Feb. 3, 2004: Re: Tons o' stuff
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
In a message dated 2/2/04 7:09:19 PM, Lloyd writes:
<< Mike Ryan is most anxiously awaiting your comments on 65 as that's been
thrown off schedule because we decided to start over from scratch. >>
Well, here ya go!
comments on Ep. 65 premise
1.) When the young Turtles are teaching Arnie, I think that we should pointedly NOT have them refer to ninjitsu or being ninjas -- instead, they should just talk in more general terms about self-defense and martial arts. The reason, or course, is for us to try to remain in continuity -- if Casey had been taught by strange ninja beings in his youth, he would probably have made the connection to the Turtles in the present (which, obviously, he hasn't).
2.) We should save the "Goongala!" for AFTER Arnie says his "Arnold Casey Jones" line, as it is a dead giveaway as to WHO that kid really is... and I'd like to keep that reveal until as late as we can in this episode.
3.) I like the idea that Arnie/Casey doesn't lose his temper until he sees the little kid getting picked on.
notes on Ep. 66 outline
1.) Re: the following:
"Reverse to reveal, Shredder (sans mask), Hun, Karai and Stockman (in his chest cavity jar) all have wildly vicious and evil painted clown faces, complete with fright wigs, as they charge and a huge melee begins."
No clown faces, please -- I really hate that cliche.
2.) How and why and when does Mikey go off and get into a suit of armor? Seems weird.
3.) Re: the following:
"Darkness. Suddenly Donatello’s eyes snap open to reveal … he is in an upscale New York restaurant! No-one seems to be staring at him, wondering exactly what he’s doing there, or what he is. No one cares. But more surprisingly, sitting opposite him, looking stunning in an evening dress, is April!
Donatello: "Uhm … April? What am I doing here?"
April: "You’re buying me dinner."
Donatello: "Oh …"
April’s smile turns into a grotesque grin, "But, I think I know what I’m having as an appetizer."
Suddenly, the table is hurled across the room to reveal that April has transformed into a terrible vampire!"
I'm not real crazy about the implied April/Don hookup, from the "stunning evening dress" to the salacious "appetizer" remark. Here's what I would suggest as an alternative:
Don comes to in April's apartment. He's sitting at her table, which is set for three. Maybe there is some food on the plates. Maybe it's (moldy) pizza! Across the table from him sit April and Casey, dressed in fancy evening wear... but they're both wearing hockey masks... and they are staring moonily at each other, ignoring Don. Don says "April? Casey? What's going on?"
April and Casey slowly turn their heads towards Don. April says "We thought we'd have you over --" and Casey finishes her sentence " -- for dinner!" WIth that both of them whip off their hockey masks to reveal monstrous faces as they then leap on Don. (I'm not sure if they should be vampires or something else -- werewolves? or maybe they should just have those weird eyes like the guy who answers the phone at the end of the episode. Maybe they should have no real faces, but each a nest of writhing tentacles surrounding a single red eye.)
4.) Re: the following:
"Darkness. Suddenly Michelangelo’s eyes snap open to reveal he’s at home in the turtles’ lair. He calls out, but no-one’s around. Puzzled, he walks into the practice area. Suddenly, as if from nowhere, the Shredder steps into frame. We pan up from his armored boots to his maskless face to reveal his face is actually that of a hideous, twisted clown.
Hun, Karai and Baxter Stockman appear next to him, each with their terrible clown faces. Mikey backs up as he swallows hard …"
Again, no clowns, please. What if, instead, Shredder has Splinter's face, and Hun, Stockman and Karai have Don's, Raph's and Leo's faces? (All twisted and evil, of course.)
5.) There are some significant logic holes in this story that I think we need to fill in. Why is the "spirit axe" found in one of the cells? What is the purpose or motivation of the creature... on what does it feed? Why does it make the Turtles see horrible fantasies? How can the old man survive being inside the chamber beyond the circular golden door into which Leo was being sucked by all those tentacles? What is he DOING in there? Wouldn't the monster grab him too? If he is the original evil Van Clephus, why is he trying to get rid of the creature? Why does the "death" of the creature "free" Van Clephus and cause him to crumble to dust (ESPECIALLY if the creature isn't REALLY dead, which is what is implied by the coda with the guy answering the pay phone)? What is he being freed FROM? How has he survived for hundreds of years -- is it something the creature did? I'm confused.
comments on Ep. 68 ("The Entity Below") premise second draft
1.) I think if we have the "Atlanteans" use another name for their vanished homeland, like "Y'Lyntias" (and they are "Y'Lyntians"), which has become corrupted over the millennia into "Atlantis", then that should be the term that they refer to themselves by... and it should be Don who first grasps the implications of the name "Y'Lyntias". I think it would be a cool reveal.
2.) Question -- is the Entity an Y'Lyntian? Or is he something more (or less)?