Blast from the Past #568: May 5, 2008:Re: TMNT Movie Outline, May 19, 2008: P. Laird comments on TMNT movie part one first draft, P. Laird comments on 168TMNT movie part two first draft, and Re: P. Laird comments on TMNT movie part one first draft

Subj: Re: TMNT Movie Outline
Date: Monday, May 5, 2008 10:49:37 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Matt at 4Kids
cc: Lloyd Goldfine

Well... I'll be honest -- I had my doubts that this could be pulled off. But I have to say that I think you have done it!


I was actually chortling at several places in this story. Good job, everyone!


I do have a few comments to make on it, which I will do today or tomorrow. Nothing major, I think... probably just a few minor tweaks.


In general, I think this special project is going to kick ass and make a lot of fans happy.


Goongala!


-- Peter

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Subj: P. Laird comments on TMNT movie part one first draft
Date: Monday, May 19, 2008 2:43:37 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Matt at 4Kids
cc: Lloyd Goldfine

P. Laird comments on TMNT 167 Movie Part One  05-18-08


1.) Re: the following:

"ANCHROMAN
In the aftermath of the break-in, four bizarre green mutant creatures were sighted."

Why add "mutant" here? Why would the "anchroman" (love that spelling -- sounds like an alien from "Dr. Who"!) know they are mutants? I would think just "bizarre green creatures" or "bizarre turtle-like creatures" would be enough.


2.) Re: the following:

"’88 SHREDDER
Confounded Trans-Dimensional Portal!  I should’ve known!  It must have malfunctioned during the battle with the Turtles!  Zapped me to an entirely different dimension!"

Suggest changing "zapped" to "transported".


3.) Re: the following:

"’03 LEO
Look.  I don’t know who you are or where you came from but we just risked our shells busting you out of there and I think that entitles us to some answers."

Suggest "breaking" instead of "busting".


4.) Re: the following:

"Then quickly and stealthily snatch the ’88 Turtles, SLING them over their shoulders and take off.
EXT. NYC ROOFTOPS – MOMENTS LATER
WIDE – the ’03 guys race across the rooftops with the ’88 Turtles still slung over their shoulders.  Eventually Splinter leads them to the top of a secluded BRIDGE PASSAGEWAY between two skyscrapers (like the Petronas Towers have)."

I'm not too sure about this "slinging" business. As written, it seems like the '03 Turtles just grab the '88 Turtles and carry them off... and even though the 03' Turtles are badasses compared to the '88's, it doesn't seem likely that they could do that -- the '88 Turtles would fight back. Perhaps something could be added here -- like the '03 Turtle use some kind of ninja nets or something to ensnare the '88 Turtles and make it easier for them to carry them off.


5.) Re: the following:

"’03 SPLINTER
Indeed. Then it is clear what we must do.  We will help you defeat the Shredder and find this Technodrome. It is the only way to get you home."

Would it be better if Splinter said "your Shredder" instead of "the Shredder"? Also, the bit about finding the Technodrome because it's the only way to get them home sounds more like a Donatello line. I suggest breaking this set of lines up between '03 Don and Splinter as follows:


"’03 SPLINTER
Indeed. Then it is clear what we must do.  We will help you defeat the Shredder and find this Technodrome.


'03 DON Good idea, Master -- It might be the only way to get them home!"


6.) Re: the following:

"’03 LEO
So, uh, how do you guys normal handle these situations??"

I think that "normal" should be "normally".


7.) Re: the following:

"’88 Leo leads the ’88 Turtles in to charge the ’88 Foot Forces
’88 LEO, MIKEY, RAPH, DON
Cowabunga!
ON ’03 MIKEY – he smiles.  
’03 MIKEY
Works for me!  Cowabunga!
’03 Mikey follows the ’88 gang in. "

It seems like this would be a perfect time for '03 Raph to roll his eyes and groan.


8.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly, there’s a loud <BANG> at the Command Center’s MAIN BLAST SHIELD DOOR.
Both Krang and ’88 Shredder turn to each other with alarm…then over to the door to see…
It’s being DENTED IN from the outside!  Something wants in very, very bad!  
FADE OUT:
END ACT THREE


ACT FOUR


FADE IN:
INT. TECHNODROME – COMMMAND ROOM – CONT’D
RESUME with Shredder and Krang in the Command Room as something POUNDS away on the door.
Then, suddenly, there is POWERFUL EXPLOSION and the Main Blast Shield Door SHATTERS to BITS!
As the SMOKE and DEBRIS clears we reveal the intruder to be…
KARAI?!"

Hmmm... I'm not sure I get this. How is Karai able to batter her way through the Technodrome's Main Blast Shield Door?


9.) Re: the following:

"’88 Shredder charges at Karai, but she quickly DODGES out of the way and TOSSES him down to the ground, firmly PLANTING her foot on his chest.  She turns to Krang.
KARAI
Will you be nuisance, as well?"

I think that should be "be a nuisance".


10.) Re: the following:

"’03 DON
Guess we’re going to have to find another way to track the Technodrome.
’88 DON
Don’t worry.  I’ve got plenty of gear back at the lair.
’88 MIKEY
Lair?!  Gnarly!  I’d love to check out your digs!  Let’s go!"

Should that first line be spoken by '88 Don and the second one spoken by '03 Don?


11.) Re: the following:

"Hun looks up and recognizes the Utrom Shredder, his old boss.
HUN (WEAK)
F-Finish me...
UTROM SHREDDER
Finish you?  No.  You will serve me.  As you once did.  For the Shredder rises again!  And it begins now!  Hahaha!
WIDE – the Gangplank rises and the Technodrome RUMBLES off, passing briefly under a ray of moonlight that SHINES through an overhead ventilation shaft and REVEALS that the vessel is already under construction by legions of Foot Techs!"

A couple of things here are confusing. First, why is Hun so weak after being turned into a mutant from getting doused with the mutagen?


And what is this "vessel" which is "already under construction by legions of Foot Techs"?


-- Peter

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Subj: P. Laird comments on 168TMNT movie part two first draft
Date: Monday, May 19, 2008 2:45:57 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Matt at 4Kids
cc: Lloyd Goldfine

P. Laird comments on 168TMNT movie part 2 first draft


1.) Re: the following:

"ADJUST TO REVEAL: Tech Ninjas <RIPPING> up and walking off with his command chair!  ’88 Shredder watches in dumbfounded shock.  A beat.  He turns back to Krang and smiles sheepishly."

Unless '88 Shredder has taken his metal mask off, how will we know IF he is smiling?


2.) Re: the following:

"MASTER SPLINTER
Enough!  You are all my sons.  More unites, than divides you.  But if you don’t stop this bickering, your enemies will not need to defeat you … because you will have defeated yourselves."

This seems like it would be a good place to have one of the '88 Turtles say something like "Huh... he may not look exactly like our Splinter, but he sure SOUNDS like him!"


3.) Re: the following:

"’88 LEO
Look, the reason we’re not stressed is because we’ve junked the Shredder and his goofy Technodrome plenty ‘o times!  In fact I’ve got plenty ‘o Anti-Technodrome gear back home… for just such an occasion!"

This line is attributed to '88 Leo, but I think it is really meant to be '88 Don's. Also, I think it would work better without the "goofy". 


4.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER 
I don’t recall inviting guests.  
MUTANT HUN
Too bad. Company’s coming.  Courtesy of… <CU:> THE UTROM SHREDDER!"

Splinter's line sound silly. And would Hun say "UTROM Shredder" or "TRUE Shredder"?


5.) Re: the following:

"UP ANGLE: ’88 MASTER SPLINTER! He smiles beatifically.  
’88 MASTER SPLINTER
Welcome home my sons… and my sons."

I think '88 Splinter's reaction is a bit off. Perhaps a small change as follows:


"UP ANGLE: ’88 MASTER SPLINTER! He smiles beatifically.  
’88 MASTER SPLINTER
Welcome home my sons… 
'** MASTER SPLINTER notices the '03 Turtles... he raises a furry eyebrow.
'88 MASTER SPLINTER
...and... my sons...?"


6.) Re: the following:

"He PUNCHES a button!  The Portal activates, projecting a collage of clips and images from all incarnations of TMNT!  Comic books, live action, anime, action figures, the ’88 show, the ’03 show, the CGI movie!  It’s a dazzling, awesome sight to behold!"

And how about the "Coming Out of Their Shells" live rock show Turtles?


-- Peter

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Subj: Re: P. Laird comments on TMNT movie part one first draft
Date: Monday, May 19, 2008 10:16:45 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Matt at 4Kids
cc: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 5/19/08 8:39:55 AM, Matt writes:

Thanks so much for the super quick turnaround, Pete.

Much appreciated,

Matt>>

Matt,


My pleasure -- it was fun to read!


There was one thing I forgot to include in my comments -- and that is how it seemed far too simple for Hun to figure out what the mutagen does and how to use it to make his mutant soldiers. Not that we have to go into it at great length, but right now it just seems like he sees the vial of mutagen, and then next thing you know he's using it to make mutant Purple Dragons.
Perhaps something as simple as having him open the vial (maybe he takes a whiff of it), and in the process possibly spills a drop or two on the ground, where it hits an ant or some other bug and mutates it... and Hun observes this and gets to thinking.


Actually, what could be REALLY wacky and cool might be this scenario: Keeping in mind the way the mutagen in the old series was supposed to work (if you're exposed to it, you mutate into a form with characteristics of the last type of creature you were near... not that this was ever totally consistent episode to episode, but that's another story). What if... just before Hun uncaps the mutagen, he sees a bug on his arm (ant or mosquito?) and he casually flicks it off, onto the ground. It is then THIS bug which gets the mutagen on it, and the bug turns into a weird Hunbug! Not human-sized, but perhaps ten times larger than it was. Hun could then either capture it to examine further or squash it.


  -- Peter

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Subj: Re: TMNT Movie Second Drafts
Date: Monday, May 26, 2008 12:50:20 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Matt at 4Kids
cc: Lloyd Goldfine

I just have a few comments about part 2.


1.) Re: the following:

"*’03 LEO <TO CAM O.S.>
Any ideas what we should do next?
*Boom.  SIX ninja turtle hands ROCKET up into frame! 
‘03 LEO (SUSPICIOUS)
Other than going out for a slice.
Aaaaaand - four turtle hands go back down.  
*PULL OUT TO REVEAL: six ninja turtles sitting on the floor before Leo.  ’03 RAPH and MIKEY on one side; ’88 LEO, MIKEY, RAPH and DONNY on the other. The ’03 side still have their hands up; ’03 Raph stands slightly apart from group, leaning against a wall, looking annoyed and grumpy face. "

This is a little confusing. Why do "SIX ninja turtle hands" get raised? I like the gag of the '88 Turtles all wanting to go out for pizza when '03 Leo asks for ideas, but why are two of the '03 Turtles raising their hands? And then why do they still have their hands up after the '88 Turtles lower theirs? Am I missing something?


2.) Re: the following:

"ON SPLINTER – rising to feet – defiant!
*’03 SPLINER
You will never find my sons, Shredder!"

Minor point, but would Splinter's line work better if he said "Oroku Saki" instead of "Shredder"?


And while I'm on the subject... when I think back to the old '88 show, I keep hearing in my mind Krang's whiny/burpy voice calling for "Saki" (typically spoken in a drawn-out fashion like this -- "Saaaakiii") when he addressed the '88 Shredder. I think we should have him do that at least once in this project.


3.) Re: Hun's mutation -- I believe we discussed Hun being mutated into something which has some Turtle-esque qualities, yes? If so, it's not clear (at least to me) from the script that this is so.


And if he is indeed some kind of turtle-esque mutant, I wonder if it might be fun to give him some of the look of either Slash (the mutant turtle from Dimension X from the '88 show) or Tokka (the mutant snapping turtle from the second live-action movie)... while still keeping enough of Hun in there to be recognizable. (Should be an interesting design task!)


This stuff is fun, and I'm looking forward to seeing the conclusion.


-- Peter