From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Hey Pete -
Just got your note about being out of town. We're sending out scripts
and models and stuff, as well as still waiting on notes on the revised
outlines - will you be sending any more notes this week, or should we
just keep moving?
Tonight and tomorrow night, while I'm still in Maine, I will try to respond to whatever I am sent. Below are some comments on a few things.
Ep. 43 final draft/"Junklantis"
1.) Typo in this line:
Uhm … I think it just go creepier.
That "go" should be "got".
2.) In this line:
You’re a little short for Junk Trooper, aren’t you?
... I think there is an "a" missing between "for" and "Junk".
Outline Ep. 47/"April's Artifact"
1.) I don't get this bit:
While Leo uses his stinger swords to block and parry the Queen's deadly claws, Mikey taunts and
Donatello: "Mikey, wait! Queens don't lose their stingers after they use them!"
Haven't the other hornets-things been firing multiple stingers at the Turtles for most of the episode? Why would Mike think the Queen would have only one, and why would Don think he thinks that?
2.) I still don't quite understand WHY it is necessary in this episode for the Turtles to not have their regular weapons. Is it so they all look kind of "primitive" like April in her "Sheen" garb?
Outline EP. 45/"Rogue In The House" Part 1
1.) I think this is a leftover, but I'll point it out anyway:
"Donatello theorizes that these automatons are receiving instruction from a remote. And, if something can receive, it can allow him to trace the signal. He hardwires into the heads of one of the destroyed automaton ninja and traces the signal that it starts picking up. "
In this scene only the Splinter robot is present, so there can't BE any other "destroyed automatons" there.
2.) Re: the following:
"Zog comes along. He thinks it’s all part of his mission. And, the turtles don’t tell him otherwise. He looks pretty useful to have around."
I think at this point Zog doesn't look like much of anything to the Turtles but DANGEROUS to whoever he runs into, and it might make more sense if the Turtles figure as long as he's with them -- and perceiving them as friends or allies -- he can't hurt anybody else. And, maybe, he could be useful as muscle... even though at this point, even though Zog SEEMS to be buying the "General Splinter" idea, the Turtles aren't 100% sure they can direct his actions with any predictable results. Zog IS the proverbial loose cannon.
Outline Ep. 46/"Rogue In The House" Part 2
1.) I'm not saying the following can't physically be done...
"But, ultimately, Karai gets the upper hand. She has blocked Leonardo’s double katana with her own and holding her own scissors-like, she pushes them towards Leonardo’s throat. "
... but it seems really unlikely. I'm trying to imagine how Karai can simultaneously be blocking both of Leo's swords with her two swords AND have hers poised "scissors-like" at Leo's throat, and no clear picture is emerging. Maybe another setup or move would be appropriate. Perhaps a "John Woo" style face-off where both Leo AND Karai have one sword at the other's throat, and they are both faced with the decision: What to do? (The whole exchange about "honor" between Leo and Karai would still work with this setup.)
2.) This episode could kick serious ass! I hope the Hun/Zog fight comes off as cool as I think it could. I even thought it might be interesting if one result of this fight is that Hun starts carrying around one broken-off Triceraton horn as a personal weapon.