Subj: Re: Entity
Date: Wednesday, October 23, 2002 2:09:40 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
In a message dated 10/22/02 5:39:51 PM, Lloyd writes:
<< Hi Pete -
Just as I got off the phone with you I was handed a note from Gary with your
drawing of the Foot Mystic, suggesting that this could be a way to go with
the Entity. There was also the suggestion that the Entity be part ghost.
I think the Foot Mystic design would be really cool to use... as a Foot
Mystic! I think the ghost idea is probably not the right direction for this
story.
Please send me your thoughts on this. I kinda told everyone the previous
design was approved (provided we take another stab at the Entity's face) as
per our previous conversation.
Thanks,
Lloyd >>
Lloyd,
I agree -- I would like to keep the Foot Mystic I drew a Foot Mystic (in fact, I think I'm going to use that design as such in the comic book). I think the Entity should not look too weird/non-human, so as to make it more logical that he would want humans (the "de-monstered monsters" he has captured) to repopulate his underground world.
--Pete
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Subj: Re: Revised Kirbyland!
Date: Friday, October 25, 2002 12:45:53 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
In a message dated 10/24/02 6:33:22 PM, Lloyd writes:
<< Hey Peter!
We've faxed you a freshly revised version of "Scene 16 Ext. Fantastic
Landscape w/ Portal," a.k.a. KIRBYWORLD, made greener and more inviting!
If you could, please send your thumbs up (or down) to us as soon as you get
this e-mail. We have other backgrounds to generate, depending on if this
one is to your liking, and if we get your comments tonight, we can start
first thing in the morning.
Please send your comments on this model to JoEllen as well as to me.
I will give you a call at 12:30 tomorrow (M'wah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!).
Lloyd >>
Lloyd,
I got the revision of the KIRBYWORLD, and it looks fine. I was a little disappointed that the "Club Monster" revised drawing still has that goofy forked "Black Bolt" prong in the middle of his forhead (only now, with its middle tine removed, it looks a little less like a stylized cactus). I think if none of my suggested tweaks are appealing to anyone else, we should just take that thing off his head.
The "Leader Warrior" and "Warrior 2" revisions look fine.
--Peter
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Subj: new stuff
Date: Sunday, October 27, 2002 7:57:08 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Lloyd,
Some comments on new stuff:
First, designs:
Exterior Verdant Plain -- Base of Bridge, Exterior Street Floating City: they look fine.
Mobile Creep Trapper: I think I like the variant of the original comic book design better -- I think it's more Kirbyesque.
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First Draft Storyboards, Episode #1488-012: "The Unconvincing Turtle Titan"
1.) Pg. 128, etc.: I'm concerned about Mike looking too human (in basic body shape) when he is shown in his Turtle Titan costume. This seems to be a common problem when people (including, sometimes, me) draw Turtles in full-body costumes -- they forget about that big shell that is under the outfit and which really wouldn't allow for a classic wedge-shaped muscular human superhero torso.
2.) Pg. 337: The bit where Mike gets thrown so hard into a steel I-beam that the beam bends to conform to his shell shape (trapping him momentarily) is WAY over the top. If one of the Turtles got thrown that hard into something so tough, he'd be DEAD.
3.) Pg. 417: Why does Mike suddenly have his Turtle Titan costume on again, when back on pages 367-370 he made a big deal about taking it off?
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TMNT Episode 17 final draft: This is going to be a fun episode! I have only one comment.
1.) Pg. 12: I think instead of using the word "routed" in the line "We will leave as soon as the Foot Ninja are routed from the tunnels surrounding our Lair.", Splinter should say something like "gone". For him to say "routed" implies that he and the Turtles are planning to go down there are kick the Foot out of the tunnels.
--------------------------
Show Profile 17 1st Draft -- fine by me.
That's it for now!
--Peter
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Subj: Re: Models and stuff
Date: Tuesday, October 29, 2002 10:42:30 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
In a message dated 10/29/02 3:46:30 PM, Lloyd writes:
<< Hi Pete -
So here's what's outstanding:
* Please resend your "tweaked" version of the other KirbyWorld
characters asap - apparently no one here could open them and that's why your
revisions got ignored (which is not to say that we won't ignore 'em once we
actually see 'em!)! >>
Consider it done.
<<* Any notes on 18 & 19?>>
Why, yes! Here they are:
TMNT Episode 18 second draft:
1.) Pp. 15-16: The "joke" where Don points to the suit of armor and says to Mike "You talking about him?" (implying that Mike mistook the suit of armor for four Elite ninjas -- ??!!!) is pretty lame, and should be tossed... I don't think it would be missed AT ALL.
2.) Pg. 17: I don't have those issues of the original comic in front of me, but I'm pretty sure that when we introduced them in the comics, we called the Elite ninjas "the Shredder Elite" or "Shredder's Elite Guard", not "Foot Elite", as Splinter calls them here.
3.) Pg. 19: Here's another really lame joke ("DONATELLO: I’m telling you: Don’t axe me again!") which should go, I think. Also, the following bit...
MICHELANGELO
(British accent)
Good sir knight, I challenge thee to a duel!
ANGLE - on the nunchaku whipping out from behind the armor to <repeatedly bonk> the Spear Elite, who responds by <knocking> the armor’s helmet off, leaving Mikey’s face grinning back at him.
MICHELANGELO
(British accent)
I say, dashed poor taste, knocking a chap’s head off!
... pushes the envelope of what would be appropriate "humorous banter" -- even from goofball Mikey -- in such a serious life-and-death situation. Though it's not absolutely necessary, I think we should consider taking it out.
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TMNT Episode 19 first draft "Tales of Leo"
1.) Pp. 7, 12, 13: Two instances of Don saying "gonna" -- I think he would say "going to" instead. "Gonna" is more Raph or Mikey. Also, Don says "hadda" on page 12 -- he should say "had to".
2.) Pg. 8: At the bottom of the page, there's an extra "to" ("... run into to town...").
3.) Pg. 10: Stockman refers to the exoskeleton as an "exoskeleton" -- which it is, I know, but maybe he should say "artifact" to avoid giving too much away (to the audience) too soon.
4.) Pg. 13: I know what the word "hairy" in Leo's line means as slang, but in this context it sounds odd. I'd suggest substituting "dangerous".
5.) Pg. 27: Near the bottom of the page, Leo is "...frozen in feat..." I believe that should be "fear".
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Show 19 profile: No problems as far as I can see.
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TMNT Episode 25 "Aliens Among Us" Part 1 premise: I'm a bit confused here because this premise refers to some stuff which happens in another episode which I have yet to see (Splinter's abduction, the Guardians helping in a fight with the Shredder), so please view my comments with that in mind.
1.) The whole bit with the "fake Shredder" on top of the Shinto Place Building being used by the Turtles as a lure for the Guardian is preposterously silly. Am I missing something? This IS the Shredder's HQ, right? How would the Turtles be able to do this without immediately attracting the attention of the Foot?
2.) Even more ridiculous was the scene where the Turtles barge through the front door (!!!) into the reception area in the T.C.R.I. building and have the silly encounter with the receptionist (I'm still trying to figure out why, working as the receptionist for "a highly successful new technologies company that has been around for the past 25 years" she shouldn't have a telephone) and the taser-wielding Security Guards. The mind boggles...
This is all silly and unnecessary "shtick". The Turtles should use their ninja stealth to enter and explore the T.C.R.I. building, as they did in issue #4 of the original comic.
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<<We're also trying to come up with a revised Hover pod that'll make Playmates
happy, but we haven't hit it yet.>>
I look forward to seeing it!
--Peter
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