BLast from the Past #551: December 6, 2007: Re: TMNT sub-randing for season 7, December 7, 2007: Re: TMNT sub-randing for season 7, and December 8, 2007: Re: TMNT157 1st draft

Subj: Re: TMNT sub-branding for season 7
Date: Thursday, December 6, 2007 6:55:52 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 12/6/07 1:54:03 PM, Lloyd writes:

<<Howdy Pete (and friends)! –

 Sooooo, we need to come up with a sub-branding line for season seven of TMNT.

 It’s actually overdue.

 Below you’ll find a short list of the best we’ve come up with so far.

 Please let me know if anything strikes your fancy.

 Playmates needs to have this decided ASAP, and 4kids cannot start the new season’s main title without it.

 Here we go:

 TMNT:  Back to the Sewer

 TMNT:  Cybernauts

 TMNT:  Return of the Shredder

 TMNT:  Shredder Rising

 TMNT:  SplinterQuest

 TMNT:  The Search for Splinter

 TMNT:  Overdrive

 TMNT:  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

 Thanks everybody!

 Lloyd>>

Lloyd,


None of them make me puke, but I also can't say that any of them "blow my skirt up". 


If pressed, I kind of lean towards Cybernauts or The Search for Splinter.


Here are a few more:


Cyberquest


War of the Shredders


Shredder Apocalypse


Cyberdrive


Mutant Overdrive


Revenge of the Shredder


-- Pete

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Subj: Re: TMNT sub-branding for season 7
Date: Friday, December 7, 2007 9:53:04 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 12/7/07 9:24:56 AM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete –

 Thanks for the notes and suggestions.  I don’t think we should use “War of the Shredders” or anything like that, as we’re not telling that story yet (I’m hoping to do it next season though!).

 I’m waiting to hear back from Playmates and 4kids uptown.

 Lloyd>>

Lloyd,


That makes sense. I couldn't remember precisely when we were going to do that "War of the Shredders" thing -- I thought it might be this season, which is why I threw that one in.
I don't know about you, but I find this "sub-branding" thing to be difficult to deal with.


-- Pete

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Subj: Re:   TMNT157 1st draft
Date: Saturday, December 8, 2007 12:12:05 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine

P. Laird comments on Ep. 157 first draft "The Engagement Ring"

1.) Re: the following:

"HULKING FIGURE
I hope for your sake you re about ta make me a happy, happy man"

and

" HUN
This ain' t it, is it? You tried ta pass this off as the real deal, didn' tcha?"

Something about the way Hun's dialogue in this script is written doesn't sound right. Unless I am misremembering, Hun -- though he acted like a brutal goon -- never really TALKED like one. (Unlike the other Purple Dragons, who did tend to talk like goons.)

2.) Re: the following:

"CASEY
Maybe we should do it on a beach, or, what the heck, a skate rink! Could be dangerous, though."

Aren't they generally called "skating rinks", not "skate rinks"?

3.) Re: the following:

"ON APRIL: she leaps down through an OPEN MANHOLE and disappears from sight. Casey & Raph ride in and <SCREEEECH> to a stop!
RAPH
<TO CASEY, RE: MANHOLE> After you."

That doesn't sound like Raph, who I think would be the first to jump in.

4.) Just for the heck of it, I looked up "yin" on Wikipedia, and here's part of what they had to say:

"Y in ("shady place, north slope, south bank (river); cloudy, overcast"); is the dark element: it is passive, dark, feminine, negative, downward-seeking, consuming and corresponds to the night."

I suspect that the writer already knows this, but it's an interesting hint as to what is happening to April via the "Ring of Yin".

5.) Re: the following:

" APRIL (O.S. FROM DARKNESS)
You can' t seem to get enough of me. Well, here I am. Come and get me."

These lines seem odd to me, for some reason. Maybe because they read more like something some taunting punk would say, as opposed to what a demon-possessed April would say.

6.) Re: the following:

"ON CASEY: horrified, he picks up a metal manhole cover.
CASEY
April, forgive me! YARRRGH!
And HURLS it with all his might! It SOARS! STRIKES April! "

I know we play fast and loose with the nature of manhole covers in the show, but it seems fairly unbelievable that Casey would be able to toss one of these VERY heavy things with any amount of force. Maybe we should give him something else to hurl.

7.) Re: the following:

"HUN
Sorry, I need the ring, so she s comin' with me. Fittin' ; I've taken so much from ya, might as well take yer bride, too. Consider it my weddin' present."

The "consider it my weddin' present" bit makes no sense.

8.) Re: the following:

"THE DRAGONS: <gasp!>. HUN: squirms! RAPH: furrows his brow. "

"Squirms"? Huh?

9.) Re: the following:

" HUN
Okay, okay, so maybe Raph got away, but I took out his brothers  -- fo shizzle!"

"Fo shizzle"? Gurrghh... This is probably a good place to reiterate my earlier comment that while Hun may LOOK like a crude, uncouth boor, he doesn't TALK like one. And isn't the whole "-izzle" thing really played out?

10.) Re: the following:

" RAPH
That' s crazy!
JIN
So says the talking turtle."

These two lines seem silly and inappropriate to me -- I'd lose them, as they are also unnecessary.

11.) Re: the following:

"JIN
A magic safeguard against thieves. The only one who can remove the ring is the man who put it on."

Shouldn't that be "the ONE who put it on"? (I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to be a MAN, right?)

12.) Re: the following:

"MIKEY
Someone ring for the cavalry?!"

Maybe "call" instead of "ring" would be more appropriate here (as we already have lots of talk about the "ring").

13.) Re: the following:

"LEO
It' s Ninja Time!"

No.

14.) Re: the following:

"MIKEY
So, what 's the plan?
RAPH
There ain 't no plan,   'cept gettin' that ring off April. Our man Casey is the only one who can do that!"

Isn't it kind of silly to have Raph say "There ain't no plan"... and then have him say what the plan is?!

15.) Re: the following:

"CUT TO CASEY: he' s made it to the ring, which is now a third his size. Casey 's legs are wrapped around April 's finger. The hand is moving. It' s an effort to hold on. He reaches for the ring.
Suddenly, Hun' s BLASTER presses against the back of his head. Casey stops. REVEAL: Hun clinging to the back of April s hand.
HUN
What, ya think I' d let the ring go without a fight?!"

This is bizarre. How big is the April thing, anyway? And if she is so huge and powerful in this form, how the heck can Casey ever hope to take the ring off her finger? All she has to do is curl her fingers into a fist and it would seem to be impossible.
Maybe something that would be a LITTLE bit more logical would be to have Casey grab Hun's blaster and use it to CUT through the ring, instead of trying to muscle it off. That COULD fit the legend -- even though Casey is CUTTING the ring off rather than PULLING it off, he is still the one who put it on and he's now the one who's taking it off.. And later the ring could mystically reform itself so Casey can give it back to Jin undamaged. By the way -- should we think of another name for Mr. Jin -- does his name sound too close to "Yin", and is that confusing?

-- Peter

P.S. If desired, I can go through this whole script and "de-thug" Hun's dialogue, if that would help.


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Subj: Re:   TMNT157-1st draft
Date: December 10, 2007
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine




In a message dated 12/8/07 7:32:18 PM, Lloyd writes:


"Hey Pete –
  
 No need to de-thug the script.  Our scriptwriting program has a “de-thug-ify” filter.  The writer just forgot to use it.
  
 I think it’s gonna take the writers a few scripts for everyone to reacquaint themselves with the voices of the various characters, but we’ll get there.
  
 Lloyd"

Lloyd,

Thanks! I know what you mean... I find myself having to wrack my brain to remember some of the stuff that has come before.

-- Pete