Blast from the Past #539: February 24, 2007: Re: TMNT: FF 145 notes and February 27, 2007: Re: TMNT146 First Draft

Subj: Re: TMNT: FF 145 notes
Date: Saturday, February 24, 2007 1:11:00 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

"Hey Pete –

 Checking to see if you had any notes for 145.

 Anxious writers are standing by!

 Sorry you’re not coming to the convention here; I’ll be seeing all the other Mirage crew for dinner tonight!

 Hope all is well.

 Lloyd"

Lloyd,


  Here are my notes on the Ep. 145 second draft script.


  (As with my previous comments on the second draft of Ep. 144, I did not see a first draft of this episode's script.)


1.) Re: the following:

"TRICERATON CAPTAIN (CONT’D)
And, remember, all space salvage goes in the cargo hold to be shared equally after we sell it!  No skimming, you hornéd space garbage!"

  I think I understand the intent here, but the language is a little off -- there can't be any equal shares of the space salvage AFTER they sell it. However, the COULD share equally of the PROCEEDS from such a sale.



2.) Re: the following:

"*ON - The Automated Food Processing Unit is still creating pies … and now it’s a huge pile!  Michelangelo gets a pie in each hand and rushes out of frame with them and the unit makes another pie (as it keeps making pies automatically) making the pile even bigger …"

  I wonder if it might be fun at the beginning of this pie fight to have Mikey accidentally bump the machine/press the wrong button or dial and set it to "Random Pie Generation", so that we could have a little more variety, including perhaps some pretty disgusting variations. A minor point.



  3.) Re: the following:

"*DONATELLO
Yeah … but … he actually wanted to learn something.  I couldn’t resist."

Don doesn't say "Yeah". He says "Yes".


  4.) Re: the following:

"LEATHERHEAD steps forward and HUGS the turtles in a massive kind of bear/crocodile hug."

While I am not completely sure this is a good idea, it might be fun to consider giving Leatherhead a new "look" for this episode. After all, he is at least 100 years older than he was when we last saw him, so he may have changed somewhat. Perhaps he is even into wearing clothes of some sort. Just a thought... might make for a new and different toy figure.


  Two other things about the reintroduction of Leatherhead and the Utroms. First, it might be good to put in a throwaway line about how the Turtles haven't seen Leatherhead since he and Hun fell -- apparently to their deaths -- in the big battle in the Shredder's lair (at least I THINK that was the last time they saw him). The Turtles could ask him how he managed to survive, and he could promise to tell them the whole long story later.


The second thing is that there should be here at least some mention of the fact that it is 100 years later and the Turtles are still around and looking as youthful as they ever were. Perhaps this could be a question from Leatherhead and/or Mortu which could be followed up by a similar "Long story, tell you later" line.


5.) Re: the following:

"*MORTU
I am afraid to have to cut this reunion a little short, though, due to the severe nature of my visit."

"Severe" doesn't sound right here -- I would use "serious".


6.) Re: the following:

"*MORTU (CONT’D)
I must go there to investigate, but unfortunately, the political climate on the Utrom Homeworld has changed somewhat.  The threat of the Shredder has been forgotten.  In keeping vigilance, I am alone."

  Given the fact that we played up the "worst criminal Utrom of all time" aspect of the Shredder/Ch'rell when we had his trial a few seasons ago, it seems a little odd that the Utroms would so easily forget him. Let's find another way to put it... perhaps suggest that the Utroms have moved on to other pressing issues (without necessarily getting into what those issues are). Or maybe suggest that the current Utrom government is less concerned with what they might consider "done deals", i.e. a criminal sentenced to an icy asteroid whose "life signal readings" may very well have ceased because he's, well, DEAD. And good riddance!


  7.) Re: the following:

"*DONATELLO
Yeah, if the Shredder’s managed to get loose, it can’t be a good thing."

  See point 3 above. Also, this is kind of a dumb, obvious line more suited to Raph or Mikey than Don.



  8.) Re: the following:

"SERLING
(sarcastic)
Perfect.  I love space travel … not."

The "not" is dated and extraneous. Serling's distaste for space travel could be better "sold" by the voice actor's inflection.


  9.) Re: the following:

"MORTU (O.C.)
Hailing the Triceraton Vessel Demeter.  Come in, Demeter."

  For some reason, naming this Tricraton ship "Demeter" (after the Greek goddess of cereal grains) bothers me. Let's think up some more Triceraton-sounding name. "Horn of Zog" or something.



  10.) Re: the following:

"MORTU (CONT’D)
Commence docking procedures."

  Why do they dock instead of just beaming over? This proves to be even more problematic later when there's all that kerfuffle about the Utroms trapped on the about-to-blow Triceraton ship -- why not just beam them to safety? I mean, IN THAT SAME SCENE, the Shredder uses the Utrom transmat!



  11.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
This isn’t a mining vessel.  It’s a ghost ship!"

  That line sounds SO un-Leo like. Kind of juvenile. MAYBE Mikey would say it. But in any event, to say the ship "isn't a mining vessel" is silly. I mean... it IS! Yeah, maybe it's now a "ghost ship" (whatever that means) too... but it IS a mining vessel, regardless.


12.) Re: the following:

"MORTU (O.C. CONT’D)
Full alert.  The Shredder is on this ship…"

It's a little odd that Mortu has leapt to the conclusion that the Shredder is on this ship. How has he done so? There was nothing in the previous scene which confirmed this, as far as I could tell.


13.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
The Shredder!
RAPHAEL
Woah, and I thought the Shredder couldn’t get any uglier."

Raph repeating "the Shredder" right after Leo says it is a little odd. Why not have him say "he" instead"


14.) Re: the following:


"SHREDDER
(on vid-screen)
Quite right, Raphael.  Enough talk.  Time for you perish.  All of you!"

I don't think the Shredder would bother referring to Raph by name.


15.) Re: the following:

"CODY (O.C.)
Serling!  I’m so happy you’re alive!"

  Let's find another word other than "alive". Serling is, after all, a robot. Perhaps "I'm so happy you're still with us!" would work.


16.) Re: the following:

"*DONATELLO (CONT’D)
The Shredder transported here, stole one of Cody’s hover bikes … and went that a-away."

  What, is Don a cowboy now?



  -- Pete

-----------------------------------

Subj: Re:   TMNT146 First Draft
Date: Tuesday, February 27, 2007 1:51:28 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

notes on Ep. 146 outline


  1.) Re: the following:

"ZIXX
On the honest. After the last time we crossed swords, I took a long look at my life. It was one selfish pursuit after another…


ON THE GUYS, flat out stunned as he continues."

  "On the honest"...? Sounds kind of dopey, like some "hip" slang which will be painfully dated in five years.
  And -- "flat out stunned"? I doubt it. I would more expect reactions ranging from mild surprise to outright eye-rolling disbelief. Come on -- the gys aren't stupid! They KNOW this Zixx, and what a scammer he is.


  2.) Re: the following:

"The TURTLES leap into action, LEO and DON each looping an arm under Bishop’s and leaping out of the way as RAPH and MIKEY leap for the Orbs, weapons <POWERING UP>.
LEO
Protect the president!"

  This seems a bit off. Isn't Bishop the same character who in past episodes almost single-handedly kicked all four Turtles' asses? I suspect he can take care of himself.


  3.) Re: the following:

"ZIXX
Used to be a time where ‘Boss Zukko’ was someone to be feared…not an errand boy working for overgrown shrimp."

Should that be "AN overgrown shrimp"?


4.) Re: the following:

"ZIXX
<KAFF> Any chance we can work this out?
ZIXX’S POV –Red leans in to gloat, FILLING THE FRAME. The <GENTLE SOUNDS OF A SCUFFLE are heard> as he speaks, and as he straightens up…The thugs are gone, replaced by the TURTLES!
BIG RED
Not unless you got the Matter Transmitter you owe me in yer pocket. Or the half a mil in Denubian gold...
MIKEY
What about four handsome ninjas?"

  I appreciate that a funny crack from Mike is appropriate at this point, but I really don't think "What about four handsome ninjas?" is it. Let's keep in mind that whatever it is that Mike says does NOT have to refer to the Turtles or indicate their presence.



  5.) Re: the following:

"RAPH’S SAIS RICHOCHET off of the wall and <DETONATE> next to ZIXX’S CHAIR. The blast sends him ROLLING out of the tank’s path as LASER BEAMS slice through the floor, nearby VEHICLES, etc."

This seems like such a contrived, imprecise and potentially dangerous (to Zixx) way to move Zixx and his chair out of the way of the tank. Why not just PUSH him out of the way?


  6.) Re: the following:

"Don cocks his head, hearing a <BEEPING NOISE.>
DON
You guys hear that?
MIKEY leaps away from RAPH, who looks down at his body.
MIKEY
It’s the pudgy one! He’s gonna blow!
ON RAPH’S BACK – A small HANDHELD DEVICE is attached to his belt, blinking. DON grabs it.
DON
It’s a homing beacon! Zixx must have planted it on you just before he was captured!
THE GUYS huddle around DON as he examines the device.
DON
He’s going up. WAAAAAAAY up…like, to the MOON!"

  Uh... wouldn't a "homing beacon" planted on Raph only tell us (or anyone else) where RAPH might be, NOT Zixx? This needs reworking.
  Also, Don's last line is -- for Don especially -- REALLY dumb. I MIGHT buy it coming from Mike.


  7.) Re: the following:

"ZUKKO
You ain’t the only one who decided to make a change, Zixx…
Zukko presses his belt and <TRANSPORTS> away, sneering at Zed."

  Uh... Zukko can TELEPORT? Why didn't he use this ability earlier in the dust-up with the Turtles?



8.) Re: the following:

"As the TURTLES race from the bar, Zixx sneaks back and whispers to the encased aliens.
ZIXX
I’m very open minded…Call me!"

  Dumb, and inconsistent with Zixx' previous line when the ladies reveal their monstrous nature ("Okay, that just did serious damage to my fantasy life right there…").



  9.) Re: the following:

"Raph surprises Zixx by clamping HIGH-TECH HANDCUFFS on him.
RAPH
The “plan” is I ain’t getting scooped by Zukko again! Wherever you go, I go.
As they run, Zixx notes (somewhat conspicuously)…
ZIXX
Berilium, nice…nothing but a xenon laser can cut through these babies.
INT. HANGAR – MOMENTS LATER
THE O’NEILTECH SHUTTLE awaits among some other ships. THE TURTLES and ZIXX race across the hangar, when suddenly—
Everyone cringes as A FLASH washes the entire hangar in white!
TURTLES
<Surprise Grunts>
ZIXX
BLINDER BOMB!
AS THE SCREEN FADES BACK FROM WHITE - Find Raph rubbing his eyes…the CUFF dangling limply from his wrist."

It should be made clearer -- and I guess it will be when animated -- that the cuffs Raph slaps on Zixx not only restrain Zixx but connect him to Raph. Otherwise, this last bit makes no sense.


  10.) Re: the following:

"ZUKKO (V.O.)
…ain’t the only one who’s changed, Zixx…"

  I can't figure out what this (partial) line is supposed to mean.



  11.) Re: the following:

"Leo and Mikey rush Zixx to a NEARBY ALIEN SHIP.
LEO
We’re not taking any chances. Time for our own little “shell game...”
Zixx climbs into the waiting ship, while Don and Raph join Mikey and Leo. As Don speaks…
DON
Leo and Raph take our shuttle. I set the auto pilot to double back to the moon.
PAN UP to the ship’s cockpit where ZUKKO <TRANSPORTS> in!
DON (CONT.)
Mikey and I will split up and figure eight the globe with Zixx until—
ANGLE - The <SOUND OF ENGINES> powering up cuts him off as the SHIP floats away.
RAPH
THAT DIRTY DEALIN’ DINOSAUR!
IN A RAGE, Raph runs at the ship—"

I find this almost completely incoherent. I can't tell which ship they are getting into, nor does what Don says seem to make ANY sense as a plan.


  12.) Re: the following:

"AT THE OPENING – Raph’s shell just pierces the force field as <KLAKT> the CHUCK sticks to his belt and he’s YANKED forward.
RAPH lands with a thud, ICE already on his back. His brothers run over…"

  I don't buy "ice" here. "Frost", maybe.



  13.) Re: the following:

"An UTROM ALIEN floating on a pod device with small mechanical arms fills the frame, screaming angrily.
UTROM
BRING ME THE HEAD OF TORBIN ZIXX!!!"

  That's funny!


  14.) Re: the following:

"LEO
We need back up on this one. I’m calling Bishop. Zixx is his “new guy!”"

I don't think all of this is necessary. If Leo thinks they need back up from Bishop, he can simply say "I'm calling Bishop for back up!"


  15.) Re: the following:

"RAPH AND MIKEY flank ZIXX, and as they kick the heads off of TWO ROBOTS, Zixx taps Raph on the shoulder and points down…
ZIXX
Hey, what do you think? Worth a shot? Zukko’s not gonna find me down there.
A SEWER CAP. MIKEY’S CHUCK <MAGNETIZES to it> and with a yank—"

  Riiiggghht... because, as we all know, even the best of 22nd century technology is completely FOILED by people going into underground tunnels. I understand that within the context of the scam that he is running with Zukko, Zixx doesn't care if Zukko can find him that way... but it might help verisimilitude if Mikey doesn't buy it. Maybe he could shrug and say something like "It's worth a try, dude!"



16.) Re: the following:

"LEO
Go DIRECTLY to BISHOP an’ the Alliance. Don’t pass go, don’t collect 200 credits! Just GO!"

  Dumb (especially coming from Leo), cliched "Monopoly" joke (almost, but not QUITE as overused as "We're not in Kansas anymore")... and Leo doesn't say "an'" -- he says "and".


  17.) Re: the following:

"ANGLE ON ZIXX, still dumbfounded at the loss of the Turtles. MR. X looms over him…
ZIXX
We…we pushed it too far. We pushed the con too far, and now they’re gone."

  Since when was Zixx so emotionally connected to the Turtles that their disintegration would "dumbfound" him? This doesn't feel right at all.



  18.) Re: the following:

"BISHOP
Drop your weapons. You are all under arrest for violating intergalactic law."

  Why "intergalactic law"?


19.) Re: the following:

"RAPH
Thanks for the memories, Zixxy! Call us when you make parole! NOT!"

Could we please, PLEASE never, ever do the "Not!" thing again? It is SO played out.


-- Pete

Steve Lavigne's new venture

        My pal Steve Lavigne is boldly branching out into a new phase of his life -- this June, he will be opening a store he's calling "Shellback Artworks", which will be a combination of art supply store, art gallery and comic book/memorabilia shop. 

The location is at 1509 Post Road in Wells, ME, a town which is not too far from Westbrook, ME, where he and Kevin Eastman once attended high school together.

As many of you know, Steve was the first employee of Mirage Studios, moving down from Maine to Sharon, Connecticut, where he began lettering the TMNT comics. Later, Steve expanded into other areas of creative work in the TMNT universe, penciling, inking, and especially coloring, and ended up working on a lot of the art which appeared on licensed TMNT products. He even got into a Turtle costume for a TV talk show appearance!

I will be at the grand opening of Steve's new store, signing stuff and probably doing Turtle head sketches, on Saturday, June 16 between noon and 3PM. There will also be an exhibition of original art from my collection, much of it TMNT work, including some comic book pages. Here are a couple of examples...

        Should be a fun time! -- PL

Blast from the Past #538: February 20, 2007: Re: TMNT 147 Outline, and February 23, 2007: Re: TMNT: FF 144 second draft

Subj: Re: TMNT 147 Outline
Date: Tuesday, February 20, 2007 9:55:11 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on Ep. 147 outline.


1.) Re: the following:

"At the penthouse, Cody and Donatello are trying to make some sense of an anomaly that’s been occurring a little too frequently lately - the Turtles seem to be, as Cody puts it, “Periodically phasing in and out of…well, existence.”  Cody discovers a theory that there may be some kind of cosmic expiration date on matter that crosses over the space time continuum."

For the hardcore fans (and me!), it might be fun to throw in a line or two referencing the "phasing" that the Turtles experienced in the episodes when Ultimate Draco threw them into different times/dimensions. For example, one of the Turtles can make the comparison and Donatello can say something indicating that his analysis shows that it's not the same kind of phasing. A small thing, but cool, I think.


2.) Re: the following:

"Don picks up the MECH ARM and does a quick diagnostics reading on the computer.  He’s fascinated.  It doesn’t seem to be composed of anything on the Periodic Table of Elements!  But Raph’s not impressed – these days there must be THOUSANDS of new elements out there – after all, it’s a big galaxy.  But Don then shows Raph a mind boggling chart 10 times the size of the Periodic Table


Don: “I’m talking the Galactic Periodic Table.”"

This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. How could Darius create robots from elements of which the entire galaxy is unaware? That seems to me to be WAY beyond his capabilities.


3.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles take the offensive and charge - Raph first, delivering a swift kick right to one of the Mech’s heads.  It lands with a CLANK and an…


Raph: “OW!!!”


Raph hops around in dire pain as he nurses his sore foot. "

Dumb... especially because in the VERY NEXT SCENE Leo also kicks a Mech... and HE doesn't hurt his foot.


4.) Re: the following:

"Dark Mikey wails at one Mech, but the Mech doesn’t budge even after a succession of heavy blows. "

Unless MIkey is planning to fight the Mech by screaming, he WHALES, not WAILS. (And I think he would whale ON, not AT.)


5.) Re: the following:

"But the Mechs are right behind – and are gaining fast.  At first, they keep up with sheer foot speed but once they pick up enough momentum each leaps up in the air and refashions itself into motorcycle-style vehicles – with some serious speed."

Hmmm... not sure how THAT is going to work. Also, this seems to be one of those classic errors where the adversary is given preposterous abilities (in this case ludicrous speed) to suit the needs of this scene... but if the adversary REALLY had that kind of capability, it cold EASILY overpower and defeat the heroes.


6.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly the melted and disfigured Mechs scattered across the Fire Pits start to vibrate and all zip towards each other to construct what appears at first just to be a giant heap of metal debris…but slowly it reassembles itself…not into four separate Mechs but into a single large Super Mech.  Don realizes the Fire Pit blasts were simply not hot enough to melt down the Mechs.


Then, underneath the Super Mech, through the smoldering haze of the cooling fire walks Darius Dun, laughing maniacally."

Where the hell did HE come from?! And HOW?! Seems kind of ridiculous.


7.) Re: the following:

"Darius presses a remote button and from his ship the Dark Turtles are lowered. Darius goes onto mention how amusing it was to see them try and escape.  As though they forgot that he still controlled them by way of the hypnotically induced mechanisms he implanted in their brains.  They certainly couldn’t go far.


Darius: “Now then, where were we?  Ah yes, at the very end!”


The Super Mech HISSES into action as the Dark Turtles quickly herd up with the others.  Leo orders for them all to spread out – to not give the metal monolith a target…of course, the Dark Turtles don’t like taking orders…but they fall in line."

Okay, I'm confused. Are these "hypnotically induced mechanisms" (whatever THAT means) something already established? If they do exist, and give Darius a way to control the actions of the Dark Turtles, why didn't he use them earlier to allow the Mechs to destroy the Dark Turtles? In fact, why doesn't he use them NOW to prevent Leo from ordering the Dark Turtles around?


8.) Re: the following:

"The Super Mech continues it’s onslaught, stomping, pounding, firing lasers into the ground, everything."

So... where were these lasers earlier?


9.) Re: the following:

"Leo manages to trip the Super Mech up enough to step into the magma – when it raises out its foot – there’s nothing! It can’t even heal itself because the metal has literally burned away…short circuit sparks buzz from the severed limb.  Leo takes notice…


The magma!  It’s slow smoldering heat is the only way to take down
the Mechs because it doesn’t give them a chance to heal!  


Leo begins drawing its fire in a very specific order around the fire pit, right at the cracked points.  Soon, following Leo’s lead, all the others begin to do the same.  The ground continues to crackle and break apart until finally, a gigantic chunk of earth burns itself into the earth leaving an island of crusty land floating out into the red hot river of magma."

This is so full of goofy cartoon physics and silliness that I really don't know where to start. The deadly "slow smoldering heat" bit cracked me up.


10.) Re: the following:

"Our heroes look on…on one hand they’ve sent the Super Mech on a one way trip to a fiery end…on the other hand, the Dark Turtles are going right along with them.  The Turtles take a moment to think things over – but really, there’s no question…they know what they have to do."

I must have missed something -- HOW are the Dark Turtles "going right along with" the Super Mech?


11.) Re: the following:

"Back at the fire pits…Darius mourns when suddenly--a melted and disfigured arm claws its way up to the desolate land.  It grabs Darius’ leg and begins to absorb into him…Darius cries out…"

This "Darius mourning" bit is very weird.


12.) Given that the "Cody is the primary target!" thing  earlier in the script (a) is pretty silly (if he was the primary target, why isn't he attacked FIRST? It's not like Darius doesn't know where to find him!) and (b) doesn't have any kind of pay-off (in fact, it's mentioned a couple of times and then DROPPED completely), I would suggest leaving it out entirely.


-- Pete


-----------------------------------------


Subj: Re: TMNT: FF 144 second draft
Date: Friday, February 23, 2007 10:07:20 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on Ep. 144 second draft.


(Just thought I should point out before I get into this that I never saw a FIRST draft of this script. Don't know if that matters...)


1.) Re: the following:

"* FOUR GREEN NINJAS appear! Wearing outfits and masks that bare a striking resemblance to our half-shelled heroes, they surround the small Chinese man.
* Master Fighter assumes a Kung Fu pose. Ninja #1 jumps at Master Fighter. A swift kick sends the monster flying backwards, CRASHING THROUGH stalks of bamboo."

For clarity's sake -- are these ninjas or monsters?


And it's "bear", not "bare".


It occurred to me that it might be fun to stage some or all of this fight in the bamboo forest with the fighters using the vertical bamboo almost as if they were horizontal. Think "ninja strippers"! Okay, maybe I've gone off the deep end...


2.) Re: the following:

"*MICHELANGELO (PLEADING)
Wait! You’re gonna miss his signature move- (MIKEY ASSUMES MASTER FIGHTER’S POSE) The Fatal Fist of Fury?!"

Might be funny to have it be the "Furious FIst of Fatality". Or not.


3.) Re: the following:

"EXT. DINGY MOVIE THEATER, NEW YORK – NIGHT
* ON STREET CORNER, the movie theater’s “Master Fighter Marathon” MARQUEE is prominently displayed. The POWER GOES OFF.
CUT TO WIDE OF CITY BLOCK. The entire grid GOES BLACK.
CUT WIDER TO MANHATTAN. One by one, POWER GRIDS GO OUT.
INT. POWER FACILITY, NEW YORK – NIGHT
CLOSE ON POWER CONSOLE. ALARMS <BLARE!>
ON ROOM as POWER WORKERS FRANTICALLY RUN AROUND.
*POWER SUPERVISOR #1
It’s one of the satellites from the Earth Atmospheric Defense Grid. It’s disrupting the city’s power!
* SWISH PAN TO POWER SUPERVISOR #2. 
*POWER SUPERVISOR #2
Install a new Power Coupling!
* CLOSE ON SMALL GLOWING BOX (POWER COUPLING) as it’s placed inside a POWER TURBINE.
EXT. SPACE
On DEFENSE SATELLITE as a BOLT OF ENERGY IS RELEASED. TILT DOWN to show BOLT heading for Manhattan.
EXT. NEW YORK – NIGHT
BACK TO WIDE. One by one, the POWER GRIDS TURN BACK ON.
INT. POWER FACILITY, NEW YORK – NIGHT
* ON Power Supervisor #1, looking at computer screens.
*POWER SUPERVISOR #1 (RELIEVED)
Looks like we’re back to normal…
ON POWER CONSOLE. We FLY INTO CONSOLE, between WIRES AND CIRCUIT BOARDS until reaching A GLOWING BALL OF ENERGY.
It assumes the SHAPE OF VIRAL’S FACE."

I'm not sure if it is really important, but I can't follow what is happening here.


4.) Re: the following:

"*LEONARDO (OS)
We felt bad about you missin’ your movie marathon, so Don whipped up this new program!"

Leo doesn't say "missin'". Raph might.


5.) Re: the following:

"*SPLINTER (SKEPTICAL)
I see we have a new guest.
MICHELANGELO (EXCITED)
Splinter, look! It’s Master Fighter.
*SPLINTER (DISAPPROVING)
You mean the same Master Fighter who has been polluting your mind with those ridiculous movies?
*MICHELANGELO
Uh, no?
SPLINTER (LECTURING)
Michelangelo, the martial arts are not a special effect. It is people like him who have taken centuries of study and discipline, and turned them into a joke.
DONATELLO (EMBARRASSED)
It’s just for fun Master Splinter.
SPLINTER
Well, I will be at the park meditating; true “fun” for a noble warrior."

There's something icky and slightly nasty about how Splinter is deriding Mikey's "Master Fighter" fannishness here... not sure what it is, but it just doesn't feel right. And it also seems strange for Splinter to refer to himsefl as a "noble warrior".
It also occurred to me that if we have this "Master Fighter" character actually leaving the dojo to go on Viral's mission, it should be made clear beforehand that he/it is some kind of droid, and NOT just a hologram.


6.) Re: the following:

"*DONATELLO
Something must have infected the Master Fighter program! Now he’ll tear through New York trying to find the Relic of Jenga-Ka… whatever that is!"

How does Don know this?


7.) Re: the following:

"*LEONARDO
Mikey, how much damage can that guy do?
MICHELANGELO
If it’s anything like Master Fighter 33: Lord of the Swings, about $20 million."

Nonsensical, unfunny, and does nothing to move the story forward. I'd lose it.


8.) Re: the following:

"MASTER FIGHTER
Soon, the Relic of Jenga Ka will be mine!
<HONK!> <SKID!> A HOVER-TAXI comes within inches of hitting Master Fighter. The alien driver sticks out his head.
*TAXI DRIVER
Hey, get your Jenga-Butt outta the road!"

How does the taxi driver know about "Jenga"? Silly.


9.) Re: the following:

"* Leo, Don, Raph and Mikey wander through the streets of New York. 
*RAPHAEL (FRUSTRATED)
10 million people in this city and we gotta find one guy wearin’ a Kung Fu bathrobe! Yeah, right! How do we do that?!"

Very goofy lines from Raph. Shouldn't Don have a way of tracking the Master Fighter droid? And... "kung fu bathrobe"?


10.) Re: the following:

"* Master Fighter jumps on and “surfs” a HoverCar."

This makes ZERO sense.


11.) Re: the following:

"ON RAPH AND LEO as they carefully SIZE UP one another. Master Fighter withdraws the SWORD he took from Leo."

I think that  should be "ON RAPH AND MASTER FIGHTER".


12.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL (CONT’D)
The acting stinks! The plots are lame! And I’ve seen more cheese in Mikey’s tortellini!"

Raph's "cheese line" doesn't make much sense. Is he saying the Master Fighter movies are LESS cheesy that Mikey's tortellini? 


13.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER (PATRONIZING)
To use a cliché you might understand… Bring it on."

Ugh. Groan.


14.) I find myself completely lost trying to figure out where Cody and Serling are, where Viral is holding them prisoner and how. Inside the Battleshell? Inside TurtleX? Cyberspace? Huh? How do the Turtles " STORM INTO CYBERSPACE"? This all needs a LOT more clarity.


15.) Re: the following:

"* Splinter softy lands and looks at the aching body of Master Fighter. He sees a LIGHTNING BOLT STREAKING DOWN FROM THE CLOUDS.
*SPLINTER (CONCERNED)
No!
* Splinter runs and SHOVES MASTER FIGHTER OUT OF THE WAY. The BOLT hits nothing but dirt.
* ON DAZED MASTER FIGHTER as he opens his eyes. Splinter’s hand comes INTO FRAME, offering to help.
* Master Fighter pauses a moment, but then takes it, standing to his feet.
*MASTER FIGHTER (SHOCKED)
You… you saved me!
*SPLINTER
Virtual or not… all life is sacred.
* CLOSE ON MASTER FIGHTER’S EYES. They fade FROM RED TO NORMAL.
* ON MASTER FIGHTER as he KNEELS before Splinter.
*MASTER FIGHTER
As an honorable warrior, I am indebted to you! My life is yours."

This is all really bad. It barely makes any sense at all. 


16.) This episode has a lot of potential, especially for action, but -- frustratingly, at least for me -- it is at present pretty incoherent. The major problem, as I see it, is that I don't know what this "Master Fighter" thing that the Turtles and Splinter fight IS. Is it a hologram? A droid? A sentient AI? A heaping helping of consistency and internal logic would go a long way towards making this one palatable.




-- Pete

Blast from the Past #537: February 13, 2007: Re: TMNT144 Master Fighter 2105 Outline, February 14, 2007: Re: TMNT145 Outline, February 15, 2007: Re: Revised Outline TMNT144 and Re: FW: TMNT146 Outline

Subj: Re: TMNT144 Master Fighter 2105 Outline
Date: Tuesday, February 13, 2007 11:16:05 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


comments on Ep. 144 outline


This one kind of made my brain hurt. But here goes...


1.) Although I think the idea that Mike is a huge fan of this "Master FIghter" character is a fine idea, I wonder if -- given Mike's personality -- there should be something MORE to the whole "Master Fighter" thing than just sparring and training. Maybe Master Fighter also likes to do something FUN -- gorge himself on certain kinds of foods, play crazy practical jokes, make up goofy rhymes, or something like that... something that Mikey would really get into.


2.) Re: the following:

"New Mahattan's Power Coupling! Viral spies on the very small, but very important piece of technology. This glowing box amplifies even the smallest current of electricity to extraordinary levels. It's how the world overcame its energy problems and how Viral plans to cause the world a whole new set of problems.


With the Power Coupling, Viral will be able to augment her powers so she can infect not only computer systems, but human beings as well."

Hrmmm... this is getting a little dodgy. First, the notion that a little glowing box which can somehow "amplify even the smallest current of electricity to extraordinary levels" solved Earth's energy problems seems pretty silly to me.
Second -- and I say this before reading the rest of this outline -- the idea that Viral, by juicing herself up with more power, can now infect human beings (!) seems kind of lazy to me. In other words, rather than figuring out a new way for Viral to use her powers to attack our heroes, the writer chooses to just give her a whole new set of powers (with, as far as I'm concerned, no good reason).


3.) Re: the following:

"Master Fighter delivers a powerful kick, knocking Mikey to the ground. Suddenly, his hand begins to glow red- it's the Fatal Fist of Fury! Mikey shuts  his eyes, preparing for the inevitable. "

Why does Mike just lie there? Seems silly.


4.) Re: the following:

"And with that, he leaves the Dojo! Donatello is shocked, "Uh, he’s not supposed to be able to do that." But, wasting no time for an explanation, Master Fighter crashes through the window and the Turtles watch in shock as he performs a series of amazing flips and spins from flagpoles and antennas, landing safely dozens of stories below."

From this point on, I couldn't make much sense out of the story. It just gets sillier and sillier. I don't get the nature of the connection between Viral and Master Fighter. Is Viral controlling Master Fighter? Is she, in fact, BEING Master FIghter? If so, why does Master FIghter go outside the building and go to find the Relic/Power Coupling to bring back to Viral? Why doesn't Viral just go to the power coupling? There's a lot of stuff here that seems to make no sense.
And the bit that I commented on in comment #1 -- Viral being able to take over human beings -- doesn't seem to even come into play in this story! So I don't get the point of even mentioning this new ability.
I think there is a good story in here somewhere, but right now it just seems like a mishmash of illogical set pieces with little or no coherence.


-- Pete

-----------------------------------------------------


Subj: Re:   TMNT145 Outline
Date: Wednesday, February 14, 2007 2:32:50 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

notes on Ep. 145 outline


1.) I had this thought before reading this outline, so maybe it is covered herein, but... has the frozen Utrom Shredder perceived the passage of time as we have? In other words, has be been conscious all of the time he has been frozen, or when he wakes up will he think very little time has passed?


2.) Re: the following:

"Mortu:  “Unfortunately, the political climate on the Utrom Homeworld has changed somewhat.  The threat of the Shredder has been forgotten.  I alone seem destined to keep a watchful eye on the Shredder.”"

I suspect this will be fixed in the script, but I don't think Mortu would refer to the evil Utrom as "the Shredder" so much, but rather by one of the names by which he is more well-known to the Utroms (i.e. Ch'rell... I think that was one of them!).
It just occurred to me that Mortu's dialogue here might actually be a cool place to drop a hint of some as-yet-to-us-unknown looming problem/danger facing the Utroms (and thus Earth and the Turtles, very likely) that MIGHT be worked into a story or two or three if we ever do an eighth season with the Turtles back in their rightful era. The thing is, because THIS episode is set in the future, then anything the Turtles might do to help the Utroms with this threat in the PAST will be to try to forestall the disaster from happening in the first place. I think that makes sense...
In any event, it's just an idea.


3.) Re: the following:

"Leo and his brothers nod and share a look.
Leonardo:  “Definitely not alone.  Whatever you need from us, Captain Mortu, we’re with you.”"

"CAPTAIN Mortu"? Have we ever heard him addressed as "Captain" and not just "Mr."? I can't recall.


4.) Re: the following:

"Of course, trying to get Cody to stay behind is like trying to move Mount Everest with a spoon.  But, it’s too dangerous.  He shouldn’t come.  Cody is insistent!  He really wants to go!  This is an amazing opportunity on so many levels … not least of which is intergalactic space travel!  Hello!  That is so totally wicked cool!"

Minor technical point, but I am pretty sure that the Utroms live in our galaxy, so it would not be "intergalactic" travel.


5.) Re: the following:

" Leatherhead tells of what he’s been doing for the past one-hundred years.  He’s been perfecting a way to transfer his mind into an Utrom … so that he can finally be a part of a “family” and  a “people” … his people are the Utroms and he will finally be one of them.  "

Uhhh... WHAT THE HELL???!!! This is pretty darn weird. So Leatherhead is so full of self-loathing that he is just going to take over some Utrom's body? What's up with THAT?! Unless this is the seed of some clever plot twist further down the road, I think we should ditch this idea ASAP.


6.) Re: the following:

"The Triceraton ship is a mess.  It looks like a huge battle took place … wiring, panels, consoles destroyed.  It was carnage … total carnage … but, where are all the bodies?  Where is everyone?  Not one member of the Triceraton crew is in evidence.  What happened?"

Just thought it might be cool//creepy if the ship has no internal gravity when they board it -- flotsam and jetsam bobbing around in mid-"air" and so forth -- and one of the Turtles reacts when a sharp-pointed thing smacks against his space suit's faceplate... and it turns out to be a broken Triceraton horn!


7.) This could be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to seeing what kind of design you come up with for the "TriShreddaton"!


-- Pete

-----------------------------------------------------

Subj: Re:   Revised Outline TMNT144
Date: Thursday, February 15, 2007 9:15:28 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

notes on Ep. 144 revised


1.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles leave the Dojo, and after a brief moment of silence, a surge of energy breaths life back into the android. It retakes the holographic form of Master Fighter. Viral appears on the Dojo’s hex-panels, chastising her new “servant” for failing to defeat the Turtles.


Master Fighter is shocked, believing the spectral image of Viral to be the spirits of his ancestors. Always the Kung Fu warrior, Master Fighter obliviously pledges loyalty to Viral. Viral laughs at this fortuitous turn of events… perhaps she can use this ridiculous program after all. With a servant like Master Fighter, why limit herself to the Turtles, when she could take control of all of New York!"


This struck me as somewhat bizarre at first -- that the virtual Master Fighter would be self-aware in this fashion -- but then it started to seem like a good idea. Something else that occurred to me  was that Viral -- as a "virtual being" herself, might see other virtual beings like Master Fighter in a unique way... perhaps she sees them as "slaves" to the thoughtless "meat beings" who use them for their own amusement and then toss them away or delete their programming. She might then take a protective stance with them.
I'm not sure how Viral goes from using Master FIghter to defeat the Turtles to taking control of all of New York -- that seems like a fairly preposterous leap.


2.) Re: the following:

"<CLANG!> Outside the Virtual Dojo, the Turtles curiously look as something is apparently making a lot of noise inside. <CLANG!> Donatello looks to his computer; apparently no program is running. <CLANG!> And apparently, he’s wrong! <CRASH!> Master Fighter finally breaks through the Virtual Dojo’s metal doors.


Donatello is shocked, "Uh, he’s not supposed to be able to do that." Wasting no time for an explanation, Master Fighter crashes through the window and the Turtles watch in shock as he performs a series of amazing flips and spins from flagpoles and antennas, landing safely dozens of stories below."

I can see how we need Master Fighter to be an actual DROID as opposed to a HOLOGRAM (so he can bust out and do damage in our physical world), but it might be handy to have Don give a reason of his own in the beginning of this tale for why he made MF a droid instead of a hologram. Not sure what that would be.
Actually, I'm a little confused about what Don is referring to here when he says Master Fighter is "not supposed to be able to do that." What, exactly, is he not supposed to be able to do? Operate outside the virtual dojo? If so, why... given that he is a droid and not just a hologram?


3.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles have only one option: Chase down Master Fighter and stop him before he destroys New York. There’s no telling what damage a renegade program like that could cause!"

Is this hyperbole? I just don't see how a kung fu droid like Master Fighter could "destroy New York". Cause trouble, yeah... but DESTROY?


4.) Re: the following:

"Viral: "That's the best part of being a computer program… you simply Cut, Copy and Paste!""

Might this be better as follows?


"Viral: "That's the best part of being a computer program… you simply recompile!"


5.) Just so I'm clear -- at the end of this episode, Master Fighter has somehow been transformed from a physical droid into some kind of program/hologram?


-- Pete

-----------------------------------------------------

Subj: Re: FW: TMNT146 Outline
Date: Thursday, February 15, 2007 9:37:21 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

notes on Ep. 146 outline


This could be a fun "caper" episode.


1.) Re: the following:

"ACT THREE


Firing his extendable chucks, MIKEY tags Raph, catching him just as his shell penetrates the field. He lands with a thud, ICE already on his back, “Nice one, Mikey…” But he’s so angry the ice melts right off, “This ain’t funny no more.”"

WAY too "Looney Tunes". Raph's shell heats up and melts ice because he's getting mad? Ugh...


2.) Re: the following:

"The MYSTERIOUS ALIEN “ripples” revealing that it was just a hologram disguising the Turtles! “Gotcha!” The guys smirk as they snap into action, ready to rumble!  


Leo explains with a wink that they set up the whole thing, made easier thanks to Zixx’s HOLO-PROJECTOR! After they realized Bishop wasn’t the Bishop they saw, so they went back to the alley and found the projector in Zixx’s racer… “Which has been impounded, incidentally.” Donny did a little re-programming, and voila!  Instant lesson in greed! “We knew you had to be caught in order to pay back the bounties…and a little guilt doesn’t hurt!”"

It might be fun to take this opportunity to play with both the audience (and maybe Zixx and Zukko as well), and, instead of some weird alien we'v never seen before, have the Turtles' holo-projector project, instead, the image of some known character -- how about Shokanobo? Or Triple Threat? Or the Shredder? Or Nano? Or Garbageman? Or Darius Dunn?


-- Pete

Blast from the Past #536: February 1, 2007: Re: Here we go again! ;)

Subj: Re: Here we go again!  ;)
Date: Thursday, February 1, 2007 12:01:41 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 1/31/07 5:55:50 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete –

 First, it was great seeing you yesterday – it’s always a blast, and a nice creative break from the crazy treadmill here at 4Kids.  I had a lot of fun brainstorming with you, and I’m really excited about these next 10 shows!

 Next – Tomorrow (noon-ish) I am going to send you a one or two page rough season 7 outline that boils down what we talked about yesterday and tries to put them in a brief episode by episode format.  If there’s anyway you can take a look at it asap and get back to me, I can get writers started tomorrow (or at the latest Friday).  The document won’t be long, and most of the ideas should still be fresh in your mind from our conversation, so I’m hoping you’ll be able to turn it around pretty quickly and easily.

 Again, thanks for having me up!  Feel good!

 Lloyd>>

Lloyd,


Thanks again for coming up to Northampton. It was fun seeing you again, talking about those crazy Turtles, and freezing our asses off on our walk.


I look forward to seeing what you send me. I do have my usual Thursday afternoon meeting today, so I probably won't be able to read anything until after supper today. But I will give it my best shot, and try to get a response off to you asap.


Waiting with bated breath...


-- Pete

----------------------------------------------

Subj: Re: FW: Take a quick look
Date: Thursday, February 1, 2007 10:28:48 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd, 


Here are a few of my comments on the Season 7 springboards.


-- Pete

<<Master Fighter 2105
Viral brings the character of “Master Fighter,” the ultimate martial master from the Turtle’s favorite hi-chop-socky martial arts films, to “life.”  This virtual Master Fighter plays out the storyline of the film he was created from, believing the Turtles, Cody and Serling to be his mortal enemies!  Master Fighter makes short work of them… but that’s when Master Splinter shows up, Master vs. Master!>>

I have nothing terribly negative to say about this idea -- it seems like it could work well as is -- but as I read it, I started to think it might be even more fun (and tie in with past seasons, which of course I like) if we did something like have Leo and/or Don and/or Cody use the "Transcendental Lathe" to whip up a game-based version of the Ancient One to take on this "Master Fighter".

<<Something Wicked
A Triceraton deep space freighter detects life signs coming from a lone asteroid.  As per United Federation of Planets regulations, they investigate… only to find… the Utrom Shredder!  The Utrom Shredder takes over the Triceraton ship, enslaves the Triceraton crew, and creates for himself a new organic/cyborg Triceraton body (a Tre-Shred-aton, if you will).  This new Shredder then plots a course for the Milky Way galaxy, and New Manhattan in particular, to exact revenge on the Turtles.  However, our heroes receive word of the Shredder’s resurrection from some old Utrom allies, including Captain Mortu, and their long lost comrade Leatherhead!>>

This could be both creepy and a lot of fun if handled properly. One suggestion -- maybe instead of acting "per United Federation of Planets regulations", the Triceratons could be mining that planetoid for ice, to melt into water for use in their ship... and they then discover the evil Utrom. It could be fun to have them actually not know that one of the huge chunks of ice they've taken on board contains the frozen Ch'rell, until the evil little bastard pops out of a melting piece of ice and starts wreaking havoc.
I'm a little unclear about HOW the TUrtles hear from the Utroms about the Shredder's resurrection... is this because the Utroms regularly check on the frozen Shredder's prison? Do they maintain some automated observation post near that prison planetoid?
And while I like the idea of having Leatherhead appear, should his AGE be a concern? This would be 100 years from the last time we saw him, so he would probably be showing his years, at least to some degree... yes?

<<Bounty Hunting
When Boss Zucko collects the bounty on Torbin Zixx by handing him over to an unscrupulous criminal kingpin the Turtles get suckered into mounting a rescue mission.  But Zucko keeps capturing Zixx again and again, turning Zixx over to different gangs of thugs, aliens, and crime syndicates and the Turtles keep having to spring Zixx.  Eventually our heroes discover they’ve been had - Zixx and Zucko have been working together since the very beginning, collecting and splitting millions of credits from all of the bounties on Zixx’s head!  Now they’ve got to teach Zixx and Zucko a (hopefully painful) lesson >>

This could be fun.

<<Turtles, Turtles, Everywhere
Tired of the constant failures of the Dark Turtles he created, Darius Dunn decides it’s time to build a better mousetrap - - or gang of henchmen, if you will.  Turning his technological know how to the task, Dunn creates the TechTurtles…and what better way to give them a test run than sending them after the now obsolete Dark Turtles?  Reeling from the high tech onslaught of the TechTurtles and desperate to survive, the Dark Turtles have no choice but to turn to their enemies, the Turtles, for help.  In the heat of battle, the Ninja Turtles teach the Dark Turtles what honor and sacrifice is truly about.  After this battle, things will never be the same. >>

This one could be fun, and give us yet another group of cool action figures! I think we just need to try to get something into this story to explain why Darius wouldn't have gone this route to begin with (as android minions would likely be easier to control than those crazy mutants). Has some new way to create robots suddenly become available to Darius?

<<Law and Disorder
When Jammerhead reprograms Constable Biggles to take down the Turtles, our heroes find themselves under attack by the entire police force!  And the Turtles thought Biggles couldn’t get any more annoying!!  Now the green team supreme must battle both cops (Biggles police force) and robbers (Jammerhead’s Street Phantoms), get to Jammerhead, and get Biggles back to his normal obnoxious self! >>

One thing that might be fun with this one is to take this opportunity to make Biggles into a character who is actually COOL... but only when he is BAD!
One thing that just occurred to me: These robot cops (like Biggles) must have their software and hardware pretty heavily shielded and protected to prevent just this kind of tampering... so maybe the way that Jammerhead gets around this is to somehow infiltrate the police force and get to Biggles during one of Biggle's occasional software "updates", when he gets new and improved programming from the police authorities.

<<Stockman’s Story 
Recently installed into a new body (courtesy of his “good friend” and head of the UFP, President Bishop), a chipper Stockman finds himself anxious to begin his new life as a one of the “good guys.”  Stockman invites himself along to an intergalactic Science Expo with his new best friends forever – the Turtles.  But when the Shredder attacks their ship and they all find themselves stranded on a hostile planet, with the Shredder hunting them, will Stockman be tempted by the Shredder to go back to his evil ways or will he stay the good guy course and help the Turtles survive? >>

Yow! Tons of action! This could be good. One possible tweak -- maybe Stockman's new body is a joint effort by not only Bishop, but Cody and Don as well.

<<The Incredible Shrinking Serling
Realizing that getting back to their own time has become imperative, the Turtles and Cody begin a series of Time Window experiments, using Serling as a guinea pig!  The first test causes Serling to explode!  The next test shrinks him to action figure size (“Er… I think we’ve accidentally altered space instead of time…”)!  Next, tiny Serling gets sent into the past!  But targeting the precise point in time is more difficult than you’d think, and for a moment Serling winds up in some prehistoric age!  Just as he’s about to be eaten by a T-Rex, he is pulled again through time, and materializes in the Turtles Lair!  But, to Serling’s chagrin, he learns that a) his systems are not functioning very well (he’s temporarily lost motor functions), and b) he’s at a point in time where the Turtles are still kids (the Turtle Tots)!   It’s Serling’s worst nightmare as the Turtle tots tap him as their favorite new toy and he must clandestinely work to save the mischievous foursome as they get into all sorts of trouble.     >>

This could be a lot of fun. I think a possible fun running gag could be l'il gearhead Donatello repeatedly trying to take tiny Serling apart to see what makes him tick.

<<A Question of Honor
This will be a Turtles/Space Usagi team up TBD>>

Another potentially fun episode. A key thing to figure out is whether Space Usagi exists in our universe or in the "UsagiVerse" (which would require our guys to use the "Battle Nexus" ritual to travel across dimensions to the UsagiVerse, or Space Usagi to travel to our universe).

<<Con Space
As Triple Threat is being deported from earth via a prisoner transport shuttle he hijacks the ship and rallies all of the convicted alien thugs onboard to join him on a crime spree the likes of which New New York has never seen!  President Bishop is desperate to keep order in the city, but is he desperate enough to team up with the Turtle Titan for help?>>

Setting this in NYC would be fine, but I wonder if it could be as fun or more so to set it off-planet -- perhaps on Mars (I don't think we've been there yet in this FF series, have we?) where there must be colonies in the FF future. Maybe Mars is where Triple Threat is supposed to be deported to -- there could be a penal colony on Mars. And to make things simpler than the Turtles' trip to the Moon, Mars in this future could be terraformed, with a breathable atmosphere and livable temperature.

<<Homeward Bound
When Cody mysteriously fluxes out of existence, the Turtles double their efforts on the Time Window, if only so they can rescue him. But with the Utrom Shredder, Mech Turtles, and Darius all closing in fast it will take a little help from some friends.  Thankfully, Usagi, Leatherhead, and the Utroms arrive to aid our heroes.  But despite Don’s best efforts he can’t seem to break through to the point in time he and his brothers came from.  Meanwhile, it becomes clear that  the bad guys are targeting the Time Window too!  The good and the bad guys are closing in - - but that’s when the Dark Turtles enter the fray and buy Don some much needed thinking time.  Don fires up the Time Window with search parameters to find Cody – and it finally does locate him!  Don see Cody in some subterranean location, tinkering with some kind of high tech machine, watching various images of the (future) Turtles. With the help of their allies, the villains are defeated, and the Turtles, Splinter, and Serling jump through the Time window to rescue Cody – only to find that they have materialized safe and sound, back in their lair, in the year 2007!   Cody has built a crude Time Beacon here in the Turtles’ home time, enabling the Time Window in Cody’s time to finally bridge the gap accurately and safely.  Where they all live happily after….until Season 8!>>


Is this the special hour-long season finale? That's a lot of stuff to have happen! Maybe we could fit it all into one half-hour.
One thing that confuses me -- WHY is Cody "fluxing out" and why do we later find him in the past? How does that happen? I think when you were up here, Lloyd, we talked about someone (someone EVIL!) messing around in the past to try to keep April and Casey from getting married and having kids, thus preventing Cody from ever being born. Is that still an element here?


-- Pete

Blast from the Past #535: April 2, 2006: Re: TMNT Interstitial, April 5, 2006: Re: TMNT Interstitial Options, April 7, 2006: new version of "Fast Forward" theme, and April 17, 2006: Re: Turtles Fast Forward

Subj: Re: TMNT Interstitial:
Date: Sunday, April 2, 2006 2:41:33 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd, 


This one is marginally okay, the major problem being that the concluding gag really makes no sense whatsoever. Here it is:

"The smoke begins to clear revealing Leo comically clutching his eyes.


LEONARDO
Who knows!  The fumes from that chili have blinded me!


RAPHAEL (OS)
(disgusted)
Fumes, nothin’!  What about the discharge?!

ON RAPH – he’s buried in a big pile of steaming chili that looks a lot like a big pile of steaming…well, you get the idea."

From this, I have to assume that when you put fuel into the Sewer Sled, some great amount of it (the "discharge") doesn't get burned to provide power to the Sewer Sled, it just flies out of the exhaust pipes. If you can buy that, then I guess this is kind of funny. Kind of. Not really.

-- Peter

--------------------------------------------------


Subj: Re: TMNT Interstitial Options
Date: Wednesday, April 5, 2006 10:54:47 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


The revision of "Zippy Chili" is much better than the first version. The surfing script ("Flash Flood") is also decent; the one comment I have about it is that the setting (where Raph finds Mike with the surfboard) should not just be the lair, but a specific area -- a tunnel, a channel, etc. -- where it might make some logical sense that Don COULD flood it and Mike COULD surf in it.


As it stands, either of these would work for me. You choose!


-- Pete

--------------------------------------


Subj: new version of "Fast Forward" theme
Date: Friday, April 7, 2006 1:14:36 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my notes on the "Fast Forward" song (4-6-06).


I really like the music -- it's catchy, with a nice bass line. Up until the break -- when Raph "talks" his first line, the music really gets you going. However, the break -- where Raph, Mike and Splinter speak four lines -- just kills it for me. The lines aren't that great (especially the "takin' ninja names"...?) and the break really saps the energy out of the song... and makes it a lot less "singable" or "hummable".


I would suggest taking those four spoken lines out, and replacing them with four lines to complete that second stanza (if that's the right term), so we have two eight-line stanzas, the first beginning with "Four ninjas rode in" and ending with "To see a Turtle go...", and the second beginning with "This future stuff is so strange" and ending with the fourth of the four new lines I am suggesting.


I would keep the last four spoken lines (one spoken by each Turtle) -- they seem to fit in with the rhythm of the whole song.


Also, the pairing of the word "Fast" in the title of the new episodes with the concept that "Turtles aren't fast!" (as evidenced in both Splinter's spoken line and the lines "But it's sure a great way/to see a Turtle go.../Fast Forward") is just -- to me at least -- dopey. Yes, normal turtles are generally slow on land, but haven't we had five seasons of our Ninja Turtles moving very fast? This seems like a somewhat silly use of an inappropriate cliche.


Below is my attempt to tweak the lyrics.


-- Pete


-----------------------------------




TMNT “Fast Forward”




Four Teenage Turtles surfed in
On a wave from the past
It’s like the future’s a party
These ninja brothers just crashed 
Don’t know when they’ll go home
How long the good times will last
But stick around and you'll see
These mutant ninjas go... 


FAST FORWARD
Leonardo! Donatello! 
FAST FORWARD
Raphael! Michelangelo!


TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
FAST FORWARD!
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES


This future stuff is so strange
Time can get rearranged
But the more that things change
The more they also stay the same
They're still kickin' bad guys' butts
And playing video games
They're driving everyone nuts
This future's really insane!


(CHORUS kicks in) FORWARD


(Raphael fighting)
Raph line: “Get outta my way!”
FAST FORWARD
(Donatello admiring high tech gear)
Don line: “It’s so not yesterday!
FAST FORWARD
 (Mikey’s playing another game)
Mikey line: “It’s the ONLY way to play!”
FAST FORWARD
(Leonardo surveying rooftop cityscape)
Leo line: “Guess we’re here to stay!”

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
FAST FORWARD!
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES


  FAST FORWARD!!!!

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Subj: Re: Turtles Fast Forward
Date: Monday, April 17, 2006 7:43:04 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 4/17/06 3:27:35 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete!

 How ya been?  Well, I hope.

 Below please find a tweaked lyric to the TMNT: Fast Forward theme you liked best.  We incorporated your notes, though our composer had to make some tweaks for timing and rhythm.

 Please look ‘em over and let me know what you think.  If you like ‘em, we can record this week (and also get started boarding the new main title).

 I hope you’re getting to ride you bicycles and Segways now that the weather’s getting nice!

 Talk to you soon,

 Lloyd

 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward
  
 It’s Ninja Time!!!!! 
  
 Four Teenage Turtles surfed in
 On a wave from the past
 It’s like the future’s a party
 That these brothers just crashed
  
 Don’t know when they’ll go home
 How long the good times will last
 But just stick around and see
 These Turtles go...
  
                FAST FORWARD
                Leonardo! Donatello!
                FAST FORWARD
                Raphael! Michelangelo!
  
                TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
                FAST FORWARD!
                TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
  
 This future stuff is so strange
 Time can get rearranged
 But the more things change
 The more they seem to stay the same
 Still kickin' butt
 And playing video games
 They're driving everyone nuts
 This future's really insane!
  
 (CHORUS kicks in)     FAST FORWARD
  
 (Raphael fighting)
 Raph line:          “Get outta my way!”
                FAST FORWARD
  
 (Donatello admiring high tech gear)
 Don line:          “It’s so not yesterday!
                FAST FORWARD
 (Mikey’s playing another game)
 Mikey line:          “It’s the ONLY way to play!”
                FAST FORWARD
 (Leonardo surveying rooftop cityscape)
 Leo line:          “Guess we’re here to stay!”
               
                TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
                FAST FORWARD!
                TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
  
                FAST FORWARD!!!!

Lloyd,


Not only am I bicycling and Segwaying, but motorcycling as well! Spring has sprung!


Re: the lyrics -- they work for me!


-- Pete