Subj: comments on Ep. 109 ("Beginning of the End") first draft
Date: Thursday, February 3, 2005 9:48:58 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Lloyd,
Here are my comments on the Ep. 109 first draft.
1.) Re: the following:
"PROFILE – Raph (BG) shoots a shy glance at Joi (FG).
RAPHAEL
Joi… give any thought to what you’re gonna do after we kick shell and plant Shredder back in the ground?
JOI
Careful, you’ll jinx it… but no, why?
RAPH
Just that you haven’t seen Manhattan ‘til you seen it with a turtle.
JOI smiles, joined by a very relieved Raphael.
JOI
Let’s save the world first, tough guy."
There seems to be a subtext to this scene that I'm not getting. Why is Raph "shy"? Why is he "relieved"? I hope this isn't another "Turtle has a crush on human" things.
2.) Re: the following:
"MICHELANGELO
The tribunal ever gets strapped for cash, you could make boku bucks charging admission to this ride."
Is "boku" supposed to be "beaucoup"?
3.) Re: the following:
"RAPHAEL
Knew that rat was a real rat…"
This is a very weak and goofy line -- I'd lose it.
4.) Re: the following:
"ACROSS THE CHAMBER – ON BAKU’S BACK, Mikey’s still hanging on when Hisomi appears next to him in a flash! They nod to one another, powering up—
MULTIPLE MIKEYS AND HISOMIS go to town on Baku! Baku bucks wildly, <HOWLING>—"
What exactly is going on here? Are there really "multiple Mikeys", which would be really silly and as far as I know has no precedent, or are he and Hisomi just moving so fast that it APPEARS to be multiple Mikeys? And if so, how does that jive with this following line:
"Mikey pulls himself together, joined by Don, Adam, and Tora. Adam trades Mikey the helm for the Sarcophagus."
I refer of course to the part where Mikey "pulls himself together".
5.) Re: the following:
"INT. ORATORY. MOMENTS LATER
The grand doors fly open as Donny and Raph <KICK> them off their hinges. Despite the display of power, everyone skids to a halt…"
Kicking the doors off their hinges seems pointlessly destructive.
-- Pete
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Subj: comments on Ep. 107 ("Legend of the Five Dragons") second draft
Date: Thursday, February 3, 2005 10:51:07 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine
Lloyd,
Here are my comments on the Ep. 107 second draft.
1.) Re: the following:
"*LEONARDO
Oh, right. No zappy stuff for me.
*The other three come running up to Leo.
*MICHELANGELO
Dude—you saved the whole place from burning down—without any zappy stuff!
*LEONARDO
We’re going to need zappy stuff and anything else we can come up with if the Shredder is really coming back!"
I think one use of the goofy phrase "zappy stuff" is more than enough.
2.) Re: the following:
"ON SPLINTER, sad and angry. A tear trails down his furry cheek.
SPLINTER (CONT’D)
Had the Tribunal heeded Yoshi…my master would be alive today. "
I suggest a small word change -- "might" instead of "would".
3.) Re: the following:
"CLOSER IN as we reveal the FIVE SUITS OF ARMOR suspended from wires in the ceiling. They look very much like what we have come to know as THE SHREDDER’S ARMOR.
SPLINTER (VO)
The empire’s greatest craftsmen had forged armor for the warriors…
EXT. – COUNTRYSIDE – DAY
In roughly the same spots on screen AS THE ARMORS IN THE PREVIOUS SCENE, we see the five ARMORED WARRIORS riding atop horses, galloping toward us.
SPLINTER (VO, CONT’D)
…armor they would soon wear into battle against the evil Tengu."
I wonder if it might help to add a little bit here in the narration which tells how in addition to being created by the greatest armorers, these suits of armor also had spells woven into them, or engraved on them, or said over them as they were being constructed, to give them a little more power to resist the might of the Tengu.
4.) Re: the following:
"*SPLINTER (VO. CONT’D)
He had to be contained? But how?"
No question mark is needed at the end of "He had to be contained".
5.) Re: the following:
"INT. – MONASTERY CHAMBER - NIGHT
The Four Dragons (helmets off) pass a goblet among themselves. Each takes a drink from it.
On KON, serious.
*KON
Shredder’s evil will never die. This potion will allow us to live forever. Vigilance will be our eternal burden."
It seems a bit facile that just a potion will make them immortal -- I wonder if it might work better if we imply that other efforts are necessary to grant them this extended life span, like certain spells, meditation, etc..
6.) Re: the following:
"*DONATELLO
So the Utrom-bug Shredder we fought was a cheezy wannabe compared to the original who’s trying to make a comeback."
The goofy slang in this line makes it sound more like Mike than Don.
-- Pete
finish volume 4 please please pleeeeaaassee.. im not digging the idw comic thats out rite now and i need some legit turtles before i go into shell shock!
ReplyDelete"finish volume 4 please please pleeeeaaassee.. im not digging the idw comic thats out rite now and i need some legit turtles before i go into shell shock!"
DeleteBrendan, sorry you are not getting the Turtles you desire. Unfortunately, right now I have no plans to dive back into Volume 4. -- PL
awwww... but that was a cool storyline with awesome artwork! well i guess if ur not feelin it thats understandable... although i really hope that one day u get the time to return to it. Like that guy Rob Schrab who did the SCUD comic back in the day - he took many years off and then released a big tpb with the end to the story included.. i dont mean to diss the new idw turtles but when you wrote volume 4, you had a certain respect for the characters. You know how they talk and think on a deeper level cause you been drawing and writing them for a while.. in the meantime, i think this blog u got goin is kinda interesting! thank you for responding to my post and also for printing a letter of mine in volume 4 #29 :)
DeleteThe One True Shredder is cheesy? I STRONGLY disagree. Good thing they changed that line.
ReplyDeleteyawn .... are you going to finish these anytime soon? Seriously. Blast from the forgotten past is boring. TMNT fans are following Kevin Eastman's stuff now. So much more exciting to read what he posts online.
ReplyDelete"yawn .... are you going to finish these anytime soon? Seriously. Blast from the forgotten past is boring. TMNT fans are following Kevin Eastman's stuff now. So much more exciting to read what he posts online."
ReplyDeleteSnore… I find comments like this as tedious as you apparently find my blog posts. They remind me of the ones I used to get when I was actively doing the TMNT Volume 4 comics, wherein I would be taken to task for the slow, boring, sci-fi, blah blah blah way I was doing the comic. And I would respond that it was pretty clear that I was doing the book the way I wanted to do the book, and the way I intended to CONTINUE doing the book, and if people didn't like it, they should STOP READING IT!!! There are plenty of other things to read in the world.
So, "Raf", I would give you the same advice regarding my blog -- if it bores you, why torture yourself? Stop reading it! Go read Kevin's exciting posts. I think all concerned would be happier if you did. I have several more years worth of my work on the 4Kids TMNT series to put on my blog, and I will continue to do that as I see fit. -- PL
Wow, has the internet age brought an end to tact? Peter could very well not put out this blog, he does it for us fans, and though Kevin may be more active now, Peter was working on them hard and heavy for years and got no love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Peter. I may selectively read these posts (I'm glad to see suggestions and plot descriptions for the un-produced Nightmare Recycled) but the ones I do actually read are always very fun and make me glad I read them. Any chance you'll get to Fast Forward and Back to the Sewer? I'd love to see you're takes on the last 2 seasons and their radically different tone.
-Kevin McGill Jr.
I apologize for going off topic here. I see Vol.4 has been mentioned a couple times on this tread and, figured I would ask about something in Vol.4 that I have been wondering about for a while now. I could not find a more appropriate thread to ask.
ReplyDeleteIn Vol. 4 you had these mysterious warriors killing off the foot clan. After killing one of these warriors a minted coin with Vice President Al Gore on it is found in his possession. I have always assumed that these mysteries warriors where from an alternate reality where the popular vote might have meant something. That part of the story always nags at me. Where they from an alternate reality? Where you planning on showing us this reality? It is a very interesting concept to me. What if VP Gore did become the President of the United States back in 2000? How different would the country and the world be? I watched that election very closely. Can you imagine my despair where I realized the popular vote does not always count? It was when I realized true democracy, like we are taught in grade school, is a myth. I think that is why you struck a nerve with me when you added that coin into the story.
As I said, the alternate reality is just my assumption. Perhaps it is wishful thinking on my part. It does seem like a logical conclusion to come to. A minted coin with VP Al Gore on the front, what else could it mean? It is your story Pete so, you are the only man on the planet who knows for sure. If you don’t mind me asking, what was the coin all about?
Again I apologize for going off topic. I apologize also for getting a little political. I tried to keep it to a minimum. (Like I did not say one bad word about President Bush.) I try to keep my personal political views off of other people’s blogs. :D
(Side note) I’m sure a lot of us here find your blog very interesting. We don’t come here because we think your going to act like Michael Bay. (I’m not sure how exciting a blog can get) We come here because you are Peter Laird and you have a lot of cool and interesting things you are willing to share with us. So, as always, thank you for sharing.
"Mark HJan 20, 2012 05:17 AM
ReplyDeleteIn Vol. 4 you had these mysterious warriors killing off the foot clan. After killing one of these warriors a minted coin with Vice President Al Gore on it is found in his possession. I have always assumed that these mysteries warriors where from an alternate reality where the popular vote might have meant something. That part of the story always nags at me. Where they from an alternate reality?"
Yes, that is exactly the direction in which I was heading. I was thinking possibly of linking it to the "Battle Nexus" concept, though I had not come to any firm conclusions.
"Were you planning on showing us this reality?"
Probably not, but it could have been one of those things that changed as I worked on it. Over time, it might have seemed to me to be a good idea. But it wasn't likely.
" It is a very interesting concept to me. What if VP Gore did become the President of the United States back in 2000? How different would the country and the world be?"
I strongly feel that it would be VERY different.
" I watched that election very closely. Can you imagine my despair where I realized the popular vote does not always count?"
I think I can, because I too was despairing at that moment. And I have yet to hear or read since then a compelling argument for keeping the Electoral College way of doing things. -- PL
Thanks for taking the time to answer this for me Pete. I really appreciate that. You have yet to hear a compelling reason for keeping the Electoral College way of doing things because, no such reason exists!
ReplyDeleteThanks Again. Have a good one.