From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Here are my comments on Ep. 68 first draft script.
1.) Re: the following:
"We PAN TO SEE the OPPOSITE DIRECTION where MARS, JUPITER, SATURN, URANUS, NEPTUNE, and PLUTO also move into alignment … then behind it, we see a huge SUPER NOVA in an almost BLINDING FLASH …
2. HIGH MAGE (ENTITY)(VO CONT’D)
… in conjunction with the super nova of a gas giant at the edge of the Milky Way."
What is up with this "super nova" thing? How in HECK is a supernova "at the edge of the Milky Way" supposed to have ANY effect on Earth? Goofy. Let's try not to get TOO silly. It's enough that we are stretching reality to accommodate the idea that the planetary alignment is going to cause significant changes on Earth -- we don't need a flare from a GIGANTICALLY distant supernova lighting up our planets and activating the crystals.
2.) Re: the following:
"9. DONATELLO (CONT)
Hey, what happened to Earth?
ANGLE ON MICHELANGELO – stuffing a DONUT in his mouth next to RAPHAEL, LEONARDO.
(innocently, mouth full)
I think I just ate it."
I appreciate the fact that my doughnut gag idea is being used, but I think it would be even funnier if the gag is nearly purely visual, i.e. after Don says "Hey, what happened to Earth", the next shot is Mikey either stuffing the donut in his mouth or chewing with some crumbs around his mouth... and then he just gives an innocent/clueless look and maybe just says "What...?"
3.) Re: the following:
But, why is this having such an affect upon the Earth?
It shouldn’t be. It happens all the time."
First, I think that should be "effect", not "affect". And second, I'm a little confused -- the way Leo asks the question and the way Don answers it implies that there HAVE been effects... but the following scene implies that the effects start AFTER they have that little exchange. Perhaps it should be changed as follows:
But does this have any affect upon the Earth?
Actually, after I just wrote that, I decided that I should do a little research into planetary alignments, and discovered that apparently the planets NEVER line up in the way it's described in this script (see this site: http://www.griffithobs.org/SkyAlignments.html), i.e. all in one straight line.
4.) Re: the following:
"The Turtles walk cautiously, keeping to the shadows as they pass a DOOR which startlingly opens – a Y’LYNTIAN emerging."
What does a doorway look like when it opens "startlingly"?
5.) Re: the following:
Yeah, I’m not into catching what the lava boys are pitching! "
Is this some bizarre gay reference?
6.) Re: the following:
"A CRYSTAL TORCH is mounted against the wall beyond the bars. Suddenly Mikey’s nunchaku are FLUNG at it, one handle tied to a rope made of blue, purple, orange, and red ninja belts."
Colored "ninja belts"? Is this meant to refer to their masks? Their belts are all brown.
7.) Re: the following:
"ANGLE THROUGH THE BARS – as Raphael reels in the belts, pulling the torch to himself.
Got it! Now stand back!
NEW ANGLE ON THE TURTLES as Raphael, now with the torch in hand, swings it mightily at the bars, the crystal SLASHING through them in a spray of sparks."
What the -- ?! Since when did the crystals have this metal cutting nature? And how would Raph KNOW they did?
8.) I'm not sure I'm loving this thing of Y'Lyntias rising causing the sea level to rise to the point where NYC is "completely flooded". That seems WAY beyond logic to me, as to have that effect the landmass would have to be HUGE. Not to mention the fact that if the city is "completely flooded", what happens to the Turtles' lair, April's shop, etc.?
9.) Two questions -- what happened to the Turtle Tunneler, and did everyone in Y'Lyntias (besides Versalia) perish when it sank beneath the lava at the end?