Subj: Re: Que pasa?
Date: Tuesday, April 22, 2003 11:05:50 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
In a message dated 4/22/03 6:59:48 PM, Lloyd writes:
Hi Pete -
Just a quick note to bug ya for notes - I believe we've sent out profiles
for 29 and 30, final draft script of 30, scripts for 31 and 32, and outline
Send me some notes! ;D
PS - I left you a message about needing the cover of TMNT 1 for a video we
have to do for the UK TMNT Summit, but Gary has taken care of it, so
I can't seem to find a copy of a final draft of episode 30 -- all I have is the first draft.
The profiles for 29 and 30 are fine by me.
I'm a little confused about the script for 32 -- it says "second draft", but I don't recall seeing a first draft. I have yet to read that one, but will tonight or tomorrow.
Here are some comments on the outline for Episode 34 ("Secret Origins" part III):
1.) In the recap of previous episodes in the preview, there is a scene described in which the Turtles fight the Shredder (in the virtual reality environment) with the Sword of Tengu. I don't think that happens, at least not in the material I've gotten so far.
2.) In one fight scene in the TCRI building, Mortu attacks the Shredder with a "full on series of kicks (while in one long leap)". I assume this means in that same hideous "wire fu" effect that we saw in a previous episode when Leo kicks Hun off the roof... that effect I can't stand. Must we do this? Why not think of some cool REALISTIC way Mortu can deliver multiple kicks (if multiple kicks are really necessary) to Shredder's abdomen, done without repealing the laws of gravity and momentum?
3.) I think we should make sure that all that ooze that the Turtles get mixed up with is NOT the color of the ooze that mutated them.
4.) When April gets the call from Leo, her "I can't believe it, this is so awesome!" line is weird -- it sounds more like something she would say when given a cool gift, not something she would say when she unexpectedly hears from someone close to her that she feared was lost forever.
5.) The inclusion of Leatherhead is very cool, though at least for our benefit -- even if it doesn't have anything to do with what happens in this episode -- we should know what he's doing and why he's there.
6.) Saki's line "As long as the Shredder lives, you will not leave this place alive!" seems off -- I would change it to something like "As long as I live, you will not leave this place alive!"
7.) The Turtles are in shock when it is revealed that Shredder is an Utrom, and then "Utrom Shredder reveals he is the criminal genius who crashed the Utrom ship to Earth nearly a millennium ago." IF this happens, it needs to be done in a way which seems natural -- why WOULD the Shredder say this at this particular point? Does it make any sense for him to do so? Maybe we don't need to have him say anything -- is it obvious enough from all of our setup? Or maybe we should have one of the Turtles (Don?) make the connection and start to say it ("You -- you must be the one --!") and then the Shredder finishes it for him.
8.) I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of the "leaping superfast blob" Utrom Shredder... while the Utroms can move around well with their little tentacles, the idea that the Shredder can do what's described here ("It uses its surroundings against the turtles. It’s hard to catch. It attacks from under equipment … falls from above unexpectedly … seems to come out of nowhere …") seems a bit much. I suggest perhaps that the Shredder has -- built into his Shredder armor -- an ambulatory back-up/escape platform, perhaps a cross between one of the Utrom flying pods and Stockman's spider-bot body, and he uses this in his final, desperate battle with the Turtles.
9.) April's line "That’s a laugh. I’d never be caught dead as a reporter. Too ludicrous." is something that ordinarily I would say is okay, but in the script for the second issue of the new Dreamwave TMNT comic (which, as you know, is based on the show) the writer, Peter David, does a flashback to April as a little girl, and he has her "playing reporter" and saying that when she grows up she wants to be one (which, obviously, she does not do). I'm wondering if we should establish some synchronicity with the Dreamwave comic and, instead of April saying the line as written, she instead says something like "Nah... when I was a kid I thought it would be cool, but I could never get past all the makeup you have to wear to be on TV!"
Subj: Final drafts of Episodes 30 and 31, and comments on 2nd draft of episode 32
Date: Wednesday, April 23, 2003 11:33:12 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Re: Final drafts of Episodes 30 and 31, and comments on second draft of episode 32
I read the finals of 30 and 31, and they are very cool -- no problems!
I only have a few comments on 32:
1.) I think we need to work some more on the design for the Utrom version of Saki. While the scar over the eye is possibly a good look, I think we should consider some other, more creepy/radical looks (a third eye, extra-long teeth, deformed tentacles, etc.), things that would REALLY separate Saki from the other Utroms. I'll try to do some sketches.
2.) When the Turtles are observing the Utrom ship nearing Earth in the VR history replay, should we indicate in any way WHY the Utroms happen to be so close to Earth? Is it important?