Blast from the Past #494: September 7, 2005: Re: show 123 ("Bishop to Knight") Second Draft

Subj: Re: show 123 ("Bishop to Knight") Second Draft
Date: Wednesday, September 7, 2005 1:18:38 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,


Here are my 16 notes on Ep123 second draft.


1.) Re: the following:

"DARIUS
Morning, Cody… amphibians."

I'll let this one slide, as Dun is either being sarcastic or just can't be bothered to call them by the right word -- "reptiles".


2.) Re: the following:

"* ANGLE - RAPH tries to kick-start a sleek but clearly 21st century MOTORCYCLE. Mikey’s seated behind him.


*RAPH
Don’t worry about us. I finally got the bike running last night. A good old-fashioned gas-guzzling hog."

Not sure why Raph is trying to kick-start a "clearly 21st century MOTORCYCLE" -- even in the last quarter of the TWENTIETH century, virtually every street-going motorcycle not only had ELECTRIC start, but had lost the vestigial kick-start lever.


3.) Re: the following:

"* DONATELLO
Guys, I read all about the Pan-Galactic Alliance. They’re like, one of the most respected organizations on the planet. Like the U.N. but for aliens."

I would take out the "like" after the word "they're".


4.) Re: the following:

"RAPH
But it doesn’t prove Bishop’s come over from the dark side.
MIKE
Maybe he’s gone over to the dork side."

I'll reiterate my previous suggestion, as this time around Mike's "Dork side" bit seems even more to be hanging out there with no support. I mean, even for Mikey, it's tenuous (in terms of being appropriate to the conversation/making sense). Here's what I said in my last notes:


"It might be funny to give Raph a line here after Mikey's. something like this:


"RAPH
That would mean he's ready to team up with you!"


5.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
I say we spread out. Mingle with our ears open. We’re bound to hear something-"

"With our ears open" is, I think, superfluous.


6.) Re: the following:

"IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM - A big and nasty looking BAD DUDE staggers around, bragging. 


*BAD DUDE (O.C. AND LOUD)
…no, me the best smuggler in entire Milky Way Galaxy! Greased lightning – nothing touch me! Me best smuggler in known universe! Me, Torbin Ziixx! 
Mikey smiles, but Raph isn’t so sure.
MIKE 
Or we just look for the biggest ugliest guy in the place? That was easier than the yellow pages."

As I pointed out in my last notes:


"While this is a decent gag, it just occurred to me that it is also kind of dopey, as it depends on the precept that NONE OF THE TURTLES HAVE EVER SEEN A PICTURE OF TORBIN ZIXX!!! Given that he is a " troublemaker of legendary proportions" with "active warrants out for his arrest from a dozen planets", doesn't it make sense that in researching Torbin Zixx, they would have come across an image of him?
If the idea is that Zixx, like some famous terrorists in our history, have never been photographed (and I'm not so sure that's a great idea or makes a whole lot of sense, given that Zixx is a mercenary as opposed to a terrorist), then that should be stated outright before the Turtles get to the bar.
Conversely, we could establish that the Turtles HAVE seen images of Zixx, and this big alien who is picking the fight looks a LITTLE bit like him -- maybe enough that Mikey could make a joke about how Zixx has been packing on the pounds/sucking down steroids/pumping himself up/etc.."

Now it seems even dopier given that there is a previous bit where Don is even more clearly seen researching Zixx online.


7.) Re: the following:

"* BAD DUDE – rips a TABLE out of the floor and swings it like a club!
*BAD DUDE
Me punch you to the moon!
* THE GUYS – dodge the table, FLIPPING and DUCKING as he swings and <SMASHES> the table into BAR STUFF around the room.
*MICHELANGELO
That’s better than you mooning me with your punch."

"Mooning me with your punch"??!! That line just doesn't make sense, even for Mikey. Unless the big guy's fists look like ASSES... and I suspect we don't want to go there.
Also, does it make sense that the big guys is threatening to PUNCH them when he's actually not PUNCHING but using a club?


8.) Re: the following:

"MIKEY <POWERS UP> his CHUCKS, creating a SHIELD. The TABLE HALF <CRACHES> to bits as it strikes him…"

I think "CRACHES" should be "CRASHES".


9.) Re: the following:

"NEW ALIEN
Snap that, spud. Reverse it. He’s not Torbin Ziixx…"

"Snap that, spud. Reverse it. " seem like extraneous bits to me.


10.) Re: the following:

"*DON – fires up a bo staff, a beam of light shines out.


DON
No problem!
*ZIIXX – caught partially in the light, is seen crawling across the ceiling towards and out the exit."

That's pretty cool!


11.) Re: the following:

"*RAPH – violently throws aside the trashcan, surprised to see Ziixx standing facing him from about ten feet away, laughing.
*RAPH
You think it’s funny? Dude, I am so gonna knock…
*RAPH – flying drop kick towards Ziixx’s head.
*RAPH
…your block off!
*RAPH – passes through Ziixx into and slides down alley wall.
*WIDER – the other turtles standing around Raph, on ground.
*RAPH
I’m really starting to hate holograms."

My immediate response to this bit was "From where is Zixx projecting this hologram?" Then I thought it might be cool if -- like a ninja -- he had thrown down a little device (a mini-holo projector) which created a diversion through a pre-recorded hologram of himself. And Don could pick this device up -- "Hmm... fascinating!" and possibly use it in a future episode.


12.) Re: the following:

"*DON (O.C.)
…the Southstreet Moonport. Wow. Check it out, it’s amazing! And look – there’s the Howitzer Gravity Lift! It’s massive! Guess it’s gotta be to propel ships directly to the moon."

Don doesn't say "gotta".


13.) Re: the following:

"DON
Then is there anyway to make the ship go faster? To get it away from earth before it explodes?
TWO SHOT – Don and Robot Captain.
*ROBOT CAPTAIN
Over-ride the auto-pilot. 
*DON
Excellent! Where’s the auto-pilot?
*ROBOT CAPTAIN
I am the auto-pilot. 
*TWO SHOT – Don rips Robot Captain out of its seat.
*DON
Don’t worry, I’m a professional. (beat) Now let’s see what this baby can do!"

Don's ripping the auto-pilot robot out of his seat seems a little too Raph-like in its dumbass brute force approach. I wonder if it might be more in character and possibly funnier if instead of ripping the robot out of his seat, Don instead sits on his lap (or maybe stands behind him) and puts his hands over the robot's to manipulate the controls. Either way would make for amusing visuals, and if he did sit on the robot's lap (assuming that kind of robot HAS a lap), he would be literally "over-riding" is. Get it?
(Not to mention that this is a particularly egregious example of the silly and annoying "Don knows how to fly ANY kind of spaceship/airplane IMMEDIATELY" bit that has found its way into many episodes.)


14:) Re: the following:

"*ZIIXX
Listen. The first rule of smuggling is to not ask what’s being smuggled. I would never have taken on the job had I known it was a bomb."

This strikes me as kind of... odd. First, Ziixx is saying that it's important for a smuggler to not know what he's smuggling. But then he contradicts that by saying he wishes he DID know what he was smuggling. I think this needs to be reworked, or at the very least the "The first rule of smuggling is to not ask what’s being smuggled" line should be taken out, as the really important concept here is that Ziixx is not into killing innocents... right?


15.) Re: the following:

"*BISHOP
But… I thought Sh’Okanabo was just a myth, a story to scare children by…


*BISHOP – full. Hands behind back, pacing, thinking.


*BISHOP
There… there had been rumors of some sort of malignant alien… but… but him? Sh’Okanabo? (beat) Hm, that must be it.


BISHOP - regains his composure.


*BISHOP
The explosion temporarily knocked out the Extra-Terran Defense Grid. That must have been his real goal."

This is REALLY weird. First, Bishop speaks of Sh'Okanabo as if he were a mythical boogeyman -- then in his next set of lines, he talks about him as if he KNOWS that Sh'Okanabo exists! Which is it?


16.) Re: the following:

"SH’OKANABO
That’s twice now that those turtlesss have meddled in my business.
*VIRAL
We need to erase their programming before they ruin everything.
*SH’OKANABO
Yesss. The rightnessss of this planet… isss perfect.  "

Although I have no problem with the sibilant "s"'s of Sh'Okanabo, I don't recall him speaking in this way in previous appearances. Should he speak this way?




-- Pete

Blast from the Past #493: September 4, 2005: Re: TMNT 125 ("Clash of the Turtle Titans") First Draft

Subj: Re: TMNT 125 ("Clash of the Turtle Titans") First Draft
Date: Sunday, September 4, 2005 8:36:22 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on the Ep125 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL (V.O.)
Hey!  Dat ain't how it happened!"

"Dat"?


2.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO strikes a matching heroic pose standing on a PEDISTIL that formerly housed the WAL-MART VASE, which RAPHAEL uses to <BAP> Mikey on the back of the head. "

I think that should be "pedestal", not "pedistil".


3.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
But I'm allergic to culture!  Just ask my doctor.  I'm supposed to avoid all places with boring, musty, old..."

The "Just ask my doctor" line is odd and unnecessary -- I'd take it out.


4.) Re: the following:

"PATRONS run in panic as Triple Threat bounds inside.  Psycho head takes it all in as Triple Threat <SMASHES> through a display case, grabbing the Justice Force comic.
PSYCHO HEAD
Ooh!  Pretty colors!
Suddenly, all four Turtles leap out of the shadows from different direction, surrounding Triple Threat, weapons drawn, as does Cody, now wearing his Serling-Armor."

Why were the Turtles hiding in the shadows? Doesn't seem to make sense. I think it would be funnier if they are taken a little bit by surprise when Triple Threat bounds into the room, and he grabs the comic with Mikey in it -- Mikey could react with his classic "girly scream" when he witnesses this desecration of the venerable relic.
Also, Cody can't be wearing his "Serling Armor", as we have taken that concept out.


5.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO AND MICHELANGELO - rush under the toppling billboard, <SPINNING> their bo and chuks, creating a <SONIC WHINE> ENERGY SHIELD that slows the giant neon monolith's descent while..."

I'm a LITTLE bit concerned that this action is stretching the capacity of the Turtles' new weapons into silly territory. I fear Mikey spinning his 'chuks like propellers to FLY is right around the corner.


6.) Re: the following:

"FIND BIGGLES' SQUAD HOVERCAR - BIGGLES enjoys a cup of tea when the Museum Ship <CLIPS> the car, spilling the tea and sending the Hovercar spinning crazily to the ground.  "

Why is Biggles, a ROBOT, drinking TEA?


7.) Re: the following:

"NEWS ANCHOR
But we DO know this city rests easier knowing that its greatest hero can be summoned anytime, simply by shining his trademark Titan Beacon in the sky. "

I like "Titan Beacon" a lot more than "Turtle Signal", but if we wanted a bit of alliteration here, we could go for "Shell Signal" or "Titan Torch". A minor point.


8.) Re: the following:

"LEVEL HEAD (O.S.)
So we tore up Times Square.  So we got our mugs on the news.  All we got for it was this lousy comic book!  I wanna to make lots of money!"

I think it should be "I wanna make" or "I want to make" instead of "I wanna to make".


9.) Re: the following:

"SPLIT SCREEN THREE WAYS: JAMMERHEAD, TORBIN ZIIX and VIRAL.
JAMMERHEAD/TORBIN ZIIX/VIRAL
And above all, AVOID THE COLOR GREEN!"

While I get what the writer is trying to do here, "avoid the color green" seems a bit silly, as there are a heck of a lot of things other than the Turtles which are green. Perhaps something a bit narrower and more focused such as "Avoid do-gooders with shells!" might work a little better.


10.) Re: the following:

"BIGGLES (O.S.)
What's all this then?  Who's been mucking about with my Turtle Signal?"

It's not "Turtle Signal" anymore. Also -- is it at all weird that Biggles has such a problem with the Turtles but has such a cozy relationship with Turtle TItan? Should he/would he make the connection? Perhaps it would offer some opportunity for humor if Turtle Titan is the only Turtle-type hero he approves of.


11.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
C'mon, you 'n me, mano-a-turtle-o."

If memory serves, the phrase "mano - a - mano" comes from the Spanish for "hand to hand" (NOT "man to man", but we'll ignore that here). Perhaps it might be a smidgen funnier if Mikey made it "mano-a-tortuga-o" instead, using the Spanish word for "turtle".


12.) Re: the following:

"TURTLE TITAN
How did you know his name was Michelangelo?  The only other person who knew that was...
TURTLE TITAN/MICHELANGELO
Silver Sentry.
MICHELANGELO
Duh.  Saved his life back in the day.  
Turtle Titan stares at TT Mikey, scarcely believing his eyes.  
TURTLE TITAN
You... you really ARE the original.  But how...
MICHELANGELO
Time travel accident.  Long story.  So how did you...
PUSH IN ON TURTLE TITAN - remembering...
TURTLE TITAN
Turtle Titan was just an urban legend. "

If the NEW Turtle Titan knows that there WAS an ORIGINAL Turtle Titan and that his name was Michelangelo (and thus, obviously, real), how is it that he can call him an "urban legend"? Doesn't make sense to me.


13.) Re: the following:

"Inside a Bat Cave like lair, a SHADOWY FIGURE (We don't see his face) pours over rotating HOLOGRAPHIC BLUEPRINTS for Turtle Titan's Exo-Armor, Jet Pack and Shell Shield.  We can see the cape, cowl and logo hanging up in the b.g.  "

That should be "pores", not "pours".


14.) Re: the following:

"TT Mikey <FIRES> his grapple, which <SMASHES> through a safety glass encased CONTROL PANEL.  He yanks back, flipping a switch.
WIDE - The ANTI-GRAV GENERATOR <HUMS> to life, washing the entire rink in an ENERGY FIELD, which lifts TT Mikey, Turtle Titan and Triple Threat off the ground.  They scramble around weightlessly, spinning and flipping out of control. "

This is not a bad gambit by Mike, but how the heck does he know what to do to turn the antigravity on? 


-- Pete

Blast from the Past #493: August 31, 2005: Re: Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") 1st Draft and Re: Show 123 ("Bishop to Knight") 1st Draft

Subj: Re: Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") 1st Draft
Date: Wednesday, August 31, 2005 12:32:31 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,


Here are my 19 notes on the ep122 first draft.


1.) Re: the following:


"MICHELANGELO
Oh, yeah! These are twenty first century skizzles, my digital friend!"


"Skizzles"? I should probably say I think Snoop Dog-type slang is really dopey and (in my humble opinion) very soon will sound VERY dated. If that's what this is, let's just say "skills", please.
In addition, why is Mikey saying this anyway? They're now in the twenty-SECOND century, right? Why would he be bragging about his twenty-FIRST century videogame skills? I woud think that 22nd century videogames would be that much more advanced, and thus require a correspondingly advanced 22nd century skill set. I think it would be more likely that instead of bragging about how good he is, Mikey would be sweating and trying to catch up.


2.) Re: the following:


"Raph, Don, and Leo emerge from their rooms in bathrobes, rubbing their eyes and stretching. "


Here's a question -- are they wearing their new "future Turtles" gear under their bathrobes, or are they "undressed"? I would hope it were the latter. Something that has mildly bugged me throughout the show to date has been seeing the Turtles sleeping with their masks on.


3.) Re: the following:


"MIKEY starts to struggle out of his harness, but only manages to flip himself pside down. SERLING rolls in. "


This is the second time in a couple of days that I have seen "Serling rolls in". Is this shorthand for "Serling enters the room", or are we really saying that he literally ROLLS in (on WHEELS, it would seem)? I thought Seling WALKED.


4.) Re: the following:


"MICHELANGELO
Hurry, Robin! To the Shell-Mobile! URK!
CODY stops Mike as he leaps off of Serling, grabbing his shell."


Given the size and strength differential between Cody and Mike, I doubt Cody "grabbing his shel" would make Mike go "URK!" and/or do much to stop him. But it might be funny if Cody TRIES to stop Mike by grabbing on to his shell, and Mike barely notices it, spinning around to look for Cody, but Cody spins WITH him, and Mikey can't see him for a moment.


5.) Re: the following:


"CODY
Levellex Mall is huge. You can’t get around without a map, a camel and three days’ worth of water."


I question Cody's use of "camel" -- seems awfully twentieth century to me.
Actually, re-reading that line, it at first sounds kind of funny but is really kind of dopey. I think you could "get around" the mall without all those supplies, but to see it ALL you would need to provision yourself.


6.) Re: the following:


"ON SCREEN - Images of MIKEY switch over the images ofPhantoms, so it looks like MULTIPLE MIKEYS are stealing the truck.
JAMMERHEAD
(like an announcer)
This just in…crazed Turtle robs the Levellex! Call the ASPCA!"


If there are "MULTIPLE MIKEYS" stealing the truck, shouldn't it be "crazed Turtles rob"?


7) Re: the following:


"STARLEE
Maybe Cody arranged a candlelight lunch? Not. "


Weird line.


8.) Re: the following:


"CODY bursts from the store and catches up with them. The GAMERS ON LINE chant, while the CLERK yells through his megaphone…
GAMER VOICE
HELIX! HELIX!
CLERK
There will be no chanting on my watch!
CODY
Guys! Trouble! Street Phantoms are jacking the Helix-2 truck!"


I suspect that this can't be worked into this episode, but when I read the above, I had this image of Cody having difficulty getting past the throng of Helix fans, so he grabs the clerk's megaphone and yells his "Guys! Trouble! Street Phantoms are jacking the Helix-2 truck!" line into it... with the inadvertent result that most of the people waiting in line are outraged -- and they all head out in their various vehicles after the truck and the Street Phantoms, causing all kinds of chaos as the Turtles start their chase.


9.) Re: the following:


"DONATELLO (O.S.)
We got company. Biggles!
RAPHAEL
And I left my good pearls at home."


Raph's line is odd -- needs work.


10.) Re: the following:


"THE PEACEKEEPERS descend on a stunned Mikey, pinning his arms behind his back. DONATELLO steps from the Hovershell.
DONATELLO
Whoa! That’s the creep that stole the Helix 2 shipment!"


There should be some indication that Don is indicating Jammerhead as the culprit here -- like "Whoa! (pointing at Jammerhead) THAT'S the creep that stole the Helix 2 shipment!" 


11.) Re: the following:


"RAPHAEL
He played a game for three days straight…dis isa surprise?"


"Dis"?


12.) Re: the following:


"RAPHAEL
Fantastic, dat’s what! The mask is a nice touch!"


"Dat's"?


13.) Re: the following:


"LEONARDO
We are in SO much trouble when we get home."


I don't see why Leo says this. Why would the Turtles be in trouble? (And he says something similar later on.)


14.) Re: the following:


"ANGLE ON DONATELLO as he slams his Bo staff across the valve unit on a canister. The valve <EXPLODES> off, sending a huge burst of COMPRESSED AIR at a PHANTOM about to jup him. The Phantom ‘phases out’, but the compressed air ‘scatters’ him."


While visually interesting, this "scattering" makes little or no sense. Think about it -- if a Phantom can "phase" through solid metal, rock, pavement, etc. and be unaffected, how an a puff of air harm him?


15.) Re: the following:


"MICHELANGELO
You all ready played hero once, Bud! Allow me!"


That should be "already".


16.) Re: the following:


"LEONARDO
Yeah, I have a clue!"


Leo doesn't say "yeah".


17.) Re: the following:


"DONATELLO
And that armor…that’s some piece of equipment! I mean, you gotta give him credit…"


Don doesn't say "gotta".


18.) Re: the following:


"LEONARDO
And we are training him, master. I mean, he’s obviously not a ninja…but he sure is a Casey Jones! (Off of an elbow from Don and   Raph)_That’s not me helping, is it?"


I think these lines should go.


19.) The ending of this episode is a little flat... though I'm not sure how to improve it.




-- Pete


----------------------------------------



Subj: Re: Show 123 ("Bishop to Knight") 1st Draft
Date: Thursday, September 1, 2005 1:12:54 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,


Here are my 18 notes on the ep123 first draft.


1.) Re: the following:

" MIKE (INHALING DEEPLY, PLEASED) 
Umm! Smell that? 
RAPH 
I thought I told you to go to the bathroom before we left."

I like a fart joke as much as the next guy (maybe more), but this one seems, for some reason, to be too crude and/or awkward. It's also a little odd because in your classic fart joke, somebody has to object to the smell, unlike Mikey who is here obviously relishing it. 
Perhaps it isn't necessary to have this type of joke here.


2.) Re: the following:

"They pass a dark alley where three ROBO-SOLDIERS stand waiting, WEAPONS DRAWN! Raph freezes in his tracks.


RAPH
Psycho-lookin’ robots.
THE ALLEY. A half-dozen or so of the ROBO-SOLDIERS. Our boys pull out their weapons and power them up.


A fight ensues through the back alleys of Downtown, the Robo-Soldiers corralling the Turtles with blockades and controlled bursts of fire! After a bit of fighting it becomes clear that these guys are driving the Turtles somewhere."

I'm not sure the staging (as much as I can perceive it) works here. If I'm understanding it correctly, the Turtles are walking down the street and they pass an alley with these Robo-Soldiers. Then somehow the Turtles are being "driven" through the back alleys of Downtown.  How does this happen? Do the Turtles run into the alley to battle the Robo-Soldiers? Seems weird, somehow... kind of flat. Maybe it's odd that the Turtles are so obviously and easily "herded" -- that doesn't seem right.
This might work better if (a) it were set up better, i.e. with some  motivation for the Turtles to start fighting with these Robo-Soldiers other than just seeing them in an alley, and (b) for the Turtles to be LED rather than HERDED. One idea could be for the Turtles to see these Robo-Soldiers doing something bad to some apparently innocent (or at least helpless) citizens -- they could then leap in and save those citizens, then pursue the Robo-Soldiers (to make the Turtles' chasing of the Robo-Soldiers more believable, maybe one of the citizens could say that the Robo-Soldiers stole something valuable from him or her).
One reason to do it this way would be that it would better show (because the Turtles are actively chasing rather than passively being "herded") that -- as Bishop says when he reveals himself -- the Turtles' "skills haven’t diminished after all these years."


3.) Re: the following:

"RAPH PASSES through Bishop. 
RAPH
Yeah, but it sounded cool to say.
DON
Whoa! Bishop’s a hologram!
TURTLES ATTACK Bishop but get the same air-whiff result.
RAPH
Lucky for him, otherwise I’d kick his holobutt!"

For the other three Turtles to attack Bishop after (a) Raph does it and passes through him, and (b) Don specifically SAYING that Bishop is a hologram makes them look INCREDIBLY stupid.
And Raph's comment about "kicking his holobutt" makes no sense -- obviously, as Bishop is a hologram, Raph CAN'T kick his butt, holo- or otherwise. Perhaps it would be better to just have Raph say:


"RAPH
Lucky for him, otherwise I’d kick his butt!"


4.) Re: the following:

"RAPH
So quit cloning around, Bishop. What is it you really want?"

The "cloning/clowning" wordplay doesn't really work here.


5.) Re: the following:

"LEO
I don’t buy it. I just can’t believe Bishop’s become a good guy.
DON
Me neither. It’s probably just another one of his sick games."

I think it might be more interesting if all the Turtles didn't share exactly the same feelings about Bishop, especially Don. The way I see it, given that he's had some time to think about it, Don might see the possibility that there is merit in what Bishop says, and that -- while it's only been a "few weeks" since the Turtles last encountered him, for Bishop it's been a hundred years... and who knows how a person could change in that amount of time? Perhaps Don could respond to Leo something like this:


"DON
I don't know, Leo. He might not be a "GOOD guy", precisely... but maybe he's not quite as BAD as he used to be."


6.) Re: the following:

"DON
Bishop is right. Ziixx is a troublemaker of legendary proportions. He’s got active warrants out for his arrest from a dozen planets. Unfortunately, none of them have extradition treaties with earth or the council."

This seems a bit odd, as just a page or so ago, Bishop said the following about Torbin Zixx:

"BISHOP
He’s a free citizen with no outstanding warrants."

7.) Re: the following:

"RAPH
Maybe so but it doesn’t prove Bishop’s come over from the dark side.
MIKE
Maybe he’s gone over to the dork side."

It might be funny to give Raph a line here after Mikey's. something like this:


"RAPH
That would mean he's ready to team up with you!"


8.) Re: the following:

"MIKE
I can’t look! Oh, the humanity! Or should I say, the ‘alien-anity?’
RAPH
He’s going to massacre those little guys…."

Might be funny to give Raph's line to Don, and instead have Raph say (right after Mikey's line) something like this:


"RAPH
Or in your case, Mikey, the "in-anity"!"


9.) Re: the following:

"LEO
Listen. This is Torbin Ziixx, the legendary mercenary and smuggler. Ziixx of the Black Blade. Ziixx the Enigma. We need to take him down before he does something much nastier than starting a bar fight.
New Alien laughs.


LEO
What’s so funny?
NEW ALIEN
You are. He’s not Torbin Ziixx…
CLOSE on New Alien’s smug face.


NEW ALIEN
… I am."

While this is a decent gag, it just occurred to me that it is also kind of dopey, as it depends on the precept that NONE OF THE TURTLES HAVE EVER SEEN A PICTURE OF TORBINN ZIXX!!! Given that he is a " troublemaker of legendary proportions" with "active warrants out for his arrest from a dozen planets", doesn't it make sense that in researching Torbin Zixx, they would have come across an image of him?
If the idea is that Zixx, like some famous terrorists in our history, have never been photographed (and I'm not so sure that's a great idea or makes a whole lot of sense, given that Zixx is a mercenary as opposed to a terrorist), then that should be stated outright before the Turtles get to the bar.
Conversely, we could establish that the Turtles HAVE seen images of Zixx, and this big alien who is picking the fight looks a LITTLE bit like him -- maybe enough that Mikey could make a joke about how Zixx has been packing on the pounds/sucking down steroids/pumping himself up/etc...


10.) Re: the following:

"ZIIXX
Hmm. I don’t being in the dark about a job, if you’ll pardon the expression. I don’t think I can help you with this, Sh’Okanabo."


I think the word "like" is missing between "don't" and "being".


11.) Re: the following:

"SH’OKANABO
I’ll double your fee.
WIDER to show both. Sh’Okanabo hands stack of money to Ziixx.
ZIIXX
And all of it upfront."

Should we have Sh'Okanabo electronically transferring funds to Zixx's account (via some handheld gizmos each of them have) or use actual physical money? Or... maybe better... should Sh'Okanabo pay Zixx in something else (gems/drugs/relics/etc.), something that later on could become an "Achille's heel" for Zixx?


12.) Re: the following:

"ZIIXX
And all of it upfront.
SH’OKANABO
Agreed. Do not fail me, Torbin Ziixx.
As Ziixx stands counting his money we see Sh’Okanabo  get swallowed up in his own dark shadows. The shadows recede away. Ziixx stands alone for a second, looking down at the package. The silence is broken by a voice coming from behind Ziixx. 


RAPH (O.C.)
Yo, Poppin’ Zits…"

Have the Turtles witnessed Zixx with Sh'Okanabo here?


13.) Re: the following:

"LEO
Look – there’s the Howitzer Gravity Lift. It’s massive! Guess it’s gotta be to propel ships directly to the moon."

Leo doesn't say "gotta".


14.) Re: the following:

"LEO
Does the size and shape of that package remind you of anything, Donnie? Not to mention the fact that it’s been hidden here in the hold of a ship?
DON
Yeah. Boy, I sure hope you’re wrong."

I don't get it -- why does Leo mention the "size and shape" of the package? Why should it remind Don of anything?
And Don doesn't say "Yeah".


15.) Re: the following:

"DON
Even if my driver’s license expired a hundred years ago. Now let’s see what this baby can do!"

This would be funny if Don had ever HAD a driver's license. Which he didn't.


16.) Re: the following:

"Moment of silence as the gravity of the situation sinks in.
LEO
Gee, the last time we were on a rocket that was about to explode it was due to the Shredder."

This is fine, though I would lose the "Gee" -- it seems silly and pointless.


17.) Re: the following:

"THE HOVERSHELL zooms up alongside the window, piloted by Torbin Ziixx!
RAPH
—Torbin Ziixx?!
MIKEY
Open the pod bay door please, Hal.
LEO WITHDRAWS his katanas.
LEO
Well, what do you know? Stand back you guys, I’m going to carve us an escape route!
Don guns the controls, Leo uses his modified extra-sharp katanas to cut through the Transport Vehicle’s cockpit and the four turtles leap to their Hover Craft."

It seems a bit odd that Leo immediately jumps to "cut a hole in the cockpit" instead of checking to see if there is a hatch of some kind (which there very likely would be).


18.) Re: the following:

"LEO
Some dude named Sh’Okanabo."

Doesn't sound very Leo-ish -- I think he'd say:


"LEO
Someone named Sh’Okanabo."


-- Peter

Odd coincidence department #2

Spam -- unwanted, unsolicited -- is one of the biggest annoyances of life with email... but occasionally the waves of crap toss up an mildly amusing bit of flotsam.

Such a thing arrived in my email inbox a few days ago -- an offer for the drug Propecia -- sent to me by none other than...

... the Fugitoid!

Well... not really... but it did come from a "Dr. Huneycut"...

"From: DR. Huneycutt
Date: Sat, Mar 10, 2012 10:35 am
greetings my darling
get freee propecia pr0ffessional suuper
Greyson Huneycutt"


... and that's not TOO far off from "Professor Honeycutt", the name of the scientist whose mind was trapped in a robot body and became the Fugitoid.

Like I said -- mildly amusing. -- PL

Blast from the Past #492: August 30, 2005: Re: TMNT Show 124 ("Night of Sh'Okanabo") Outline

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 124 ("Night of Sh'Okanabo") Outline
Date: Tuesday, August 30, 2005 1:48:15 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on ep124 outline


1.) Re: the following:

"To Cody's embarassment (or so he says!) the guys invite STARLEE to come along in Serling's place. Raph nudges Cody, 'When she gets all scared, who's gonne be the big tough guy?' Okay, so maybe it's not a bad idea…"

Aside from the tired sexist cliche, what makes the Turtles invite Starlee to come along? Why is it necessary for her to be there?


2.) Re: the following:

"They ask Splinter to come along, but something’s bugging him.  He can’t put a finger on it, but decides to stay.  As they guys leave… SH’OKANABO sneaks into Cody’s house.  (Note: at this point, we will not see Sh'Okanabo in his physical form… it will be shadows and fear and sneak up from behind scary stuff … crushing like a shaodwy python, disappearing and reappearing in shadow form behind Splinter, etc.)


Using his shadowy skills and powers, Sh’Okanabo beats Splinter and demands to know where the Turtles are!  Splinter says nothing."

This is pretty silly. Sh'Okanabo is supposedly looking for the Turtles... but he just HAPPENS to arrive JUST as they leave. Not only that, but the way it's written here, the implication is that he WAITED for them to leave before entering the house... which obviously makes no sense. And if Sh'Okanabo has the powers as described here, and he knows where Cody lives AND that the Turtles are hanging out with him, all he has to do is hide himself and watch the place for a little while to find the Turtles -- this bit with him beating up Splinter is a lame excuse for a fight scene.


3.) Re: the following:

"Starlee is totally up for the date, and Cody tries a little 'macho' in his talking down to her…She takes it as a joke and laughs him off."

Ugh. Can we GET more stereotypical here?


4.) Re: the following:

"Inside the theater, the Earth Alien Appreciation Society is a group of about five aliens; they are monsters … literally … but, they are friendly, sweet and a little bit on the nerdy/goofy/droll/academic side.  They have tried to recreate the environment used for the watching of “documentaries” (they have it slightly wrong) with antique equipment.


The 'President' of the Earth Alien Appreciation Society speaks over the movies as they play, 'It would seem that the society of late 20th and early 21st century Earth was one of absolute violence and fear.  Panic was the rule of the day.'


Suddenly, the alien 'President' is pelted with popcorn, 'Down in front!' comes Mikey's voice (slightly cloaked).


Donatello tries to cover for Mikey's rude behavior.  'I'm sorry, sir, but he's simply acting the part of the rude, obnoxious movie goer so common during that time period.'"

I understand the humor inherent in the "Bizarro World"/"reversal of expectations" bit, but I think this is taking it a bit too far into silliness. These aliens would have to be pretty darn stupid to think that these horror movies were "documentaries"... and I don't see a compelling reason to make them that stupid.


5.) Re: the following:

"Mikey and Starlee are smiling really enjoying the movie. Cody looks out from between his fingers, trying to play it off for Starlee. She does the old 'yawn and hug' technique, and he has to admit, he feels better!"

What does "trying to play it off" mean here? I don't get this scene.


6.) Re: the following:

"Getting a moment's reprieve, Mikey formulates a quick plan. He huddles down in the shadows with Cody and Starlee … listens to the movie that he knows by heart '… we go in three, two, one …' the lady on the screen «screams» her horrified horror movie guts out … this momentarily distracts Sh'Okanabo! Mikey, with Cody and Starlee hanging on his back, leaps/climbs up into the dilapidated balcony.  He stashes the guys in the jumbled mess of the balcony.  'Stay here.  I gotta find my bros.'"

This is all nonsense -- the way SOMEHOW Mike (while carrying two kids) is able to evade the same creature that easily took down Leo, Raph and Don... the way that they gain any kind of "reprieve" by huddling in the shadows (oooh, I guess Sh'Okanabo can't see them there!)... the way a woman's scream from the soundtrack of an old horror movie can distract a character like Sh'Okanabo... the way Mikey can hide Cody and Starlee in the "jumbled mess of the balcony" (again, is this REALLY supposed to make it hard for Sh'Okanabo to find them?)... it's all bad.


7.) Re: the following:

"BUT IT IS NOT ENOUGH! Sh'Okanabo attacks the turtles and Cody.  He uses the alien 'slime' that he shoots out of the palms of his 'hands' (he is that vampiric, alien, queen-spider kind of guy). He slashes and pounds at the guys, and it looks like they're done for…


… when BIGGLES AND THE PEACEKEEPERS arrive, hot on the battle armor's (and Serling's) trail!


Sh'Okanabo's eyes narrow…again, he hadn't planned on interacting with local Code Enforcement. To do so now would reveal his presence too soon… he has to leave! He spits a final curse at the Turtles, lashing them once more with a TENDRIL that seems to suck a bit of material from their shells, and disappears into the night.


Cody rouses the Turtles, and manages to get them to ninja-disappear before Biggles can show up. They head home, thankful to be alive—BARELY!


At the theater, Biggles is investigating the trashed theater and the green slime.  He is now very serious.  'This is not good.'"

The timing of the action here is confusing. If "BIGGLES AND THE PEACEKEEPERS arrive", why don't they see all the combatants? Even if the Turtles "ninja-disappear" (which they can do on their own, by the way, without Cody "managing to get them" to do it), that still leaves Cody in his battle suit, Serling, and Starlee. What happens to them? Do they slip out a back door? Not only that, but didn't Biggles and his peacekeepers WITNESS the battle armor AND Serling blasting out of Cody's house, and wasn't that the reason they chased after them? If so, shouldn't they be BACK at Cody's house questioning him about it? The way it's written, it's as if that whole bit never happened.


-- Pete

Blast from the Past #491: August 23, 200: Re: Show 121 ("Headlock Prime") Second Draft, and August 24, 2005: Re: TMNT Season 6 Design and Re: TMNT Show 125 ("Clash of the Turtle Titans") Outline

Subj: Re: Show 121 ("Headlock Prime") Second Draft
Date: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 12:03:45 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Lloyd,


Here are my two notes on Ep121 second draft.


1.) Re: the following:

"* DONATELLO
Upgrading as we speak! The “grunt to crack ratio” on the battle-bots is off. "

"Grunt to crack ratio" seems like a very weird turn of phrase -- I don't know what it means.


2.) Re: the following:

"* LEO – is sent FLYING backwards across the Square. He knocks over a FIRE HYDRANT before SLAMMING into a wall. A spectacular GUYSER of water sprays into the night sky."

Unless they make them flimsier in the future, fire hydrants are pretty sturdy things -- slamming into one hard enough to knock it over could cause some serious damage to oneself. As this erupting geyser doesn't play any part in the ensuing action, I'd prefer to replace it with some other bit of action. Here's an idea -- maybe Leo smashes into a stand or kiosk selling some kind of futuristic sweets, and he grabs one of them and uses it to try to distract Psycho head (it works, but not for very long before Triple Threat flings Leo into the electronic sign).


-- Peter

---------------------------------------------------------------

Subj: Re: TMNT Season 6 Design
Date: Wednesday, August 24, 2005 11:37:33 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Jonathan

In a message dated 8/23/05 7:51:25 PM, Jonathan writes:

"Peter,
  
 Please find attached a newly revised cleaned-up turtles.  The reason for this is that it has come to our attention that the belt resembles the Superman logo.  It was therefore suggested that we make the buckle in the shape of the turtle shell.  We will be attaching along with the four turtles the reference that we used for the buckle.  Please note no other item on the turtles has been altered since the last approval other than the belt. 
  
 In addition, we are also sending a cleaned version of Serling with a new head based on your drawings.  There are two designs: one front view and one with expressions.
  
1. Leo
2. Mikey
3. Don
4. Raphael
5. Belt buckle reference
6. Revised Serling
7. Serling Expressions


 If you could let us know what you think of these models at your earliest convenience, it would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you,
  
 ~Jonathan"

I think these are all fine.


This may be too goofy, but... when I was looking at the shape of the new belt buckle, and wondering if it might be better with more interesting detail or shape (probably not), it occurred to me that it might be fun to have a new shape to the Shell Cel (if we are going to have that device in the "future Turtles" season). Imagine something like that belt buckle shape, slightly rounded and shell textured as the back of the Shell Cel. When it activates, a "head" and four "legs" pop out of the "shell" in the correct locations, i.e. as the head and legs of a real Turtle would. The "head" and "legs" would be slightly stylized, and when you turn the device over to use it, you would see that these pieces were functional elements of the Shell Cel design (the head could be the ear piece, the legs could be diffent buttons/antenna, etc.). Just thought it might be a fun little visual gag. 


Ooh... just has another thought. It might be fun if the "legs" actually served a SECOND purpose... as LEGS! I could imagine a scenario where one of the Turtles sets down his Shell Cel on a table and walks off... his Shell Cel rings, he doesn't answer it, and the Shell Cell goes into "tracking" mode where it extends its "legs" and "head" and actually WALKS (somewhat slowly) off in seach of its owner.


Okay, I'm done now.


-- Peter

---------------------------------------------------------------


Subj: Re: TMNT Show 125 ("Clash of the Turtle Titans") Outline
Date: Wednesday, August 24, 2005 12:41:59 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on the Ep125 outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly, the answer is staring the other two right in the face.  It's a big Kirby-esque splash panel of DR. MALIGNUS smashing his way out of a bank, holding up stacks of gold bars and huge sacks of cash with dollar signs on them.  Nasty Head realizes they can make money AND break stuff... by becoming a super villain, just like in the comics.  Level Head insists you don't just become a super villain overnight.  It takes brains, planning, research…but a two-to-one vote overrules Level head, and…


CUT TO BRAKKO'S - In a QUICK MONTAGE, we see Triple Threat seeking out career advice from other bad guys hanging out in the bar: JAMMERHEAD advises them to always project a sense of style and showmanship.  VIRAL (in her robot body) advises them to always have an escape plan, lest they end up in an unwanted body.  TORBIN ZIIX advises them to retain an air of mystery.  All three advise Triple Threat to avoid the color green."

While the montage bit is kind of fun, it's also a little off, for two reasons that I can see:


a.) In the first paragraph, Level Head's "brains, planning, research" idea is overruled by the other two heads... but then we see Triple Threat doing just what Level Head wanted by going to the bar and getting advice from other villains. Seems contradictory.


b.) While I can see Jammerhead and Torbin Ziix being in the bar, it seems odd that Viral would be there too. Perhaps the montage could be a montage of different PLACES, too, so that not everyone is at the same bar or place.


2.) Re: the following:

"Biggles: "Right, what's all this then?  Who's been mucking about with my Turtle Signal?"
Mikey: "YOUR Turtle Signal?!  I thought you said Turtle Titan was a grandstanding gloryhound vigilante."  
Biggles: "That's right.  A grandstanding gloryhound vigilante who  happens to make my job much easier.""


For a couple of reasons -- one being that the "new" Turtle Titan apparently (from his earlier description) doesn't LOOK like a Turtle -- I think calling this thing a "Turtle Signal" is a little too silly. Perhaps "Titan Signal" would be better.


3.) Re: the following:

"In the rink (which looks sweeeeet in the future!) their graviton regulators are rendered useless, and everyone is left weightless!  With Triple Threat's weight advantage now gone, Mikey and Turtle Titan acrobatically knock him all over the rink in a low grav smackdown.  Working together, they eventually boot Triple Threat out of the rink, where the crushing reality of his own girth knocks him down for the count! "

"The crushing reality of his own girth" is a very interesting, albeit somewhat obscure, turn of phrase. Just so I understand what is meant -- you're saying when he goes outside the antigrav area, his weight comes back and he hits the ground HARD, right?


4.) Re: the following:

"Turtle Titan removes his  mask, revealing a somewhat familiar looking African American face.  


Turtle Titan: "I think you knew him.  His name was Silver Sentry."

Mikey is shocked.  Turtle Titan explains that he inherited his grandfather's passion for justice, but unfortunately not his super powers.  He was so inspired by his grandfather's stories of the Turtle Titan fighting crime without any super powers that he wanted to carry on that hero's legacy.  "

This is cool. I wonder if -- depending on whether this Turtle TItan will be making another appearance or two in this season 6 -- it might be fun to somehow give this descendant of Silver Sentry some of his grandfather's super powers. Maybe the genes that would have given him the powers are somehow "blocked" or inactive, and through some plot device they become viable -- maybe through some work by Don, or maybe even a supervillain who wants to turn Turtle Titan into a super-powered pawn.


-- Peter


P.S. FYI -- I will be leaving tomorrow (Thursday the 25th) for a four-day comic book convention. I will try to keep up with stuff, but it may have to wait until I get back.

Blast from the Past #490: August 19, 2005: Re: FW: Serling stuff, and sketch designs for Serling head

Subj: Re: FW: Serling stuff
Date: Friday, August 19, 2005 2:11:22 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

It's probably to the credit of those who have worked so far on the character of Serling that I have already established him in my mind as a real personality instead of just a goofy robot butler. That's a big part of the reason that I see the scenario of Cody reconfiguring and reprogramming (I would say "gutting", but you thinks that's too loaded) Serling in this fashion without getting his consent or even TELLING him that he's doing it as kind of "creepy".

Right now, as written, Serling shows a host of emotions -- fear, anger, humor, pride, sarcasm, affection, etc.. Outside of the obvious fact that he is made of metal, plastic, and other non-organic substances, he is, for all intents and purposes, a "living" character. To now start treating him like he's just another dumb appliance which can be used (and abused) with impunity is just wrong (at least in my opinion). To attempt to wrest humor out of a situation where a character like this is repeatedly forced to endure doing things he (or it, if you prefer) clearly doesn't want to do, and where the character is going to get the worst of every dangerous situation he get into (as opposed to Cody, who sits safe and protected inside Serling) is also wrong (in my opinion).

It would be one thing if you had introduced Serling as just another appliance, something that Cody could have referred to from the beginning as his "science project" or something, so that it would be perfectly fine for him to tweak/disassemble/reconfigure Serling to his heart's content. But you didn't. From the beginning, you made Serling a very "human" character (who seems to have even more personality than Cody, for that matter).

If you accept the premise that Serling is, by this point in our development of Season 6, a "human" character, then it is a very short leap -- actually more of a step -- to realizing the distasteful subtext inherent to the situation, i.e. that it is okay to manipulate another person in any way you want (in this case going so far as gross disfigurement) as long as you're having "fun". I don't think this is something we want to be encouraging.

Getting back to more practical matters: You know how, when you look under the hood of a modern automobile, there's not a whole lot of free space (as there would be in an older car) -- there are a lot of components tightly fit together. It makes working on them a pain, but it also saves a lot of room and allows the car itself to be made more compact.

I see this in a lot of different modern devices (try to find much free space inside your iPod!), and I also see it continuing into the future with robots like Serling. These devices would be made to be as compact as they need to be to carry out their purposes, and would likely be packed to the gills with whatever: servos, power cells, computer processors, redundant safety backup systems, com gear, etc.. With this in mind, I find it very hard to believe that (as currently portrayed in the scripts) Cody could remove enough of this gear to make a comfortable space for himself within Serling's body, and STILL have enough left in there for Serling to function as he should. And if you go a step further, logically Cody would need even MORE space for support of his body -- air supply, food and waste disposal (if he's inside Serling on a long mission), etc. And unless Cody is not claustrophobic in the LEAST, he's going to need some "elbow room" inside the robot.

Not only that, but in one script you have Cody yelling "Shazam" -- sorry, "Goongala" -- and Serling TRANSFORMS into Cody's Turtle-themed battle armor. That's a whole other set of stuff you have to find room for inside of Serling. It's getting pretty crowded in there.

There is also a clear implication in one of these scripts that Cody has done all this work to Serling -- surreptitiously, mind you -- in the time since the Turtles first arrived in the future. It's not stated clearly, but surely that can't be more than weeks at the most. That's a whole lot of work for Cody to accomplish in that short time. We're getting into "magic cartoon technology" territory here... something that makes me cringe.

I guess I don't see the great appeal of "Serling bitches/does running commentary about/while going into battle with Cody "piloting" him" as you do. To me, a little of that would go a very long way.

Part of the reason I made my suggestion that if Cody has to have his "transforming battle armor robot", he should do it with an OLDER (but visually very similar) version of Serling that he has kicking around -- a somewhat more primitive iteration, with less (or even NO) "human" personality -- is that if you think about it, unless Cody is a "perfect master" in what he is attempting to do, he runs a pretty good risk of screwing things up, badly. It's kind of like if you had one computer, and you got the great idea that it would be cool if you could turn it into a computer which also transforms into a coffee maker. Well, great... but what if you screw it up? Not only don't you have your coffee maker, you don't have your computer, either! As Serling obviously performs a lot of important tasks for Cody, I don't think the kid would risk messing him up in this way.

Setting aside the issues about Serling as a "person" as I described earlier, I think it would make a LOT more sense that Cody would try this with an older, currently-unused model.

I can also see a very interesting arc thread developing with this scenario: After Cody drags Serling 1.5 out of storage and starts working on him, our current Serling (maybe he's version 3.0, but for the sake of convenience, I'll just call him Serling) could make many acerbic comments and jabs at his "Neanderthal" relation (Serling 1.5), putting it down in various humorous ways. However, this haughty attitude could then -- as Cody perfects his "transforming battle armor" -- become tinged with jealousy as Serling starts to see that Cody has more fun/spends more time with this rebuilt version. Serling could even try to make himself be or act like the rebuilt Serling 1.5, blundering into various battle scenarios with disastrous/comic results.

There could even be a "head-to-head" confrontation between the two versions of Serling (I mentioned to you the old "Lost in Space" episode where the Robot met "Robbie the Robot" -- it was clear that the newer Robot was a direct design descendant of Robbie.) Serling could begin to feel like he is becoming less and less useful to Cody, and that makes him do some foolish things (maybe even toying with joining the "bad guys"!).

After talking with you yesterday, I thought about the whole issue some more, and while NONE of my previous objections and suggestions changed, it did occur to me that there could be an intriguing dovetailing of some of these concepts near the end of the season, to wit: Let's assume that Cody reworks old Serling 1.5 into his transforming battle armor, and further assume that Serling grows to be very jealous of this new version of himself, as described above. What if: We lead up to some catastrophic battle wherein the Serling 1.5 battle armor gets trashed. It's a bad scene... Cody's bumming... but then Serling steps up and offers himself to be transformed into Cody's battle suit. Cody's taken aback -- "I never thought you'd want to do that!" Serling responds, "You never asked me, Master Cody."

Then -- with Don and Starlee's help, the Transcendental Lathe, whatever other crazy stuff we've come up with during the season which might be applicable, etc. -- Serling is reworked, and becomes Cody's battle armor. BUT... because of (fill in the blank here -- recent discoveries/advances in robotic technology, some invention of Don's that shrinks circuits, whatever), they are able to accomplish the goal of making Serling into what you wanted him to be (without the creepy "unwilling slave" part, of course).

-- PL


-----------------------------

Subj: sketch designs for Serling head
Date: Friday, August 19, 2005 11:32:25 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I did a little doodling of some ideas for Serling's head. Not sure if any of them will be helpful, but I'm send them anyway, two files attached to two separate emails. Here's the first one.

-- Pete

------------------------------


Subj: sketch designs for Serling head 2
Date: Friday, August 19, 2005 11:36:43 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

And here's the second.

-- Pete