Blast from the Past #603: January 10, 2003: Re: Looks like I'll be comin' to see you next Friday!, January 13, 2003: Re: It's heeeee-eeeeereee!, and January 27, 2003: episode 2

Subj: Re: Looks like I'll be comin' to see you next Friday!
Date: Friday, January 10, 2003 11:59:46 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 1/8/03 11:11:50 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hi Pete!

So I'll be up to see you next Friday (with Vinnie) to hang and discuss
season 2!  Whoopie!

In other news, a beta test of the TMNT website is up for us to check
out, play with and give comments on. Please keep in mind that it is a
work in progress; many of the buttons don't do much, lots of the written
pieces are being revised, and more bells and whistles are sill to be
added, etc.

Send me any and all notes by Friday morning if possible - I scheduled a
meeting on Friday with the website guys!

Thanks Pete!

peace,

Lloyd>>

Lloyd,

I look forward to seeing you again... should be fun!

I tried to go and look at the test web site, but it was loading REALLY slowly, so I think I'll wait until I can get down to Mirage and use the high speed Internet line there.

I have a few comments about some of the art sent recently. Most of it (TCRI security control room, Interior TCRI security control room reverse, revised exterior end of alley with TCRI building, TCRI guards, interior TCRI large lab with large fluid filled sacks, interior organic interior/reverse angle/wide shot from ledge to view cavern, Utrom with exoskeleton (with version 2 of Utrom as noted below), Technician with skin peeling off, hover husk, interior decontamination chamber, and Mr. Mortu) looks fine.

1.) I prefer Version 2 of the Utrom (with lips and mouth).

2.) I appreciate the facts that you have kept that "crystalline outline" style for the dematerialization effect, but I was wondering if instead of breaking up into "clumps" of crystals, the crystalline shapes actually sort of UNWOUND -- so that as the basic shape of the Turtle's body begins to break up, it actually breaks up into a spiraling vortex of components which resemble (but which don't necessarily have to be EXACTLY like) the outlined drawn shapes in the Turtle's body. The only reason I suggest this is that I have seen the "clumpy" disintegration effect in a couple of movies recently, and thought something a bit more unusual might be good. However, if we can't figure out a good way to accomplish what I am suggesting here OR it turns out to be not a great idea, I would accept what has been submitted.

3.) The one interior design for the TCRI building that I'm not really crazy about is the transmat chamber, for a couple of reasons. First -- and most important -- I would really like to see the transmat platform and the machinery immediately surrounding it more closely resemble the stuff from the original comic book. If you have a copy of the first printing of issue #4, that cover has an excellent view of this hardware. (I'll attach an annotated scan of that cover to this email.) Just to be clear -- I'd like the design of the transmat for the show to include the key components which I have circled on the cover scan, but extra stuff, if needed, is fine (as long as it looks right, of course).
The second thing is those curved bladed shapes around the top of the transmat hardware -- they look a LOT like the blades on the Shredder's armor, which I think is not appropriate.

4.) As promised, also attached is my idea for a TCRI patch logo design.

--Peter

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Subj: Re: It's heeeee-eeeeereee!
Date: Monday, January 13, 2003 10:07:31 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 1/13/03 8:25:10 PM, LGoldfine@4KidsEnt.com writes:

<< Howdy fellas!

Just a quick note to let you all know that episode #1 of the all new, all
cool Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in da house!  It arrived on schedule,
packin' tons of serious butt-kickin' ninja action!  We are currently cutting
it to time, calling for retakes, fixing dialogue sync, etc., and we hope to
lock picture by tomorrow night!

And our main title sequence is scheduled to arrive this Wed!

Big doings in ShellTown to be sure!

Lloyd

 >>

Lloyd,

Cool! Can't wait to see it.

-- Peter

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Subj: episode 2
Date: Monday, January 27, 2003 8:22:30 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I've watched the tape of episode 2 several times, and REALLY like it... even more than the first episode! It's got me real eager to see more episodes -- I think this serial thing is really going to pay off big time. There are some REALLY cool touches, like the distorted shadows on the sewer wall as the Turtles run by in one scene, and the reflection of Don and Splinter in the disassembled Mouser's head. Of course there are also a couple of things that I have to mention as my critical self kicks in.

I'm not sure if Gary talked to you about this, but one thing we both noticed right away is that those mask colors in the intro are still wrong (these are those close-ups of eyes in masks which slide into frame, two from the right and two from the left). Is this going to be fixed before the first episode airs? Hope so.

The major thing which has got me a little worried, and maybe you can say something that will easily allay my fears, is the issue of April's outfit. When you were up here for our meeting last week, I remember you saying some stuff about how slavishly the animators in Korea follow the model sheets and storyboards, which occasionally results in weird/undesirable things happening. Well, as I watched April in her lab coat and belly shirt (a combination which was okay but looked a BIT odd), I began to wonder if we were seeing the beginning of another situation where -- even though I know we talked about this, and agreed that she should wear different clothes sometimes -- April would be seen wearing the exact same thing in episode after episode. I don't recall seeing any model sheets showing April in different outfits... were there any done?

I know we all don't want to repeat the horrible Fred Wolf-era mistake of keeping April in one set of clothes forever (boring!), so I was wondering what ideas you have for solving that problem. Obviously some of the episodes are far enough along in the animation production line that if April is wearing the same pants/sneakers/belly shirt getup in them, it's too late to change . On the other hand, might we attempt to change this situation in some of the shows which are NOT that far along? (Assuming the problem that I am talking about actually does exist, of course.) What would it take -- supplying a specific new model sheet of April in a different outfit (or outfits) for each episode in which we decide she should have changed her clothes?

I think that some careful attention to this might result in benefits such as making the show more appealing to girls (who pick up on that kind of thing right away) as well as opening up a greater possibility of doing April fashion doll-style toys (Barbie scale). I talked with my daughter about this, and she has some interest in possibly sketching out what she thinks might be some different cool outfits for April, if you think that would be helpful.

Come to think of it, although it's clearly most important where April is concerned, it might not be a bad idea if we kept this idea in mind for all of our major human characters, especially Casey.

That's all for now!

-- Peter

Blast from the Past #602: December 10, 2002: Re: Color models TMNT episode #7, December 12, 2002: Re: Show 25 and models, December 17, 2002: Re: First TMNT Footage!, December 17, 2002: Re: Turtle's music and script 26, and December 24, 2002: final draft of episode 26 script

(Note: A few posts ago, in "Blast from the Past #601", I put up several emails which -- due to a technical snafu -- were incomplete. I since have successfully retrieved the complete emails and will shortly correct that previous post. -- PL)

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Subj: Re: Color models TMNT episode #7
Date: Tuesday, December 10, 2002 11:22:51 PM

From:  Peter Laird

To:    Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the color models: 

Baxter Stockman with eye patch: fine

Foot Tech Ninja: fine

Guardian: I prefer "b" but with the gold colored medallion of "a" (see attached tweak)

Trio: I think their basic colors are fine, and I could probably live with them as is, but I wonder if we could do some kind of small color thing which would biind them together, visually, in a somewhat odd and subtly disconcerting way. My first suggestion is to give them all the same hair color, and make it a somewhat odd color. I've done a tweak of the hair color to show you what I mean, but I'll attach it to a second email to avoid any compression problems.

--Peter

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Subj: Re: Show 25 and models
Date: Thursday, December 12, 2002 12:08:31 AM

From:  Peter Laird

To:    Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 12/11/02 11:41:26 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hey Peter-

Thanks for the notes.  Re: the eye glow/hair color thing, does this mean
that ALL the Utrom (besides the Trio) should have the same hair color or
eye glow?  I don't particularly mind that we'll be telegraphing
something weird about them - - I kinda think that'd be part of the
fun... but let's discuss tomorrow.  I will call you from animatic
central at 12:30.  I will most likely only be at the
animatic session until 1pm.  If we miss each other, try my cel phone.

Also, you should have gotten a slew of models (5 models for the
booby-trapped "Gauntlet Hall," 6 new Guardians, 2 Baxter Stockman
Exo-suit views - atotal of 13 designs).  Lemme know whatcha think!

Thanks,

Lloyd >>

Lloyd,

Glad you got that email -- AOL was acting up earlier and I wasn't sure it got to you.

I'm ambivalent about the Utrom eye/hair color question. I think it would work if only those three had the same color, or if all of them did, or if none of them did. (Hows THAT for noncommittal?)

I looked over the art that was faxed to me today -- 5 models for the booby-trapped "Gauntlet Hall," 6 new Guardians, 2 Baxter Stockman Exo-suit views -- and it's all fine.

--Peter

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Subj: Re: First TMNT Footage!
Date: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 5:21:17 PM

From:  Peter Laird

To:    Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 12/17/02 2:20:16 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Howdy boyz!

The first few scene of the all new, all awesome TMNT animated series has
just arrived today hot off the presses from Korea and what can I say... it
KICKS ASS!  Keep your peepers peeled for your very own VHS copy of these
scenes, which you should receive tomorrow!

What's on the tape?  About 1 minute of serious butt-kicking color scenes
followed by 2   minutes of cool pencil test scenes!

Rejoice!

Lloyd >>

Lloyd,

      Woo-hoo! Can't wait!

--Peter

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Subj: Re: Turtle's music and script 26
Date: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 1:16:06 AM

From:  Peter Laird

To:    Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 12/16/02 9:54:28 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hi Peter -

Just wanted to let you know you should have gotten a CD w/ various
turtles' show music tracks as well as a rough 1st draft of show 26!

Send me any and all notes asap and we'll turn this puppy around!

Still not enough progress on the next arc due to production stuff, teh
holidays, and generating 12 promo scripts out of thin air at the last
moment... but I'm still on it!

Hope all is well with you and yours!

Talk to ya tomorrow!

Lloyd
 >>

Lloyd,

Re: Episode 26 first draft -- I think this may the first "first draft" script to be really close to final approval as is. I have very few comments.

1.) Pg. 17: "Rappelling" is spelled incorrectly...  but anyway, what Don and Mike actually do in this scene isn't really rappelling, I think.
In the following paragraph, I thought it might be funny to add to Mike's lines about the "giant stomach: "... I don't even wanna think about what "down there" entrails... uh... I mean entails!" But then again, I like puns.

2.) Pg. 18: There's an "alright" on this page. Gack!

3.) Pg. 24: "Don whips out his blades..." I thinks the writer means "bo staff".

4.) Pg. 27: Instead of "We can do more harm than good", I think Leo should say "We might do more harm than good".

5.) Pg. 23: In his notes, Gary said he didn't care for the bit where the female Utrom covers herself up with her tentacles. I see his point, but for me it stays JUST this side of silly without sliding over into stupid, and I like the weird humor of it (it's kind of like Don with the pigeon puppet...).

6.) Pp. 28-30: Gary also makes a good point about the Utroms firing their energy weapons around their own machinery. I think it would be a good idea to have one of them say "Use only stun settings!" or something like that, and have the actions of the Turtles, including perhaps one of them getting partially stunned while swinging overhead and dropping onto a console, cause the damage which results in the machinery of the transmat going haywire. If we did want the Utroms weapons to cause some overloads or whatever, we could even add to the Utrom's line and have him say something like "Aim carefully -- even stun blasts could damage the organic parts of the delicate translocation matrix!"
Also, if I'm reading this correctly, the transmat seems to be in the same room as where the Turtles find Splinter in his holding tank. This is not right, I think. In the comic, we had the Turtles find Splinter, then get surprised by the Utroms, then beat feet down a corridor until they came to another room which was the transmat chamber. It just doesn't make sense to me that the Utroms would put both things in the same room.

I listened to the music tracks and don't have much to say, except that they sound cool. I think Gary might have some more specific comments. They DO make me want to actually SEE these shows even more, though!

--Peter

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Subj: final draft of episode 26 script
Date: Tuesday, December 24, 2002 10:20:20 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Just wanted to let you know that I read the final draft of the script for episode 26 and it's just peachy!

By the way, I really like the animation bits you sent, and want to see MORE! I showed it to my brother Bruce (major TMNT fan) and he wanted to see it over and over. Can't wait to see a whole episode.

--Peter

A little treat from the Turtle Documentary guys

When I got up this morning and checked my email, I found one containing the following link:

http://blip.tv/fauxpop-tv/chasing-turtles-ep12-sneak-peeks-peter-laird-6432339

It leads to a short clip which may or may not make its way into the TMNT documentary. Isaac and his crew taped it in my office at Mirage Studios in Northampton, and it's basically me talking about Graphix Duo-Shade (the special paper Kevin Eastman and I used when we drew the first bunch of issues of the original TMNT comic books), and -- in penciling, inking and then toning a drawing of Donatello -- giving a demonstration of how it works. That was a fun afternoon, hanging out with a nice group of people.

If you have ever wondered how the Duo-Shade paper makes its magic, you might want to check this out. -- PL

Blast from the Past #601: December 3, 2002: first drafts of episodes 22 and 23, December 5, 2002: Re: Hi Pete, and December 9, 2002: notes on episode 25, second draft

(Note: Disappointingly, some of the emails that I transferred over from my old computer seem to be fragmentary, typically having the end parts turned into some random gibberish. I am not sure why, and I am going to try -- when I find the time -- to boot up that old computer again and try to recover these emails in their full forms. I don't know if that is possible, but if I manage it, I will replace these incomplete versions with the complete texts from those emails. In the meantime, here are three partial emails from December of 2002 -- actually, they're the last ones I have for that year -- and even though they are incomplete, there is some interesting stuff iin them. -- PL 10-28-12)

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Subj: first drafts of episodes 22 and 23
Date: Tuesday, December 3, 2002 9:22:05 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Wow! These are exciting! If we're able to get on screen what's here on the page, these will be two kick-butt episodes. I have no significant structural issues, only a few small things and several minor suggestions.

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Episode 22:

1.) Pg. 6: Don see the Shredder clones and in answer to Leo's "What are these things?", he says "Genetically engineered hybrid clones, etc." As it has not been established that Don actually KNOWS that this is what these things are, I suggest changing his lines to "My guess would be genetically engineered hybrid clones, etc."

2.) Pg. 7: Gary also commented on the "super speed" issue. I know the writer is trying to say that the mini-Shredder clone is moving very fast, but "super speed" in comics (and I think in cartoons) means Superman or Flash-level speed -- the kind of speed which would allow you to move fast enough to blast around the world in a minute, for example. That's surely not what we're talking about here, so why don't we just use another phrase rather than "super speed"?
Also, why does mini-Shredder have pop-out claws? Seems odd, when none of the others do. It's not like he ordinarily has to HIDE them, like Wolverine does.

3.) Pg. 8: Don is described as having a "ShellCel cradled on his shoulder" while he fights the Four-Armed Shredder clone. This seems kind of silly (not to mention really difficult), and Gary made the point that Don may have lost his ShellCel earlier. Would it make more sense, if Don has to be in contact with April a lot, that he have some kind of hands-free headset connected to his ShellCell -- maybe even something clipped to his bandana?

4.) Pg. 11: On this page Mike gives a "Tarzan yell". Can we actually have him yell "Kreegah Bundolo"? That would be cool for all of us fans of the original Tarzan stories.

5.) Pg. 21: It occurred to me that in this setting with the five alcoves with the five Foot Mystic statues, there are also, coincidentally, five points in the classic mystic pentagram. Should we have a pentagram inscribed on the floor with each of it's five points corresponding to a statue's alcove? Or is that too "Satanic"?

6.) Pg. 28: Where Leo says "Trashed April's store?", I think it would read better and be more accurate if he said something like "Burned down April's building?"

7.) Pg. 30: I'm not sure why this didn't occur to me before, but -- how exactly is Leo carrying the Sword of Tengu on his back? Does it have its own power-resistant sheath? (I don't recall seeing it.) Would an ordinary sword sheath contain it without burning up or vibrating to pieces? Wouldn't the naked blade of the Sword of Tengu damage Leo's shell? Should we give Leo a Don-constructed techno-damping sheath for the Sword?
Also, when Raph says to Don "What, you didn't pack a compass in yer bag a' tricks?", I thought it would be fun to have Don stop and start digging in his bag, saying "Well, as a matter of fact..." -- and then Leo finds the elevator before Don can find his compass.

8.) Pg. 37: Shredder's line to Stockman "However, you now have a chance to correct that mistake" would read better as "However, you now have a chance to redeem yourself".

-----------------------------------------

Episode 23:

1.) Pg. 3: Stockman's lines 11 and 12 seem kind of clunky.

2.) Pg. 6: After Shredder cracks Stockman's dome, and he says his line 21, I thought it might be cool to then show the crack filling in and disappearing, then Stockman smugly saying something like "Self-healing polymercrylic -- just one of thirty-nine patentable technologies I've developed using your resources!"

3.) Pg. 8: I would reword line 33 (Lead Guardian), which reads "One has to admire the tenacity and courage of the turtles. Truly, the turtles are ninja of the highest order.", to "One has to admire the tenacity and courage of the turtles. Truly, they are ninja of the highest order."
There seems to be an extraneous "and" in line 36 ("And, they've managed to infiltrate the Shredder's building...").
Also, I would suggest changing line 41 from "With respect, the Sword of Tengu could be the salvation of them." to "With respect, the Sword of Tengu could be their salvation."

4.) Pp. 21-22: Splinter gets a bit wordy on these two pages and I would suggest trimming his lines a little bit. For line 72 on page 21, I would say delete "And you... I have been grooming you to lead the others." -- it's obvious and sort of redundant given his next line of "Lead your brothers well."
There's an "alright" in Leo's line 75. Yuck!
On page 22, I would change Splinter's line 76 to just read "Fight well, my sons."

5.) Pg. 26: Shredder's line 98 could do without "I believe you've met my Elite Ninja!" (obvious) and be just fine as "Finish him!"
Also, while I won't make a big deal out of it, and I acknowledge it's a neat visual, I am curious to know if there is any logic to the Elite emerging out of the pond when the Shredder pushes a button. Weren't they part of the fight when the Turtles first got to the top floor (beginning on page 31 of episode 22)? How did they get into the pond, and why? Did they run from the fight? Doesn't seem likely. Or are they DIFFERENT Elite ninja (they don't SEEM to be, from their description)?

6.) Pg. 30: Another "alright" in line 108 -- AAAIIIEEE!!!

7.) Pg. 31: What exactly is the Guardian saying in line 112 -- "This one is taken care of you."?
Also, in line 114, "We Guardians will take care of this lot" seems odd -- I'd just have him say "We will take care of this lot."

8.) Pg. 33: Would it be better for the Lead Guardian to say, in line 118, "Saki has the sword" instead of "Shredder has the sword."?

9.) Pg. 36: I'd like to change Don's line 128, where he says "... should cook the insides of the entire building" to something like "... should fry everything electronic in the whole building".

10.) Pg. 38: I don't think the power surge should literally melt "all the vehicles" and "all the equipment" -- instead, we should see animated power surges coruscating all over these things, leaving them charred and smoking... the idea being that all of the electronics inside them have been destroyed, melted -- rendering them useless to the Shredder.

11.) Pg. 39: I still feel that there should be something, a crashed pod or whatever, near where Leo left Splinter, that would give the Turtles the idea that that might be what happened to him (something knocked him off the roof). Otherwise, his just mysteriously "disappearing" is too "soft" -- it makes it seem too likely that he has just been spirited away to some other location. In fact, it makes it seem like he must have been healthier and stronger than Leo thought he was, because the first and most obvious inference would be that he got up and walked away.

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As you can tell, I'm very happy with the way these turned out and all of my comments are pretty minor, more detail tweaks than anything else.

-- Peter

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Subj: Re: Hi Pete
Date: Thursday, December 5, 2002 11:45:41 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 12/5/02 9:15:03 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Soooo... I was unable to track you down today!  Hopefully we can talk
tomorrow.  I have a 12 noon meeting, so I may not get to call you until
1:30 ish, but I'll try you around then.

We sent out scripts for 24 and 25.  If you have notes tonight, we can
discuss those as well tomorrow.

Hope all is well.

Talk to ya soon.

Lloyd >>

Lloyd,

Hopefully we'll connect on Friday. In the meantime, here are some comments:

-------------------

Episode 23 profile, Episode 22 final draft, and Episode 24 second draft -- no comments! Woohoo!

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Episode 25 first draft ("The Search for Splinter" part one):

1.) Pp. 3-4: I realize we had a Turtle riding a motorcycle on rooftops in the CGI clip we did last year,  but that was more for a "proof of concept" effect. It's REALLY unrealistic to have Raph jumping from rooftop to rooftop on the Shell Cycle (ESPECIALLY if what he is doing is trying to search for Splinter, and NOT trying to draw attention to himself) -- he should be riding it at street level.
If we need an aerial perspective, why not reintroduce the glider that Don used in that earlier episode, and maybe say something about how he's improved it since then? We could then do a cute gag (ripped off from the first SUPERMAN movie, I'll admit it!) where a bored kid is watching out of a window fifteen stories up as Don floats by -- Don could give the kid a thumbs up -- and the kid could run offscreen, excitedly telling his mother "Mom! I just saw a big turtle fly by my window!", and then we hear the mom yell something like "No TV for a week!" Or, the kid could just yell "Gamera!" as Don goes by.

2.) Pg. 5: Raph says "Man, doesn't anyone in this city take in their garbage?" That sounds odd to me -- why would anyone WANT to take in their garbage? I get from the context that he means the garbage CANS, but...

3.) Pg. 7: I think a word -- perhaps "have"? -- is missing from Leo's line "Raph, it looks like we might something to go on." Should it read "Raph, it looks like we might have something to go on."?

4.) Pg. 9: Lloyd, as you pointed out in one of our phone conversations, the Guardians wouldn't have thought the Shredder was dead because his head got cut off, as they know his true nature (Utrom in robot body). I think the same applies for the Utrom Council, so this exchange referring to the Shredder...

Council Member #2: "Could he still be alive?"

Guardian Dorn (Radio VO): "Possible. He has deceived us before."

... would seem to need reworking.

5.) Pg. 10: Leo says to the Guardian "Easy. We're not here to fight." And The Guardian replies "Anyone who lays a trap for me, can expect one!" This seems grammatically suspect. The "one" in the Guardian's line I think refers to a FIGHT, but the way it's written it actually sounds like he's referring to a TRAP. I think it sounds odd because in Leo's line "fight" is a verb and the Guardian is referring to "fight" as a noun. (Hey, I'm married to an ex-English teacher!) I think a simple solution might be to change Leo's line to "Easy. We're not here FOR A fight."

6.) Pg. 12: For the shots of the Turtles trying to track the Guardian, I would suggest letting Don once again use his glider.

7.) Pg. 13: Another grammar thing -- when Leo says "April -- suppose the trail went cold?", it read to me as if he's asking her "What would happen if the trail went cold?" which obviously makes no sense. I think we should just add "I" to the line so that the meaning is clearer -- "April -- I suppose the trail went cold?"

8.) Pg. 16: In reference to the TCRI building, Don says "The secret to our origin... lies within the walls of that building." Well, he doesn't actually KNOW that for a fact, right? There could be ANYTHING in that building. The letters of the name could be a coincidence. I think we should add "could" so the line reads "The secret to our origin... COULD lie within the walls of that building." Actually, isn't "within the walls of that building" a bit florid? How about just saying "within that building"?

9.) Pg. 18: Leo says "Master Splinter is in there.  Answers we’ve been looking for our whole lives are in there." Much like my previous comment, while WE know his surmise is right, LEO doesn't actually know these things. They MIGHT be true... they might NOT. They only know that the Guardian is probably in there, and the name of the company in that building has the initials TCRI. I suggest changing Leo's line to "Master Splinter -- and  answers we’ve been looking for our whole lives -- could be in there."

10.) Pg. 19, etc.: Are we sticking with the name "Mr. Smith"? Does anyone besides me like "Mr. Mortu"?

11.) Pg. 20, 22: Why does April suddenly seem to turn into a moron? This seems unnecessary, and this bit of forced humor on page 22...

APRIL
I’m... Ap...
LEONARDO (VO RADIO)
(quickly)
Don’t use your real name.
APRIL
(making it up as she goes)
...a... Apollo Vander Pepper.  Dr. Vander Pepper.  A doctorate, not an MD, so don’t come to me with any backaches.

... didn't make me laugh.

12.) Pg. 30: Why does one of the Guards RIP a desk from the floor and toss it aside, just to reach Casey? I thought they were trying to PREVENT damage to their lobby, not cause it.

13.) Pg. 31: The "electrically charged" hologram is back! And doesn't Mike seem REALLY stupid to just blindly leap into (or at) a concealing hologram  without knowing what's behind it? I would suggest something else to get them to fall -- perhaps Mike doesn't perceive where the edge of the hologram is, and puts his suction cup over it, with the obvious result that he loses his grip.

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The art for the Foot Genetics Lab, Four-Armed Shredder Clone (revised), Stockman in Exo-Suit, and the five Foot Mystic Ninjas all looks fine to me.

--Peter

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Subj: notes on episode 25, second draft
Date: Monday, December 9, 2002 8:59:17 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Episode 25, second draft: This one is nearly there! I have only a few comments:

1.) Pg. 12: Can we think up a cooler "Turtleistic" name for the "tracking bug" Mike plants on the Guardian? In the past (in the old animated series) these have been called TurteTrackers, I believe... which isn't a bad name. Others might be: ShellTracker, ShellSpy, TurtleBug, ShellBug.

2.) Pp. 12-14: The "tracking of the Guardian" scenes are a lot better than in the first draft. However, I still don't quite see why the Turtles aren't in the BattleShell with April, but instead are out on foot following her instructions. At first I was thinking "Well, it's because they want to be stealthier and not alert the Guardian to the fact that they're following him in the big noisy BattleShell..." -- until I realized that they don't ever actually get within visual range of the Guardian (and one would assume the opposite -- that the Guardian never sees them, either), so stealth is somewhat irrelevant. So... why walk when they can ride?

Also, why do they need April at all? Wouldn't it make more sense for Don to have a portable version of whatever gadget is inside the BattleShell which tracks the tracking bug? And if so, why not leave April out of this entirely? Don could also have the ShellCam in his goodie bag. The more i re-read this bit, April seems really superfluous.
I'd suggest reworking this sequence to take April out of it, and either have the Turtles by themselves on foot, or by themselves in the BattleShell.

3.) Pg. 19: The following line -- said by Leo about the TCRI building -- is still in the script:

Master Splinter is in there.  Answers we’ve been looking for our whole lives might be in there.

The second part of that line has been fixed, but the first is still wrong -- they DON'T know that Splinter is in the TCRI building -- they only know that the Guardian is PROBABLY there.

4.) Pg. 21: April STILL looks like a moron in this scene, "staring with mouth agape" as she "stares blankly" until she's "finally able to speak". I mean, what the Turtles are suggesting in this scene is NOT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!!!! April is a smart lady -- I'm sure she "gets it" -- and if we want to suggest here that she doesn't want to do it, or thinks its a bad plan, we should find another way to say so.
Why not have her nod, murmur "Mm-hmm...", or "Riiigght..." as each of the Turtles glibly lays out his part the outrageous plan (basically humoring them), then end it with the following exchange:

MICHELANGELO
It all rests on your shoulders, girl.  No pressure.

ANGLE ON APRIL – can't take it any more
APRIL
Uh-huh, that's all good. Great plan. There’s just a teeny-tiny part of the plan missing: INVISIBILITY!  Because there’s a guard sitting right there!!

5.) Pg. 32: I hate to sound like a broken record, but the hologram is still "electrically charged". I really don't like this, and propose the following:

"EXT. WEST SIDE WINDOWS - NINTH FLOOR - TCRI BUILDING - NIGHT 
ANGLE ON THE INDICATED AREA – which looks like solid wall.  We hear O.S. <THUCK-THUCKS> as the Turtles scale around it – Mikey and Don below it, Leo and Raph on opposite sides.

RAPHAEL
There’s nothing here.

LEONARDO
Hold on!
(leans closer)
Hear that?  Air’s coming out.
(extends had over it)
You can feel it, too.

CLOSER ON DON – also feeling the air.

DONATELLO
Amazing.  Maybe it’s some kind of hologram.

MICHELANGELO
Yeah, finally - a way in. All we gotta do is find out where the real wall ends and the hologram begins --

Mikey eagerly starts waving his hands around as he edges forward, feeling for the edge of the hologram and now only held on by the suction cups on his feet.

DONATELLO (concerned)
Mike, not so fast! Be careful --!

Suddenly Mike finds the edge -- as both his hands plunge INTO THE WALL, his forearms DISAPPEARING into the hologram. Startled, he pulls back (incomplete)

Doodle Day, November 11, 2012

I will be participating in "Doodles for Dollars" (aka "Doodle Day") at the Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art in Amherst, MA on November 11, 2012. It's a part of the Museum's tenth anniversary "Book Signing Bash", and will feature the man himself, Eric Carle, acclaimed illustrator Tony DiTerlizzi, and me doing quick sketches -- doodles -- to help raise money for the museum. I intend to do as many black and white TMNT head sketches as I can in the time allotted (I think it will go on for about an hour or so). Here's what it says on the Museum's website:

"10th Anniversary Book Signing Bash
November 11, 2012
1:00 pm - 4:00 pm
Free with Museum Admission

The 10th Anniversary celebration continues with book signings from Iconic Images artists, special concert by the South Hadley Children’s Chorus, and “Doodles for Dollars” featuring Eric Carle, Tony DiTerlizzi, and Peter Laird ($10 per doodle.) Check back for more information about the specific schedule."

Should be fun! -- PL

Paint and Pixel Festival #2!

It's only five more days until the second annual "Paint and Pixel Festival" in Northampton, and this year I will be there as an invited guest (thanks, Peggy and Sean!). It's happening this Saturday, October 20,  from 11AM to 6PM, in Northampton, MA on the third floor of the Northampton Center for the Arts at 17 New South Street (across from the Academy of Music).

I probably won't be bringing any TMNT stuff with me, though I will be happy to autograph TMNT things, and may do some Turtle head sketches as well. I will be selling a portfolio of five 11 by 17 black and white prints, titled "Treefaces: Five Prints of Drawings of Trees With Faces". Here's a detail from one of them:

Check out the "Paint and Pixel Festival" website to learn more about this cool event! -- PL

http://paintandpixelfestival.com/