Blast from the Past #502: October 6, 2005: Re: TMNT Show 129 ("Bad Blood") First Draft, and October 8, 2005: Re: 127 ("Invasion of the Body Snatcher!") second Draft

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 129 ("Bad Blood") First Draft
Date: Thursday, October 6, 2005 1:45:36 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Although I'm still not 100% crazy about how close the Dark Turtles are to the Turtles in personality, it worked better than I thought it would. This could be a very fun episode. Here are my notes on this Ep129 first draft.


1.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
Yes, most fortunate in lieu of the strange foes we have faced as of late."

"In lieu of" means "instead of", so its use here is odd. I think the writer meant to say "in light of".


2.) Re: the following:

"DARK MICHELANGELO
Justice Force; that book bit the big one!"

"Bit the big one"... is this kind of sexually-derived insult okay for Saturday morning TV?


3.) Re: the following:

"PATRON #1
Thanks for the drinks!  So where’d you guys blow in from?
DARK RAPHAEL
<ROARS AT HIM LIKE A SAVAGE MONSTER>
Dark Don <BAPS> him on the nose and scolds him, like a bad dog.  
DARK DONATELLO
What is wrong with you?  The guy just asked you a question, that’s all…
Dark Raph looks sorry and humbly tries to make nice.
DARK RAPHAEL
Sorry…we…uh…live in the sewer…um…it smells like poo-gas…
ON DARK MIKEY <YAPPING> some poor PATRON’S ear off.
DARK MICHELANGELO
So there we were, turtle against clone…
The patron walks away, but Dark Mikey spins him back around.  The patron rolls his eyes and resigns himself to listen.
DARK MICHELANGELO
HEY!  We just bought you bums drinks!  The least you can do is listen to me talk smack…so there we were…"

I think this entire sequence should be cut out. I know it's supposed to be "funny", but it really just seems like padding, and not terribly clever at that. For example, why should Dark Don give a rat's ass that Dark Raph roared at one of the bar patrons? The whole thing has the feel of "shtick".


4.) Re: the following:

"Cody uses his WRIST LASER to free the turtles.  The Turtles immediately dash for a SACK containing their WEAPONS.
ON TURTLES – GRABBING and <WHIRLING> their weapons, happy to have them back.  Then, they look up and OFF CAMERA in shock.
DARK LEONARDO (OFF)
This just means we’ll have to beat the snot out of you all over again!  
THE DARK come out of their chambers holding their WEAPONS. "

Why is there no reaction at all from the Dark Turtles to the presence of Cody? Seems odd.


5.) Re: the following:

"Leo <KNOCKS> the blade out of Dark Leo’s hand and executes THREE KICKS square into his chest.  Dark Leo falls back, defeated."

It seems like Dark Leo is pretty easily defeated here. Three kicks?


6.) Re: the following:

"WIDE – Leo looks at the downed body of Dark Leo, JUST THEN the Darks <ZOOM> into frame riding their TERRORPIN™ HOVER VEHICLE.
DARK RAPH scoops DARK LEO into the vehicle as they <ZOOM> past.
ON TERRORPIN <ZOOMING AWAY> – DARK RAPH & MIKEY <WAVE> cockily."

This is odd. Weren't Dark Raph, Dark Mikey, and Dark Don just all knocked out cold? How are they now able to pilot this ship? Did our Turtles turn their backs on their defeated Dark Duplicates so the Darks could revive, sneak away and get in this Terrorpin thing? Seems pretty goofy.


-- Pete

-------------------------------------------


Subj: Re: 127 ("Invasion of the Body Snatcher!") second Draft
Date: Saturday, October 8, 2005 6:52:39 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on the Ep127 second draft. This version is a lot better, though there are a few (non-insurmountable) problems still.



1.) Re: the following:



"* MIKEY
Don't worry. We've got just the thing for the papaRATzi &Boys!
* SERIES OF STILLS  ' Cut with <BULB FLASHES> ' The TURTLES completely camera hog, mugging and leaping in front of Cody."


This works for Mikey... but not the rest of the Turtles.



2.) Re: the following:



"* SPLINTER
I expect you all to remember, you are ninja! Carry yourselves with pride and humility. "


"With pride and humility" seems a bit self-contradictory, doesn't it?



3.) Re: the following:



"RAPHAEL
(Sotto) (More like R&D &Ready to Destroy!"


This is slightly weird, as "&" ("and") does not correspond to "to". Perhaps a better phrase for Raph to use in this circumstance is "Rampage and Destruction".



4.) Re: the following:



"DONATELLO
Don't let him reach his own body! He'll be able to phase and we'll never catch him!
SPLINTER - looks back fearfully as THE BO STAFF <WHIRLS> towards him &and knocks him off his feet!
ON THE GUYS   as they all LEAP into frame!
TURTLES
Banzai!
There's a big PILE UP as the Turtles all fall on him!
DON/RAPH/MIKEY
I got him!/No,I do!/Ow! That's my foot!"


I still don't see why if Splinter/Jammerhead got to where Jammerhead's body is FIRST -- i.e., before the Turtles get there -- Jammerhead doesn't immediately move his consciousness into his original body.
And what's up with Don's "Don' t let him reach his own body! He'll be able to phase and we'll never catch him!" Is he REALLY saying that he WANTS Jammerhead to be in control of their Sensei's body even one second longer? I think that makes ZERO sense.
And the "pig pile on Splinter" is still INCREDIBLY dopey, given what the Turtles MUST have been able to figure out about how it is that Jammerhead moves from body to body, i.e. he can't do it from a distance, otherwise he would have been able to take any of THEM over and thus escape more easily. Grabbing on to Splinter in this way is a VERY poor tactic.
If we DESPERATELY need to do our version of the "Who's the shape-shifting alien?" blood testing gag from John Carpenter's "The Thing" movie, it MIGHT work if Jammerhead/Splinter is BLOCKED (with WEAPONS, not body parts, remember!) from rejoining his (Jammerhead's) body, and uses some kind of feint (maybe he pretends to collapse or something) to draw all four Turtles in close so he can touch them all simultaneously. I know this means the end of the "Splinter throws all four Turtles off him and poses dramatically" bit, but I think we can afford that loss.



-- Pete