Blast from the Past #531: January 20, 2006: Re: TMNT Show 140 Third Draft, and January 21, 2006: Re: Show 139 Final

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 140 Third Draft
Date: Friday, January 20, 2006 11:55:38 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here is my note on the Ep. 140 third draft.


1.) Though the second half has improved considerably, I am very disappointed that the first half has changed very little and remains as weak and silly as it was in previous drafts. Much valuable time is wasted on irrelevancies and lame slapstick (i.e. we already know the Dark Turtles are gross and evil; the Darius stuff is superfluous; we already know the Turtles are a "happy family" -- why rehash the obvious?; and the "turtle tag" in the living room is infantile) when it could instead be used to better effect in trying to "sell" the idea that Dark Leo could actually be wanting to go move away from the "dark side" -- and that the Turtles are coming to believe him.
But I'm not going to pursue the matter.


-- Pete

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Subj: Re: Show 139 Final
Date: Saturday, January 21, 2006 9:20:09 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,


Here are my comments on third ("final") draft of Ep. 139.


1.) Re: the following:

"6. * BISHOP
Gentlemen. Thank you for coming.


* ON TURTLES as they enter the ornate Presidential room.


7. ***LEONARDO
Not like we exactly had a choice, “Mr. President.” What’s going on, Bishop?"

Why did they not have a choice?


2.) Re: the following:

"* THROUGH THE LEGS SHOT of the Mouser as it approaches Bishop. He <FIRES> the laser rifle repeatedly.


* CLOSE ON BISHOP as his laser rifle runs out of power, merely <CLICKING> with each pull of the trigger."

That's one lame laser rifle.


3.) Re: the following:

"* ON BISHOP as LEO dives into frame, knocking Bishop out of the Mouser’s piercing tongue just in time.


** CLOSE ON BISHOP AND LEO as they roll to their feet.


44. *** LEONARDO
Don’t thank me or anything…


45. *** BISHOP
I hadn’t planned on it."

Un-snappy patter. 


4.) Re: the following:

"ON BISHOP’S REAR-VIEW MIRROR as the Mouser gains on them. His eyes narrow with concentration.


69. BISHOP
Hold on!


** EXT. ELEVATED ROADWAYS – CONTINUOUS

WIDE ON HOVERCAR as it speeds along the busy New York HoverCar Expressway, weaving in and out of TRAFFIC. Racing behind it, the huge Mouser manages to keep up.


OTS HUGE MOUSER as it chases the HoverCar."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't the HOVERcars in this future actually FLY? Isn't this, therefore, as inane as that INCREDIBLY stupid scene in the American "Godzilla" remake where Godzilla is chasing a helicopter between buildings, with the pilot screaming "I can't shake him!"... when all he needs to do is FLY UP? 


5.) Re: the following:

"* ON HOVERCAR INTERIOR, Leonardo turns TOWARDS CAMERA to address the Turtles.


70. * LEONARDO
I think we lost it.


<CRUNCH!> Dozens of razor-sharp TEETH rip into the HoverCar’s hull, coming within inches of piercing Leonardo!"

Unless this hovercar has no windows (and we know it does, as in one scene one of the Turtles looks out the back window), it's kind of nutty that Leo would make such a foolish pronouncement. I know it's just in here to do a cliched "jump" moment from any of scores of horror movies, but it really is dopey.


6.) Re: the following:

"148. ***raph
Chomp on this, you overgrown rat!"

Why is Raph calling a Mouser an "overgrown rat"? Makes no sense.


7.) Re: the following:

"149. ** STOCKMAN
Relax! It’s just a mind transplant… nothing to lose your head over!"

But it's not a MIND transplant -- it's a BRAIN transplant.


8.) Re: the following:

"176. *** BISHOP
It’s what I’ve been saying all along… everything’s changed.


** ON THE TURTLES – sharing a smirk."

From Webster's Dictionary: "smirk: intransitive verb: to smile in an affected or smug manner"


Why do they SMIRK here?


-- Pete