips falling in the river and floating away. Mike could be doing something goofy, talking like a pirate or something, maybe he's got a kind of sailor's hat that he found in the farmhouse or made out of folded newspapers or old comics (although that might be considered sacrilege by Mikey... unless they were BAD comics). Raph could be trying to fish (maybe he's borrowed Don's bo and attached a line with a hook on it), but Mikey's goofing around is distracting him and scaring away the fish, so Raph pushes him overboard. Mike clambers back on board, as his paper hat goes floating off into oblivion (maybe it's snatched underwater by merman hands if we need another moment like that).
Just some little character bits to add some fun detail and flesh out the crew.
3.) I'm not sure that we want "thousands" of eggs -- I think it might work better if we reduce that number to "hundreds" or maybe even "scores" of eggs, just to keep some of that "on the edge of extinction" feeling that was in the original story. Also, should they be like frog eggs or like turtle eggs?
4.) If at all possible, I would LOVE to work in that brief but telling moment from the original comic when April muses about the mermen being the last of their kind if they can't reproduce, then realizes with shock that what she is saying also applies to her beloved Turtles. I think that is a great moment, especially when one of the Turtles turns to look at her. I still get chills when I read that bit. It could possibly be used here in the section after Casey revives April and they watch the mermen carrying the body of the merwoman into the river.