Blast from the Past #377: More notes from the development of the 4Kids TMNT series:Feb. 13, 2004: Outlines 67 & 68

Feb. 13, 2004: Outlines 67 & 68

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 2/12/04 5:45:35 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Howdy Peter!

Just a quick noodge re: your notes on 67 and 68.  Operators are standing

by!

As always, thanks mucho!

Lloyd

 >>

Lloyd,

Here you go!

notes on Ep. 68 outline ("The Entity Below")

 1.) Re: the following: 

"From space, the massive SUN fills the screen, until Mercury slides slowly through close FOREGROUND to block it with a dramatic rumble.  "

Not to be too much of a science nerd, but I hope that we aren't saying here that the "rumble"is the sound of Mercury moving through space. I think a dramatic musical cue would make more sense.

2.) Re: the following:

"We hear DONATELLO’S V/O explaining the phenomenon taking place – a planetary alignment so wide-ranging that it hasn’t occurred in over twenty-thousand years.  The convergence of every planet and over fifty percent of the moons, stretching all the way to Pluto.  "

Science nerd here -- is this "convergence (not sure what that means -- does the writer mean 'alignment '?) of every planet and over fifty percent of the moons" something from real science and astronomy, or something completely made up? Involving "every planet and over fifty percent of the moons" seems a little over the top, and if we could do something that actually HAS a basis in science, perhaps with fewer planetary bodies if necessary, it would raise my science nerd comfort level.

3.) Re: the following:

"We then hyper-drive through the solar system, passing the other planets to stop at Pluto, where we find a stark landscape.  We move across a field of thin reeds, each with clusters of CRYSTALS naturally formed at their tips.  "

I don't know if I'm reading this right... is the writer saying that there are fields of living reeds GROWING on Pluto? Or are these some kind of strange mineral thing?

4.) Re: the following:

"In voice over, Donatello further explains that many astrologists assure us that this alignment will not result in any catastrophic events.  Of course, others believe just the opposite.  "But what’s the point in worrying, it’s not like we can do anything about it, right?" "

Like me, Donatello couldn't give a rat's ass about what "astrologists" have to say. On the other hand, we would pay a lot more attention to what ASTRONOMERS would tell us.

5.) Re: the following:

"It’s a flurry of reaching arms, swatting hands, and flying utensils, as DONATELLO, RAPHAEL, and LEONARDO pile food on their plates, while MICHELANGELO sneakily fills his own plate from theirs.  By the time they all sit back to eat, they notice their plates are empty... with a stuffed Mikey letting out a reverberating belch.  He denies everything, including claims that he’s been putting on weight.  That’s when his chair collapses beneath him "

Wow... this writer is channeling Fred Wolf big time! REALLY silly, lame slapstick.

While I think all of this goofy slapstick crap needs to go, it just occurred to me that it might be cool to have Don (who of course would be aware of and interested in it) talking about the planetary alignment with his brothers, and he uses some objects from the table -- some fruit, doughnuts, bagels, etc. -- to demonstrate how all of the planets are lining up. Nearing the end of his explanation, just when he's about to sum up what the effects of this kind alignment might (or might not) be on Earth, he could look around with a puzzled expression and say "What happened to Earth?" Then he and everyone else looks at Mikey, who's stuffing a big doughnut (which Don had used to represent Earth) into his mouth. With an innocent expression, Mike says "What?" (slightly muffled by the doughnut crammed in his gob, of course).

6.) Re: the following:

"And speaking of the Entity – they see him standing upon a towering spire across the lava lake from them, looking powerfully majestic as he flings a handful of yellow crystals shards into the lava.  Their splashes twist up like geysers, the tips of which form into LAVA MONSTERS that leap onto the cliff where the Turtles are."

LEAPIN' LAVA! The image of lava monsters that LEAP just doesn't work for me. I think their movements should be move flowing/lurching/sliding. Also, if they are truly made of lava, which as we all know is molten ROCK and pretty freakin' HOT, I hope we are not going to have them GRABBING and HOLDING the Turtles at any time during their battle.

7.) Re: the following:

"In the Underground City, the Turtles try to fight the lava monsters, but regular weapons are useless… plunging ineffectually into their lava bodies… the metal weapons almost melting in the process. "

It makes senses that the Turtles' weapons would be pretty useless against monsters made of LAVA, but how are we going to show that the metal weapons are "almost" melting? It might be more effective to have Leo and/or Raph actually lose one sword and/or sai because they do in fact melt.

8.) There seem to be an AWFUL lot of people in the underground city now ("the city is populated with beings just like the Entity"... "bustling streets"...). If memory serves, there weren't that many "frozen" beings in the "Secret Hall" as we saw in a past episode. Where are all these people coming from? And do we really need huge numbers of them?

9.) Re: the following:

"Versalia and the turtles must then make a daring escape across the high cable, which carries the gondola… only to find the spiteful Mage controlling the lava.  He splashes it up like the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, as the Turtles and Versalia make their way back to the high ledge where the Tunneler is.

But finally, the Underground City sinks beneath the lava … all the Y’Lyntians are gone forever – the Mage’s efforts ceasing."

This seems like a pretty weak ending to the Entity -- he's just standing there making lava splash and then he's gone. What's up with that?

10.) Re: the following:

"RETURNING TO THE LAIR, the Turtles find a grateful Splinter waiting for them.  He knows the boys saved the world, and yet no one will ever realize it.  They at least will have his gratitude.  Splinter gestures to an elaborate Japanese dinner set beautifully on the table, the entrees covered.

The Turtles sit politely, napkins on laps, eyeing the enticingly covered dishes, as Splinter slowly removes the lids to reveal – squid.  After diving for cover out of reflex from the sulfur squids, the Turtles excuse themselves – saying that they’re kind of watching their weight... no offense."

I know that this is an attempt at a humorous wrap-up to the story, but it seems -- at least to me -- to be totally inappropriate and stupid, and worst of all UNNECESSARY. Why not just end with the Turtles saying goodbye to Versalia? The squid gag is just painfully lame.

--------------------------------------------

notes on Ep. 70 ("Gravity")

Before I get into my comments, I just have to share a goofy idea that just flashed into my head when I read the title for this episode -- what if we created a character (not for this episode) who would be a kind of "science witch" (I know, kind of a contradiction in terms...) who could control the forces of gravity, attraction and repulsion -- and her name is "Aunty Gravity"? Okay, I'm better now...

1.) Re: the following:

"DR. DOME attempts to tunnel through the conical rock below the city with his DOMEBOT and DOMEOIDS.  Even that proves futile, due to the atmospheric shield.  "

This implies to me that the atmospheric shield extends THROUGH the rock. Does this make sense? 

2.) Re: the following:

"Unfortunately, the same devices that control the atmospheric shield also control the anti-gravity field.  Any attempt to shut off the shield from inside the city would risk sending Beijing plummeting to Earth.  (We see the anti-grav devices lodged in the middle of Tiananmen Square, cordoned off by barricades.)  "

Several odd assumptions here. First, wouldn't the first priority be getting Beijing back to Earth, NOT shutting off the shield while the city is in the upper atmosphere (which might kill everybody in the city if the air is thin enough)? Second, why are the anti-grav devices "cordoned off by barricades"? What does that accomplish? Who put the barricades up? Doesn't it make more sense that whatever scientists and engineers in Beijing would be working around the clock trying to understand and use those anti-grav devices? And third, how does anyone KNOW that turning off the shield will also shut down the anti-gravity?

3.) Re: the following:

"DISSOLVE TO a private Foot-owned airfield outside of the city, where SAKI, KARAI, HUN and STOCKMAN are gathered as CHAPLIN unveils his latest project, opening the doors of a huge hangar to reveal a gleaming, Miyazaki-like, HIGH ALTITUDE AIRSHIP.  

Chaplin, naturally, has no idea why Saki wanted him to build the blimp.  He's just jazzed to have the chance to tinker with another cool toy.  Chaplin's success (and subsequent praise from Saki), of course, means more of a threat to Stockman, who all this time has been insisting to Saki that it couldn't be built."

I had to laugh at this one -- Stockman, inventor of the Mousers and any number of other incredibly complicated and technologically sophisticated machines, is telling Saki that Chaplin's airship -- a dirigible!!! -- "couldn't be built"?!!!  Huh???!!

4.) Re: the following:

"In the middle of their stakeout, Donatello receives another mysterious call on his ShellCell.  It's the same annoying fax connection tone.  But this time he's prepared.  He brought his palmtop computer to trace the signal.  He discovers the source of the signal is a nearby cell phone/communications array.  As he peers through his binocs at the nearby rooftop satellite dish array (which astute viewers may recognize as the site where the Fugitoid jacked in to broadcast the anti-signal that masked his positronic signal in Ep. 57), Don doesn't notice as his palmtop gives off a connection screech and proceeds to download a very big file…"

It is my techno-geek duty to remind you that the "screech" as described sounds like the "handshake" that dial-up computer modems make... and high-speed connections DON'T make that noise, as far as I know. So if this is a REALLY huge file, and it makes sense that it is being downloaded via a high-speed wireless connection, it should be silent. Maybe all we really need is a graphic, anyway.

5.) Re: the following:

"WIPE TO THE AIRSHIP HANGAR, where Stockman and Hun prepare for their mission, grumbling about how their status has fallen in the Foot organization, finding an odd comradely.  "

Should that be "camaraderie"?

6.) Does Hun notice that Karai is saved by the Turtles who have broken out of their free-falling crate? If so, I'm sure that would raise some questions in his mind.

7.) I hope that Beijing is not going to be empty of people -- i.e. when the Turtles steal the bicycles, it might be cool if they are seen by some freaked-out Beijing-ites who mistake them for more aliens.

8.) Re: the following:

"Chaplin unleashes his surprise: Mousers, Version 2.0 -- inspired by Stockman's original metal munchers, but MUCH bigger, badder, tougher and jet powered.    "

I have nothing against new and improved Mousers, but are we saying here that they FLY? I'm not sure I'm loving that.

And now that I've read the rest of the outline and see that the writer indeed intends the Mega Mousers to fly, and to have Chaplin fly ON one, I REALLY don't like it. And while we're on the subject, the whole thing with Chaplin trying to escape on a flying Mouser and the gag with Don suckering Chaplin in only to have Mikey bash him with his 'chuks is just BAD. Seeing as Chaplin ends up on the ground with everyone else in Beijing, why not have him try to help the Turtles to return Beijing to the Earth?

9.) What the heck happened to Hun? One moment Stockman is abandoning him on the "doomed" Beijing, and then later we see him with Stockman meeting with Saki back in NY.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #376: More notes from the development of the 4Kids TMNT series: Feb. 9, 2004: TMNT -- Outline 6

Feb. 9, 2004: TMNT -- Outline 65

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I'm thinking this could turn out to be a great episode!

Here are my comments:

1.) Re: the following:

" April asks the Turtles to help perfect her ninjitsu skills.  But the Turtles are reluctant to do so ..."

I thought the Turtles had been giving April lessons all along? Or has it been Splinter? Or am I confused?

2.) Re: the following:

"Casey:  "Lighten up, April.  It was just a joke.  You’ve been talkin’ about your ninja fighting so much I thought I’d give you a little practice.  It’s not a real bat.  It’s a wiffle bat.  Check it out."

Casey hands April the wiffle bat.  "See?  It’s hollow plastic."  April then <whacks> the bat over Casey’s shoulder so hard that she breaks the wiffle bat in half.  Casey makes a face, "Ow!  Man, I didn’t know wiffle bats could hurt so much.""

Two issues here. First, while I can understand that Casey might think it's a good idea to give April a chance to safely test her ninja training, it's pretty crazed and cruel for him to scare the shit out of her in this way... UNLESS this is something that SHE suggested that he do sometime. 

Now, she could still be pissed at him -- maybe because she viewed her idle suggestion as something that might be a good idea and they should think about it some more, while Casey took it as definite, a done deal. I just don't think Casey should spring this attack on her without SOME kind of foreknowledge on her part that he might do this, even if he does it before she was expecting him to.

Second, the idea that April's going to smack him over the head with the wiffle bat so hard it breaks the bat -- that's going a little too far, I think... ESPECIALLY because she does it AFTER she knows it's him, knows why he's there, and all threat has passed. (And anyone who's ever been whacked hard by a whiffle bat knows that it HURTS, even if you're not hit hard enough that the bat breaks.) I could go for it if she does it WHILE she's defending herself... and Casey could then say something like "Jeez! Glad that was just a whiffle bat and not one of my REAL ones!" (By the way -- is "whiffle" a trademark name, and can we use it?)

2.) Re: the following:

"Arnie and Steve are walking home from school.  Steve is Arnie’s friend … Steve is pretty geeky."

It just occurred to me that a fun little"geek"  bit would be to have Steve carrying a beat-up paperback edition of one of the "Lord of the Rings" books, and he's telling Casey how awesome it would be if somebody were to make a movie out of the trilogy someday.

3.) I love the bit with the stuffed animal standing in for Leo on the couch!

4.) I probably don't need to say this, but this story takes place when the Turtles were in the old lair, right?

5.) Re: the following:

"… reverse up angle to reveal … Master Splinter!  And, he is definitely not happy!  The turtles try to explain, but Splinter scoops them all up like the truant turtle tots that they are and takes them home."

Splinter doesn't LITERALLY "scoop them up", does he? They aren't THAT small, right? 

6.) Re: the following:

"Back in the present, in April’s living room, the turtles laugh about Splinter finding them out and about like that … and Splinter’s reaction.

Leonardo:  "We couldn’t sit down for week."

Raphael rubs his backside:  "Yeah, my shell still hurts."

Michelangelo: "I still think twice about even going outside.""

I get what the writer is trying to get across here, with the classic kid punishment (i.e. spanking), but I think we should try to do something a little different, as -- if you think about it for a moment -- a "sore shell" makes NO sense, and if you can try to imagine spanking a mutant Turtle... where would you hit him? I think it might be better if we used something like the idea that Splinter punished them by "hitting them where it hurt" -- i.e. denying them their favorite things for a time (Raph couldn't use the weight bench, Don his computer, Leo his (?), and Mike the TV).

-- Pete

"TMNT: Overload"

      This question was posted on my last "Ask PL", and I thought it might be worth a whole post to try to answer it.

"Andrew NDB said...
Did you really approve this:


http://ninja-pizza.tumblr.com/post/7812397034/before-tmnt-back-to-the-sewer-was-conceived"

The "this" in question is the "TMNT: Overload" proposal for the season of the 4Kids TMNT TV series intended to immediately follow the "Fast Forward" season. It was to feature the Turtles getting involved in adventures -- somehow -- with their younger selves, the so-called "Turtle Tots" who had appeared in several flashback episodes in previous seasons.

I confess I don't have many clear memories of this project, though I am fairly sure I did approve of it, with reservations. I searched through my emails and could only find a few mentions of it. The longest comment I made was in an email to Lloyd Goldfine and the 4Kids crew which I sent on June 28, 2007, at 11:16PM. Here it is...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"P. Laird comments on "TMNT: Overload!" ideas


The idea of the four "grown-up" Turtles having to deal with their "Turtle Tot" younger selves has some potential, though I am not completely sure it's worth a whole season. It also raises some sticky questions, chief among them being: If these are REALLY the Turtles' younger selves, how do they grow up to be the Turtles we know without being aware that they met their older selves? I mean, we've NEVER heard about this before in the series.


One way to completely avoid that problem is to establish right from the start that these are NOT our Turtles as little kids, but Turtle Tots from a parallel dimension.


I think it is probably more important to quickly get the Turtles back to their own time and establish that in so doing they have somehow brought along the Turtle Tots from somewhere/somewhen, than to go through all of the "time hopping" gyrations in the first part of the "Tempus Fugit" episode, with all of the wacky "looking for a temporal anchor" (?!) stuff.


[One alternative scenario: What if, in returning to their past, the Turtles -- via the results of Viral's interference with their Time Window -- arrive with the minds intact... but their bodies have been transformed by some weird, inexplicable (for now) temporal phenomena into those that they possessed when they were, in fact, the Turtle Tots! And now, until they (mostly Donatello) can figure out how to reverse the process, the Turtles have to relive their childhood... all the while trying to figure out how to deal with the menace of Viral and the revived Shredder (among other things) while being reduced in size and strength by half or more.]


One major problem I have with this idea is that by essentially doubling the number of Ninja Turtles we have in the show, we reduce their uniqueness. It's similar to the old problem of the "Fifth Turtle", i.e. "If four Turtles are good, wouldn't FIVE be better? Or six or seven or eight...?!" It's the main reason I have always avoided introducing new Turtles unless they have some unique point of origin SEPARATE from our boys (as in the world Mike visits where he meets the super-powered Turtles).


Lloyd, I think we may have had this discussion when you were up here recently, but regardless I feel the need to mention this idea again.


Remember back in the early days of the "Fantastic Four" comic book when the FF lost their powers and Reed Richards tried to create gizmos and devices which would allow them to simulate those selfsame powers, so they could try to defend themselves from their superpowered foes?


I keep coming back to the idea that when the Turtles return from the future, Viral's interference causes them to hop dimensions and end up in the world of the Super Turtles... where, unfortunately, those four Super Turtles have been rendered helpless/frozen/paralyzed/whatever by some evil force. Our Turtles show up and are forced to try to "fill in" for the superpowered Turtles, possibly using (or trying to use) some gizmos cooked up by Don to make it seem like they have super powers. But they quickly come to realize that that ain't happening... and they must pit their ninja training against a world of super villains, until they can figure out a way to bring the Super Turtles back.


-- Pete"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you can see from these comments, I was not wholeheartedly behind this plan, but did think that -- if handled with care and intelligence -- it could work. Would it have worked really well? Hmmm… that's difficult to answer. It could have been unbearably cheesy, although it could also have been fun, sweet and potentially full of poignancy. Am I sad that it never saw the light of day? No, not really. But as ideas for things to do with the Turtles go, it is, in my opinion, FAR from the worst… and the worst, in my opinion, DID see the light of day. -- PL

(Yes, I am referring to "The Next Mutation". -- PL)

        (Note: the artwork at the top of this post is of the proposed Turtle lair from "TMNT: Overload", and was created by artists at 4Kids.)

Blast from the Past #375: More notes from the development of the 4Kids TMNT series: Feb. 3, 2004: Re: Tons o' stuff

Feb. 3, 2004: Re: Tons o' stuff

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 2/2/04 7:09:19 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Mike Ryan is most anxiously awaiting your comments on 65 as that's been

thrown off schedule because we decided to start over from scratch. >>

Lloyd,

Well, here ya go!

-- Pete

----------------------

comments on Ep. 65 premise

1.) When the young Turtles are teaching Arnie, I think that we should pointedly NOT have them refer to ninjitsu or being ninjas -- instead, they should just talk in more general terms about self-defense and martial arts. The reason, or course, is for us to try to remain in continuity -- if Casey had been taught by strange ninja beings in his youth, he would probably have made the connection to the Turtles in the present (which, obviously, he hasn't).

2.) We should save the "Goongala!" for AFTER Arnie says his "Arnold Casey Jones" line, as it is a dead giveaway as to WHO that kid really is... and I'd like to keep that reveal until as late as we can in this episode.

3.) I like the idea that Arnie/Casey doesn't lose his temper until he sees the little kid getting picked on.

-------------------------------------

notes on Ep. 66 outline

1.) Re: the following:

"Reverse to reveal, Shredder (sans mask), Hun, Karai and Stockman (in his chest cavity jar) all have wildly vicious and evil painted clown faces, complete with fright wigs, as they charge and a huge melee begins."

No clown faces, please -- I really hate that cliche.

2.) How and why and when does Mikey go off and get into a suit of armor? Seems weird.

3.) Re: the following:

"Darkness.  Suddenly Donatello’s eyes snap open to reveal …  he is in an upscale New York restaurant!  No-one seems to be staring at him, wondering exactly what he’s doing there, or what he is.  No one cares.  But more surprisingly, sitting opposite him, looking stunning in an evening dress, is April!

Donatello:  "Uhm …  April?  What am I doing here?"

April:  "You’re buying me dinner."

Donatello:  "Oh …"

April’s smile turns into a grotesque grin, "But, I think I know what I’m having as an appetizer."

Suddenly, the table is hurled across the room to reveal that April has transformed into a terrible vampire!"

I'm not real crazy about the implied April/Don hookup, from the "stunning evening dress" to the salacious "appetizer" remark. Here's what I would suggest as an alternative:

Don comes to in April's apartment. He's sitting at her table, which is set for three. Maybe there is some food on the plates. Maybe it's (moldy) pizza! Across the table from him sit April and Casey, dressed in fancy evening wear... but they're both wearing hockey masks... and they are staring moonily at each other, ignoring Don. Don says "April? Casey? What's going on?"

April and Casey slowly turn their heads towards Don. April says "We thought we'd have you over --" and Casey finishes her sentence  " -- for dinner!" WIth that both of them whip off their hockey masks to reveal monstrous faces as they then leap on Don. (I'm not sure if they should be vampires or something else -- werewolves? or maybe they should just have those weird eyes like the guy who answers the phone at the end of the episode. Maybe they should have no real faces, but each a nest of writhing tentacles surrounding a single red eye.)

4.) Re: the following:

"Darkness.  Suddenly Michelangelo’s eyes snap open to reveal he’s at home in the turtles’ lair.  He calls out, but no-one’s around.  Puzzled, he walks into the practice area.  Suddenly, as if from nowhere, the Shredder steps into frame.  We pan up from his armored boots to his maskless face to reveal his face is actually that of a hideous, twisted clown.

Hun, Karai and Baxter Stockman appear next to him, each with their terrible clown faces.  Mikey backs up as he swallows hard …"

Again, no clowns, please. What if, instead, Shredder has Splinter's face, and Hun, Stockman and Karai have Don's, Raph's and Leo's faces? (All twisted and evil, of course.)

5.) There are some significant logic holes in this story that I think we need to fill in. Why is the "spirit axe" found in one of the cells? What is the purpose or motivation of the creature... on what does it feed? Why does it make the Turtles see horrible fantasies? How can the old man survive being inside the chamber beyond the circular golden door into which Leo was being sucked by all those tentacles? What is he DOING in there? Wouldn't the monster grab him too? If he is the original evil Van Clephus, why is he trying to get rid of the creature? Why does the "death" of the creature "free" Van Clephus and cause him to crumble to dust (ESPECIALLY if the creature isn't REALLY dead, which is what is implied by the coda with the guy answering the pay phone)? What is he being freed FROM? How has he survived for hundreds of years -- is it something the creature did? I'm confused.

------------------------

comments on Ep. 68 ("The Entity Below") premise second draft

1.) I think if we have the "Atlanteans" use another name for their vanished homeland, like "Y'Lyntias" (and they are "Y'Lyntians"), which has become corrupted over the millennia into "Atlantis", then that should be the term that they refer to themselves by... and it should be Don who first grasps the implications of the name "Y'Lyntias". I think it would be a cool reveal.

2.) Question -- is the Entity an Y'Lyntian? Or is he something more (or less)?

Blast from the Past #374: More notes from the development of the 4Kids TMNT series: Feb. 2, 2004: Re: Tons o' stuff

Feb. 2, 2004: Re: Tons o' stuff

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 2/2/04 12:00:55 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hi Pete -

So you should have received a lot of new stuff today.  Notes, notes,

notes is all I have to say to you mister!

Lloyd

 >>

Lloyd,

So let it be written... so let it be done.

Here are some notes on 63 final script and 64 first draft script. I plan to get to the rest of the stuff either tonight or tomorrow. 

By the way, did you catch all the positive response to part 3 of "Secret Origins" on the Technodrome web site?

-- Pete

--------------------------------

notes on final draft of Ep. 63

I have no comments... except to say that I like it and it's a go!

--------------------------------

notes on Ep. 64 first draft script

1.) Re: the following:

"PAN CLOSE ALONG THE SIDE OF A TRICERATON TRIBASE, as we pass the various structures of its domed city, far enough away that we can tell it's a TriBase, but close enough that we can't tell whether we're in space or hovering in atmosphere or whatever."

I like this opening, but what if we start with the "camera" at an angle which makes it look like we're looking at the Tribase straight on, i.e. the Tribase is in its "typical" orientation of dome on top, pointy asteroid end on bottom. Then, as the "camera" begins to pull back, it also starts to rotate into "true" orientation, doing the reveal that the Tribase is actually lying on its side and is half-submerged in water.

2.) Re: the following:

"INT. CRASHED TRIBASE - TUNNELS - CONTINUOUS

Everything is on its side, the formerly horizontal network of tunnels now converging at odd vertical angles. "

I know it's more difficult to accomplish visually than simply turning everything in increments of 90 degrees, but I strongly suggest that instead of doing that and ending up with VERTICALS, we go for the more difficult -- but infinitely cooler, in my opinion -- DIAGONALS. I think it offers a lot more in the way of opportunities to do neat visuals and make a more interesting scene for the battle between the Turtles and the Amazon robots.

3.) Re: the following:

"8. SAKI (CONT'D)

I assure you with no false modesty that I am none of these things.  I am merely a man fortunate enough to possess the means to rebuild this city.

CLOSER ON SAKI - The video screen behind him displays before and after pictures of New York in ruins from the alien invasion and New York reconstructed -- a gleaming metropolis with perhaps a hint or two of Japanese influence ala the old Foot HQ.  

9. SAKI (CONT'D)

My salvage and construction crews will restore New York to a shining palace of a city.  A city that will inspire the world.  And perhaps send a message to other worlds about the resilience of the human spirit."

I really like this whole thing of Saki hiding his evil nature behind the mask of benevolence, but I think it might be better if we toned down -- just a bit -- the extent to which he is planning to rebuild the city using only his resources. I would think that the scope of that task would overwhelm even Saki's wealth, and it makes more sense that while he may be "taking the point" (and as much credit as he possibly can) in this effort to rebuild NYC, there are other agencies and companies at work too. What I would suggest is that we change one of his lines to read something like as follows:

"I am merely a man fortunate enough to possess the means to jump-start the rebuilding of this city."

and

"My salvage and construction crews will be honored to lead the way in restoring New York to a shining palace of a city."

Also, a small design note -- would it be a good visual to have the Foot symbol placed somewhere on Saki's suit? I was thinking perhaps a small one on a tie, or a ring, or if it's appropriate for the type of suit in question, on a handkerchief in his pocket.

4.) Re: the following:

"SAKI - discreetly nods to Karai.

KARAI - nods back and discreetly works her way next to the Disheveled Reporter (so we can't quite see her arm).

15. REPORTER (CONT'D)

Has your tech division ever conducted secret genetic experiments on human subjects?  What is your connec…

<impact>

We hear an <O.S. ZAP> The Disheveled Reporter suddenly <CRUMPLES> to the ground as Karai walks away discreetly.

PUSH IN CLOSE ON KARAI turns and walks away."

The implication here is that Karai has "zapped" the reporter with some kind of taser or stun gun. I wonder if it would be better/cooler/more Karai-like if she renders him helpless/unconscious with a ninja nerve pinch or strike (done surreptitiously, of course). And what happens when the reporter "suddenly <CRUMPLES> to the ground" in (apparently) full view of the assembled crowd? Perhaps we should add a line here to address this, like have Karai or Saki himself say something like "It seems Mr. _____ has been overwhelmed by the excitement of this event!"

And on the subject of this "disheveled reporter" -- after the great success (with the fans) of those little humorous nods to the old show we put into "Secret Origins Part 3", what would you think of making this guy into "Vernon" from the old show? He was the somewhat effete, bumbling news reporter at Channel 6 who was April's nemesis. Maybe we could have the Mayor refer to him as "Verne". Just a thought.

5.) Re: the following:

"31. RAPHAEL

Complete with police escort.  So now Shredder's buddy-buddy with the cops?

MICHELANGELO - rubs his fingers together in a "money" gesture.

32. MICHELANGELO

Throw enough scratch at this city and you can make all kinds of new friends.

LEONARDO - looks up at the copters in disbelief.

33. LEONARDO

Never thought I'd see the day when the Foot goes legit."

I believe that the Turtles (including Leo) know from past experience that the Foot -- or at least Oroku Saki in his "businessman" guise -- has long hid behind any number of "legit" businesses. So I would change this to reflect that, somehow. I think it might be good to throw in there a line for one of the Turtles something along the line of "They (meaning the rest of the city) don't know Saki like WE do."

6.) Re: the following:

"60. MAYOR

Was he wearing a Purple Dragons tattoo?

SAKI - leads the Mayor to a table where a pile of blueprints are spread out, directing his attention away from Hun.   

61. SAKI

I hadn't noticed…"

I understand that we want Saki to deflect the Mayor's inquiries, but "I hadn't noticed" sounds a bit too flip and even silly. I would suggest replacing it with something like "The dragon is a symbol of great honor in the lore of my ancestors." This in effect shuts up the Mayor by putting him in the awkward position of appearing to criticize someone's culture, while at the same time not answering the question at all.

7.) Re: the following:

"HUN - steps forward, bowing apologetically.     

   

77. HUN

Master, please forgive my earlier interruption, but I thought you'd want to know we encountered the Turtles near the Central Park salvage operation.

SAKI - holds out his hand, his face betraying no emotion whatsoever.  Hun takes the hand.  Saki grips it hard <CRUNCH>, forcing Hun to the ground painfully."

This is a cool scene, but something about it seems a little off. Why does Saki hold out his hand, and why does Hun take it? Is this some secret ritual they have? It SEEMS as if Saki is offering Hun a congratulatory handshake, but that makes no sense in context. Perhaps it would work better if Saki says something like "Your hand..." or "Give me your hand..." Or maybe even better, if we show Saki's speed by having him move in on Hun quickly, perhaps while Hun has his hands out in the gesture of apology. He could then grab one of Hun's hands and do the thing he does.

8.) I'm not sure if this would be cool or stupid, but I'll throw it out there anyway. What if the Foot Techs in their Geo-Spheres (by the way, any reason that they are called that?) control the Amazon-Bots via controllers that look like eight inch action figures with wires coming out of their bodies (or maybe not -- might be better as a wireless thing, perhaps with some stubby antennas), which they move like kids playing with action figures, and the real bots follow these movements?

9.) Re: the following:

"EXT. NEW YORK HARBOR - NIGHT

CLOSE ON A LARGE CONSTRUCTION CRANE - lowering a huge hoisting cable and hook down into a deep vertical hole that has been bored deep into a rocky surface."

Minor point, but are we saying that the Foot crews have bored this hole, or is this "battle damage" from the war between the Triceratons and the Federation? I think it might be more logical as the latter.

10.) Re: the following:

"103. MICHELANGELO

Why'd we have to swim all the way out to this thing?

CLOSER ON THE TURTLES - hoisting themselves onto the space dock. 

104. LEONARDO

Besides, we didn't want to attract any attention with the ShellSub.

105. MICHELANGELO

How does a sub attract attention?

106. RAPHAEL

Just move, will ya?"

Something a little odd here. Does Leo mean to say "Because" instead of "Besides" in line 104, or is there a line missing that his "Besides" would refer to? Also, Mike's "How does a sub attract attention?" is a little obscure. On the one hand, if he's referring to the fact that the sub travels underwater and thus out of general sight, it makes sense. But on the other hand, the sub is bigger, bulkier and considerably noisier than the four Turtles, and thus WOULD attract attention.

11.) Re: the following:

"113. DONATELLO

Are you kidding?  There's enough juice in that thing to wipe out the entire Eastern Seaboard."

Don's line here in reference to the power core of the Tribase seems a mite extreme. I would suggest changing the entire Eastern Seaboard" to "the whole city and parts of New Jersey".

12.) Re: the following:

"120. RAPHAEL

Can we chat about yer girlfriend's career choice later?"

ALERT! ALERT! CHEESY "GIRLFRIEND" REMARK!!! I suggest changing "your girlfriend" to just "her".

13.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO - throws away his severed bo halves, dodging as the PP Foot <THRUSTS> his chainsaw.  Don backs off the edge of the scaffold and drops out of sight."

I think it's cool that Don's bo gets cut in half, but I think it would be better if he didn't throw the two pieces away, but rather kept them and demonstrated his skill (one of the many taught to him by Splinter) with escrima (I believe that is what the Filipino martial art of fighting with two short sticks or batons is called -- I suspect there is a Japanese equivalent, but I'm not sure what it is). If anyone doubts that these can be dramatic and exciting weapons, check out Bruce Lee's use of them in "Enter the Dragon".

14.) Re: the following:

"INT. CRASHED TRIBASE - ELEVATOR SHAFT/EXPLOSIVES CACHE - LATER

The Turtles haul out explosives, passing them up and along to one another bucket brigade style.  

128. DONATELLO

A few well placed explosive charges in the Tribase's asteroid underbelly should open up the floodgates and short out the Power Core."

While I would be among the first to say that Don is one smart Turtle and is rarely wrong, perhaps here he should not be so totally sure that blowing a hole in the side of the Tribase and flooding the power core with millions of gallons of seawater will accomplish their goal and NOT blow up the whole city. I think it would be appropriate for one of the other Turtles to question his theory and have Don then say "Well... it SHOULD work!" or "Well... I calculate that it has a 73% chance of working!" or words to that effect.

15.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL - thrusts his sais into the Bot's hand.  This time they penetrate, sending up <SPARKS>.

156. RAPHAEL

Hey!  I think we softened this one up."

So these bots are made out of a kind of metal that "softens" when immersed in water? Silly.

Blast from the Past #373: More notes from the development of the 4Kids TMNT series: Feb. 1, 2004: Re: premise for Ep. 67

Feb. 1, 2004: Re: premise for Ep. 67

From: Peter Laird

To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 67 premise:

1.) Re: the following:

"The Shredder turns on Stockman.  The Shredder has been asking Stockman for months about the possibility of obtaining the anti-grav device.  The Shredder’s furious.  (Stockman’s holographic head shimmers and spurts in an out … in nervous agitation)."

It occurred to me when reading this bit about Stockman's holographic head "shimmering" and "spurting" that we could have a lot of fun with some wild stylistic exaggerations of the holographic image when Stockman experiences strong emotions. It might be cool to build up a library of various types or styles of expression so we could be consistent -- when he's angry, he looks this way, and when he's smug he looks that way, and so on. I'm thinking weird warped stuff like what happened to Jim Carrey's "Mask" character in the "Mask" movie, or something I just saw while channel surfing -- a snippet of "Teen Titans" on Cartoon Network, wherein some of the characters flipped rapidly from their "normal" look to some wacky anime look and back again, all to emphasize some emotion.

2.) Re: the following:

"Chaplin continues:  "But, of course, you’ll never be able to get either of the anti-grav device down.  Bringing the city back to earth would be too much of a strain.  It would completely fry both of the anti-grav generators."

How does Chaplin know this? After all, this is alien technology -- how does he know what it can or can't do? I find it significantly illogical that this technology can haul the load up into orbit, yet can't lower it back down without "burning out". Is there some rationale that I am not getting?

What if we have Chaplin SUGGEST -- rather than state as an absolute fact -- that it is likely (given his study, as far as that goes, of other Triceraton technology, specifically the other nonfunctional anti-grav devices they've found) that the anti grav devices in the Beijing "flyer" will not hold up well to a return to Earth's gravity well.

3.) Re: the following:

"But, the Shredder has a better idea.  Why bring the city down.  Just go up there, take one of the devices and let the city crash to earth.  What does the Shredder care.  He needs an anti-grav generator."

I like the evilness of the Shredder's suggestion, but why not have him just say something like "Who said anything about returning Beijing safely to Earth? All we want are the anti-grav generators. What happens to the city after we remove them is none of our concern."

Also, what is Chaplin's reaction to this plan? Karai is appalled, and rightly so, but what about this scientist?

4.) Re: the following:

"Later, Karai, Hun, and a team of Foot Ninja hijack the space shuttle on the launch pad at Cape Canaveral."

???!!! This is seriously silly. And why do they even need to hijack the space shuttle? Can't they find one operational orbit-capable ship left over from the Triceraton invasion?

5.) There are some potentially very serious timing problems with the removal of the anti grav generators from Beijing and what happens thereafter. It seems to me that if the orbit of Beijing deteriorates quickly enough and they have dropped so low that both the docking arm (and now where did THAT come from?) and the ship they've come in burn up in friction from contact with the atmosphere,  and there is no working anti-grav generator in Beijing, then that city is going to drop like one big rock -- and that means REALLY fast. Far too fast, it would seem, to uncrate an anti-grav generator, re-install it, and get it working again.

Here's a slightly different suggestion: First, how about either having the space ship break loose from where it has docked accidentally, thus stranding them, OR have one of the bad guys -- Hun or Stockman -- actually sneak back to the ship and take off in it*. Second, instead of the second grav generator being destroyed, it is only damaged, and part of the nail-biting race to the finish is to see if they can get it repaired in time. And third, remember that we talked about the fact that the atmosphere surrounding Beijing (which is keeping all of its stranded inhabitants alive) is kept intact by a force field generated by some Triceraton device.


What if the only way our heroes can get that one last grav generator to put out enough power to bring the city back to Earth in one piece is for them to redirect power from that force field INTO the grav generator... the effect being, of course, that even though they are in atmosphere at the time and thus won't necessarily asphyxiate, the removal of the protective force field will let in hurricane force winds (from their rapid passage through the atmosphere) which will threaten to not only blow people off the Beijing "asteroid", but also tear apart the more fragile buildings in the city (cool visual opportunities there, as well as some fun having the Turtles working to save various Beijing-ites who are slipping off the edge of their city).

One of the reasons I suggest this is that I am really not terribly convinced by the "flying saucer" theory, or by what value creating a "spin" and "counter spin" has.

-- Pete

* Actually, if we went with the scenario I suggested, that the second grav generator is damaged, not destroyed, this would allow Hun and Stockman to return to the Shredder with one good grav generator, as well as eliminating Karai and Chaplin (something they can later, of course, when Karai and Chaplin show up again, claim was inadvertent -- the result of Karai and Chaplin not getting back to the ship in time). And maybe it would be a good thing, plotwise, that Shredder ends up with one working grav generator.

Blast from the Past #372: More notes from the development of the 4Kids TMNT series: Feb. 1, 2004: Ep. 63 third draft, 68 premise, etc.

Feb. 1, 2004: Ep. 63 third draft, 68 premise, etc.


From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine




Lloyd,


As always, great to see you and to work with you in person. Though I wish we had had a little more time to talk stuff out, I think we accomplished some significant things.


I read the third draft of 63 and the premise for 68, and have a few comments on them. I'm also going to include in this email the notes I made about the alternate 65 premise, and a few on the Entity, the Shredder, and Karai.


-- Pete


--------------------------------


notes on EP. 63 third draft script


Wow! Much, MUCH better! I have only two minor comments:


1.) Re: the following:

"80. LEONARDO
You really shouldn’t sneak up on us like that.
81. NOBODY
Obviously."

I thought it might be neat to emphasize here the fact that Nobody WAS able to sneak up on our ninja heroes, who have been trained by Splinter so that they CAN'T be snuck up on (not sure if that is grammatical!). Leo -- or Mike -- should express surprise that Nobody has such stealth. Maybe something like this:

"80. LEONARDO
You really shouldn’t sneak up on us like that.
81. NOBODY
Obviously.
82. MICHELANGELO
No, what Leo means is that you really shouldn't be ABLE to sneak up on US like that."

2.) Re: the following:

"DRAMATIC ANGLE ON THE CRATES – as Nobody lifts a TRICERATON CANNON from it, Leo and Michelangelo appearing next to him.
138. **NOBODY (HUSHED)
What the heck is this thing?!
139. **LEONARDO (HUSHED)
A Triceraton Cannon... but it looks like Ruffington’s company made a few modifications."

I don't remember a "Triceraton Cannon" ever appearing in past episodes. I wonder if it might be better to refer to it as a "Triceraton blaster".


----------------------


notes on Ep. 68 premise / "The Entity Below"


1.) Re: the pendant that the Entity wore -- am I imagining it, or was that pendant a crystal that Don used (destroyed, actually) to cure the humans trapped as monsters in "Return to the Underground"?


2.) What is this "red crystal"? I don't remember it from before. Also, wasn't one of the problems faced by Don in "Return to the Underground" the fact that it was really hard to find enough crystals for his "cure"? How then do we have all these NEW crystals?


3.) As we discussed when you were up here, I think we should really work out -- at least for ourselves -- roughly WHERE the underground city is, geographically speaking. Is it literally under New York City? Or is it actually farther out, under the ocean? The reason I ask this is that I find the whole "Lava heating up the lair" thing a little goofy, and would prefer some other means of getting the Turtles to go back to the underground city. Perhaps there are strange things happening just offshore, like water bubbling and steaming... from which news the Turtles realize that something is going on in the underground city. It might even be cool to bring back one of the cured humans (who used to be one of the monsters in the underground) who is now in some kind of position/job where he or she would observe this strange phenomenon and recognize what it might portend... and then tell the Turtles.


------------------------


notes on TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
"Sensei"
(premise/outline proposal for #65)
by Bob Forward


This is somewhat better, though not nearly as much fun as the "young Turtle/young Arnold (Casey Jones)" idea we were playing around with.


The major problem (aside from the overused "Karate Kid" plotline) is the casual reveal of ALL the Turtles later in the story, AND the equally casual reveal of the connection between April and the Turtles. This is something that I think we should reserve only for those situations which either REALLY require it, or those in which it is UNAVOIDABLE -- and this tale is neither of those things. I'm also not really loving the idea that this Roberto kid is living in the back of April's store. In fact, why involve April in this at all? Why can't Roberto find a job somewhere else? We seem to trash April's store on a regular basis... maybe too often.


What if Raph hooks up Roberto with his new friend Mrs. Morrison (?), the old lady who Raph met and befriended in a recent episode (can't remember which one)? She could give him a job as a handyman -- maybe convince her landlord that this kid should be given the job, and he could get a small living space in her building. And maybe there is a shop or two or three in this building and we could have the climactic scene where the gang attacks the store be one of these establishments. (I really want to get away from always using April's store.)


I must say that I'm still not really excited by this story. It just seems so trite. There's really nothing here we haven't seen before. And the whole "Raph is angry" bit is getting tiresome. It's not that I don't think that, of the four of the Turtles, Raph is the one with the hair-trigger temper and is more often pissed-off, but here his anger doesn't seem to have any "raison d'etre". It's just a gimmick to get the story rolling.


As it stands right now, this is an episode that I see as being totally forgettable. Unless there is something that we can do to make it significantly better, I'd prefer to try something else.


One thing just occurred to me -- and while I know it's possible, it would require a lot of cleverness and work to pull it off. (Something I know our team can do!) It involves a twist on this "classic" "Karate Kid"-type story. What if we combined this tale with the "young Turtle/young Casey" story? My rough concept is this: We begin with some young person being hassled by bullies. Pull back to reveal that the Turtles are watching this and getting pissed off at the injustice. One of them -- Raph? -- is about to leap in and kick ass, but suddenly the cops show up and disperse the bullies. Mike starts talking about how they should do a "Mr. Miyagi" and teach this kid how to defend himself, stand up for himself. Raph and Don agree, but Leo is oddly reluctant. The others don't understand his reluctance, and finally Leo starts telling them a story -- a kind of embarrassing story -- from their youth.


It seems that when Leo was five (or however old he would have to be to fit in with our continuity and Casey's age), he had disobeyed Splinter's orders and gone out to explore the outside world. And he had come upon a situation much like the one they had just been observing -- a young boy being hassled by bullies. Leo is outraged and in his youthful naiveté thinks he can help this kid, much like Master Splinter has helped him and his brothers. He can show this kid some martial arts techniques and help him to be able to defend himself, give him some self-confidence.


But it won't do to reveal himself as a Turtle, so Leo puts together a somewhat goofy costume to disguise his mutant turtle nature (consisting of something like a hooded robe, big socks or floppy boots to hid his feet, etc.), and presents himself to the kid, who is reasonably wary of this weird person. In fact, at first he thinks Leo is just another bully come to pester him and he responds angrily, but Leo deflects the kid's attack with a couple of simple ninjitsu moves.


-------------------------


notes with Lloyd 01/28/04


possible fate of Shredder Utrom (after being tried by Utroms):


-- sentenced to bleak lifeless world (like Mars)
-- sentenced to jungle planet where he has to constantly run to avoid being eaten
-- sentenced to solitary life sentence in a self-contained spaceship which tumbles through the cosmos -- and it's cloaked so no one can rescue him


Karai becomes the new Shredder... she sees or somehow becomes aware of the hand the Turtles have in his demise/downfall and comes to hate them (even though the Shredder had done many evil things and had not always treated her fairly or well, she still loves him, like an abused kid will love the abusive parent). Her Shredder "look" would retain the traditional iconic elements, but have a different treatment.


-----------------


idea about the Entity (from "Notes from the Underground") -- these notes were made BEFORE I got the Ep. 68 premise:


-- The Entity is one of a group of the last survivors of Atlantis (maybe we should come up with a different name for it, an "original" name which the "Atlanteans" themselves called it, which has become distorted and blurred through the centuries -- Hondolas, Y'Lyntias, etc.) which perished -- as the ancient legends have it -- in some kind of cataclysm. We postulate that the cataclysm was the result of a revolt of the three classes/races/species of Atlantean slaves, which included the sea slaves (ancestors of the fishfolk as seen in "Sons of the Silent Age" Mirage comic), land slaves (Bigfoot/Sasquatch/Yeti types, maybe ancestors of the "Green Man" creature from the new TV show), and air slaves (some kind of winged, avian creature). These oppressed beings banded together and revolted for their freedom and turned the Atlanteans' advanced technology on them, resulting in the ruin/submergence of the island empire.
Some of the higher-ups -- maybe the best scientists -- fled to the North American continent, where they were pursued and harried by the avians. To escape this, they went underground, delving deep and building a new civilization (the remnants of which we see in "Notes From the Underground").
Yet to be figured out -- how and why the only Entity is awake and the rest of his kindred are in suspended animation.