A note to readers of this blog...

I want to clarify something about which a few (or maybe more than a few) of the readers of this blog may be confused.

When I started this thing a few years back, I had a pile of TMNT art and other oddities which I thought would be fun to post as part of the "Blast from the Past" thing I had actually begun earlier on the "Planet Racers" website.

Well, since then I have pretty much gone through all of that cool TMNT stuff. I have a few pin-ups left, and I may get around to posting them at some point, but they're nothing special. Occasionally, I may turn up something interesting when I go through some old sketchbooks or unfiled piles of papers, and if so, I will post those things.

But my gut feeling is that there isn't much, if any, of that stuff left.

I've been posting a lot of the work I did on the 4Kids TMNT show (commenting on and  offering suggestions for the writing and art designs of the episodes) of late, and I will very likely continue to do that for another year or two. I find it interesting to look back at that stuff, and I know some of you do as well.

If you don't… well, as I replied to "Raf" earlier today, you should probably stop wasting your time reading this blog… because no matter how much anyone complains about how this current "Blast from the Past" stuff is "boring", it's not going to make a lot of what you would consider NON-boring stuff magically appear.

It simply is not there. I can't post stuff that I don't have.

I never expected this TMNT-related blog to go on forever, and I'm fairly certain that once I've gone through the text material from the 4Kids years, that will be it. The only way I could reasonably see it continuing in any kind of regular form after that is if I start working on NEW Turtle stuff… and I honestly don't see that happening. Maybe it will, but it just doesn't seem likely.

In any event, for those people -- however many of you that is -- who like the text stuff I've been posting, keep visiting the blog, because my plan is to continue posting it until I run out of the stuff. Thanks for your comments.

And to those who find this approach a waste of their time, thanks for coming to the blog up 'til now. I appreciate your interest, and hope you find other, more exciting sources of TMNT material on the Internet. -- PL

Blast from the Past #457: February 3, 2005: comments on Ep. 109 ("Beginning of the End") first draft and comments on Ep. 107 ("Legend of the Five Dragons") second draft

Subj: comments on Ep. 109 ("Beginning of the End") first draft
Date: Thursday, February 3, 2005 9:48:58 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 109 first draft.


1.) Re: the following:


"PROFILE – Raph (BG) shoots a shy glance at Joi (FG).
RAPHAEL
Joi… give any thought to what you’re gonna do after we kick shell and plant Shredder back in the ground?
JOI
Careful, you’ll jinx it… but no, why?
RAPH
Just that you haven’t seen Manhattan ‘til you seen it with a turtle.
JOI smiles, joined by a very relieved Raphael.
JOI
Let’s save the world first, tough guy."


There seems to be a subtext to this scene that I'm not getting. Why is Raph "shy"? Why is he "relieved"? I hope this isn't another "Turtle has a crush on human" things.


2.) Re: the following:


"MICHELANGELO
The tribunal ever gets strapped for cash, you could make boku bucks charging admission to this ride."


Is "boku" supposed to be "beaucoup"?


3.) Re: the following:


"RAPHAEL
Knew that rat was a real rat…"


This is a very weak and goofy line -- I'd lose it.


4.) Re: the following:


"ACROSS THE CHAMBER – ON BAKU’S BACK, Mikey’s still hanging on when Hisomi appears next to him in a flash! They nod to one another, powering up—
MULTIPLE MIKEYS AND HISOMIS go to town on Baku! Baku bucks wildly, <HOWLING>—"


What exactly is going on here? Are there really "multiple Mikeys", which would be really silly and as far as I know has no precedent, or are he and Hisomi just moving so fast that it APPEARS to be multiple Mikeys? And if so, how does that jive with this following line:


"Mikey pulls himself together, joined by Don, Adam, and Tora. Adam trades Mikey the helm for the Sarcophagus."


I refer of course to the part where Mikey "pulls himself together".


5.) Re: the following:


"INT. ORATORY. MOMENTS LATER
The grand doors fly open as Donny and Raph <KICK> them off their hinges. Despite the display of power, everyone skids to a halt…"


Kicking the doors off their hinges seems pointlessly destructive.


-- Pete




-------------------------------




Subj: comments on Ep. 107  ("Legend of the Five Dragons") second draft
Date: Thursday, February 3, 2005 10:51:07 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 107 second draft.


1.) Re: the following:


"*LEONARDO
Oh, right. No zappy stuff for me.
*The other three come running up to Leo.
*MICHELANGELO
Dude—you saved the whole place from burning down—without any zappy stuff! 
*LEONARDO
We’re going to need zappy stuff and anything else we can come up with if the Shredder is really coming back!"


I think one use of the goofy phrase "zappy stuff" is more than enough.


2.) Re: the following:


"ON SPLINTER, sad and angry. A tear trails down his furry cheek.
SPLINTER (CONT’D)
Had the Tribunal heeded Yoshi…my master would be alive today. "


I suggest a small word change -- "might" instead of "would".


3.) Re: the following:


"CLOSER IN as we reveal the FIVE SUITS OF ARMOR suspended from wires in the ceiling. They look very much like what we have come to know as THE SHREDDER’S ARMOR.
SPLINTER (VO)
The empire’s greatest craftsmen had forged armor for the warriors…
EXT. – COUNTRYSIDE – DAY
In roughly the same spots on screen AS THE ARMORS IN THE PREVIOUS SCENE, we see the five ARMORED WARRIORS riding atop horses, galloping toward us.
SPLINTER (VO, CONT’D)
…armor they would soon wear into battle against the evil Tengu."


I wonder if it might help to add a little bit here in the narration which tells how in addition to being created by the greatest armorers, these suits of armor also had spells woven into them, or engraved on them, or said over them as they were being constructed, to give them a little more power to resist the might of the Tengu.


4.) Re: the following:


"*SPLINTER (VO. CONT’D)
He had to be contained? But how?"


No question mark is needed at the end of "He had to be contained".


5.) Re: the following:


"INT. – MONASTERY CHAMBER - NIGHT
The Four Dragons (helmets off) pass a goblet among themselves. Each takes a drink from it.  
On KON, serious.
*KON
Shredder’s evil will never die. This potion will allow us to live forever. Vigilance will be our eternal burden."


It seems a bit facile that just a potion will make them immortal -- I wonder if it might work better if we imply that other efforts are necessary to grant them this extended life span, like certain spells, meditation, etc.. 


6.) Re: the following:


"*DONATELLO
So the Utrom-bug Shredder we fought was a cheezy wannabe compared to the original who’s trying to make a comeback."


The goofy slang in this line makes it sound more like Mike than Don.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #456: January 31, 2005: Hun/Garbageman part 2 and comments on Ep. 108 ("More Worlds Than One") first draft

Subj: Hun/Garbageman part 2
Date: Monday, January 31, 2005 6:54:41 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Haven't heard from you yet about whether or not my "Hun and Gabageman are brothers" idea made you hurl, but I still like it, and have thought about it a little further.


It might be even more interesting if Garbageman was NOT originally deformed or crippled at birth, but something happened to him along the way -- and that something was CAUSED by Hun in some fashion. So not only is Hun embarrassed to have this crazy nutbag for a brother, but he's also wracked by guilt over the fact that something he did or let happen is at least in part responsible for who and what Garbageman is now.

-- Pete


-----------------------------


Subj: comments on Ep. 108 ("More Worlds Than One") first draft
Date: Monday, January 31, 2005 8:44:28 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 108  first draft.


1.) Re: the following:

"CHIKARA
Strike me with all of your strength.
ON MIKEY, hesitant, awkward and fidgety.
MICHELANGELO
Er… do I have to?  It’s just that… you know… you’re a… um, girl."

All of this "you're a girl" stuff just seems sexist, cliched and silly. Mike already knows that these Ninja Tribunal characters are extremely powerful -- I mean, moments ago he watched Chikara shatter a huge boulder with a palm strike! For him to be reluctant to strike her -- at her command -- because "she's a girl" is just downright DOPEY (especially when you consider that the Turtles have fought other powerful females before, i.e. Karai). His reluctance MIGHT work if it was because either (a) she's one of the "Good Guys", or (b) he's scared of her, or (c) some other reason I can't think of right now. Or maybe this whole lame gag should be dropped.


2.) Re: the following:

"WIDE ON THE PLATEAU.  It’s over.  Destroyed Oni are everywhere, the once boulder strewn clearing now looking like a gravel pit.  The Acolytes stand in the rubble.  Raph, Joi, Don, Leo, and Tora are still standing.  Adam is down, Mikey is cradling his arm, and Faraji is getting to his feet rubbing his head."

I thought it might be cool if we do a quick thing of showing the Oni reassembling themselves from the "gravel" -- not to attack the acolytes again, but just to once more take up their positions on the plateau.


3.) The more I see the names the Turtles are called in this script, i.e. "Donatello Splintersson", the more I am unsure I like them -- they're sounding kind of Scandinavian or something. I'm not saying that this works perfectly, but might we think about giving them the "Hamato" name as we gave it to Splinter in the "Big Brawl" episodes, i.e. "Hamato Donatello"?


3.) Re: the following:

"KON (OC, CONT’)
The Avatar gives enhances each warrior, amplifying their strength and endurance, sharpening their reflexes and giving them the ability to perceive and battle on the higher planes."

I suspect that there is a typo here, and it should be just "enhances", not "gives enhances".


4.) Re: the following:

"CHIKARA
This is the warren of the Nezumi.
ON THE ACOLYTES, bunched together.  On one side, MIKEY is looking pretty freaked out, looking over his shoulder.
DONATELLO
Nezumi?  A rat?"

Does "Nezumi" mean "rat" in Japanese? If so, in this context ("the warren of the Nezumi") should it not be "rats" and not "a rat"?




-- Pete

Blast from the Past #455: January 30, 2005: Re: Outline for Ep 110 ("Nightmares Recycled")

Subj: Re:   Outline for Ep 110 ("Nightmares Recycled")
Date: Sunday, January 30, 2005 4:02:21 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the outline for Ep. 110.


1.) Re: the following:

"Garbageman (v.o. cont’d): Here my slaves – once human garbage – now have purpose, recycling it all into my empire!
We go to a conveyor belt, where we see a tied up April, Casey, Raph, Don, and Hun struggling to free themselves.  They look frightened.
Garbageman (v.o. cont’d): Allow me to direct your attention to my latest “acquisitions” – RIPE for recycling!
We reveal that the conveyor belt is moving them all toward a huge, fiery incinerator.  April is closest to the fire. "

The "conveyor belt into the fire" is always a good scary bit, but there's something odd about the Garbageman's obsession with recycling coupled with this big incinerator -- the two things seem to be at cross purposes. I mean, burning things in an incinerator is not really recycling... is it?


2.) Re: the following:

"At the junkyard, Don, April, Raph, Casey, the Professor, and his two buddies are assembled in front of a giant submersible of some kind. Don and April are in geek-mode.  Raph and Casey look at each other and yawn…this may be awhile.  The submersible looks familiar to Don, but he can’t quite place it (due to its damaged and rusted state).  The Professor shares a most peculiar fact, he and his buddies found a hot meal just waiting for them right by it.  Lots of food.  Really good food, too.  That’s weird.  Too weird!  Don doesn’t like it.


Just then, April notices a small beeping device on the side of submersible.  It as a timer, and it’s counting down.  Aw shell, that can’t be good!  Don suggests they all head out of there quickly.


At that very moment, Hun appears.  Don whispers to the Professor that things may get ugly and they should beat it.  Hun’s there to make mince meat out of Casey, and the turtles are a pleasant bonus. "

Lots of wacky stuff here. First, this whole "giant submersible in the junkyard" -- and the hot meals left next to it --  bit had me scratching my head. Can a trap be any more blatant? And why a submersible? Especially a "damaged and rusted" one? 


Why is a counter counting down necessarily a bad thing? Maybe it's a time lock which is going to open the doors to the submersible. And again -- could we be more blatant? And goofy? Doing this with a trap is like setting a mousetrap but having a little bell that rings when a mouse gets near it -- why warn your prey?

3.) Re: the following:

"The Garbageman is pleased that his little trap netted him such a wonderful prize … ready for recycling …here in Recycle World!  Welcome!  Welcome one and all!  The Garbageman showcases Recycle World as we see various images of the gnarled metals and fantastic machines that make up his kingdom of garbage.  It is a Jetsons-like city of gears, incinerators, and shredding machines mish mashed together from scrap metal – all grinding and churning garbage."

Should I be taking the word "city" literally? Seems a bit much -- after all, isn't Recycle World soon revealed to be just a big garbage barge?
Also, Garbageman's "little trap" seems to be ludicrously overcomplicated and not very efficient  -- surely he can get his "raw materials" in an easier way (although we're never quite sure exactly HOW our protagonists were transported to Recycle World).


4.) I'm not crazy about the origin of Garbageman as laid out in this outline, but I have to say that when I read the logline for this episode and saw that Hun and Garbageman were in it, I was IMMEDIATELY struck with an idea -- what if Hun and Garbageman were related? What if, in fact, they are BROTHERS? Think about it -- they share a certain bulky physicality.


We haven't really gotten into much of a backstory for Hun, and this could help to flesh out both him AND Garbageman. One approach might be to say that Garbageman was Hun's younger brother, deformed -- or at least disabled -- since birth... and maybe even a little mentally ill. When Hun became leader of the Purple Dragons and then the Shredder's right hand man, he tried to help out his brother through his connections... maybe attempting to use some of the Shredder's technology to provide him with mobility and opportunity, with the thought that this might also help him with his mental illness. But something went wrong, and Garbageman was born. (Making this connection to the Shredder and his tech might go a long way to explaining how Garbageman gets a lot of his amazing machines.)


His relationship to his crazy brother is one that Hun is obviously not pleased to reveal and/or talk about, and we could use that to good effect in this story. It would also make for a great bit just before a commercial break -- Garbageman calls Hun by name or something, and the perplexed Turtles can say "You guys know each other?"... and Hun, with a look on his face which mixes love, regret, loathing, and a bunch of other emotions, would say "Yeah... he's my brother!"


5.) Re: the following:

"Hun removes his belt and uses it to also slide on the wire to the platform, but just as he’s about to make it, his belt snaps (from Hun’s weight) and he falls towards the shredding machine.  At the last moment he grabs the platform.  He is now hanging onto the platform by one hand, the way a person hangs onto a cliff.  The shredder spins beneath him.  Casey and Raph look at Hun with grim expressions.  Hun congratulates them – certain that they mean to let him fall into the shredder.  Raph tells him to stop being so melodramatic and they help him up."

This scene doesn't really make any sense as is, given what we know of Hun and his huge strength -- he could easily pull himself up.


6.) Re: the following:

"We dissolve to just outside the Garbageman’s Lair.  It’s an ominous looking building.  There is a weird mechanical lock at the entrance.  Don starts fiddling with it but to no avail – he has never seen anything like it.  Raph steps up to the lock.  Don’s incredulous.  What can Raph do?  With that, Raph lets his fury fly on the device with sai swipes, until <CRACK> the device breaks off and the door opens. "

This scene seemed completely pointless to me.


7.) Re: the following:

"Just as Garbageman’s going to slice Hun, Don tosses his bo, which goes spinning towards the Garbageman’s chicken-walking legs, tripping them up.  Garbageman’s machine topples over, releasing Hun."

That's some toss! I just don't see how Don's bo, especially if thrown (remember, it's essentially just a stick), is going to trip up something described earlier as a "huge metal machine (think the two-legged, chicken-walking AT-ATs from Star Wars)". Silly.


8.) Re: the following:

"Raph pushes Don out of the way and leaps onto the Garbageman’s hover-disk.  With two furious sai swipes, he slices off the claw arms on the hover-disk, then jams one of his sai into the front of the disk, then jumps off."

Just another reminder that sais are not slashing/cutting weapons, like Leo's swords -- they're stabbing weapons.


-- Pete

Blast from the Past #454: January 8, 2005: Re: Design from show 94, January 14, 2005: Re: FW: Ep 106 First Draft, and January 21, 2005: Re: Outline 109 and Ep. 106 second draft

Subj: Re: Design from show 94
Date: Saturday, January 8, 2005 10:23:27 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Jonathan


In a message dated 1/7/05 3:26:29 PM, Jonathan writes:


Peter,
  
 How are you?
  
 Attached is the following design from show 94 for your approval:
  
1. Splinter’s New Walking Stick (gift from Leo from the Ancient Lands)



 Peter, in addition to your approval, we would like to know if this is the walking stick that Splinter should use from now on. 
  
 Thanks.
  
 ~Jonathan


Jonathan,


I like this design, but I'd like to offer a suggestion for a slight alteration. In the attached file, you will see that I have tweaked the spiral ridge a bit to form a "cap" at the bottom of the staff, and a slightly more ornate design at the top. I've also done some quick color studies to try to get a better idea of whether this staff should be all wood, or if part of it (logically the spiral ridge) should be a different material, most likely metal. (In this rough, I used colors to suggest gold or copper, but it could be steel or iron or another metal.)


-- Peter


-----------------


Subj: Re: FW: Ep 106 First Draft
Date: Friday, January 14, 2005 11:08:34 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 106 first draft.


1.) Re: the following:

"KON
The future is as mist, Chikara… cut by a blood red light smoldering in the darkness…
ECU on KON’S EYES, which swirl with SHADOWS.
KON (CONTD.)
The wretched one. Soon, he will come."

I like "the wretched one", but it might be cool to have other designations for the original Shredder to use as we see fit -- i.e. "Life Bane" or "Soul Chopper".


2.) Re: the following:

"To reveal RAPHAEL and JOI in a full run towards us.
JOI
Thought you were tough, Raph. You run like a girl. I should know.
RAPHAEL
Ooh. Never heard that one before… Actually, I haven’t!"

I don't get what Raph is saying here -- seems a bit awkward and forced. And Joi's "run like a girl" makes NO sense in this context -- I mean, SHE is a girl, and she's either keeping up with Raph or about to beat him... so "running like a girl" is obviously not a bad thing. I think this exchange needs to be rethought. Maybe she should say "You run like a turtle" (implying slow) and Raph could say  "Well, DUH!"
Or not.


3.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGEL0
Hope it’s not Juto. “Your lack of skill and stank breath make me wretch!”
(puffing out his belly)
Or—Check it, Hisomi Shisho, the Ninja who ate Japan!"

It should be "retch", not "wretch". And I think "rank breath" is better than "stank breath".
And how does Mike "puff out his belly"? He's got a SHELL, remember.


4.) Re: the following:

"ANCIENT ONE (O.S)
If you do not close your mouth, your eyes will be unable to hear."

Eyes hearing? Is this a mistake, or a deliberate oxymoron?


5.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
Silent. Stealthy… Sassy? Oh boy…"

I don't get the "Sassy?" bit.


6.) Re: the following:

"JUTO
You move as a herd of pregnant Yaks. Line up for INSPECTION!"

I wonder if "pregnant" will get past Standards and Practices. Maybe "overfed" or "gluttonous" or "drunken" would work as well.


7.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
Gotta be a mix up, Leo. Well work it out. Promise."

Don doesn't say "gotta", and "well" should be "we'll". Maybe this should be a Mike or Raph line.


8.) Re: the following:

"CHIKARA
Are they ready? The dark one’s minions are poised to claim our prize. Demons.
ON - DONNY raises his finger timidly.
DONATELLO
Excuse me? Did you say “Demons?” Maybe we should let master Splinter know."

Having the word "demons" hanging out at the end of Chikara's lines seems odd, weirdly placed. Perhaps it would be better as follows:


"CHIKARA
Are they ready? The dark one’s demon minions are poised to claim our prize."


9.) Re: the following:

"WIDE SHOT – The KAPPAS go to town on our team, TWO for every one! <LEAPING AND SLASHING> the demons clearly have the ability to magically TRAVEL THROUGH the water at will!"

This could be a very cool thing, visually. I wonder if the Kappa should also be able to stand on top of the water without sinking if they so choose.


10.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
I really wish we read the manual for these things!"

I think this would work better if Don said:

"DONATELLO
I really wish we could have read the manuals for these things!"

11.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
Normally I like to know how this stuff works…but ignorance kicks butt!"

I think I understand what the writer is trying to do here, but for some reason hearing Don say "ignorance kicks butt" really grates on me.


  -- Pete


--------------------------


Subj: Re: Outline 109 and Ep. 106 second draft
Date: Friday, January 21, 2005 8:53:38 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 109 outline


1.) Re: the following:

"Hisomi leads the group down a corridor no one remembers ever seeing before. There he reveals a hidden doorway that opens only at his touch. It almost gasps as hot fetid air washes over them. "

I'm confused -- "It almost gasps..."? Does that mean that the DOOR is gasping? Seems weird. Or is this a typo?


2.) Re: the following:

"The guys all agree that something isn’t right here. Mikey tries to get a message to Hisomi at super-speed, and is shocked when his enigmatic teacher actually replies! 


“Without heart, power is but wind and thunder.” (I thought it would be cool if Mikey gets a few words out of Hisomi just before all hell breaks loose. Almost as if Hisomi knows something bad is about to happen, and breaks his own silence to hand Mikey important wisdom.)"

I'm not sure I love the idea of Hisomi speaking. It strips him of his essential mystery, and -- from what I see here -- for no especially significant reason.


2.) Re: the following:

"Using the helm and the gauntlet, the MYSTICS call to the third and final prize they seek.  The ground shakes and one of the crypts explodes open.  An ornately carved stone SARCOPHAGUS floats out and the Mystics proclaim victory.  


The terrifying visage of the SPLINTER is carved into the sarcophagus! (Or the BLACK DRAGON?)"

Should that be "the SHREDDER" and not "the SPLINTER"?


3.) If I am reading the end of this outline correctly, it appears that the four human acolytes have perished in this battle with the mystics. If that is true, I wonder if it would be cool to use one of the following concepts:


-- At some point in an upcoming episode, the Foot Mystics call the spirits of the human Acolytes from the Land of the Dead to do battle with their former friends and allies, the Turtles!


-- At a crux point in some upcoming battle, the spirits of the four human Acolytes come back from the Land of the Dead to offer aid to the embattled Turtles!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

comments on Ep. 106 second draft


1.) Re: the following:

"ANCIENT ONE (O.S)
If you do not close your mouth, your eyes will be unable to hear."

This line still seems nonsensical to me.


-- Pete

What the -- ?! #2

I was going through some stuff a couple of days ago and came upon this bizarre artifact from the glory days of TMNT knock-off products. I can't recall how I obtained it some years ago -- I might have found it myself in a store, or someone may have sent it to me.

In any event, it is a VERY strange product. As you can see, the strangeness begins with the title: "Mighty Mutant Power Turtles Battle The Secretive Goo". Open the box (which measures about five inches along its longest side), and inside is what at first glance appears to be a VHS tape, but a shrunken one.

Flip open the side flap on this plastic case, and you realize it's NOT a tape of any kind, but a container for…

… a slab of bubble gum, which is molded to sort of look like... a VHS tape.

Who thinks this stuff up?

I did a Google search for ""Mighty Mutant Power Turtles" and found something on eBay which is similar, but instead of gum shaped like a VHS tape in a faux VHS tape case, it's gum shaped like a CD in a CD case. 

Weird. -- PL

Blast from the Past #453: January 6, 2005: Re: First Draft of 105 ("Lap of the Gods"), Re: FW: Outline 107 ("Legend of the Five Dragons"), and Re: Design for show 104 ("Ninja Tribunal")

Subj: Re:   First Draft of 105 ("Lap of the Gods")
Date: Thursday, January 6, 2005 12:54:00 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 105 first draft.


1.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Yeah, well, try living with it 24-7, Joi.  (to Raph)  There’s still too much we don’t know… about the Tribunal, about this threat they mentioned…
ON RAPH and LEO as Raph gets right in Leo’s face.
RAPHAEL
You gotta be kidding me!  You want a threat?  They kidnapped us!  They sicced their wooden soldiers on us, and tried to make us take each other out!"

Leo doesn't say "Yeah".
Also, I was confused for a moment with Raph's line "They sicced their wooden soldiers on us, and tried to make us take each other out!"  I couldn't remember the Turtles being forced to fight each other... and then I remembered that they were forced to fight the other acolytes. Maybe some extra words in this line would make it less confusing, i.e.: " They sicced their wooden soldiers on us, and tried to make us and these other warriors take each other out!"




2.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
You don’t suppose they have a payphone in there, do you?  Master Splinter has to be worried…"

This sounds a lot more like a Mike line than a Don.


3.) Re: the following:

"GREEN EYES/CHIKARA
Any challenges you may have overcome before now, any conflicts you have emerged victorious from previously… 
SILVER EYES/KON
They are less than nothing compared to what you will soon face."

A minor point: When I first read this, I thought this might be a cool place to have one of the Turtles (probably Mike or Raph) interrupt with a line like "Yeah? I got one word for you -- TRICERATONS!" (or one or two of their other powerful foes). 
Then it occurred to me that it might also be a fun place for a little goof on this situation and a nod to the fans, and have one of the Turtles say that line, but like this: "Yeah? I got one word for you -- GARBAGEMAN!"


4.) Re: the following:

"ON DON, who leans to Mikey.
DONATELLO
(whispering)
I feel like I should be writing this down."

Another line which sounds more Mike than Don.


5.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE ON BLUE EYES, who similarly pulls off his helm and mask.
CAMERA PULLS OUT as he reveals his true form, as well as his HORNS and HOOVES."


I'm curious to see the design of this guy, and how logically his horns -- described earlier as "ram’s horns bulging from his forehead" -- are going to fit under a Shredder-style helmet.


6.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
I’m concentrating… I’m seeing my chi… it’s taking the form of a pizza…"

Pizza? Ugh. How about something a little different, i.e.: "I’m concentrating… I’m seeing my chi… it’s taking the form of... of... chips and... and salsa…"


7.) I may not be remembering this correctly, but if I am, the other acolytes have never met Splinter, correct? So his sudden appearance should take them by surprise even more so than the others. It might be cool to have a line or two reflecting this in this episode, but if there is not a good place for something like that in this episode, maybe the next one. (Maybe something like having Adam -- who earlier said to Raph about Juto "Dude!  He’s not human!" -- say to Raph about Splinter "Dude! Your sensei -- he's a RAT!")

-- Pete

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Subj: Re: FW: Outline 107 ("Legend of the Five Dragons")
Date: Thursday, January 6, 2005 1:28:22 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here is my one comment on the Ep. 107 outline revised.


1.) Re: the following:

"We come in closer on Tengu-Saki…and see him in full Shredder regalia.  “His name,” narrates the Ancient One, “ was spoken in whispers all across the land.  And the name they all whispered was…the Shredder!”"

I wonder if, by any chance, there is a Japanese word for "shredder", and if it sounds cool, we could use it here, as in "And the name they all whispered was ___________ …the Shredder!” I did a little web research and found that there is a word in Japanese for "shredder", although it sounds suspiciously like a "Japan-ized" version of an English word: shuredda.
I'm going to attach to this email a screen grab I did of one of the things I found on the web for "shuredda", which includes kanji characters for that word.


-- Pete

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Subj: Re: Design for show 104 ("Ninja Tribunal")
Date: Thursday, January 6, 2005 9:47:42 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Jonathan


In a message dated 1/6/05 4:15:35 PM, Jonathan writes:

Peter,
  
 Happy New Year!
  
 Attached is the following design for your approval from show 104:
  
 1.  Tribunal Ship
  
 If you could reply with your feedback it would be greatly appreciated.  A fax with this image is soon to follow. 
  
 Thank you, Peter.
  
 ~Jonathan
  
Jonathan,


It looks pretty good to me. My only area of concern, from a logical point of view, is the area near the prow of the ship where the dragon's neck arches down -- it seems like a spot where water could easily slop over the edge of the ship when it is on the ocean. I have attached a quick tweak of the image to show an idea of how that area might be altered to keep the waves off the deck.


-- Peter