Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Blast from the Past #615: May 26, 2003: comments on Ep. 29/"The Big House" storyboards, comments on "Sword of Tengu" profile for show 33, comments on Ep.38/"Return to the Underground" outline, and comments on Ep. 35/"Reflections" first draft script

Subj: comments on Ep. 29/"The Big House" storyboards
Date: Monday, May 26, 2003 10:08:50 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my comments on Ep. 29/"The Big House" storyboards.

First off, I didn't get them all -- the package I got was missing pages 226-284.

1.) Pg. 10: I don't have the model sheets in front of me, so I could be wrong, but I don't remember Commander Mozar as having an eyepatch.

2.) P. 15: Why does the Bunker Ship which contains the Turtles "fly into airlock"? I thought it would be cooler/better if instead it docked at one of the docking jetties (that IS what they are there for). If it's necessary to show that Bunker Ship inside some kind of hangar so that un-spaceuited characters can be walking around outside it, maybe the docking jetty can telescope inward (much like one does outward later on), drawing the Bunker Ship inside the asteroid. It's not a big deal -- I just thought the flying into the airlock was just kind of visually boring.

3.) Pp. 161-162: The large, clunky-looking gears/cogs/bolts the Fugitoid is working with seem really silly. I suggest something much more technologically visually advanced.

4.) P. 182: The Triceraton guard grabs Raph "by the collar". What collar? This collar thing is also how Don gets grabbed on page 188 and Mike on page 320.

5.) Pg. 211: "Don... reaches inside his collar." "Good thing we come with our own storage units." This is very weird/silly. WHERE exactly is Don supposed to be hiding the wax? What is he referring to as his "own storage units"? I certainly hope that he's not supposed to be hiding it inside his shell.

I just checked what I have in my files as the final draft of the script and this bit is in it, which surprises me -- I would think that I would have caught something like that. Maybe it slipped by me and only became really clearly silly when drawn out in storyboard fashion. In any event, it doesn't even make any sense that Don hides it inside his shell (and not only because the Turtles CAN'T and DON'T hide anything inside their shells), because he originally smuggled it out of the lunchroom under his BELT... and the Triceraton guards don't search there when they "toss the cells" looking for contraband in the scene immediately preceding this one.

6.) Pp. 370-372: This is another thing which was in the script but looks really bad/silly when I see it in the storyboards. The whole thing with Leo jumping up onto the flying security camera requires one to believe two pretty illogical things for the bit to work. First, you have to believe that whoever/whatever is watching the feed from that security camera isn't going to notice the fact that it is wildly weaving around and suddenly pointing at the ceiling. Second, you have to believe that over 100 pounds of mutant Turtle jumping on this security camera would not set off some kind of alarm. It just doesn't fly (no pun intended).

7.) Pg. 391: How is it that Leo is suddenly wearing his scabbards (into which he shoves his plunger "swords")?

8.) Pp. 469-471: Leo is described (and shown) here as using his plungers "to climb the wall". In the script it's described thus:

ON LEONARDO - chased down by two Guards, he runs straight for the wall and <THUNKS> his plungers in.  Using them for leverage, he runs up the side of the wall and <BACKFLIPS> himself up and over the Guards, <BRINGING HIS FEET DOWN HARD> on their backs.   

I took this to mean that he thunks his plungers down ONCE, they stick, and he uses them IN THAT ONE POSITION to help himself run up the wall and do the backflip -- NOT that he uses the plungers to repeatedly stick to the wall as he climbs up it.
Also, on page 460 the third panel is labeled as "Mikey runs from Triceratons", but it's really Leo (at least it's a Turtle with two plungers).

-- Pete


Subj: comments on "Sword of Tengu" profile for show 33
Date: Monday, May 26, 2003 11:04:25 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


I only have one comment about this profile, and it's about the last line where the Shredder gloats that the Sword of Tengu will give him "... the power to bring this pathetic planet completely under my control!" This seems a bit much, too world-conquering/Dr. Doom-like (which I think we agreed early on was NOT what the Shredder was about). How about if he says instead something like "the power to CRUSH my enemies!" He could still crush the image of the Earth if you wanted.

-- Pete


Subj: comments on Ep.38/"Return to the Underground" outline
Date: Monday, May 26, 2003 11:09:38 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my few comments on the Ep.38/"Return to the Underground" outline.

1.) In Act One, when the Turtles and April are working on the Tunneler (and in future scenes of this nature), I would REALLY like it if we could get a little more realistic in the welding/cutting, etc., instead of always showing Don wielding a little propane torch whenever he's working on something as in past episodes. Maybe the storyboard artists should watch a few episodes of "Junkyard Wars" and/or "Monster Garage" to get an idea of what these kinds of tools look like.

2.) Being a "Star Trek" geek, I must suggest changing Leo's line to Raph -- "Wait. Original or Next Generation?" -- to ""Wait. Original, Next Generation, or Deep Space Nine?"

3.) In Act Four, Raph fights Quarry and gets a pair of sais melted by Quarry's acid blast. Raph then whips out a second pair from his pack, which also get melted. Is this necessary? Why is Raph carrying around a duplicate set of weapons?

4.) I'm all for appropriate comedy bits, but the bit with the spring-loaded mechanism in Mike's pack shooting out bags of chips and other junk food is just too silly. Almost as silly is the way Mike defeats Stonebiter using junk food.

-- Pete


Subj: comments on Ep. 35/"Reflections" first draft script
Date: Monday, May 26, 2003 11:48:29 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my (few) comments on Ep. 35/"Reflections" first draft script.

1.) There is again the use of the suspect word "scumbag" in Raph's line 62. I think later on the word "dirtbag" is also used, which I think is just a slightly less raw version of "scumbag".

2.) In April's line 72, I believe "then" should be "than".

3.) I couldn't believe this one! In line 77, Splinter actually tells Mike that "You are an amphibian, not a reptile." What!!!!!!!????? Is the rat getting senile?

4.) Leo would sound more like Leo to me if in line 94, he does not say "Indirectly, Shredder kind of caused our mutation. [beat] Kinda ironic that he had a hand in our creation...", but instead says "Indirectly, Shredder caused our mutation. [beat] Kind of ironic that he had a hand in our creation..."

-- Pete

1 comment:

  1. I didn't notice that! And I've seen the show twice by Youtube. Master Splinter should of say amphibious ( a being capable of living on water and soil) not amphibian.