Blast from the Past #584: June 18, 2002: Splinter sketch, June 26, 2002: Outline for NanoMonster, and June 30, 2002: comments on Ep.1488-001 (4th draft) and Ep. 1488-004 (1st draft)

Subj: Splinter sketch
Date: Tuesday, June 18, 2002 10:45:58 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

It's "Snake Rat"! Seriously, when I first glanced at this sketch I thought "What's Splinter's head doing on a snake's body?" because of the strangely stretched-out and thin way his body is drawn. 

I did a little Photoshop tweaking of the sketch and am attaching the result to this email. Basically, I widened his stance, thickened his waist, shortened his torso, strengthened his chin, and added a bit more of a "ruff" to his neck. I think the eyes need some work, also.

Talk to you tomorrow.

--Peter

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Subj: Outline for NanoMonster
Date: June 26, 2002
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I am attaching to this email a Word document, the outline for the "Nano-Monster" story which I have re-jiggered and tweaked a bit to try to have it make more sense (well, at least to me!) and a bit more -- as Bruce Lee said to in ENTER THE DRAGON -- "emotional content".

I'm about to head downtown to do some stuff, and will try to call you from the office to discuss this and other stuff.

Speaking of other stuff, I got the drawings you faxed me of the Sewer Sled and Sewer Bike designs and I am underwhelmed. The Sewer Sled now seems to be going in some direction almost completely counter to what we had been discussing (not to mention it's freakin' HUGE -- those must be some pretty big sewer tunnels they'll be riding that sucker in), and the Sewer Bike, which -- while not completely horrible -- is apparently without any viable suspension (note the one inch or so of ground clearance) and has a spindly spoked front wheel which looks like it would collapse if you breathed hard on it.

Talk to you soon!

--Pete

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Subj: comments on Ep.1488-001 (4th draft) and Ep. 1488-004 (1st draft)
Date: Sunday, June 30, 2002 11:27:20 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I read the latest scripts (Ep.1488-001 (4th draft) and Ep. 1488-004 (1st draft)) and have only a few comments. I haven't heard from Gary yet -- he may have some also.

Ep. 1488-001:

1.) Pg. 6: Splinter says to the turtles that they must work harder "... to become ninja..." Aren't they already ninja? Perhaps he should say "... to become true ninja..." or something like that.

2.) Pg. 37: "Ladle" is spelled wrong ("ladel"). Also, I wonder if in this scene set in the Shredder's "throne room" there should be some guards in Foot uniforms in the background.

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Ep. 1488-004:

1.) Pg. 6: Should Casey have multiple TV sets in his apartment, all tuned to different channels, as in the comic book?

2.) Pg. 11: "... Casey ANTICS back..." Huh? Odd use of the word "antics" here (and on page 15). Is this some kind of animation writer shorthand?

3.) Pg. 14: "You're" is misspelled as "your" in Raph's first line.

4.) Pg. 26: The "What language is that? "Nitwit?"" line sounds more like a Raph line than a Don line.

5.) Pg. 27: The "broken tape/record" gag is kind of weak. As is, it makes Splinter sound stupid. I would either eliminate it entirely, or have the exchange go like this:

SPLINTER
...I do not wish to sound like a broken record...

MICHELANGELO
What's a record?

LEONARDO
Never mind. Go on, Master Splinter.

6.) Pg. 33: Instead of Raph saying "A wise... er... man once told me...", I think he should say "My... father... once told me..." I think it resonates nicely with Casey's previous mention of HIS father.


--Peter