Blast from the Past #478: July 29, 2005: Re: TMNT 2105 - B/W Model, July 31, 2005: concept models, and July 31, 2005: Re: 118 ("Future Shellshock") foist draft

Subj: Re: TMNT 2105 - B/W Model
Date: Friday, July 29, 2005 12:50:35 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Re: the following:


serling.jpg -- nice drawing, and a fun-looking robot, but not at all what I was expecting Serling to look like -- this thing looks like a war robot or a wrestler. How's it going to fit into the driver's seat of the limo... or through doors? WAY too bulky.


serlingw?cody.jpg -- This one is pretty messy and hard to make out what is going on, exactly -- but if I squint it LOOKS to me like there is some very bizarre idea that Cody can get inside the robot Serling's body...? What's up with that?


-- Pete

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Subj: concept models
Date: Sunday, July 31, 2005 9:35:46 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


It's kind of difficult ot comment accurately on models which I know nothing about (which is about half or more of these), but I'll give it a try.


Re: the following


WristGauntlet3rev.jpg -- kind of cool, but I have no idea what it is for


BishopArmor.jpg, BishopNanoArmor.jpg -- Are these two versions of the same armor? Is this some kind of "transforming" thing for Bishop? Would be nice to know.


InuwashiGunjin1.jpg -- Cool!


PresBishop1Revised.jpg -- Looks okay.


DarkDonRevised2.jpg, DarkLeo.jpg, DarkMikey.jpg, DarkRaph.jpg -- Not really sure what is up with these "Dark" Turtles, but I don't like any of them. 


Serling#1.jpg -- Much more believable as a butler robot. This is more in line with how I was envisioning Serling. The giant-torso version may have some use at some point, however. Maybe that could represent an earlier version of Serling (Serling 1.0) which Cody set aside when this version (2.0? 3.0? 4.0?) was created.


hovershell#2.jpg -- Cool!


FutureLeo1.jpg -- Sorry -- but this look still says "recuperating from injuries" to me. I think it's because there seems to be no rhyme or reason to the look and/or placement of the various pieces.


Viral4.jpg -- both of these look okay (though if asked to choose I would go with the one on the left), though I'm not sure if they are meant to represent Viral in the virtual world (i.e. as the program that he is) or some kind of physical version. 


hovershell#1.jpg -- Cool!


Splinter2Revised.jpg -- Eh... kind of boring. "Futuristic" robe-looking thing. Doesn't look like something Splinter would wear. No spirituality to it.

splinterwalkingstick.jpg -- not horrible looking, but not great either. And what's up with the two-position handle? Seems silly -- does it do anything other than make the walking stick a few inches longer?

nunchuk.jpg -- Same problems as with sais.

sais.jpg -- Eh... still not too exciting. And still looking too ornate and fussy. Might be nice if whatever look we come up with has the outward-pointing tips for the side prongs as in the classic sai.

bo.jpg -- of these three, the lowest is least objectionable, as it at least has some elegance the others sorely lack.

katanas.jpg -- Of these three, the bottom one is least objectionable. But I would make the blade guard (above the hilt) more symmetrical.

shellspeeder4.jpg -- Cool!


bigwheel5.jpg -- Don't know what the hell it is, but it looks cool.


-- Pete

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Subj: Re: 118  ("Future Shellshock") foist draft
Date: Sunday, July 31, 2005 11:58:16 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 7/31/05 4:22:50 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete –

 Just a reminder, we’re looking for your notes on 118 script as soon as possible.

 Also, FYI, after Monday I will be out of town for the rest of the week.  I have to travel to England on behalf of some other 4Kids business, but hopefully I will be able to access my e-mail.  We return late Friday.

 Hope yer havin’ a nice weekend…

 Lloyd


Lloyd,


Here are my notes on the 118 first draft.



1.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
Where's our masks? And our WEAPONS?! I feel totally naked here!
REVEAL SPLINTER - His robe and walking stick are gone.
SPLINTER
Speak for yourselves, my sons."

Splinter's line is kind of lame and unnecessary. And why is he referring to all of the Turtles when it was just Raph who talked about being naked? It also doesn't make any sense -- if Raph were naked but Splinter clothed, THEN it would make sense. But they're both naked!

2.) Reading this, a thought occurred to me -- if Cody is such a big fan of and knows so much about the Turtles, AND he obviously knows this used to be their lair (he is using his "time window"on them, after all) -- wouldn't he have previously EMPTIED the lair of any objects of significance? If so, maybe that should be reflected in the state of the lair, i.e. it is mostly empty of artifacts.

3.) Re: the following:

"INT. ACCESS TUNNEL TO SURFACE - SECONDS LATER
Splinter and the Turtles trudge through the tunnel, <HUFFING AND PUFFING>, their movements slow and lumbering.
DONATELLO
Is it... just me... or is it... really hard... to breathe... all of a sudden?
MICHELANGELO
And why does... my body... feel like it... weighs a ton?
RAPHAEL
Prob'ly from all that... junk food.
The Turtles and Splinter arrive at the surface access (not sure where this is), THEIR FACES SUDDENLY BATHED IN LIGHT, reacting in open-mouthed shock to what they see outside. "

It seems really weird that this happens in a TUNNEL (and what's up with this "access tunnel", anyway? If it's something new that was added AFTER they were taken from the lair by the time window, why don't they comment on it? And do they really NEED a tunnel to get into/out of their lair? I can't remember the layout too clearly. And how much of Central Park has survived into the future?) ... and then isn't referenced again for several pages. And then there's THIS weird line a few pages later:

"DONATELLO
Worse than it was on the ground..."

Weird because when it happened to them before, they weren't ON the ground, they were UNDER the ground. I think the introduction to our atmosphere/gravity zones concept needs to be handled better.

4.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Guys? I know it's a cliche, but I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

That is a cliche, and one of the most egregiously over-used in the world. We don't need it. Let's lose it, and not have anything there, or think up a better expression.

5.) In the scene where Mike jumps onto the flatbed with the Triiceratons, it's unclear whether they notice him jumping on or not.

6.) Re: the following:

"NEW ANGLE - Leaping from Hovercar to Hovercar, the Turtles and Splinter pass a FLOATING SIGN with unreadable alien writing. After they pass, the sign turns to English and reads:
UPTOWN, LEVEL 1 (TEMPERATURE: 72∞ (GRAVITY: 3 ATMOSPHERES (AIR CONTENT: SULPHUROUS"

It seems odd to have a measurement of GRAVITY be "3 atmospheres" (especially when "atmospheres" is a measure of AIR PRESSURE in our present. It is also more than a a little confusing when we are dealing with our new concept of different gravity and atmosphere zones... why conflate the two?

7.) Re: the following:

"ON TURTLES AND SPLINTER - on their hands and knees, weighted down by gravity and breathlessness, barely able to move, while Splinter seems to be unaffected by it all."

Okay... why is Splinter not affected? Seems weird and illogical.

8.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
Use your Ninja training, my sons. Control your breathing. Adapt your bodies to your surroundings.
Slowly, Leo, Don and Raph, <BREATHE EASIER> rising to their feet (Biggles still prattling on in b.g.)."

Okay, so now they can use ninja techniques to breathe different atmospheres and defy gravity? I don't think so.

9.) Re: the following:

"REVERSE - A 14-year-old kid stands framed in the doorway, eyes wide with awe.
CODY
You're a lot taller than I imagined... greener too.
SPLINTER AND THE TURTLES - jump off Serling and rush to Cody."

Why do they "rush to Cody"?

10.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO - looks past Cody into the Penthouse, eyes wide and jaw dropping at what he sees.
DONATELLO
(shocked)
And what the heck is THAT?

INT. PENTHOUSE - ENTRY HALL/TROPHY ROOM - CONTINUOUS
REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL - A SHRINE TO THE TURTLES! Wall to wall bits of memorabilia, old newspaper clippings, the TCRI canister, a Shredder helmet, even the Turtles' masks. And at the center of it all... CASEY JONES' HOCKEY MASK, GOLF BAG, BATS, HOCKEY STICK, ETC. The Turtles and Splinter enter, shocked and awed."

If this IS indeed the layout that we pan to use, then I have to raise my question once more (the one that I posed in a previous email) -- does Darius know about Cody's TMNT collection? It seems like it's pretty obvious, like anyone who enters the penthouse would just see it (like Don does here), and doesn't it make sense that Darius would have been in Cody's penthouse any number of times?

11.) Re: the following:

"He crabs Cody by the color, lifting him off the floor."

I think that should be:

"He grabs Cody by the collar, lifting him off the floor."

12.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Please... don't be mad... I-it's mine. It belonged to me great grandparents!"

"ME great grandparents"...?

13.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Sorry. My great grandfather's journal didn't have any pictures of you guys. "

WHAT???!!! All this stuff, and he doesn't have ONE PICTURE OF THEM???!! Just totally, ridiculously silly.( And wasn't he just looking at them through the FREAKIN' TIME WINDOW???!!!)
If we want to do a gag where Cody can't tell them apart, just do the obvious one -- it really IS hard (even for us!) to tell the Turtles apart when they are "naked".

14.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Sorry. Y'know, you guys should have, like, color coded masks or something. "

Another totally silly bit. See point 13 above. (And didn't we already see a page or so ago that Cody has the Turtles' colored masks IN HIS FREAKIN' COLLECTION???!!!)

15.) Re: the following:

"REVEAL THE TIME WINDOW - an impressive array of machinery.
DONATELLO
A time machine?
CLOSE ON CODY - As he fiddles with controls, an IMAGE OF THE TURTLES' LAIR (as it is in 2105) appears on a monitor.
CODY
Actually, a time WINDOW. It was only supposed to VIEW the past. The time TRAVEL part was an accident. One that I have no idea how to recreate, Mikey.
WIDEN TO REVEAL - Cody's looking at Leo, who's pretty miffed.
LEONARDO
STILL Leo. And does that mean we're stuck here in the future? "

Sigh... this makes it the THIRD time Cody has made the same STUPID mistake. THIS is the brilliant inventor of a time window? Shouldn't he have started to recognize Leo's VOICE by now?

16.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Unfortunately, yes.
(beat, realizing)
Say, where IS Mikey?
RAPHAEL - <CLONKS> Serling on the back of the head.
RAPHAEL
We lost him! That's what we been tryin' ta tell yer walkin' toaster here.
CODY - rushes to the exit.
CODY
Then we need to find him before he causes too much trouble!
SERLING - <WHIRS> over and blocks Cody's path.
SERLING
Now, master. You KNOW you're not allowed to leave the house. "

Cody's words ("we need to find him before he causes too much trouble!") and his actions (rushing to the exit) are very weird. Why is Cody so worried about Mikey "causing too much trouble"? Wouldn't he be more likely worried that Mikey would GET into trouble that he doesn't himself CAUSE, simply because he's in a future he knows little or nothing about? And I thought Cody didn't go outside because he was scared/timid/agoraphobic, not because he wasn't ALLOWED to. How does his immediately "rushing to the exit" fit with that?

17.) Re: the following:

"SERLING
(explaining to Turtles/Splinter)
Master Jones is the owner of O'Neil Tech, the premiere manufacturer of terran technologies on this or any planet. The outside world is far too dangerous place for him. "

As we discussed in previous emails, O'Neil Tech is NOT "the premiere manufacturer of terran technologies on this or any planet".

18.) Re: the following:

"CODY - examines the readout more closely, reacting disappointed.
CODY
Bad news. You only have ten minutes before it closes up permanently. "

How does Cody know this? Isn't it already clear that Cody was as surprised as anyone by the opening of the time portal? How, then, does he know so much so definitively about how it works? This could be fixed easily, as follows:

"CODY - examines the readout more closely, reacting disappointed.
CODY
Bad news. You only have ten minutes before it closes up -- maybe permanently this time! "

19.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles and Splinter scramble into the vehicle. Cody is about to pile in after them when Serling steps in his way.
SERLING
Surely you're not thinking of going with them, Master?
Cody wriggles past Serling and inside the Speeder.
CODY
I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Again, what is up with Cody? Is he a kid who WANTS to go outside but is held back, or is he SCARED to go outside most of the time? I thought from our previous discussions it was the latter, but this makes it seem like the former.

20.) Re: the following:

"DONNIE - <REVS UP THE ENGINE> and puts it in gear.
DONATELLO
I'm assuming this thing drives just like the BattleShell."

The BattleShell, as far as I can recall, didn't FLY. Maybe this could be enhanced as follows:

"DONNIE - <REVS UP THE ENGINE> and puts it in gear.
DONATELLO
I'm assuming this thing drives just like the BattleShell.
(beat) Except for the flying part."

21.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Sorry, Darius, you're breaking up.
(calling back to Turtles)
And what's with the disappearing act?
The Turtles and Splinter pull themselves out of the shadows.
LEONARDO
Sorry. Force of habit."

So Cody knows all about them... but he doesn't know about their "ninja hiding" thing?

22.) Re: the following:

"LEO, RAPH, DON AND SPLINTER - leap at the Street Phantoms, who TURN INTANGIBLE, causing our heroes to phase right through them and <CRASH> hard into the wall behind them.
MICHELANGELO
Oh yeah. Prob'ly shoulda mentioned they can do that."

And why should Mikey have mentioned that? As far as I can tell, he's NEVER SEEN THEM DO IT BEFORE!!!

23.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Oh man! They need help!
(beat realizing)
How can they need help? I thought they were invincible."

Why would Cody think the Turtles were "invincible"?

24.) Re: the following:

"DON AND A STREET PHANTOM - circle one another, each one feinting, but not attacking (they've both wised up by this point). Suddenly another Phantom PHASES up from the ground behind Don and TURNS SOLID. Thinking fast, Don leaps up and grabs onto an overhang (fire escape?), as the two Phantoms leap in to attack and end up <SLAMMING> into each other. "

Might be cool and creepy to do something here where when the two Street Phantoms slam into each other, they accidentally phase into each other and get STUCK, forming a bizarre-looking combination creature.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #477: July 28, 2005: Re: Outline 119 ("Obsolete") Reminder

Subj: Re: Outline 119 ("Obsolete") Reminder
Date: Thursday, July 28, 2005 3:10:32 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


In a message dated 7/28/05 12:34:33 AM, Lloyd Goldfine writes:


Hey Pete –
 
 With all the hubbub over the design stuff, please don’t forget to take a look at the outline for 119.  We’d love your notes so we can get a first draft script goin’.
 
 Thanks,
 
 Lloyd



Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 119 outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"THE FIGURE steps out from behind Serling, revealing himself to be DARIUS.  Adopting a concerned face, he walks forward toward Cody, and we TRACK WITH HIM as he unsuspectingly passes the hidden Turtles, each of whom makes a mocking face at the visitor."

I could see maybe Mikey making a "mocking face", but why all four of them? Seems infantile and out of character.


2.) Re: the following:

"CUT TO OUTSIDE, where Cody finds the four brothers waiting for him…inside the Hovershell!  They tell him he can’t let Darius always tell him what to do…and that’s why it’s time for a field trip!  Instead of bringing gear from the company to them, they’ll go to the company!"

Again, I think it's important to know why we are calling this flying craft the "Hovershell". If, as you said in our phone conversation a few days ago, it is a Turtleized vehicle that super TMNT fan had had made before he brought the Turtles to the future -- which is fine -- then that should be made clear.


Also, there's something about the Turtles encouraging Cody to misbehave which is a little troubling, even if Darius is a "jerk". (Where's Splinter as all this is happening, anyway?) I think there should be some disagreement among the brothers -- Leo would likely discourage Cody from coming, while Raph would definitely egg him on. The end result could be the same...


... though the reason for their excursion seems a bit weak. Given that we just had a scene where Cody demonstrates that they can order and have delivered ANYTHING via the Internet, I don't see why they have to go out to get stuff. Maybe we should think up another rationale -- "Time to explore the city and see what's changed -- a ninja's knowledge of his environment is one of his most potent weapons".


3.) Re: the following:

"INSIDE –The Turtles and Cody see the ground rushing up at them!  Cody’s scared stiff, but there’s no time for argument or convincing!  Leo scoops him up, and all five bail out!


STREET LEVEL – The Turtles and Cody drop down from the Hovershell, which is falling itself – and land right in the middle of oncoming traffic!"

This is interesting. How do they escape being SPLATTED on the road surface? After all, they have just been falling from the sky along with the Hovershell. And if the answer is "the gravity circuits in their Enviropaks saved them", then I think we have a bigger problem, as giving the enviropaks that kind of ability sort of turns everyone into a superhero of sorts, about to fall off the tallest building or leap out of an aircraft with no worry. 


4.) Re: the following:

"GROUND ANGLE – The Hovershell pulls up on its own at the last moment, soaring over their heads and past them in the direction of the oncoming traffic!"

This I don't get -- why does the Hovershell suddenly start working again? The blinking gizmo is still attached to it, right? 


Reading further, it SEEMS as if this blinking gizmo has the ability to take over control of the Hovershell and bring it in for a safe, controlled landing. The question then becomes, if it can exert that kind of control over the flight systems of the Hovershell, why doesn't it just pilot the Hovershell to a remote location (rather than the busy center of the city) where kidnapping Cody would be far more simple?


5.) Re: the following:

"No time to worry about that now, as the Turtles leap up in sync and –


QUICK CUTS, ALL MOVING – We see them leaping from roof to roof, hood to hood, on the oncoming cars, effectively SURFING the oncoming wave of Detroit steel!  Finally, somersaulting to safe ground, they look ahead in time to see"

So who's carrying Cody? Surely we're not saying that Cody has the acrobatic ability that the Turtles have.


6.) Re: the following:

"FIND MIKEY, checking out the dented car struck by the Hovershell.


MIKEY: “I dunno…I think it hit Biggles’ car, so maybe it’s working 
better than ever!”"

How does Mikey know this is Biggles' car? And are we setting up too many coincidental Biggles encounters?


7.) Here's a thought that just occurred to me, not specific to this episode but perhaps germane overall to this season: If Cody is such a HUGE fan of the Turtles, and has his "TMNT room" full of memorabilia, is Darius Whatever aware of this? It would seem likely that he would be. If so, wouldn't/shouldn't Darius RECOGNIZE the Turtles as the Turtles? If so, that would be an important factor going forward.


Here's another, related question: Are the Turtles still a secret to the general public... or was their existence somehow revealed in the past, and it's not just Cody who knows about them?


8.) Re: the following:

"Using the lathe, Don imagines a new BO STAFF for himself, using wood from an alien planet that allows the wielder a special TBD ability."

I'm a bit hesitant to suggest this, given how many dick jokes could spring from it, but it occurred to me that a cool feature of this "alien wood" might be that even though it is formed in the shape of a bo staff, it can "relax" on command and be coiled up. Thus it could be used as a short whip when needed, used in climbing (coil it around projections when hauling oneself upward), etc..


9.) Re: the following:

"DRAMATIC ANGLE as the roof caves in with a tremendous crash!  The Turtles flip, duck and roll, dodging enormous shards of glass and debris, Donny protecting Cody from damage.  The Winged Warriors swoop in, identifying themselves as the INUWASHI GUNJIN, mercenaries for hire with a job to complete!"

How is it that the "roof caves in"? Is this main lab on the top floor? Also, why/how do the INUWASHI GUNJIN identify themselves? 


10.) Re: the following:

"A few times, the Turtles get close to their quarry, but the Inuwashi Gunjin’s maneuverability takes advantage of the Turtles’ inexperience on the sky-bikes, and they’re able to trick the Turtles into slamming into each other, knocking their transportation out of commission.  The winged warriors get away – with Cody.  TIME DISSOLVE TO:


BACK AT O’NEIL, Darius holds a press conference to detail the latest happenings, really playing up how worried he is for Cody’s safety, and pleading for his safe return.


IN THE SHADOWS, the grim Turtles watch the press conference, trusting Darius as far as they can throw him.  Unfortunately, there’s not a lot they can do at this point.  Of course, that doesn’t stop Donny from wracking his brain, trying."

I don't see why the Turtles go from chasing the INUWASHI GUNJIN to watching Darius give a press conference back at O'Neil industries. I would think that they would be trying to follow/find the kidnappers. If there IS some specific reason that they go to the press conference rather than take some action, it should be made clear. As I read further, there doesn't really seem to BE a reason for them to be there -- I mean, they don't actually LEARN anything, they just talk about how they don't trust Darius. I don't object to the idea of Darius giving the press conference, but maybe we just cut away from wherever the Turtles are to show it, then cut back to the Turtles.


Reading even further, I see that Leo is taking note of the fact that Darius is for some reason not using the "homing beacons" to find Cody. This is an important detail, but I still think it would be kind of silly and out of character for the Turtles to return to O'Neil Industries instead of doing something more active to find Cody. Here's a thought -- if it is a press conference, there would be, well, PRESS there, and they would likely be broadcasting it. Maybe the broadcast appears on various flying holographic video billboards (or whatever) that the Turtles see as they continue their search for Cody, and THAT'S how Leo gets that little nugget of information.


Here's another issue: If Serling has this information, why isn't he passing it along to the authorities, i.e. Constable Biggles? I could maybe see that he doesn't trust Darius, but surely he would have no reason to keep this vital info from the police.


11.) Re: the following:

"INCLUDE THE OTHERS, showing their gauntlets are beeping as well!  MIKEY hops about in distress, trying to shake loose the gauntlet, still not quite getting the hang of all this future tech.


Mikey:  “Don’t let it eat my arm!  Don’t let it eat my arm!”"

That's pretty dopey.


12.) Re: the following:

"IN FLASHBACK, we see winged warriors like these guys flying above a battlefield, striking ground troops from the air.


I.G. (VO): “We were mercenaries,  genetically engineered for the ‘old wars,’ but when they were over, we were deemed unnecessary and deactivated.”

Would it be too much to link this to the Avians from previous episodes? The line above could be altered as follows:


"I.G. (VO): “We were mercenaries,  genetically engineered from captive members of an ancient race of flying beings, molded into fighters for the ‘old wars,’ but when they were over, we were deemed unnecessary and deactivated.”


13.) Re: the following:

"Thinking fast, Raph swings up to the back of the I.G. he’s fighting and hooks his sai into the mercenary’s harness, using them to steer him against his will into a steep dive!


RAPH: “C’mon, tweety, let’s see how fast you can fly!”


DIVING WITH RAPH AND I.G. – It’s a heart-stopping sequence as Raph zooms his I.G. under Cody at the last minute, catching him.  But in doing so, he releases control of the I.G., who pulls up sharply, sending Raph and Cody flying!"

This action bit just seems totally unbelievable. Remember, we're not talking about some dumb animal that Raph can poke and prod with his sais to get it to move in the direction he wants it to go -- this is a cunning and powerful and intelligent trained warrior -- it would NEVER do this. It's just plain silly.


We need to think of another way to do this, if it is in fact necessary. Actually, a thought just occurred to me as I noticed another silly bit in  a previous paragraph, as follows:

"Finally, in a desperate bid to maintain their freedom, the I.G. pitch Cody off the roof!"

Given that their employer has just given them strict instructions that they should not HARM Cody, just FRIGHTEN him, this action seems ludicrous. BUT... it also might be a way to make the other sequence work. Here's my thought: The I.G. throw Cody off the roof -- their intent is to startle the Turtles into breaking off their attack just enough so that the I.G. can break free. This is, in fact, what happens... but because the I.G. are still under orders not to harm Cody, they ALSO use this to immediately fly down to CATCH Cody before he hits the ground. One of the Turtles -- it could be Raph, I suppose -- thinks fast and dives out after them. In one of our patented ignoring of the laws of physics, Raph could catch up to the I.G. who has JUST GRABBED CODY and Raph's weight forces the I.G. to waver off course and DROP Cody and Raph into the lake. (Maybe Raph beats on the I.G. a little to hasten this.)


14.) There seems to be either a lapse of logic or a scene missing somewhere between the time that Cody and Raph "safely – and luckily – splashing down in Central Park Lake" and in the third or fourth following paragraph wherein we see Don, Raph and Leo chasing the I.G. Didn't Raph fall into the lake with Cody? And further on, here's this confusing paragraph:

"With the three I.G. grounded, Leo, Donny and Ralph put the finishing touches on them, just as Cody and Raph come rushing up, dragging their own unconscious enemy."

15.) Re: the following:

"But before the lead I.G. can speak, there’s a HUM, then a GREEN GLOW surrounds all four mercenaries, and a moment later, the energy hardens into the STASIS CAPSULES!  Raph pounds on the capsules with his sai, but even their redesigned abilities can’t penetrate the green shielding."

This seems to me a very odd way to wrap this up (no pun intended). In front of everyone at this press conference (which is surely being recorded and broadcast), these I.G.'s who kidnapped Cody suddenly get encapsulated in stasis fields... and then Darius is allowed to just cart them away to his own choice of location? Wouldn't this be a police matter?




-- Pete

What to do...?

Back when I started posting these "behind the scenes" emails between me and Lloyd Goldfine, head writer on the 4Kids TMNT animated series, I kind of started halfway through the second season, around episode 45. I am not quite certain why I started there, but it is possible that the email I used for that post was the earliest one I could find at that time on my laptop.

For months, I have been meaning to boot up my dusty old desktop Mac, and see if I could find any older emails relating to the development of the 4Kids show. Today, I did just that, and was pleased to discover emails dating back to early 2002, from the beginning of the series.

I'm planning to use these -- but I am not sure if I should start doing that NOW, or continue on with the "Fast Forward" stuff and then with "Back to the Sewers" and hopefully "Turtles Forever", if I can find my notes from those projects... and once all that's done, THEN go back and start from the beginning.

What do you think? -- PL

Blast from the Past #476: July 26, 2005: comments on 120 ("Home Invasion") and 121 ("Headlock Prime") premises

Subj: comments on 120 and 121 premises
Date: Tuesday, July 26, 2005 1:23:24 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments (just a few) on the 120 and 121 premises.

---------------

comments on premise for Ep. 120 "Home Invasion"


1.) Re: the following:

"Don and Cody manage to sequester themselves and try to attack Viral  by working within NETHERSPACE – a purely digital domain operating below all computer programming (NOT a virtual reality, but a digital realm of numbers where they exist as flickering lines of information.  There they see Viral in his DIGITAL FORM, and set traps for him while Raph and the rest fend off a building gone wrong."

Maybe it's the wording, but I don't quite get what is meant by "a purely digital domain operating below all computer programming (NOT a virtual reality, but a digital realm of numbers where they exist as flickering lines of information" -- that sounds to me like EXACTLY what programming is: lines of information. I hope this is not just an excuse to use that already over-used cheesy scrolling green characters MATRIX thing. Unless there is something I am missing, there's no need to create something like "Netherspace" for this story -- Don and Cody are just doing programming. (Or counter-programming, in this instance.) "Netherspace" is a cool word, though -- maybe we should save it for a future use.


2.) Re: the following:

"Don and Cody manage to build a “trap door” for Viral that appears to be the key to O’Neil security, but instead traps him in the Dojo. Viral is tricked into downloading his entire program into one DOJO PRACTICE ROBOT – (a nasty juggernaut of a construct that will be his body in the future!) From here Viral’s certain that he can destroy the Turtles (with the visceral thrill of using “his own six hands”) but gets more than he bargained for when Raph takes out all of his “future frustration” on the robot, kicking the shell out of it. (Body and Mind… the Physical and the Spiritual, working in consort…)


In the end, Viral uses the body (now a virtual prison) to escape, barely making it out with his circuits in tact. O’Neil has been saved, and Raph is a little more at peace…just a little.


In a final coda, Viral appeals to his mysterious “creator” to free him from the robotic body, but she refuses, and we see once again a glimpse of the mysterious Sh’okanabo. What was she looking for at O’Neil..? Time will tell!"

While the idea that Viral can be trapped in the robot body is a neat way of concluding this episode, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Why can't Viral get out? What makes this robot so special and different from all of the other cybernetic systems Viral apparently got into and out of throughout the city? And even more baffling -- why would Viral's mysterious creator not let him out of the robot body? Surely Viral would be of far greater use to Sh'okanabo as a powerful computer virus than one beat-up robot.
I wonder if it might work better if it is Viral's CHOICE to keep the robot body -- though not necessarily as a permanent "home" -- because in the short time it had spent battling Raph in the dojo, it acquired something new: a "taste" for physical combat, something which it could expand upon in later episodes without losing its unique ability to infiltrate computer-driven systems as a virus. And perhaps Sh'okanabo allows it to keep this robot body, but with the threat of taking it away if Viral does not do what Sh'okanabo commands. The next question, of course, is this -- why would Viral care about THIS robot in particular... when there are very likely millions of other robot bodies it could take over and utilize? The answer might be that this robot is a special O'Neil Industries prototype with special chips and circuitry which approximate FEELINGS and SENSATIONS... which are suddenly intriguing to the previously totally digital Viral.


2.) When Viral attacks Cody's building, does his robot butler Serling also get invaded by the virus? Or is he immune somehow?

---------------------------------------------

comments on premise for Ep. 121 "Headlock Prime"


1.) Re: the following:

"BADOOM! A tremendous woman explodes from the box office and lands in the ring – with the nights’ BOX OFFICE! The FAT LADY swats aside a few of the wrestlers, who recognize her from her days as a former wrestler. (She was banned from the league for being too violent!) Thinking fast, Raph activates the “titanium cage,” trapping himself in the ring with her. "

Aside from being convenient for the plot, WHY does the Fat Lady (I sure hope we come up with a better name) go from the box office into the ring? Seems kind of silly if her goal is to steal the box office take and get out with it. Maybe it's because she also has a score (or scores) to settle with a few of the wrestlers who are in the ring at the moment.
Also, I'm not really sure why it's "thinking fast" for Raph to trap himself in a cage with this violent psycho. Sounds like a DUMB move to me. Maybe it would work better if it's an automatic security thing for the protection of the patrons if the wrestling gets out of hand. The rest of it -- Raph fighting, Leo "coaching" -- would work as is.


2.) Re; the following:

"The Fat Lady leaves with all of the cash, and Raph’s pride!"

"Cash"? We're a hundred years in the future and they're still using cash? Maybe that's possible -- albeit unlikely -- but perhaps there is something more valuable AND unique to this particular venue that she is stealing. How about the Pan-Galactic Wrestling Federation Ultra-Mega-Heavyweight belt made of jewel-encrusted Unobtanium?


-- Pete

Blast from the Past #475: July 22, 2005: Re: FW: 118 ("Future Shellshock") Outline

Subj: Re: FW: 118 ("Future Shellshock") Outline
Date: Friday, July 22, 2005 2:44:46 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


In a message dated 7/21/05 8:40:45 PM, Lloyd writes:

"Howdy all -

Attached please find the first rough draft outline for TMNT episode 118
(aka TMNT 2105 episode ONE!).

We're anxious to get our writer started scripting over the weekend, so
it would be greatly appreciated if we could have your comments by end of
day tomorrow (EST).

Feel free to call with any questions, comments, concerns, curses, etc.

Thanks mucho,

Lloyd"



Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep.118 outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"Splinter sighs: "Fifteen years of ninja training and it all boils down to Ultimate Sumo Makeover vs. Zombies From Saturn: The Director's Cut." "

This line is fine -- it just doesn't sound like it's coming from Splinter. Maybe Leo or Don should say it.


2.) Before I forget -- I think we need to do a little something in this season's shows -- not TOO much, but SOMETHING -- to show that they guys MISS their friends (Casey, April, the Professor, SIlver Sentry, Angel, etc.) and their environment from the past. In other words, while they are prepared to adapt to the future NYC (and they will adapt) , they're still not really HAPPY to be there.


3.) Re: the following:

"(NOTE: If there's room, I'd like to get a running gag out of Splinter not being able to tell the Turtles apart without their masks.)"

To my mind, this is a REALLY dumb, lazy gag -- after raising them for fifteen-plus years, Splinter SURELY knows how to tell one Turtle from another. He could tell them apart with his eyes closed! Now CODY -- that's another story. It might be funny when he meets them for the first time, he mixes up their names.


4.) Re: the following:

"Splinter urges his sons to remain in the shadows and observe... but overzealous Mikey leaps onto the truck, prepared to strike from above.  Just then, the Triceratons reach into the back of the vehicle and pull out... a stack of newspapers?!  Only they're not like any newspapers we've ever seen: they're like disposable, flexible laptop screens with scrolling strange alien writing and moving pictures!


The guys are so dumbstruck that they don't notice the Triceratons hop back into their vehicle and take off like a shot -- with Mikey on top!"

The description of the future "newspapers" is cool... but I'd like to suggest an addition -- these "videopapers" also have a daily VIDEOGAME built into them! Complete with an obvious "control pad" with buttons at the bottom of the front page. If it worked out, we could actually have Mikey notice this and -- given his videogame addiction -- he could get distracted by this, adding to the likelihood that he wouldn't notice that he should jump off the Triceratons' paper delivery vehicle. 


5.) Re: the following:

"The guys quickly lose the Hover Limo among what turn out to be holographic trees -- when a MASSIVE VEHICLE lands nearby and out leap two TRICERATONS. "

"Holographic trees" is an interesting idea -- but maybe misused in this context. I don't see WHY they should be there.


6.) Re: the following:

"Leo urges them to take to the rooftops but... where are the rooftops?!  The buildings are so tall now you can't even see the tops through the clouds!"

That seems more than a little preposterous... and if TRUE, seriously cuts down on one of the most fun action things the Turtles typically do -- run around on rooftops.


7.) Re: the following:

"PENTHOUSE - Stepping from the limo, the guys enter the most palatial apartment they've ever seen.  It's a testament to wealth and power, a technological marvel.  It's enough to make a Turtle swoon.  In fact, they all swoon, not from the sight, but from the lack of atmosphere up here.  Splinter and the Turtles promptly BLACK OUT..."

This is a good example of how ridiculous this whole atmosphere bit can become if we let it. Think about it -- the guys have just entered Cody's apartment -- and there's NO BREATHABLE AIR???!! That's just silly. I think it would work much better if Serling sees that the Turtles and Splinter are still having breathing problems from the strange atmosphere previous scene, and because of THAT he gives them the breathing devices.
Speaking of which -- it seems logical that ALL living beings should be outfitted with these Enviropacks if they intend to move freely throughout the city -- so Cody, Biggles et al should be wearing them. Maybe some thought should be given to slightly different designs for these things to indicate occupation, status, etc., keeping a few common practical elements but allowing for some freedom of design. For example, the Peacekeepers might have enviropacks that have a more military/police look to them, and so on.
Speaking of Peacekeepers -- is their another cool word we could use/invent for their name? "Peacekeeper", while a perfectly fine word, has already been used prominently in sci-fi (I'm thinking "Farscape" right now). How about "Pacifactors"?


8.) Re: the following:

"Cody shyly fesses up that he's read about the Turtles in his great grandfather's journal (prompting Don to remark, "I didn't know Casey could read, let alone write!")."

That kind of line sounds like something Mike or Raph would say, not Don.


9.) Re: the following:

"We go into a FLASHBACK as Cody explains that, dying for just a glimpse of his heroes in action, he tried inventing a "time window" that would let him observe them in their own time.  Only there was an accident and the Turtles sort of... fell through. "

Given that we desperately want to avoid "Wesley Crusher" syndrome, while making clear that Cody is an extremely bright kid, it occurred to me while reading this that it might be a great way to introduce the Utroms into this new future setting, and specifically one Utrom who I have featured in several issues of the TMNT comic -- the young and brilliant unconventional Glurin, who, in one of the TMNT comics, had been experimenting with Utrom transmat tech to construct a trans-dimensional viewer. Wouldn't it be cool if young Cody had an Utrom pal? I think it would. And maybe Glurin supplied Cody with some of the tech that he used to make his "time viewer". And maybe Glurin is the SECOND biggest Turtle fan (after Cody), one of the reasons being that the Turtles knew his father, Mr. Mortu!


10.) Re: the following:

"Cody proudly shows off his PERSONAL LAB, explaining that he "sort of owns a company... the biggest company... anywhere." "

While it is fine by me that O'Neiltech (should be one word, I think) is a BIG company, I see no compelling reason why it should be "the biggest company... anywhere". In fact, there are several good reasons why it SHOULDN'T be, not the least being that if it WERE "the biggest company... anywhere", Cody -- as owner -- would be the center of insanely intense scrutiny by the press, and that could make his interactions with the Turtles and Splinter problematic to say the least.


11.) Re: the following:

"Observing a monitor, Cody suddenly panics.  It looks like the "time window" he accidentally opened is starting to close. "

I think we need to get this straight. Cody didn't "accidentally" open a time WINDOW (i.e. for VIEWING the past)  -- he DELIBERATELY did that -- but he DID accidentally open up a time PORTAL (through which things from the past can come).
Also, I don't think Cody should "suddenly panic" while "observing a monitor" -- I think it would be better if he is aware all this time that the portal is still open, and also that he himself isn't really sure how much longer it will be there -- but his best guess is not very long. Also, HE shouldn't be the one who pushes the idea of the Turtles' returning to the past -- it should be the Turtles who press him on this. After all, they don't really want to be here, and they are (at least at this point in time, they might mellow some later) ticked off at this little brat for bringing them here against their will.


12.) Re: the following:

"Serling explains that he was instructed to retrieve "the Turtles".  The Master didn't specify how many. "

There is an opportunity for humor here, but this is not it. It's ridiculous to think that Serling would not know how many Turtles there are if his Master is such a huge fan of them.


13.) Re: the following:

In any case, they need to get moving and find Mikey!  But before they do... “Can we borrow those old masks?”

There might be some fun in having some comments about how funky the old masks smell. I also thought it might be fun if -- as temporary cover -- Serling gives Splinter one of Cody's bathrobes to wear (maybe at Cody's order) because the ancient Spliinter robe on display is literally falling apart. Some fun might be had here if the bathrobe was ALMOST the right size ( I suspect that Cody is a little taller than Splinter?). Maybe Cody has even had images of the Turtles woven into the bathrobe! (A sneaky little fun comment about merchandising.)


14.) It just occurred to me that there might be a fun way to get flashes of the old episodes into this season -- Cody could have a very high tech "holodeck" type thing which he puts at the Turtles' disposal... and in one episode Don might program it with a battle training program featuring -- THE SHREDDER and the FOOT and KARAI! And if we really wanted to push it, we could even do an episode where somehow these villains escape the "holodeck" and wreak havoc, or the Turtles get trapped in the holodeck's imaginary world with the "safeties" off! The fans would love it, I think.


15.) Re: the following:

" They pile in, waiting for Cody to drive... but he's still afraid to leave the house.  "I could get in trouble.""

If we are really going to do this bit about Cody never leaving the apartment, we should have a REALLY good reason for it. What "trouble" is he going to get into? Is he traumatized because his parents went out and got killed in a flying car accident? Is he agoraphobic? Is he just painfully shy? This gag will only work if we have a solid base for it. Right now, I don't even see a halfway decent reason for it, and the story works fine without it.


16.) Re: the following: 

"Cody neglected to mention that he doesn't know how to drive.  Donny takes the wheel as they nearly crash into Constable Biggles, forcing him to spill his alien sushi all over himself and worse, his beloved paperwork. "

The "doesn't know how to drive" gag is pretty tired, and pretty DOPEY, considering that this kid has the resources and smarts to practice driving in a SIMULATOR, even if he never does it in the "real" world. Maybe that could be the gag instead of not knowing how to drive -- Cody knows how to drive, but all his experience has been simulated and this is his first trip in the the chaotic and messy "real world". So he can get around okay, but with a lot of close calls that could rattle the Turtles in amusing ways.


17.) Re: the following:

"MEANWHILE, IN THE ALLEY - Mikey enters, finding the Alien Street Vendor is gone.  Instead, THE STREET PHANTOMS, a multi-species street gang led by JAMMER-HEAD, "decloak" and seemingly materialize out of nowhere, surrounding Mikey.  "

I think we should try to make the effect for these guys significantly differently than our cloaked Foot Tech Ninjas from past episodes. One thought I had is that when these guys decloak, they start to appear from one body part and then it's like they are on a screen which is unrolling (or extending) until you see their whole bodies (and the reverse for cloaking). Or maybe they flash briefly in a negative version of themselves before they cloak or decloak.


18.) Re: the following:

"The guys turn to Cody.  Can he create another window?  Yes.  Absolutely.  In theory.  As soon as he can figure out what caused the accident that created the first one.  Looks like they're gonna be stuck in the future for a little while.  "Oh well," says Mikey, "At least we still have our old lair."

Then suddenly... Metal <GROANS>, granite <CRASHES> around them.  The guys haul shell outta their just in the nick of time as THE ENTIRE LAIR COLLAPSES!"

It's a funny visual gag, but why does the lair collapse RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT? This is the kind of slapstick humor that I'm not crazy about -- things happening with no rhyme or reason other than "it's funny!". I think we need SOME kind of explanation, even if it's some pseudoscientific claptrap from Don or Cody (i.e. "It appears the temporal displacement field weakened the main support structures of the lair").
Actually, it might be funny if Mikey does something like pats one of the beams before he says his line... and THAT'S the "straw that broke the camel's back", that small impact pushing the damaged lair over the edge.


19.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly the Speeder <CRASHES> into a floating billboard.  "...or how to drive."


And with the Shell Speeder embedded into the face of an alien spokesmodel we FADE OUT.  "

This is a dopey gag ripped off from the credit/intro sequence from "Futurama" -- let's lose it. A near miss/scrape would be better in my opinion.
Also, while I SUSPECT that calling the vehicle they are in the "Shell Speeder" is a shorthand way for us to understand that this will be -- or will serve as the basis for -- a "Turtleized" vehicle in later episodes, we should all recognize that there is no way at this point in the season that they could possibly have a "Shell Speeder" per se. Right?


-- Pete


P.S. What is your take on my earlier comment about the name "Darius Dun"?

Odd coincidence department

A few weeks ago, I was doing something on the Internet and stumbled upon this page. I really can't remember WHAT I was doing, exactly -- it may have been as simple as getting a "Google alert" to this link.

But when I got to this page, and saw "Mouser Electronics" and "Laird Technologies", I had to chuckle at the coincidence. -- PL

Blast from the Past #474: July 25, 2005: re: new TMNT lineup, and July 21, 2005: Re: TMNT Show 119 Premise - First Draft

Subj: re: new TMNT lineup
Date: Monday, July 25, 2005 3:13:30 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


I'm pretty disappointed in the art you sent me for the new look of the "future Turtles". It's a nice drawing, but my reaction when I first got it was "Why are the Turtles wearing goofy black Ace bandages?"
These designs do not in any way reflect what I had been envisioning for what we have been discussing for the "enviropacks" that the Turtles would be given and be wearing to help them deal with the different atmospheres and gravity zones in new NYC. That they are all different patterns/designs with different belts baffles me, too -- I don't see the logic in it, other than to make each Turtle look different for no particular reason. Maybe I'll give it a shot to see what I can come up with.
In regards to the size/build differences that we discussed, Don, Mike and Leo are fine, but Raph looks a shade too big to me, plus his upper plastron looks weird -- too much of a "V" shape. I don't think Raph's overall torso shape has to change to indicate that he is slightly bigger/more muscular than his brothers.
I think it is back to the drawing board on this one. Might be helpful to see what designs Playmates nixed.
Cody, on the other hand, Ihave no problem with... though if part of his outfit is meant to be an "enviropack", perhaps that should be redesigned.


-- Pete

-----------------------------------


Subj: Re: TMNT Show 119 Premise - First Draft
Date: Thursday, July 21, 2005 2:29:31 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on the Ep. 119 premise.



1.) Re: the following:



"Cody takes the Turtles into his COMPUTER ROOM, a complete 360 VR dome, and calls up a thousand WEAPON SITES on the Internet."

I wonder if we can think up a clever word to supplant "Internet" to reflect the idea that in the future, the Internet that we know has grown into an almost infinite resource, bridging many star systems and inhabited planets. Here are a few suggestions:

-- Galactinet
-- Infininet (hard to say!) or maybe Infinet
-- Ultranet
-- Meganet
-- U-Net (for "Universal Network")

2.) Re: the following:

"The guys stare at Cody,   You OWN a company? You don t even leave the house!"


This last comment seems a bit odd -- didn't Cody leave his house in the first episode of Season Six so he could pick up the Turtles?



3.) Re: the following:



"And DARIUS walks in! The Ninja Turtles immediately disappear, winking at Cody from the shadows and mocking Darious, unseen."


Why do the Turtles "mock" Darius? What is the point? And do they do thing mocking just unseen, or unseen and UNHEARD?



4.) Re: the following:



"Cody finds it impossible to stand up to his   almost uncle and agrees to stay inside when Darius leaves. When Cody looks for the Turtles, he finds them outside, waiting in the Hovershell!   Rules were meant to be broken, kid &especially rules from a jerk! Cody resists, but they throw him in the hovershell and take off!"


Where did this "Hovershell" come from? I appreciate the idea that we should get some neat Turtle vehicles into this show, but this seems WAY to quick for them to already have a Turtle-ized future vehicle. They don't even have their weapons yet! 


Also, I question whether ALL the Turtles would be behind this "rules were made to be broken" bit -- seems pretty irresponsible of them. I could definitely see Raph pulling that line, and maybe Mikey, but definitely not Leo and Don, especially in these circumstances (they're brand-new to this future city, they don't know their way around, they don't know what kinds of dangers lurk, and yet they want to yank this kid out into a vehicle they haven't flown in before?). And as written, they actually FORCE Cody to disobey Darius -- it's not his choice. And that's not like our guys.


This scene might work better for me if set up something like this: Don and Leo go off to try to work on their weapons. Meanwhile, Mikey and Raph spot A VEHICLE floating outside one of the windows. They jump into it and start fooling around with the controls. Cody nervously asks them to cut it out, but they continue and pester him to teach them how to fly it... they just want to cruise around and check out how the city has changed. Cody finally gives in -- if only to keep these two goons from hurting themselves and/or wrecking the flyer -- and takes off with them.



5.) Re: the following:



"Splinter interrupts,   This is freaking awesome, my sons. Splinter points out that it isn t the craftsman s tools that make a fine weapon, but the craftsman himself. He encourages Donny to try first."


Bad Splinter line.



6.) Unrelated to this story, but this thought just occurred to me: Would it be fun to do a story which deals with the beginning of the "Society for the Preservation of Internal Combustion"? This, as we all know, is the group which started and continues to sponsor the Planet Racing series as seen in the "PLANET RACERS" graphic novels. Maybe Raph somehow gets hooked up with them in one of their first races, and he encounters either Godman Falcon's mom (either as a youngster or an adult) or a young Godman Falcon. Might be neat to tie in the third season "Across the Universe" episode with this new season six.
Actually, it might be fun to one of those ironic time travel story twists and have Raph somehow end up being a significant factor in the birth of Planet Racing.



7.) Re: the following:



"Leo, though skeptical, will try anything once, and imagines his ideal swords. Being a little snotty, he wants a sword folded 40,000 times with a blade so sharp it s only a hair s width thick. Cody smirks,   what about one molecule thick? "


I don't think Leo has to be "a little snotty" (not generally a characteristic we associate with Leo) to fantasize about having a super-sharp blade. Also, do we want to have the blade itself be one molecule thick or just the leading/cutting edge of it? As I read this, I thought of an idea which might work or might be too goofy (or both!): Imagine a blade which was only one molecule thick -- you could roll that up into a tiny cylinder. If you could somehow press a release button and the sword unrolled AND if the material when unrolled then became ultra-rigid (no jokes, please), then we could give Leo a pair of swords which wouldn't have to be carried in sheathes on his back, but rather he could carry them on his belt.


Maybe instead of unROLLING, the sword could unFOLD when needed. Maybe this material could be sourced from a research project to create super protective fold-up emergency space suits or something. If we did go this way, I think we would definitely need a key scene where a skeptical Leo is shown how strong this material can be when expanded (maybe have a bit where Mike, Raph and Don all perch on a blade-length sample of the material, and it barely deflects under all their weight). One practical issue with a blade which is only one molecule thick -- unlike a traditional blade, this would be one molecule thick on BOTH edges... which would be great if you were in a situation where you wanted to cut on both forward and return strokes, but not so great if you needed to PUSH on the back edge of the blade. Maybe this meterial could have a built in "safety edge" which configures itself when the blade is unfolded.



8.) Re: the following:



"AT O NEIL   Darius is all ready giving a press conference about what s happened, really playing up the worry and begging for the safe return of the boy. The Turtles, returning and watching from the shadows, don t trust him at all. Looking outside, Donny rattles his brain about how they can find Cody & when all of their WATCHES begin beeping."


When did the Turtles start wearing watches? This should be given some kind of setup earlier.



9.) Re: the following:



"The Turtles attack & zooming in on their TBD VEHICLES with NEW WEAPONS! Mikey is first on the scene, going crazy with his   Turtletech battle armor go plus infinity! A battle ensues, and this time around, our boys have the upper hand. The new weapons work even better than expected &except for Mikey s BATTLE ARMOR, which misfires, falls apart in pieces, etc. "


A slight problem with timing here -- Mike's battle armor had not been finished yet -- as shown in the following from earlier in the premise:



"Mikey jumps into the   drivers seat and whips up a mech-body armor nightmare with rockets and lasers and a soda dispenser, etc. As everything is logged in and construction begins &

KATHOOM! A the roof caves in, and the guys must dodge truck-sized shards of glass as the Winged Warriors finally reveal themselves   The Inuwashi Gunjin!"


So either he should finish in before the attack, or we should somehow show or say that he finished it -- and went to pick it up -- sometime before the Turtles went off to find Cody. And I think we need to do something somewhere in here which would explain how the same tech that can build the Turtles' new perfect weapons also builds something like Mike's battle armor which "misfires, falls apart" -- NOT something to inspire a lot of confidence in the other weapons which come out of the "Transcendental Lathe" (great name, by the way).


The solution to this problem could be as simple as doing something like this: When Mikey is whipping up his battle armor and putting everything but the kitchen sink into it, the Transcendental Lathe machine could start flashing warnings about the number of options being chosen and their viability as a reliable weapons system -- which warnings Mike chooses to ignore. This could set up the weakness of the "over-muscled" battle armor for this fight scene.



10.) Re: the following:



"Thinking fast, Raph forces one of the I.G. he s fighting (and riding) in the air to change direction and swoop down to intercept Cody. Raph catches him and they land safely in the Central Park lake."


The idea that Raph could basically "pilot" one of these fearsome I.G.'s is a bit much. I think more thought should go into this rescue bit. Also, I'm a little unclear on the geography here -- is this Central Park Aerie thing a real thing, and is it near enough to the lake that they could fall into it after being thrown from the top? Or is this all new imaginary stuff? (Actually, the "falling into the lake" question still applies -- how threatening is being thrown off a building if you are going to land safely in a lake?)



11.) Re: the following:



"A final race through town ensues, winding up back at O NEIL where Darius s press conference is rudely interrupted! The Turtles finally ground the I.G., beating them senseless as Raph arrives with Cody. When Leo tries to interrogate the leader about who hired them, the leader is about to tell when ZZZAPT! The mercenaries   short out, returning to a stasis like state.
 (Darius   meets the Turtles for the first time, and thanks them for their help. He suggests that   professionals will take over now, but Cody steps up to the plate and tells everyone that he has it under control with his new, uh & The turtles jump in,   Bodyguards? Protectors? Security Force? Cody smiles,   UNCLES.

They leave everyone at the press conference confused and speechless, especially Darius."


Much like the "confused and speechless" press corps in this scene, I'm not totally clear on WHY this battle ends up back at Darius' press conference, but maybe that will come in future drafts. However, what needs to happen here is SOME kind of public statement from Cody about the Turtles explaining who/what they are instead of just calling them his "Uncles" (which is pretty goofy, given the circumstances... no wonder the press are "confused and speechless"). I think Cody should have enough smarts to perceive that, given the circumstances, he should say something that DEFLECTS curiosity rather than AMPLIFIES it, and thus should say something like "these are my great new bodyguards that Darius hired for me -- they're from (some newly discovered planet or something)".


-- Pete