Peter Laird's TMNT blog

Blast from the Past #491: August 23, 200: Re: Show 121 Second Draft, and August 24, 2005: Re: TMNT Season 6 Design and Re: TMNT Show 125 Outline

2012-03-09T07:04:00.001-08:00

Subj: Re: Show 121 Second Draft
Date: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 12:03:45 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my two notes on Ep121 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"* DONATELLO
Upgrading as we speak! The “grunt to crack ratio” on the battle-bots is off. "

"Grunt to crack ratio" seems like a very weird turn of phrase -- I don't know what it means.

2.) Re: the following:

"* LEO – is sent FLYING backwards across the Square. He knocks over a FIRE HYDRANT before SLAMMING into a wall. A spectacular GUYSER of water sprays into the night sky."

Unless they make them flimsier in the future, fire hydrants are pretty sturdy things -- slamming into one hard enough to knock it over could cause some serious damage to oneself. As this erupting geyser doesn't play any part in the ensuing action, I'd prefer to replace it with some other bit of action. Here's an idea -- maybe Leo smashes into a stand or kiosk selling some kind of futuristic sweets, and he grabs one of them and uses it to try to distract Psycho head (it works, but not for very long before Triple Threat flings Leo into the electronic sign).

-- Peter

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Subj: Re: TMNT Season 6 Design
Date: Wednesday, August 24, 2005 11:37:33 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Jonathan

In a message dated 8/23/05 7:51:25 PM, Jonathan writes:

"Peter,

Please find attached a newly revised cleaned-up turtles. The reason for this is that it has come to our attention that the belt resembles the Superman logo. It was therefore suggested that we make the buckle in the shape of the turtle shell. We will be attaching along with the four turtles the reference that we used for the buckle. Please note no other item on the turtles has been altered since the last approval other than the belt.

In addition, we are also sending a cleaned version of Serling with a new head based on your drawings. There are two designs: one front view and one with expressions.

1. Leo
2. Mikey
3. Don
4. Raphael
5. Belt buckle reference
6. Revised Serling
7. Serling Expressions

If you could let us know what you think of these models at your earliest convenience, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you,

~Jonathan"

I think these are all fine.

This may be too goofy, but... when I was looking at the shape of the new belt buckle, and wondering if it might be better with more interesting detail or shape (probably not), it occurred to me that it might be fun to have a new shape to the Shell Cel (if we are going to have that device in the "future Turtles" season). Imagine something like that belt buckle shape, slightly rounded and shell textured as the back of the Shell Cel. When it activates, a "head" and four "legs" pop out of the "shell" in the correct locations, i.e. as the head and legs of a real Turtle would. The "head" and "legs" would be slightly stylized, and when you turn the device over to use it, you would see that these pieces were functional elements of the Shell Cel design (the head could be the ear piece, the legs could be diffent buttons/antenna, etc.). Just thought it might be a fun little visual gag.

Ooh... just has another thought. It might be fun if the "legs" actually served a SECOND purpose... as LEGS! I could imagine a scenario where one of the Turtles sets down his Shell Cel on a table and walks off... his Shell Cel rings, he doesn't answer it, and the Shell Cell goes into "tracking" mode where it extends its "legs" and "head" and actually WALKS (somewhat slowly) off in seach of its owner.

Okay, I'm done now.

-- Peter

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Subj: Re: TMNT Show 125 Outline
Date: Wednesday, August 24, 2005 12:41:59 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the Ep125 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly, the answer is staring the other two right in the face. It's a big Kirby-esque splash panel of DR. MALIGNUS smashing his way out of a bank, holding up stacks of gold bars and huge sacks of cash with dollar signs on them. Nasty Head realizes they can make money AND break stuff... by becoming a super villain, just like in the comics. Level Head insists you don't just become a super villain overnight. It takes brains, planning, research…but a two-to-one vote overrules Level head, and…

CUT TO BRAKKO'S - In a QUICK MONTAGE, we see Triple Threat seeking out career advice from other bad guys hanging out in the bar: JAMMERHEAD advises them to always project a sense of style and showmanship. VIRAL (in her robot body) advises them to always have an escape plan, lest they end up in an unwanted body. TORBIN ZIIX advises them to retain an air of mystery. All three advise Triple Threat to avoid the color green."

While the montage bit is kind of fun, it's also a little off, for two reasons that I can see:

a.) In the first paragraph, Level Head's "brains, planning, research" idea is overruled by the other two heads... but then we see Triple Threat doing just what Level Head wanted by going to the bar and getting advice from other villains. Seems contradictory.

b.) While I can see Jammerhead and Torbin Ziix being in the bar, it seems odd that Viral would be there too. Perhaps the montage could be a montage of different PLACES, too, so that not everyone is at the same bar or place.

2.) Re: the following:

"Biggles: "Right, what's all this then? Who's been mucking about with my Turtle Signal?"
Mikey: "YOUR Turtle Signal?! I thought you said Turtle Titan was a grandstanding gloryhound vigilante."
Biggles: "That's right. A grandstanding gloryhound vigilante who happens to make my job much easier.""

For a couple of reasons -- one being that the "new" Turtle Titan apparently (from his earlier description) doesn't LOOK like a Turtle -- I think calling this thing a "Turtle Signal" is a little too silly. Perhaps "Titan Signal" would be better.

3.) Re: the following:

"In the rink (which looks sweeeeet in the future!) their graviton regulators are rendered useless, and everyone is left weightless! With Triple Threat's weight advantage now gone, Mikey and Turtle Titan acrobatically knock him all over the rink in a low grav smackdown. Working together, they eventually boot Triple Threat out of the rink, where the crushing reality of his own girth knocks him down for the count! "

"The crushing reality of his own girth" is a very interesting, albeit somewhat obscure, turn of phrase. Just so I understand what is meant -- you're saying when he goes outside the antigrav area, his weight comes back and he hits the ground HARD, right?

4.) Re: the following:

"Turtle Titan removes his mask, revealing a somewhat familiar looking African American face.

Turtle Titan: "I think you knew him. His name was Silver Sentry."

Mikey is shocked. Turtle Titan explains that he inherited his grandfather's passion for justice, but unfortunately not his super powers. He was so inspired by his grandfather's stories of the Turtle Titan fighting crime without any super powers that he wanted to carry on that hero's legacy. "

This is cool. I wonder if -- depending on whether this Turtle TItan will be making another appearance or two in this season 6 -- it might be fun to somehow give this descendant of Silver Sentry some of his grandfather's super powers. Maybe the genes that would have given him the powers are somehow "blocked" or inactive, and through some plot device they become viable -- maybe through some work by Don, or maybe even a supervillain who wants to turn Turtle Titan into a super-powered pawn.

-- Peter

P.S. FYI -- I will be leaving tomorrow (Thursday the 25th) for a four-day comic book convention. I will try to keep up with stuff, but it may have to wait until I get back.

Blast from the Past #490: August 19, 2005: Re: FW: Serling stuff, and sketch designs for Serling head

2012-03-08T16:51:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: FW: Serling stuff
Date: Friday, August 19, 2005 2:11:22 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

It's probably to the credit of those who have worked so far on the character of Serling that I have already established him in my mind as a real personality instead of just a goofy robot butler. That's a big part of the reason that I see the scenario of Cody reconfiguring and reprogramming (I would say "gutting", but you thinks that's too loaded) Serling in this fashion without getting his consent or even TELLING him that he's doing it as kind of "creepy".

Right now, as written, Serling shows a host of emotions -- fear, anger, humor, pride, sarcasm, affection, etc.. Outside of the obvious fact that he is made of metal, plastic, and other non-organic substances, he is, for all intents and purposes, a "living" character. To now start treating him like he's just another dumb appliance which can be used (and abused) with impunity is just wrong (at least in my opinion). To attempt to wrest humor out of a situation where a character like this is repeatedly forced to endure doing things he (or it, if you prefer) clearly doesn't want to do, and where the character is going to get the worst of every dangerous situation he get into (as opposed to Cody, who sits safe and protected inside Serling) is also wrong (in my opinion).

It would be one thing if you had introduced Serling as just another appliance, something that Cody could have referred to from the beginning as his "science project" or something, so that it would be perfectly fine for him to tweak/disassemble/reconfigure Serling to his heart's content. But you didn't. From the beginning, you made Serling a very "human" character (who seems to have even more personality than Cody, for that matter).

If you accept the premise that Serling is, by this point in our development of Season 6, a "human" character, then it is a very short leap -- actually more of a step -- to realizing the distasteful subtext inherent to the situation, i.e. that it is okay to manipulate another person in any way you want (in this case going so far as gross disfigurement) as long as you're having "fun". I don't think this is something we want to be encouraging.

Getting back to more practical matters: You know how, when you look under the hood of a modern automobile, there's not a whole lot of free space (as there would be in an older car) -- there are a lot of components tightly fit together. It makes working on them a pain, but it also saves a lot of room and allows the car itself to be made more compact.

I see this in a lot of different modern devices (try to find much free space inside your iPod!), and I also see it continuing into the future with robots like Serling. These devices would be made to be as compact as they need to be to carry out their purposes, and would likely be packed to the gills with whatever: servos, power cells, computer processors, redundant safety backup systems, com gear, etc.. With this in mind, I find it very hard to believe that (as currently portrayed in the scripts) Cody could remove enough of this gear to make a comfortable space for himself within Serling's body, and STILL have enough left in there for Serling to function as he should. And if you go a step further, logically Cody would need even MORE space for support of his body -- air supply, food and waste disposal (if he's inside Serling on a long mission), etc. And unless Cody is not claustrophobic in the LEAST, he's going to need some "elbow room" inside the robot.

Not only that, but in one script you have Cody yelling "Shazam" -- sorry, "Goongala" -- and Serling TRANSFORMS into Cody's Turtle-themed battle armor. That's a whole other set of stuff you have to find room for inside of Serling. It's getting pretty crowded in there.

There is also a clear implication in one of these scripts that Cody has done all this work to Serling -- surreptitiously, mind you -- in the time since the Turtles first arrived in the future. It's not stated clearly, but surely that can't be more than weeks at the most. That's a whole lot of work for Cody to accomplish in that short time. We're getting into "magic cartoon technology" territory here... something that makes me cringe.

I guess I don't see the great appeal of "Serling bitches/does running commentary about/while going into battle with Cody "piloting" him" as you do. To me, a little of that would go a very long way.

Part of the reason I made my suggestion that if Cody has to have his "transforming battle armor robot", he should do it with an OLDER (but visually very similar) version of Serling that he has kicking around -- a somewhat more primitive iteration, with less (or even NO) "human" personality -- is that if you think about it, unless Cody is a "perfect master" in what he is attempting to do, he runs a pretty good risk of screwing things up, badly. It's kind of like if you had one computer, and you got the great idea that it would be cool if you could turn it into a computer which also transforms into a coffee maker. Well, great... but what if you screw it up? Not only don't you have your coffee maker, you don't have your computer, either! As Serling obviously performs a lot of important tasks for Cody, I don't think the kid would risk messing him up in this way.

Setting aside the issues about Serling as a "person" as I described earlier, I think it would make a LOT more sense that Cody would try this with an older, currently-unused model.

I can also see a very interesting arc thread developing with this scenario: After Cody drags Serling 1.5 out of storage and starts working on him, our current Serling (maybe he's version 3.0, but for the sake of convenience, I'll just call him Serling) could make many acerbic comments and jabs at his "Neanderthal" relation (Serling 1.5), putting it down in various humorous ways. However, this haughty attitude could then -- as Cody perfects his "transforming battle armor" -- become tinged with jealousy as Serling starts to see that Cody has more fun/spends more time with this rebuilt version. Serling could even try to make himself be or act like the rebuilt Serling 1.5, blundering into various battle scenarios with disastrous/comic results.

There could even be a "head-to-head" confrontation between the two versions of Serling (I mentioned to you the old "Lost in Space" episode where the Robot met "Robbie the Robot" -- it was clear that the newer Robot was a direct design descendant of Robbie.) Serling could begin to feel like he is becoming less and less useful to Cody, and that makes him do some foolish things (maybe even toying with joining the "bad guys"!).

After talking with you yesterday, I thought about the whole issue some more, and while NONE of my previous objections and suggestions changed, it did occur to me that there could be an intriguing dovetailing of some of these concepts near the end of the season, to wit: Let's assume that Cody reworks old Serling 1.5 into his transforming battle armor, and further assume that Serling grows to be very jealous of this new version of himself, as described above. What if: We lead up to some catastrophic battle wherein the Serling 1.5 battle armor gets trashed. It's a bad scene... Cody's bumming... but then Serling steps up and offers himself to be transformed into Cody's battle suit. Cody's taken aback -- "I never thought you'd want to do that!" Serling responds, "You never asked me, Master Cody."

Then -- with Don and Starlee's help, the Transcendental Lathe, whatever other crazy stuff we've come up with during the season which might be applicable, etc. -- Serling is reworked, and becomes Cody's battle armor. BUT... because of (fill in the blank here -- recent discoveries/advances in robotic technology, some invention of Don's that shrinks circuits, whatever), they are able to accomplish the goal of making Serling into what you wanted him to be (without the creepy "unwilling slave" part, of course).

-- PL

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Subj: sketch designs for Serling head
Date: Friday, August 19, 2005 11:32:25 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I did a little doodling of some ideas for Serling's head. Not sure if any of them will be helpful, but I'm send them anyway, two files attached to two separate emails. Here's the first one.

-- Pete

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Subj: sketch designs for Serling head 2
Date: Friday, August 19, 2005 11:36:43 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

And here's the second.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #489: August 18, 2005: notes on Ep121 first draft, and notes on Show 120 Final

2012-03-07T07:21:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: No Subject
Date: Thursday, August 18, 2005 1:47:03 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my 15 notes on ep121 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"TEASER
FADE IN:
EXT. FLOATING SKYSCRAPER – ROOF – SUNSET
ESTABLISH Cody’s luxury building in Uptown. The sun sets behind the spectacular futuristic skyline.
ON THE ROOF – SPLINTER emerges from a rooftop doorway, holding a pot of living bamboo. He carries it over to the beginnings of a GARDEN that he’s building.
SPLINTER – sets down the pot and glances over at something OS.
HIS POV - RAPHAEL stands at the edge of the roof, SILHOUETTED by the setting sun. He gazes out at the city, deep in thought."

Just a suggestion -- maybe it would be cool to start this scene with a little "fool the eye" approach. By that I mean DON'T show the futuristic cityscape right away -- instead, frame the shots and angles carefully so that you only see Raph and/or the plants in the garden Splinter is making in closeup or medium closeup, against the beautiful sunset. The idea here is to temporarily fool the viewer into thinking that maybe Raph and Splinter are back in the past, or in some bucolic location. And then, only when Raph starts complaining, pull out or switch to a different angle to show the real setting.

2.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
I am building a rooftop garden. A place of serenity and peace—
<HOOOONK!> A loud HORN pierces the serenity. Splinter cringes, and he and Raph look up at:
A HUGE ADVERTISING BLIMP – cruises by overhead. It’s covered with bright VIDEO SCREENS (think Blade Runner).
SPLINTER – frowns. The best laid plans...
THE BLIMP – cruises slowly past. The screens display graphics promoting the “GALACTIC WRESTLING FEDERATION” and their upcoming “123rd SLAM-A-THON,” including LOGOS and moving images of various human and alien WRESTLERS in action. Very gaudy."

I wonder if it would be cool to have this blimp be SHAPED like a big wrestler, so that when it comes into view, Raph and Spinter might VERY briefly (like, a couple of seconds) go into fight mode, thinking it's some gigantic foe about to land on them... until they realize it's just an advertising blimp.

3.) Re: the following:

"ANNOUNCER (VO – THRU BELOW)
The Galactic Wrestling Federation presents the one-hundred-twenty-third Slam-a-Thon. See all your favorite wrestlers battle it out for the title in a cage match finale. Tonight at Madison Square Garden."

Not sure if this would work, or if there are any rights issues that we don't want to get entangled with (I don't think there would be, but ya never know), but... it occurred to me that it might be fun to use, either as foreground or background characters in this whole wrestling thing, some of the "space wrestlers" that were in the old Archie TMNT comics. Might be cool for the fans.

4.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
Chill out, Lugnuts. I’m teaching Cody the art of self-defense, so he can get himself out of trouble.
SERLING – sweeps up the last of the fragments.
SERLING
How many more antiques must be sacrificed for “the art of self-defense...?”"

There's absolutely nothing wrong with Serling's last line here, but I thought perhaps a better one might be a line that connects to Mike's "get himself out of trouble" bit, perhaps as follows:

"SERLING -- Trouble that you hooligans will surely get him INTO!"

This line could actually be followed by the existing line about the antiques.

5.) In the bit where Raph tries to get one of the other Turtles to go with him to the wrestling match, perhaps he could ALMOST sway Mikey with visions of junk food that would likely be served at the arena -- hot dogs, greasy cheesy nachos, etc. -- but then Cody enters the room with the video game and Mike goes for that.

6.) I have to say that Triple Threat is a much better character than the Fat Lady. Bravo to whoever came up with this idea.

7.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
Somebody throw a chair or something! This is the worst wrestling match I’ve ever seen--!
An entire ROW OF CHAIRS suddenly <CRASHES> into the ring!
QUICK REACTION SHOTS – Raph... Leo... The Wrestlers...
LOW ANGLE – Triple Threat makes a DRAMATIC ENTRANCE as he LEAPS into the ring beside the chairs."

I'm a little unclear about what is happening here. From where is Triple Threat entering the ring? Above? Below? From one side? If he has to walk in from the edge of the crowd, you would think he would be noticed BEFORE he reaches the ring, and cause some reaction. And is it HE who throws the "entire row of chairs"? Maybe it's a little much to throw a whole row of chairs. And are these chairs EMPTY or are there patrons sitting in them? Literal Laird needs to know!

8.) Re: the following:

"ANNOUNCER (VO)
A Turtle Man has entered the ring, and they’ve lowered the Tritanium Cage."

"A Turtle Man" sounds pretty silly, here and where it is repeated later. Perhaps something else could be done. Here's an idea: Maybe when Raph climbs into the ring, the Announcer notices that there are TWO of these Turtle-looking beings. He sends out a small flying camera drone/remote microphone which starts buzzing annoyingly around Raph. Through it, the Announcer asks Raph who the heck he is -- what is his "wrestling name", and so on. Raph -- who is really getting into this wrestling bit -- has a flash of inspiration and says to the drone "You can call me -- Tengu Warrior (or Tengu Terror)!" Then, as the Announcer keeps squawking through the drone, Triple Threat grabs and CRUSHES it, sprinkling the pieces onto the wrestling mat.

9.) Re: the following:

"ANGLE – Raph swings across the bars... but Triple manages to GRAB one of his legs! He pulls, and Raph hangs on...
RAPHAEL
<gah!> Leo! <strains>
LEO – finishes cutting open a large HOLE in the cage, reacts:
LEONARDO
Put him down!
TRIPLE – manages to PULL Raph free.
NASTY HEAD
Whatever you say...
He WHIRLS Raph around and HURLS him!
TRACK RAPH – He hurtles through the air, SLAMS into Leo, and they both go TUMBLING through the ropes and out of the cage!"

Just to be clear here (because it isn't) -- Leo, after cutting the hole in the cage, ENTERS the cage? Or does Raph get thrown THROUGH the hole in the cage, THEN slams into Leo?

10.) Re: the following:

"RAPH AND LEO – lie in a heap, unconscious. Triple hurries past."

Given what these guys have been through in the past, I doubt simply being thrown out of a wrestling ring would knock the unconscious. Perhaps they just have the wind knocked out of them, or better yet, they're tangled up in a mess of chairs and other patrons.

11.) Re: the following:

"LEO – takes his Credit Stick from the Cab Driver...
LEONARDO
Keep the change."

Might be funny to add a line from the Cab Driver here after Leo's "Keep the change" line. The Cabbie could -- with a puzzled look -- say "What is... change?"

12.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Use you head this time, Raph."

That should be "your", not "you".

13.) Re: the following:

"ANNOUNCER
The Whirling Feets of Fury!"

Should that be "Feet", not "Feets"?

14.) Re: the following:

"THE ANNOUNCER – TEARS off his shirt with crazed excitement:"

"Tears off his shirt..."? What is up with THAT?

15.) Re: the following:

"INT. CODY’S PENTHOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Raph and Leo enter; they look exhausted. Raph carries the Belt.
ANGLE – Mikey, Don, and Cody sit in front of the holo-screen, totally absorbed in the 3-D HELIX video game. Mikey hears them enter and turns to wave them over:
MICHELANGELO
Raph! Leo! Come here! You have got to check out this game!
FAVOR RAPH – He exchanges a weary glance with Leo.
RAPHAEL
I’ve had enough for one night.
He walks off...
EXT. FLOATING SKYSCRAPER – ROOF – MOMENTS LATER
Raph sits in the rooftop garden, alongside Splinter, deep in meditation...
FADE OUT.
END"

While I like the image of Raph meditating with Splinter, this ending seems, somehow, a little... flat. Not sure how to make it better.

-- Pete

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subj: notes on Show 120 Final
Date: Thursday, August 18, 2005 2:09:32 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my three notes on the ep120 final. This is improved significantly, but there are still a few "stubborn stains" that remain from past drafts.

1.) Re: the following (repeated from my last notes):

""* A SCANNER BEAM passes over Raph, and like a Swiss Army knife, arms flip out various options – dental floss, Q-Tips, tweezers.
* SANI-LAV (VO)
Select an option… Floss your teeth? Pluck your nose hairs? Wax your shell?"

Thank you for adding the "scanner beam", but -- as funny as the idea of plucking nose hairs is -- it should probably be clear to this robot that Raph (like all the Turtles) has no nose to have hairs in. Perhaps we could substitute a spinning polishing pad for the tweezers and "Buff your beak?" for "Pluck your nose hairs"?

2.) Re: the following (repeated from my last notes):

"LEONARDO
Master Splinter!
Leo rushes to Splinter who wobbles unsteadily on his feet. His fur is comically frizzed out.
* SPLINTER
*(dazed & wobbly)
Perhaps it would be wise to sit this one out. (groaning FAINT!)"

Splinter's line is STILL dopey and un-Splinterlike. And inappropriate. And unnecessary.

3.) Re: the following:

"** SPLINTER
I believe so, Leonardo. Still, our experience with Viral was...
** He touches Mikey’s arm with the finger. ZAP! Mikey is shocked with a jolt of residual energy.
** SPLINTER
… somewhat shocking. "

I'm glad the dopey frizzy hair gag is gone, but this "residual energy/shocking Mikey" thing is STILL as dopey as it was. What is Splinter here -- a BATTERY? And hasn't it occurred to anyone how un-Splinterlike this action is -- DELIBERATELY causing one of the Turtles pain for NO REASON other than -- TEE HEE! -- it's "funny"? (Yes, I know Splinter has whacked one or more of the Turtles over the noggin with his walking stick in past episodes -- but that was for a REASON, i.e. they were misbehaving, not listening to his lessons, etc. Here, Mike's not doing anything -- he's just innocently standing there.)

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #488: August 17, 2005: notes on TMNT Show 120 ("Home Invasion") Second Draft, notes on TMNT Shows 124 ("Night of Sh'Okanabo") and 125 ("Clash of the Turtle Titans") Premises, and Re: TMNT Show 123 ("Bishop to Knight") Outline

2012-03-06T06:51:00.000-08:00

Subj: notes on TMNT Show 120 ("Home Invasion") Second Draft
Date: Wednesday, August 17, 2005 2:05:41 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the ep120 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
It is, as they say, totally awesome. "

Perhaps it would be better if Splinter said:

"SPLINTER
It is, as my sons would say, totally awesome. "

2.) Re: the following:

""19. donatello
Don’t bust a servo, Serling. I’m just tweaking this bad boy so it’ll make the chicken fries crispier."

"Bad boy" is slang that, in a pinch, Don MIGHT use, but it seems inappropriate here -- not only because it's Don (not Raph or Mike), but because he's referring to a kitchen appliance... hardly deserving the appellation "bad boy".

3.) Re: the following:

"* As he twists a screw, a LASER TORCH suddenly shoots out. ZAP! Mikey reacts startled, as Donny quickly dials it back.
MICHAELANGELO
Whoa! A little too crispy!
* After laser shuts off, we see that Serling was seared by the beam. As steam rises off his body, he looks pissed!
SERLING
You soft-shelled idiot! You nearly fried my circuits! "

I.m happy that the jet of flame has been replaced with a "laser torch", but -- as we are looking to make this new series funnier -- I think we are missing an opportunity here. As I mentioned in my last notes:

"Perhaps a better scenario -- if we must keep the "jet of flame" -- would be to have Serling holding something flammable (or "char"-able) which could be set on fire/charred/melted by the "jet of flame"."

Obviously the jet of flame is gone, but what's a funnier scenario:

-- Serling is "seared by the beam" and "steam (?) rises off his body", or

-- Serling is carrying (a) a priceless silver serving tray with Cody's lunch on it, or (b) a stack of towels he's about to put in the bathroom, or (c) a Jones family heirloom which he is polishing, or (d) something of that sort -- and the laser torch melts/burns/cuts in half/drills a hole through one of the above

I would vote for the latter. It's hijinky!

4.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
Hey, if you can’t stand the heat…Stay out of the kitchen bot!
Donny and Mikey merrily high-five each other."

This may be a little too subtle, but -- given that Mike's jokey riff on the famous phrase here only marginally makes sense (Serling's in the kitchen, but he's not in the kitchen bot) -- maybe Mike could go to give Don the high-five, but Don ignores him, or just gives him the "Lame gag, Mikey" raised eyebrow.

5.) Re: the following:

"* A SCANNER BEAM passes over Raph, and like a Swiss Army knife, arms flip out various options – dental floss, Q-Tips, tweezers.
* SANI-LAV (VO)
Select an option… Floss your teeth? Pluck your nose hairs? Wax your shell?"

Thank you for adding the "scanner beam", but -- as funny as the idea of plucking nose hairs is -- it should probably be clear to this robot that Raph (like all the Turtles) has no nose to have hairs in. Perhaps we could substitute a spinning polishing pad for the tweezers and "Buff your beak?" for "Pluck your nose hairs"?

6.) Re: the following:

"* On a HOLO-CONTROL PANEL, the gauges fluctuate, then suddenly shoot up into the red. TWO TECHNICIANS view the gauges with alarm.
TECH #1
I’m getting a spike on grid ten.
TECH #2
Clamp it down.
* They rush to throw a series of virtual switches, but the spike continues to grow! <SPARKS> shoot out of the control panel.
TECH #1
The suppressors can’t hold it!
* As they frantically try to control the surge, a strange HELIX SPIRAL of SPARKS whirls up. For a brief instant, it transforms the holo-panel into a scary VIRTUAL FEMALE FACE. This is VIRAL! "

I appreciate the inclusion of my suggestion for the holographic display, but the "strange HELIX SPIRAL of SPARKS" still seems a bit off to me, as my understanding of Viral is that she is SOFTWARE -- lines of code in a malicious program -- and NOT some kind of physical entity which can control random physical processes or phenomena like sparks. As such, I think Viral's face should form solely within the holo-panel.
This is NOT to say that Viral's infection of the machinery cannot cause them to PRODUCE sparks -- just that Viral should not be able to CONTROL those sparks in any way.

7.) Re: the following:

"* CODY
Something’s moving physically through the wiring, like a power surge would…
* DON AND CODY – share a glance as Serling moves past them, MOPPING the floor with one of his many attachments.
* CODY
…But it’s registering as program by the system software.
* DONATELLO
How can a program move through power lines?"

I think we need to come to some kind of agreement about WHAT Viral is, as this exchange between Cody and Don seems to muddy the waters. Also, Don and Cody (as fellow brainiacs) should know that it IS possible to send data signals up and down power lines -- that's something I've been reading about for years.

8.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Master Splinter!
Leo rushes to Splinter who wobbles unsteadily on his feet. His fur is comically frizzed out.
* SPLINTER
*(dazed & wobbly)
Perhaps it would be wise to sit this one out. (groaning FAINT!)"

Splinter's line is STILL dopey and un-Splinterlike. And inappropriate. And unnecessary.

9.) Re: the following:

"* DONNY
*Guys, open up! We got *trouble out here! "

Don would say "we've got", not "we got".

10.) Re: the following:

"VIRAL
I am Viral, a quanti-platform digital overconstruct of infinite subtlety and power.
Donny glances at Cody.
* DONATELLO
Modest, isn’t she?
* VIRAL
No, EXACT, so that you understand who holds the power here, PET. I have been uploaded here to extract information from O’Neil Tech’s mainframe. "

Viral's line "No, EXACT, so that you understand who holds the power here, PET" reads EXTREMELY awkwardly. It could be taken out in its entirety. And I don't see why she would refer to Don as "PET".

11.) Re: the following:

"* VIRAL
SILENCE! Your is the only remote location in the city with a hardwired direct connection into the central banks--"

I think "your" should be "yours".

12.) Re: the following:

"VIRAL
*A useless gesture, reptile. Unless you can punch out an entire building, you cannot win. "

This last one is a weird line. First, that Viral uses the phrase "punch out" seems odd, and second, that Viral would say that (if Raph could only do it) "punching out an entire building" would defeat her -- which, obviously, it WOULDN'T. I would eliminate that second line.

13.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
I love punchin’ cattle! "

It's a minor point, and I'm not going to dwell on it, but if you do a Google search for "punching cattle" and "cow punching", you will get almost exactly twice as many hits for the latter as for the former. Which, to me, is anecdotal evidence that my suggestion (in my last set of notes) of "cow punchin'" for the phrase Raph uses would be better that "punchin' cattle", as it would seem to be the more common usage and thus more easily understood by our audience.
Whatever.

14.) Re: the following:

"VIRAL
You dare to mock me?
MIKEY
We’re mock turtles. Deal with it!"

This still bugs me. Mike's gag really makes no sense. There are no such things as "mock turtles" (outside of Lewis Carroll's work) -- it's my understanding that that phrase comes from a type of soup made without turtle meat as an ingredient (a type of soup Carroll was referencing when he created his "Mock Turtle" in "Alice in Wonderland"). So what Mike is actually saying here is that they are FAKE turtles -- does that make sense in context?
I get that the writer wants to play on the famous phrase, which is all well and good, but I think it could be done better. I reiterate my previous suggestion:

"I appreciate the Lewis Carroll reference, but why not make it a double-layered gag by having Mikey say instead:

"We’re mockin' turtles. Deal with it! "

15.) Re: the following:

"* VIRAL
Your master is no longer in play. Therefore, you are no longer necessary.
When the image resolves, the Turtles find themselves in a new holo-simulation that looks very familiar. Their old SEWER HIDEOUT.
RAPHAEL
What does she mean? If you hurt Cody-! "

I'm just as confused as Raph. "Your master is no longer in play"...? What's that about? And how does Raph translate that into the idea that she means Cody? Wouldn't he think (like I did) that she means Splinter?

16.) Re: the following:

"* DONATELLO (CONT)
We’re going to systematically shut down the power grid around the building.
* CODY
Because without power, she can’t function? But can’t she just jump out?
* DONATELLO
I don’t think so. Viral said she needed a hardwire connection to get the mainframe. And she got serling when he was plugged in. If we shut down the power around the building, she won’t have anywhere to jump to can’t jump into another system."

There's an odd stutter at the end of that last line, but that's the least of the problems here. It is INANE to suggest that Viral can only get into hardwired devices. I mean, we're only living in the primitive very early 21st century and already we're surrounded by millions of wireless devices and networks. SURELY the world of 2015 will be even more so.
It's also kind or boring, visually, for Don to hack into the system and shut down the power the way he does. I will reiterate a few of my previous suggestions:

"1.) Instead of remotely shutting off the city's power grid, maybe Don can remotely link to the Hovershell -- something he figures Viral wouldn't be interested in at the moment -- and have it do something (ram, shoot missiles or lasers) to a nearby power junction which would turn the power off to Cody's building.

2.) Have Don's plan of shutting down the building's power APPEAR to have worked. But then, when Cody says something about how lucky they are that BATTERY-POWERED things like his pockettab kept working even when the power to the building was shut off, Don could immediately go "Uh-oh..." as he realizes that there are OTHER battery-powered things in the building -- like freakin' battle robots!"

17.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
I’m gonna lose my linguini! "

As I've already said (twice):

"NOT a Leo line. This is more of a Raph or Mikey line."

18.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
*Yeah, I cut off the power to shut Viral down. "

Don doesn't say "yeah".

19.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
*That glitch sucks a lot of juice. I don’t know where’s she’d find a battery that’s big enough--? "

This bit of technobabble makes NO sense to me. Didn't Don already observe Viral taking over Serling's body? And isn't Serling "battery powered"?

20.) Re: the following:

"* DONATELLO
You just made a big mistake, lady…"

Raph would add the "lady" at the end of this line. Mike might do it also. But Don would not.

21.) Re: the following:

"* RAPHAEL
Cause it ain’t us against your overgrown toys no more."

I don't get this. Aren't they right now fighting one of her "overgrown toys"?

22.) Re: the following:

"Leonardo steps in and <SLICES> the buzz saw arm off with his swords.
LEONARDO
Buzz off! "

Ugh. I like snappy banter as much as the next guy, but this is DUMB banter, especially coming out of Leo's mouth.

23.) Re: the following:

"MICHAELANGELO
Dude! The place is totally trashed. In our day, that meant you know how to party! "

Grammatically speaking, should that be "knew" instead of "know"?

24.) Re: the following:

""They turn and see Splinter entering. His fur is still frizzed from the Taser shock. Leonardo rushes up to him with concern.
210. leonardo
Master, are you all right?
211. michaelangelo
He’s just having a bad hair day.
Splinter raises one finger as he philosophizes.
212. splinter
It is not the outward appearance that matters, Michaelangelo. It is what comes from the inside.
Then, he touches Mikey’s arm with the finger. ZAP! Mikey is shocked with a jolt of residual energy.
213. michaelangelo
Ouch! You did that on purpose!
As Mikey scowls and rubs his arm, Serling suppresses a laugh. Ignoring Mikey’s protests, Splinter turns to Cody."

As I said in my last notes:

"I really don't like any of this. It's very silly and pointless, and all apparently to continue the "Splinter's frizzy hair" gag (which wasn't all that hilarious to begin with)."

Let's lose it, please. If we REALLY want to continue the hilarity which is "Splinter's frizzy hair", maybe it would be funny to see Serling combing him out in this scene as the others discuss what happened.

25.) Re: the following:

"Inside, the vault is crammed with computer equipment. Viral Bot sits amidst the gear and welds one of the joints on her broken robot body.
VIRAL
Trapped in this twisted form! Please, master… please repair me so I can- "

As I said in my last notes:

"There is nothing that I can see in this script which even remotely explains why VIral would be or COULD be trapped inside this robot body. Remember, Viral is SOFTWARE -- he (or I guess now she) is a PROGRAM. All Viral needs to get out of this body is some kind of link, hardwired or wireless. More thought is needed. One POSSIBLE explanation could be that SOMETHING that the Turtles do or casue to happen to Viral during the battle causes a snippet of his program to be erased or garbled -- and it's THAT piece of code which allows Viral to jump from one system to another."

-- Pete

------------------------------

Subj: notes on TMNT Shows 124 ("Night of Sh'Okanabo") and 125 ("Clash of the Turtle Titans") Premises
Date: Wednesday, August 17, 2005 2:43:18 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the two premises.

------------------------------------------

notes on ep124 premise

1.) Re: the following:

"The guys train against SERLING, whom Don has begun reprogramming as a battle bot “for his own protection”. Serling isn’t liking it one bit, and they joke about how he’d feel if he knew Cody had rebuilt him into body armor! Someone makes a comment about Serling becoming a “robot Jekyl and Hyde.”"

As I have commented previously, I think it's a HUGE mistake to turn this version of Serling into Cody's "Turtle Bot Armor". Thus, I can't approve this and any of the other stuff in this premise which has Serling acting as a "battle bot". It also makes little or no sense to me that, with the holographic simulator at their disposal, the Turtles would bother to "train against Serling".
This MIGHT work for me is we go with the idea that I suggested in a previous email -- that Cody has an earlier, less sophisticated version of Serling which he is "tricking out" as a suit of battle armor.

2.) The rest of this is pretty good, except for (as noted above) Serling turning into Cody's battle bot armor.

------------------------------------------

notes on ep125 premise

1.) I really don't have much to say about this one, other than that it seems like it could be a lot of fun. The one thing that seems a little weak -- and it's important, as it is a part of the central thread of the episode -- is WHO this new "Turtle Titan" really is. As written, when he finally takes of the mask at the end of the episode, it reveals "a plain old human underneath". This is a little disappointing. (Also, there is an odd line earlier about how "the Turtle Titan mantle has been passed down for generations to worthy successors" -- but hasn't it only been two -- or three at most -- generations since Mikey started the whole "Turtle Titan" thing?)
Though it is not TOTALLY necessary, I would prefer that we think of some more interesting connection for this new Turtle Titan, to make him (or her) more than just "a plain old human underneath". Here are a few suggestions:

1.) A descendant of Angel (the friend of Casey's/street kid the Turtles met in the first season)

2.) Metalhead (the ageless android who was part of the "Justice Force") -- maybe after all of the other Justice Force members died off, he took on this new identity to carry on their good works

3.) A descendant of Silver Sentry (perhaps without all of the Sentry's superpowers)

4.) An Utrom!

-- Pete

-------------------------------

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 123 ("Bishop to Knight") Outline
Date: Wednesday, August 17, 2005 3:37:37 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the ep123 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"LOGLINE: Mikey, who’s been jonesin’ for some good old bad-for-you junk food convinces his brothers to join him in his quest for said delicacies by heading down to New Manhattan’s retro region – Downtown."

Minor point, but I wonder if "Downtown" is too bland and generic a term for this area of the city. Maybe "LowDownTown" or "Old Downtown" "DownDownTown" or "RetroTown" or "VintageVale" (yeah, that one sucks, I know) or somesuch.

2.) Re: the following:

"The boys land in MANSFIELD PARK, stow the speeders (park them at a metered spot or in a parking lot?), and hit the streets of DOWNTOWN. There is an obvious “old world” feel to the place, as it is largely unchanged from today. (And therefore hopefully including some REUSE of older sets!) The main difference is with its citizens – immigrants not only from all over the world but also from all over the universe!"

It would be cool if we could do some stuff like they did in the old "Magnus, Robot Fighter" comics where the extremely tall future buildings had correspondingly large, thick foundation "roots" at the bottom level, sometimes portrayed as gigantic foundations straddling or paralleling the smaller vintage buildings.

3.) Re: the following:

"Raph: “I’ve waited one hundred years to give you a smackdown, Bishop!”"

I get the idea behind this gag, but when you think about it -- Raph has only waited a few days/weeks/months. Remember, he SKIPPED that hundred years when he came to the future.

4.) Re: the following:

"To prove his altruism, he gives them directions to an ALIEN ALLEY underworld dive called “Brakko’s Abyss” where a notorious mercenary named TORBIN ZIIXX will be showing up soon."

A VERY minor point -- but for some reason when I read "Brakko's Abyss", I thought for a moment "Brakko" was some variant of "cobra" spelled backwards (which I quickly realized it WASN'T). Then I thought "Maybe it SHOULD be!" So -- how about "Abroc's Abyss"? Get some alliteration in there, too.

5.) Re: the following:

"Bishop: “Ziixx will be at the Abyss tomorrow. You have until then to decide whether or not you believe me….”"

As I pointed out in my previous notes:

"I don't understand the logic of this scene. Why do the Turtles have "until then" to decide whether to believe Bishop?"

I mean, what's going to happen "then" -- to them or anyone else -- if they DON'T believe him?

6.) Re: the following:

"NIGHT. ALIEN ALLEY, OUTSIDE BRAKKO’S ABYSS. Brakko’s is a tough underworld joint. Even the rats hanging out on the garbage outside the club look tough! Four dark backlit figures approach the entrance. They are dressed like “long riders” – with long flowing overcoats and wide brimmed cowboy hats that cast shadows across their faces. The four enter the club and take their seats at a table in the back, a good spot for observing the scene and clientele. And what a clientele it is: a crowded mix of every bad ass-looking alien you can imagine; all of them drinking, plotting, networking, cutting deals."

Might be fun for the fans -- of which I am one -- if we threw in a line from one of the Turtles about how this place reminds them of the bar on D'Hoonib (from Season 2). Also might be fun if we had a brief cameo of the "Turtle Master with Rat Students" from one of those "Turtles in Space" episodes.

7.) Re: the following:

"Cut back to Ziixx’s Hover Craft as it lands in a darkened area of Downtown, its lights off."

Unless I missed something, at this point in the story Zixx was piloting the Hovershell, NOT his own craft.

8.) Re: the following:

"Ziixx: “See you around. Oh, and don’t try to follow me this time. I’ve hidden an energy transmitter on one of you guys that copies the exact energy signature of the bomb that just blew up. You have about ten seconds to haul your green butts out of here before every Peacekeeper with a bomb-sniffer in on you for blowing up a government transport! Bye!”"

Is Zixx telling the truth here, or is he just blowing smoke? If he IS telling the truth, wouldn't the Peacekeepers be able to find the Turtles regardless of how well they hide? And if he's NOT telling the truth, shouldn't we somehow SHOW that?

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #487: August 14, 2005: Re: Turtles #120 ("Home Invasion") First draft

2012-03-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: Turtles #120 ("Home Invasion") First draft
Date: Sunday, August 14, 2005 3:19:06 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the ep 120 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"17. serling (vo)
Donatello! How many times do have to tell you…"

I think that should read:

"17. serling (vo)
Donatello! How many times do I have to tell you…"

2.) Re: the following:

"19. donatello
Don’t bust a servo, Serling. I’m just tweaking this bad boy so it’ll make the chicken fries crispier."

"Bad boy" is slang that, in a pinch, Don MIGHT use, but it seems inappropriate here -- not only because it's Don (not Raph or Mike), but because he's referring to a kitchen appliance... hardly deserving the appellation "bad boy".

3.) Re: the following:

"As he twists a screw, a jet of flame suddenly shoots out. WHOOSH! Mikey reacts startled, as Donny quickly dials it back.
20. michaelangelo
Whoa! A little too crispy!
After the flames have died down, we see that Serling was charred by the fire, and he looks steamed!
21. serling
You soft-shelled idiot! You nearly fried my circuits! "

The "jet of flame" bit seems way too 20th century (surely in 2015 they have better ways to fry chicken than with flames), but what really "fries my cicuits" about this one is that Serling is described as "charred". Huh? I thought he was made of metal, and a lot more resistant to damage than that.
Perhaps a better scenario -- if we must keep the "jet of flame" -- would be to have Serling holding something flammable (or "char"-able) which could be set on fire/charred/melted by the "jet of flame".

4.) Re: the following:

"22. donatello
Hey, if you can’t stand the heat…
23. donatello/michaelangelo
(in unision)
Stay out of the kitchen bot!
Donny and Mikey merrily high-five each other. "

That's the kind of joke that I could see Mikey or Raph making, but not Don, especially given that he almost caused some serious damage -- or could have -- with his "jet of flame". Don isn't that casual about things like that. So I would suggest giving Mikey this gag alone.

5.) Re: the following:

"But once he’s in the bathroom, the lights brighten and SOOTHING ELEVTOR MUSIC begins to play. As Raph watches in horror, four ROBOTIC ARMS extend out of the medicine cabinet.
27. sani-lav (vo)
Welcome to the Sani-Lav 2150, for all your personal hygienic needs.
28. raphael
You gotta be kiddin’ me!
Like a Swiss Army knife, the arms flip out various options – dental floss, Q-Tips, tweezers…"

I'm not sure if we have time to do this in this scene, but it might be cool if the Sani-Lav 2150 also incorporates a scanner beam that plays over Raph's body and analyzes what his particular body form/species might need in terms of "personal hygienic needs". In Raph's case, that might mean something like a shell waxing.

6.) Re: the following:

"PUSH IN on a blocky power substation at the edge of the city.
int. substaion control room – continuous
On the control panel, the gauges fluctuate, then suddenly shoot up into the red. TWO TECHNICIANS view the gauges with alarm."

Might be cool if one or both of the technicians were aliens instead of humans.

7.) Re: the following:

"They rush to throw a series of switches, but the spike continues to grow! SPARKS begin to shoot out of the control panel.
35. tech #1
The suppressors can’t hold it!
As they frantically try to control the surge, a strange HELIX SPIRAL of SPARKS whirls up. For a brief instant, it forms a scary VIRTUAL FACE. This is VIRAL! "

Perhaps it would be better and more "futuristic" if the control panels/grids these techs are looking at are not hard screens, but a kind of holographic display. This could also make the appearance of Viral's face more realistic -- instead of appearing in a "shower of sparks" (sparks being kind of random things) it could infect and warp the holographic display (which is driven by software) to represent its face.

8.) Re: the following:

"43. michaelangelo
Does it include pizza? "

Perhaps we could find something else other than "pizza" that Mike would hope the surprise included.

9.) Re: the following:

"46. donatello
Kickin’ graphics! "

"Kickin'" is too slangy for Don. Perhaps "Excellent" would be better.

10.) Re: the following:

"66. serling
Impossible! I wired every inch of that system myself.
67. donatello
Hey, you’re only human… or whatever you are.
Suddenly, Serling whirls his mop like a Bo Staff and WHACKS Donny on the head!
68. donatello
OW! "

Perhaps it would be better if Don's line "Hey, you’re only human… or whatever you are" was cut to read "Hey, you’re only human", and delivered with a wink to Cody or some other indication that Don obviously KNOWS that Serling ISN'T human. Then Serling could respond huffily with something like "No reason to insult me, Turtle..." -- and THEN he could start whacking on Don with the mop. Cody could say something like "Serling! It wasn't THAT much of an insult --!"... to which Serling could then respond "It's not that, sir -- I seem to have lost control of my motor functions!"

11.) Re: the following:

"Donny kicks Serling over, then back-flips over to the bathroom where he pries Cody loose from the robotic arms with his staff.
75. donatello
Talk about a plaque attack! You almost got flossed!"

REALLY silly lines here. I'd lose them.

12.) Re: the following:

"The turtles look up in alarm as Viral’s scary virtual face hovers over them.
84. viral
(ominous LAUGH!)
85. Michaelangelo
Why do I get the feeling he’s laughing at us, not with us? "

It seems a bit odd that the Turtles react to the appearance of this bizarre thing without wondering what it is.

13.) Re: the following:

"Leo rushes to Splinter who wobbles unsteadily on his feet. His fur is comically frizzed out.
89. splinter
(dazed)
Perhaps it would be wise to sit this one out. "

Splinter's line is dopey, given the obvious danger that they are in.

14.) Re: the following:

"But when they reach the dojo, the door is shut. Donny urgently pounds on the door.
91. donny
Hey, guys, open up! You could be in danger!
int. dojo – conintuous
Leonardo is swatting away ninja stars with his blades as he hears Donny’s warning.
92. leonardo
Gee, you think? "

"Gee, you think?" just doesn't sound like Leo.

15.) Re: the following:

"103. raphael
Mega-byte me, fuzz face! "

"Fuzz face"? Doesn't that usually refer to a character with hair/fur on it? Perhaps "sparky" would be better here.

16.) Re: the following:

"111. raphael
I love punchin’ cattle! "

I could be wrong, but I think the most common version of this phrase is "cow punching" -- so maybe it would be better if Raph said:

"I love cow punchin’!"

17.) Re: the following:

"114. leonardo
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! "

Another "gag" line that doesn't sound like Leo... not to mention that it doesn't make any sense in context.

18.) Re: the following:

"134. viral
What? You dare to mock me?
135. mikey
We’re mock turtles. Deal with it! "

I appreciate the Lewis Carroll reference, but why not make it a double-layered gag by having Mikey say instead:

"We’re mockin' turtles. Deal with it! "

(I'm also reminded of the movie "A Hard Day's Night" when one of the Beatles -- can't remember which one -- is asked if they are "Mods" or "Rockers", and he replies "We're Mockers.")

19.) Re: the following:

"Trying to keep his balance, Leo clutches his stomach.
160. leonardo
I’m gonna lose my linguini! "

Again, NOT a Leo line. This is more of a Raph or Mikey line.

20.) Re: the following:

"147. donatello
We need to get into the mainframe again.
Cody looks skeptical as he activates his pockettab.
148. cody
What good’s that gonna do? You saw what happens when we tried to delete him!
149. donatello
Watch and learn, young ninja. We’re not going to delete him…
Donny takes the controls and calls up a schematic of the city’s power grid.
150. donatello (cont)
We’re going to systematically shut down the power grid. "

A few things here. First, back in the end of act 2 Cody's "pockettab" froze up (apparently due to something Viral did). Why/how is it now operating?
Also, I think Don shutting down the city's power grid using Cody's pockettab happens WAY too easily.

21.) Re: the following:

"152. donatello
And with any luck, we’ll be able to force him to retreat into this harmless old blender. "

This is pretty dopey. WHY would Don think a highly sophisticated computer program like VIral could be trapped in a BLENDER? And then Don's later lines:

"Donny proudly holds out the blender.
176. donatello
Yeah, I shut off the power and trapped old fuzz face in here.
As they look at the blender, Cody pushes a few of the buttons. Nothing happens.
177. cody
Uh, Donny, I’m not so sure he’s in there…
Donny looks at it, puzzled.
178. donatello
He’s gotta be! Where else would he go?"

... make him sound like an idiot. (Not to mention the fact that Don doesn't say "Yeah" and "gotta"... and what's up with the repetition of "fuzz face"?) "Where else would he go"? Uh, how about the hundreds if not THOUSANDS of other electronic devices in Cody's building? It looks to me like all this nonsense is in here simply to set up a "the bad guy's in the blender" gag -- which, while it has a certain surreal appeal, just DOESN'T work here. It really makes Don suddenly seem like a dunce, especially when he says this ridiculous line:

"Donny looks up at the towering Viral bot and reacts. Annoyed, he points to the blender.
181. donatello
Dude! You’re supposed to be in here!"

More thought needs to go into this. Here are a couple of suggestions:

1.) Instead of remotely shutting off the city's power grid, maybe Don can remotely link to the Hovershell -- something he figures Viral wouldn't be interested in at the moment -- and have it do something (ram, shoot missiles or lasers) to a nearby power junction which would turn the power off to Cody's building.

2.) Instead of the dopey blender bit, have Don's plan of shutting down the building's power APPEAR to have worked. But then, when Cody says something about how lucky they are that BATTERY-POWERED things like his pocekttab kept working even when the power to the building was shut off, Don could immediately go "Uh-oh..." as he realizes that there are OTHER battery-powered things in the building -- like freakin' battle robots!

22.) Re: the following:

"184. viral
(angry SCREAM!)
I’ll squash you like old spam!"

This is a VERY odd gag. I assume Viral MUST be talking about Spam the meat product (which is squashable), and NOT spam the unwanted email. But how does Viral know about Spam? And why OLD Spam? Isn't NEW Spam just as squashable? Perhaps something other than Spam is called for here.

23.) Re: the following:

"Then Viral flips out a GIANT SERRATED BLADE from another arm. Mikey wraps his nun-chuks around it and yanks it off, leaving a sparking stump behind.
188. michaelangelo
Like my disarming personality?
Meanwhile, Donny drives his Bo Staff into the back of Viral’s leg which forces the big bot to drop to one knee.
189. donatello
I can’t stand it!
This allows Raph to vault up onto Viral’s back where he rips off circuit cover and plunges his Sais inside.
190. raphael
You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours!
When he pulls them out again, they have a tangle of wires hooked on them. He twirls them like spaghetti forks, pulling more wires out.
Viral waves a BUZZ SAW ARM at Raph, but he can’t reach him.
191. viral
Get off my back!
Then Leonardo steps in and slices the buzz saw arm off with his swords.
192. leonardo
Buzz off! "

Lots of painfully obvious and dopey word play from the Turtles here, the worst being Don's "I can't stand it!" -- which I stared at for a couple of minutes, not really believing what I was seeing. Please, let's keep this kind of stuff to an absolute minimum.

24.) Re: the following:

"When he throws the elevator door at them, they duck.
200. leonardo
Let’s give him the shaft! "

Oh. My. God.

25.) Re: the following:

"They turn and see Splinter entering. His fur is still frizzed from the Taser shock. Leonardo rushes up to him with concern.
210. leonardo
Master, are you all right?
211. michaelangelo
He’s just having a bad hair day.
Splinter raises one finger as he philosophizes.
212. splinter
It is not the outward appearance that matters, Michaelangelo. It is what comes from the inside.
Then, he touches Mikey’s arm with the finger. ZAP! Mikey is shocked with a jolt of residual energy.
213. michaelangelo
Ouch! You did that on purpose!
As Mikey scowls and rubs his arm, Serling suppresses a laugh. Ignoring Mikey’s protests, Splinter turns to Cody."

I really don't like any of this. It's very silly and pointless, and all apparently to continue the "Splinter's frizzy hair" gag (which wasn't all that hilarious to begin with).

26.) Re: the following:

"Inside, the vault is crammed with computer equipment. Viral Bot sits amidst the gear and welds one of the joints on his broken robot body.
220. viral
Trapped! Trapped in this twisted form! And it’s all because of those cursed Turtles. "

There is nothing that I can see in this script which even remotely explains why VIral would be or COULD be trapped inside this robot body. Remember, Viral is SOFTWARE -- he (or I guess now she) is a PROGRAM. All Viral needs to get out of this body is some kind of link, hardwired or wireless. More thought is needed. One POSSIBLE explanation could be that SOMETHING that the Turtles do or casue to happen to Viral during the battle causes a snippet of his program to be erased or garbled -- and it's THAT piece of code which allows Viral to jump from one system to another.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #486: August 12, 2005: Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Outline and Re: Episode 119 ("Obsolete") 3rd draft

2012-03-03T07:05:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Outline
Date: Friday, August 12, 2005 4:28:47 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the ep122 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"Night. Inside the PENTHOUSE, Mikey hasn t eaten, slept or bathed for days. But it s all about to pay off as he finishes up HAPPY-HAPPY-MEGA-HYPER-HELIX-REWIND-BASH!, the world s most intense hyper-reality video game ever! (He s suspended by an anti-grav harness, complete with night-vision-style goggles, flippers on his feet plus inflatable orange water wings; it s Dance Dance Revolution on steroids) "

Ditch the water wings, please.

2.) Re: the following:

"AT CODY S - In the living room, Mikey tackles Serling.

Mikey: Quick! Make with the MapQuest! Where s the closest store?
Serling: Very well. Levellex Mall.
Mikey: Hurry, Robin! To the Shell-Mobile!

Mikey swings toward the door, then realizes he s still trailing the Helix rig. He grows increasingly frantic as Cody shakes his head."

How does Mikey tackle Serling if he's still hanging by one ankle?

3.) Re: the following:

"Master Splinter: For once, Michelangelo may be almost correct.
Leonardo: "Michelangelo may be right?" Wait a sec. My head's going to explode. "

The Leo line sounds a lot more like a Raph line. Also, shouldn't the quotation marks in Leo's line mean that he's quoting -- i.e. repeating exactly -- Splinter's words? And if so, shouldn't he then say "Michelangelo may be almost correct"? In any event, I'd make it a Raph line, and make it read as follows:

"Mikey may be right? Wait a sec. My head' s gonna explode."

4.) Re: the following:

"Raphael: You ve got a better chance of walking to the moon than guessing what a girl likes, so I m opting out of this little knitting circle. "

This is a pretty goofy line, given that I doubt Raph knows a whole lot about "what girls like". I'd take it out.

5.) Re: the following:

"The guys are wowed by the mall culture, which includes Mallrats , pale aliens with huge eyes who work, live and sleep at the mall, never venturing out into the sunlight. Leonardo muses about a possible connection to Master Splinter. "

I don't get why Leo would muse that. Seems goofy.

6.) Re: the following:

"As the little aliens hit Serling s shoulders , a shiny silver slide -like device suddenly pops out of Serling's back . (NOTE: this will be incorporated into the armor design revealed shortly). The little aliens merrily slide down. The ladder retracts, and Serling reacts, horrified."

Hmm... I can't wait for the soda machine that comes out of his knee, and the umbrella that pops out of his head, and so on. I fear that this is leading to something unbearably silly.

7.) Re: the following:

"Serling: The last time you messed with me, you used me as a blender! To make salsa! I couldn t get the taste of cilantro out of my circuits for weeks! "

Yup, here we go. Why in the name of all that's holy would Cody (or the Turtles, it's unclear which) turn Serling into a BLENDER???!!! This is really, really, REALLY silly.

8.) Re: the following:

"The clerk is ready to spray everyone on line with fire extinguishers They re coming up from the loading docks! Easy people! I m not afraid to use this! "

Why not old-fashioned selzter bottles? That would make just as much sense and be just as lamely goofy. Remember -- IT's THE FUTURE!!!

9.) Re: the following:

"Mikey s just about to leap over the counter and grab the game when Cody reminds him about ninja honor &It works for three seconds, and Mikey yanks Cody to &"

What game? I thought they were all still on the trucks. And speaking of which -- both Cody and Mikey have NEVER been to this gigantic, enormous, so-confounding-in-its-vastness-that-they-have-to-bring-along-Starlee mall -- so how do they locate the loadiing docks so easily?

10.) Re: the following:

"Mikey takes on Jammerhead himself, but is quickly overpowered by the gang. He calls for help from his bros &but Jammerhead JAMS his wrist gauntlet. Mikey sends Cody for help!"

It's very convenient that Jammerhead ignores Cody -- who arrived on the loadings docks WITH Mikey -- and allows him to go off and warn the other Turtles. Did Jammerhead miss what I assume would be a shout from Mikey to Cody to go get the other Turtles?

11.) Re: the following:

"AT THE LOADING DOCKS, the Street Phantoms manage to keep Michelangelo at bay just long enough for Jammerhead to make off with the still-full truck. "

"At bay"...? I thought Mikey had already been "overpowered by the gang".

12.) Re: the following:

"INSIDE the Rolling Section of the Hovershell, the four Turtles concentrate on closing the gap with the fast-moving delivery truck. "

Something's missing here. When the Turtles left to go to the loading docks, they were described as "bounding off". When did they get back in the Hovershell? And, if they somehow went BACK to the Hovershell to go to the loading docks, why are they in the "rolling section" of it instead of using the whole FLYING Hovershell to intercept the delivery truck? Seems like it would be a heck of a lot faster.

13.) Re: the following:

"INSIDE the Stolen Delivery Truck, Jammerhead uses his HEAD HARDWARE to confuse the mall s security cameras / bots, swapping the Turtles images for his own.

AT THE MALL, the giant vid-screens kick back on. The altered security tape starts to run on continuous loop. The shoppers grow very agitated (especially those in the Happy-Happy-Mega-Hyper-Helix-Rewind-Bash!-2 line). Cody bristles with frustration, wanting to help & but not wanting to leave Starlee. Serling continues to complain about feeling of &

Okay, getting more confused. Didn't the delivery truck already LEAVE the Mall?, "disappearing into the distance"? Why then are we still AT the mall in this scene? If the idea is that the vid-screens at the mall are going to continue to play Jammerhead's altered video, what does that matter when the chase is going on across town?

14.) Re: the following:

"The guys manage to stop Jammerhead, but when Biggles joins the guys He tries to detain them! The APB is for four Turtle-esque aliens and he shows them the vid-proof. Jammerhead seizes the moment and re-steals the delivery truck.

Michelangelo nearly loses his mind as the Happy-Happy-Mega-Hyper-Helix-Rewind-Bash! 2 games streak away again. In his mania, Mikey gets ahead of his brothers, and steals Biggle s own emergency-craft. He swoops around for his startled brothers, and they re off! "

Is the Hovershell disabled? I don't see anything here to indicate that, thus no particular reason for Mikey to steal Biggles' vehicle.

15.) Re: the following:

"Mikey is so crazy with the Happy-Happy-Mega-Hyper-Helix-Rewind-Bash! Mania, he s about to follow when his brothers stop him but their vehicle is rammed by Biggles, and they teeter on the edge of Chelsea Chasm!! "

Other than for a silly slapstick visual, WHY do they all stop? Seems senseless.

16.) Re: the following:

"Serling reacts to all this, quite confused.
Then Cody gives him a secret command, GOONGOOLA! (which sounds an awful lot like that baby alien babble). Serling clicks off, then: (
The robot TRANSFORMS into a SUIT OF TURTLE-INSPIRED BATTLE ARMOR, wearing a HOCKEY MASK!

ACT FOUR:

Cody climbs into the battle armor and takes off from inside the mall. He races across town, leaving Starlee in a state of shock."

While there is an interesting visual idea here -- a robot wearing Casey's hockey mask -- the rest of it is simply preposterous, as I feared from what I saw coming earlier. I mean, think about it -- the effort required to turn Serling from a butler/assistant robot into an exoskeleton-type Transformer-style " SUIT OF TURTLE-INSPIRED BATTLE ARMOR, wearing a HOCKEY MASK" which has the ability to FLY across the city and catch up with the battle would be HUGE, and it's totally unbelievable. If we want to give Cody a " SUIT OF TURTLE-INSPIRED BATTLE ARMOR, wearing a HOCKEY MASK", let's do it another way.

17.) Re: the following:

"Biggles is about to put the Turtles under arrest Mikey happy to go along as he s got nothing to live for. - But holo-footage of the incident recorded by Cody s armor clears the Turtles name!"

Mike MIGHT -- if you stretch credulity quite a bit -- be RESIGNED to going along. But he would certainly not be HAPPY to do it.

-- Pete

-------------------

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Outline
Date: Friday, August 12, 2005 6:30:11 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 8/12/05 5:21:11 PM, Lloyd writes:

"Hey Pete –

Thanks for the notes.

Regarding Cody wearing Serling as a battlesuit, I thought that was something we had already discussed and agreed upon as an idea? We even sent a rough design to you regarding it. While you weren’t 100% convinced that you liked our rough sketch (we agreed that once we signed off on an approved model of Serling we would refine how Cody and Serling would work together), the idea of Cody using Serling as his battle armor was approved.

I agree that the other bits with Serling having a little slide for the aliens, or becoming a blender are stupid (and unnecessary), but I’d hate to get rid of the Serling as battlesuit idea because of those extremely expendable bits of business. Feels like were tossing the baby out with the bath water…

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents. Let me know how we should proceed.

Have a great weekend!

Lloyd

PS – I also sent everyone a note that Serling should not be able to fly"

Lloyd,

I can't find anything in my emails that would indicate that I approved the concept of Cody using Serling as a robotic suit of armor -- I do, however, have a memory of a cel phone conversation with you in which I expressed my distaste for the idea. I think we talked about (if we had decided to use the more human-proportioned version of Serling -- which, unless I'm hallucinating, is NOT the one we're going to use -- for the regular seen-in-every-episode Serling) having an EARLIER (clunkier, bulkier) version of Serling which Cody could reconfigure in some fashion. (Sorry about that run-on sentence!)

Which might in fact be the way to save this bit, as I do feel pretty strongly that gutting and rewiring/rebuilding the Serling we see in every episode to be this Transformer-Serling is not a good idea. Part of my strong reaction to this idea is that the way I see it, to do what Cody does to this robot would require tearing out so many internal parts that Serling would be rendered far less competent that he is at present, just so Cody could fit inside him.

So here's what I am going to suggest: Near the beginning of this tale, one of the Turtles notices that Sterling looks a little... off. He's not as shiny, a little dented in places, with a few seams that he didn't have before... and when he speaks, he sounds significantly slower, duller and less sarcastic. When asked, Cody tells the Turtles that this is an older version of Serling that was "retired" years ago (maybe this model was his guardian when he was a toddler) -- the current Serling is right now in the shop for his yearly diagnostics and computer systems upgrade. Cody could even let a SMALL hint slip when he mentions that he's been fiddling around with this old robot for the last few years, but not give away the scope of the changes he has made.

This way, we can keep the current Serling intact, and simultaneously give Cody this older Serling which COULD have a lot of its internals taken out and the rest reconfigured for the "Transformer" bit.

In addition, we could even play with the humor inherent in Serling's disdain for this earlier version of himself, if the two come into contact in any future episodes.

Also, I can't remember if I mentioned this in my notes, but I think it would be a good idea if Cody was not shown as TOO competent in his first battle using this Serling/Transformer suit of armor.

And I wanted to comment on something I found a little odd in this outline -- there were a number of times when various lines seemed to imply that a lot of time had passed since the Turtles first came to this future NYC. And that is, as far as I have been assuming, NOT the case... that in fact at the time of this episode, it's only been days or at most weeks since they arrived. Am I crazy?

Stay cool!

-- Pete

-------------------------------

Subj: Re: Episode 119 ("Obsolete") 3rd draft
Date: Friday, August 12, 2005 6:28:46 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my two, relatively minor notes on 119 third draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"EXT. TEA SHOP - CONTINUOUS
CONSTABLE BIGGLES – stands beside his CAR as a DEPUTY walks toward him, loaded with TO-GO CUPS.
BIGGLES
First rule of code enforcement. Never start the day without tea! <Whoop!>"

Maybe the third time is the charm -- so IS Biggles a robot now? And if so, what's up with the tea thing?

2.) From my previous notes:

"Re: the following:

"STARLEE
Girls mature faster than boys… especially girls from Omitron with five times the brain capacity."

So does she have a giant head?"

Seriously -- does she have a giant head? Or perhaps a better question would be "five times the brain capacity" of WHAT? If what is being said here that "girls from Omitron" have five times the brain capacity of human boys like Cody, then she WOULD have a head roughly three to five times as large as a human boy or girl of the same age. I suspect that it not desirable, so maybe a better alternative would be to say "five times the brain density" or "five times the neural connections."

I just realized that the writer may be trying to say that Starlee's girl brain has the CAPACITY to do five times as much mental work as a boy, but it doesn't read that way, at least to me.

It might be too goofy, but it might also be funny if we left it as is and then had Mikey make a comment on it, something Mikey-ish like "Uh... but doesn't that mean your head should be, like, this big?" (And he can hold his hands up about a foot from each side of his head.) Then Don could roll his eyes and say "She means the capacity to do mental work, Mikey." And Raph could follow that up with a sarcastic "Yeah... and by THAT standard of measurement, Mikey, your head should be about THIS big". (Raph indicates the size of an orange.)

-- Pete

Ask PL #7

2012-03-02T16:18:00.000-08:00

I was trying to respond to a question on my last "Ask PL", but for some odd reason, the system refused to allow me to post it. I tried several times, with no success. Then I started wondering if there is a limit to the number of comments per post, and given that there are 205 of them as of right now (7PM on March 2, 2012), maybe we've exceeded that limit.

I don't know. But I am going to start a new "Ask PL" here, in case anyone has any other questions. -- PL

Blast from the Past #485: August 11, 2005: Re: #119 ("Obsolete") Second Draft

2012-03-01T20:05:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: #119 ("Obsolete") Second Draft
Date: Thursday, August 11, 2005 2:41:49 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

notes on 119 second draft

I think this draft is significantly better than the first, though I do have a few comments.

1.) Re: the following:

"CODY turns the machine ON. THE TIME WINDOW <CRACKLES> with energy. SPARKS and KIRBY DOTS flicker everywhere. All of the TURTLES gather in front of the machine with Splinter as the machine s <WHINE> builds to a crescendo & And <BELCHES> THICK BLACK SMOKE all over them. SPARKS <ZAP> MIKEY, and when all is said and done &
THE TURTLES are no closer to home, covered in BLACK SOOT, eyes blinking. They inspect one another, bummed, except for Mikey.
MICHELANGELO
Did he send us to Jersey, maybe?"

I'm afraid this "covered in black soot" bit crosses the line for me. I'm sure we can be funny here without this sort of silly slapstick.

2.) Re: the following:

"Mikey slides a PLATE OF FOOD in front of Cody.
MIKEY
And we have traditional twentieth century chow, sort of. Dig in, genius!
THE FOOD is unidentifiable. Serling pushes it aside."

I don't get the joke here.

3.) Re: the following:

"DON AND RAPH each eye their plates of Mikey s food, discreetly DUMPING them in a nearby plant, which HYPER-EVOLVES."

I really don't get this one. How does food that Mikey prepared make a plant "hyper-evolve"? And what does "hyper-evolve" mean? This seems like a somewhat pointless non sequitur.

4.) Re: the following:

"CODY
I never have any reason to leave & I have compu-tutors and a Robo-pilates unit. I download all the media feeds. Serling takes care of everything else."

I question the use of the phrase "Robo-pilates". I think a more generic phrase -- i.e. "robo-exercise" --would be preferable.

5.) Re: the following:

"CONSTABLE BIGGLES stands beside his CAR as a DEPUTY walks toward him, loaded with TO-GO CUPS.
BIGGLES
First rule of code enforcement. Never start the day without tea!/<Whoop!>
Suddenly, the HOVERSHELL <WHIZZES> by, so close that its wash <SPLASHES> them both with TEA! Beat."

As I pointed out in my last comments, as Biggles is now a robot, tea drinking would seem to be somewhat unlikely as a habit for him. It might be funny to do a variant on the old "robot drinking oil" gag instead -- have him start the day with a hot, steaming cup of "synthetic microbead polymeric lubricant". OR... if it made sense, have Biggles do things like drink tea -- even if it doesn't really DO anything for him (he just collects it in some internal catch basin and later drains it out) -- because he wants to appear to be more human. This could lead to other gags of this sort in future episodes. In this case, it might be a good idea for the Deputy who is giving him the tea to give him a "what the heck is a robot drinking TEA for?" kind of look, or maybe even make a comment on it.

6.) Re: the following:

"DON struggles with the wheel as Cody yells to him.
CODY
Right Pedal! The other RIGHT!"

Not only is "The other right!" a very overused gag of late, it's really silly here, as for it to be even REMOTELY funny, you have to buy the idea that brainiacs Don and/or Cody either don't know their left feet from their right, or they don't know how to describe a left foot as something other than "your other right". I know it's a small point, but I feel compelled to point it out as it is a good example of the kind of "comedy" writing I think we should try to steer clear of -- a kind of formulaic "Haven't had a joke in ten seconds -- plug in Standard Gag #47!"

7.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
Nah &Usually, Tuesday's our day off! ( (getting serious) You wanna call this off?"

The use of "off" as the last word in these two consecutive lines is a bit awkward.

8.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
A little young to be working with such serious, aren t you?"

Seems like there is a word or two missing from this line after "serious".

9.) Re: the following:

"STARLEE
Girls mature faster than boys & especially girls from Omitron with five times the brain capacity."

So does she have a giant head?

10.) Re: the following:

"STARLEE
This is a Transcendental Lathe. It takes the user s mental anagrams and translates them into executable commands. Then the mechs go to work.
ALL THE TURTLES look deadpan at DON. He <sighs>.
DONATELLO
It turns your thoughts into stuff."

I think "engrams", not "anagrams", should be used here. Also, I think Leo would be able to follow Starlee's description -- maybe it would be better if just Raph and Mikey looked at each other with a "Huh?" expression.

11.) Re: the following:

"STARLEE
No, you have a transcendental Lathe &and me. How fast can you think of ways to kick bird heads?"

Would that line work better with "bird brains" instead of "bird heads"?

12.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Oh, yeah?
Suddenly, an <ALARM KLAXON> sounds from O.S. The GUNJIN LEADER runs back to his comrades.
CODY
Watch the skies. Honor' s coming right down your throat!"

Cody's lines seem inappropriate here, not least because there's no way for him to know WHAT the alarm means. And "Honor' s coming right down your throat!" has a really nasty sound to it.

13.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
The roof! Raph, cut us a path!"

I think using the word "cut" in the context of what actually happens here is off a bit. Perhaps Leo could just say "Raph, we need a path!"

14.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO looks over the edge in panic, and reaches out before being GRABBED BACK by the GUNJIN LEADER.
MICHELANGELO
Cody!/<Yurk!>"

As I pointed out in my last comments, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me that the Gunjin -- who had just been doing his level best to kill the Turtles -- would SAVE Mikey by pulling him back from the edge. I think it would work better if he PUSHED Mikey out, and then Raph can save both Mikey AND Cody for an even more dramatic scene.
But at the very least, the Gunjin should not save Mikey.

15.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
What do they do? WHAT DO THEY DO?!
MIKEY leaps up, grabs the CHUCKS, and gives them a <FAST WHIRL>. With each spin, they throw out <LASER BURSTS>.
One of which NAILS SERLING in the head. His EYE BREAKS, <SPARKING>!
SERLING
(sourly)
They cause robots to go half blind. What a useful feature! Idiot."

Given that I'm PRETTY sure we don't want Mike's 'chuks to shoot lasers whenever they spin around (??!!), I think we need to reconfigure this gag. Perhaps Mike is just so glad to have ANY kind of 'chuk in his hands that he lets fly with a quick series of wild 'chuk moves -- which end with one of the 'chuks CLONKING Serling in the head/face/eye.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #484: August 9, 2005: Re: TMNT Episode 119 1st Draft

2012-02-29T15:39:00.002-08:00

Subj: Re: TMNT Episode 119 1st Draft
Date: Tuesday, August 9, 2005 12:01:44 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the ep 119 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
Good…Good! These may very well replace the weapons you lost in space-time…!"

I don't feel that Splinter would be as happy as he seems here that the Turtles would adopt these wacky weapons to replace the ones they lost -- at best, he would accept them grudgingly. Also, the phrase "lost in space-time" seems a bit unnecessarily "techy" for Splinter and the situation -- I would end that line at the word "lost".

2.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL (VO)
Nice room. Very minimalist."

"Very minimalist" does not sound like a phrase Raph would use. Don or Leo, maybe.

3.) Re: the following:

"CODY
We can order anything you want on the Outernet!"

I can see why we might want to invent a new name for what corresponds to the "Internet" in the future, but I feel "Outernet" is inappropriate and silly.

4.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
(hopping around; excited)
Can we? Can we? I’d love to see some replicators! Can we? "

While I can certainly see how Don would be very excited, I don't think he would sound this infantile.

5.) Re: the following:

"ANGLE ON THE DOOR – as SERLING <WHIRS> in, holding a DUSTPAN with debris in one hand, a WHISK BROOM in the other.
MICHELANGELO
Hey, Cody, your maid’s here!/Hey!
SERLING swivels his head to look at Mikey sourly, DUMPS the debris in his dustpan into Mikey’s hands, then turns to Cody."

There is probably something funny that can be done here with Serling being offended/irritated by Mikey's comment, but dumping debris into Mike's hands seems very silly to me. An even better question might be -- should Serling be doing such menial work? Wouldn't there be cleaning robots that could handle this kind of stuff -- and would they really use whisk brooms and dustpans? That seems very low tech and pre-20th century to me.

Perhaps instead of bringing in a dustpan filled with debris, Serling could be holding a larger piece (or several large pieces) of something that got broken in the training battle, which he could similarly drop in Mikey's arms.

6.) Re: the following:

"DARIUS
Cody, what’s this I’m hearing about you being out and about, yesterday…? Constable Biggles says you were consorting with strange aliens!
IN THE SHADOWS – RAPH starts forward, but LEO restrains him.
RAPHAEL
(whispering)
“Strange aliens?! I oughtta –“
LEONARDO
Shh! Be cool!
DARIUS
I hope you’re not worried about the company…I have it under control!"

There seems to be -- to me at least -- some kind of disconnect between Darius' first and last lines here. I don't see how he gets to Cody being "worried about the company" from what he says first.

7.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL (O.S.)
This Hovershell’s a lot like our old one…You really are a superfan!"

I don't believe the Turtles ever had an "old one", i.e. an old Hovershell. Perhaps this line would be better if it went as follows:

"RAPHAEL (O.S.)
This Hovershell’s a lot like our old Battleshell…You really are a superfan!"

8.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
Who’s Darius? He’s oilier than pizza……and not nearly as appealing!"

Please, even though we are in the future, let's not overdo it with the pizza references.

9.) Re: the following:

"CODY
He runs O’Neil for me. He says I wouldn’t understand a lot of the business, and he’s probably right…"

It sounds a bit odd that Cody refers to his business as just "O'Neil". Perhaps "O'Neil Tech" would sound better.

10.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
That is why I think we should take a field trip! Instead of bringing the gear here, we will go THERE!"

Don's lines here puzzle me a bit. He has no idea how large these replicators that Cody mentioned earlier are. Also, he seems to be saying that the reason to take a "field trip" is because Darius told Cody he shouldn't go out which seems oddly petulant and contrary for Don.

11.) Re: the following:

"SERLING moves forward, waving his arms.
SERLING
So you can do to Cody what you did to the parlor? Brilliant idea!/<Eep!>
RAPH <HIP-CHECKS> him, sending Serling rolling O.S.
RAPHAEL
Whaddaya say? It’ll be fun!"

I can see how Serling might be worried that the Turtles might get Cody involved in some hijinks, but not that he would worry that they would "do to Cody what you did to the parlor" (i.e. smash him up). That seems to be overreacting even for Serling.

Also, is Serling standing on roller skates or ball bearings? I don't see otherwise how a "hip check" from Raph could send him "rolling".

12.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Serling might have a point, Cody… Trouble does kinda follow us around…
OTS CODY – Behind Leo, Donny, Raph and Mikey all gesture excitedly to Cody: “Come on!”
CODY
I’m in…As long as we’re back by lunch!
He to the Hovershell. Leo’s brothers enthusiastically follow.
DON/RAPH/MIKE
Atta way!/Yeah!/Let’s bounce!
Leo turns to Splinter.
LEONARDO
Coming, master?"

It seems weird to me that the other three Turtles ignore Leo's thoughtful comment... and then Leo ignores it himself.

13.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
No, my son. I am confident you can handle this, and besides…it seems my soap opera has survived these hundred years…I have much catching up to do…"

It seems silly that Splinter's soap opera would have survived that long -- perhaps it would be better if he said something about wanting to see how soap operas had changed in 100 years (if they still exist at all).

13.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL (V.O.)
So, this Darius Dun guy runs O’Neil?
A WINGED HUMANOID FIGURE (a (GUNJIN) – mostly SHADOW, flies under the HOVERSHELL and attaches a SMALL HIGH-TECH DEVICE to the Hovershell’s belly. It begins to BLINK.
CODY (V.O.)
Technically, no. I’m in charge.
INT. HOVERSHELL – CONTINUOUS
CODY stands behind DONNY, who pilots. The others stand nearby.
MICHELANGELO
Anyone told him that?
CODY
He says there’ll be plenty of time for me to work…so he handles the day to day stuff, keeps the company from going –"

Now I'm confused. This seems to completely contradict Cody's previous answer in the last scene, when he told the Turtles that Darius "runs O’Neil for me."

14.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
It was not me! Something has seized command of our controls!"

I think "wasn't" sounds more natural than "was not".

15.) Re: the following:

"CONSTABLE BIGGLES – stands beside his CAR as a DEPUTY walks toward him from a COFFEE SHOP, loaded with TO-GO CUPS.
BIGGLES
First rule of law enforcement, Deputy…never start the day without tea!/<Whoop!"

Obviously, if we decide to make Biggles a robot, this tea thing is not appropriate.

16.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly, the HOVERSHELL <WHIZZES> overhead, so close that its wash SPILLS the DEPUTY and BIGGLES into each other, <SPLASHING> them both with TEA! Beat.
BIGGLES
Right, then, we’ll need more tea."

This seems like a very weak joke, and the passivity doesn't fit the personality of Biggles as has already been establish in episode 118.

17.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
I have not learned these systems!"

Why is Don sounding like Data from "STAR TREK: The Next Generation"? He CAN use contractions, you know.

18.) Re: the following:

"CODY
There’s…there’s one thing we could try…an experimental feature…But we’re not supposed to do this in the air!"

SO... just when ARE you supposed to use this emergency escape pod? The thing subsequently survives the following:

"<WHANG!> The SPHERE <SLAMS> down on an ELEVATED ROADWAY and races ACROSS the road PERPENDICULAR to oncoming TRAFFIC! Cars <SCREECH> and SWERVE! <HONKING!> The CAPSULE plummets off the opposite edge of the roadway!
<SMASH!> Continuing DOWN, the capsule smashes through a TIMES-SQUARE-ESQUE FLOATING BILLBOARD advertising a GOLF COURSE (a FLAG next to a HOLE). The capsule goes RIGHT THROUGH THE HOLE, and out the other side!
<THOOM!> The capsule hits a ROOFTOP, and ROLLS to the EDGE, where it TEETERS fifty stories above the street!"

... and a fifty-story drop into a dumpster. Not only that, everyone inside it is unharmed. So... tell me again why you're "not supposed to do this in the air!" It seems like that's EXACTLY what you're supposed to do with it.

19.) Re: the following:

"STARLEE (O.S.)
Cody?! Is that you?! What’s the occasions?"

I think "occasions" should be "occasion".

20.) Re: the following:

"ANGLE – STARLEE HAMBRA, a beautiful ALIEN SCIENTIST approaches, excited. She HUGS Cody, who looks distinctly flustered.
CODY
Um…Just wanted to pick something up…Check my messages…Oh, uh, Starlee Hambra, these are my…uh…lawyers."

How old is Cody again? And how old is this " beautiful ALIEN SCIENTIST"?

I also don't see why Cody calls the Turtles his "lawyers". Certainly we could think of something more appropriate and funnier.

21.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
There’s no way we can keep up with those guys on foot…!
DONATELLO (O.S.)
Wow…
FAVOR DON – as he curiously examines some EQUIPMENT stacked against a wall. His brothers watch from behind him."

Don's "Wow..." seems really out of place at this moment.

22.) Re: the following:

"THE TURTLES look forward, express shock.
DONATELLO/MICHELANGELO
Oh no.
BIKE POV – The BRICK WALL fills frame and <BAM!> CUT TO BLACK.
RESUME, NEW ANGLE – as DON and MIKEY pull themselves woozily out from under the WRECKED BIKE, and watch as the bad guys FLY AWAY…"

As it would seem to be a fatal crash given the speeds they seem to be going, perhaps it would be good if we saw Don attempting to "put the brakes on" and the rocket bike decelerating some before the crash, instead of just staring stupidly at the wall as it hurtles toward them.

And unless that wall was invisible, isn't it kind of silly -- no, make that REALLY silly -- for Don to be driving toward it pell-mell if he didn't feel he had some way to stop before hitting it? The more I think about it, the more this action on Don's part seems terminally dopey. What WAS he thinking?

23.) Re: the following:

"SERLING
(through speaker)
Master Cody had all five of you linked by homing beacon…you imbeciles. Feeding you his coordinates now…"

Why doesn't Serling share this information with the police -- ESPECIALLY given his ill will towards the Turtles? Why would he depend on THEM to rescue Cody?

24.) Re: the following:

"EXT. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING – ROOF – RESUME
DOWN ANGLE – CODY falls away from the roof, starting the long descent to the street!
MICHELANGELO looks over the edge in panic, and reaches out before being GRABBED BACK by the GUNJIN LEADER."

Why pull Mike back? Wouldn't his foe more logically try to kick or push him OFF the building?

25.) Re: the following:

"DOWN BELOW – LEO JAMS his KATANA into a BUILDING’S STONE SIDE, and PULLS DOWN, BENDING the sword. It <SNAPS> back, FLINGING him into the air to grab the UNDERCARRIAGE of a passing HOVER-VEHICLE! He scrambles to its ROOF, then leaps off – onto the back of another GUNJIN!"

This "super-springy" sword bit is more than I can take. Very silly.

26.) Re: the following:

"EXT. NEW MANHATTAN – STREETS – MOMENTS LATER
The TURTLES run down the street TOWARD US, watching the SKY.
LEONARDO
Stay with them!"

I just realized that this action is odd -- they've already rescued Cody (the whole point of this exercise). Why are Mike, Don and Leo then ABANDONING him and Raph and chasing the Gunjins? Given that they don't really know how many of these flying guys might be hanging around, shouldn't they all regroup and protect Cody?

27.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
(noticing his surroundings)
Oh, sorry…Did we interrupt something?"

This kind of wiseass comment is more Raph or Mike than Don.

28.) Re: the following:

"DARIUS
I have so much work left to do…and four lumbering amphibians will not stand in my way…"

Not amphibians... reptiles!

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #483: Thoughts on a second TMNT movie, from 1990

2012-02-28T18:34:00.004-08:00

While resurrecting those old emails to Lloyd I mentioned a little while ago, I also found two interesting short documents on that computer. They were things I had written back in 1990, if the dates on the files are accurate, and it seems likely that they are.

Apparently, I had -- either by myself or in collaboration with Kevin Eastman, though I think it is probably the former -- been thinking about possible directions to take in a second live-action TMNT movie, and typed up these thoughts on my old (well, it was new then) Atari ST computer. I then must have, at some point in the more recent past, transferred the files from the Atari to my Macintosh.

Unfortunately, something happened in the transfer which screwed up the formatting of the files -- when I opened them on my Mac laptop last night, I discovered that all of the spaces in the documents had disappeared, leaving the entire text in each file as one long unbroken word. I tried to fix this mess with various reformatting options in several word processing programs, but nothing worked. Then I decided I would just go in and insert spaces between each word, and after a couple of hours of that, realized to my dismay that the formatting was STILL wacky.

So, I took the brute force approach that I guess I should have taken to begin with -- I just retyped both documents. I corrected two misspellings, but other than that, these two documents are as they were originally written.

I am not sure, exactly, for what, or to whom, they were intended. They kind of read as if we'd intended to send them to Steve Barron or whoever was chosen to direct the second TNT movie. I can't recall if they were ever sent to anyone.

Anyway, technical snafus aside, these are kind of interesting. As I re-read them, I could see a lot of the excitement we'd had about doing a second movie, as well as a number of naive assumptions about what might be possible. And there's at least one thing that I was surprised to read -- a scene which I believe actually ended up in an episode of the 4Kids TMNT TV series. -- PL

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the first file:

"thoughts on a sequel for the TMNT movie

How's this for an opening (or closing) scene for the second TMNT movie (maybe run under the credits): A garbage truck rumbles past the camera, heading for the landfill. It stops at the edge of a hill of refuse. The two sanitation engineers get out of the truck, and go around back to make sure the truck makes its dump properly. As the trash spills out, one of the guys sees something metallic glinting in the mess, and pulls it out. He holds it up, and in a medium closeup we see that it's the Shredder's helmet, crushed and twisted.

We both feel that the Shredder should not appear in the second TNT movie, but this might be a subtle enough way to refer to his ambiguous fate and set the scene for his appearance in a third TMNT movie (if that happens).

Anyway… one main concern is that the second (and any subsequent) movie stay as much away from the cartoon show, and as close to the original black and white comics, as the first movie did. We don't want to see Bebop and Rocksteady, or Krang, or any of the other goofy characters. We feel that there is plenty of material in the black and white books to form the basis for another good movie.

One possible approach would be to use some of the elements in TMNT book #2 (the Baxter Stockman/mousers story), or issues 3, 4 and 7. The Stockman/mousers tale is pretty straightforward, and could be lifted from the book with little alterations (have to find another assistant for Stockman, as in the movie April already has a different job). A conceivable addition would be the Rat King character that Jim Lawson created in issue #4 of "Tales of the TMNT", who was also used in the animated series, but not in the best of fashions. The Rat King could be a really neat, visually arresting character on film, and there could be some interesting interactions with him, Splinter, and the mousers.

Going the other way, using TMNT's 3, 4, and 7, would require more alterations, but also would offer some neat possibilities for action and story, not to mention some bitchin' special effects… and a set up for the next film. Before getting int o this, you should probably re-read the aforementioned issues.

Okay… this story wold involve revealing part of the mystery behind the Turtles' origin, that being where the mysterious canister of ooze came from, namely, the Techno-Cosmic Research Institute (T.C.R.I.). The story could follow fairly closely to the story in book four -- the Turtles are jumped by the Foot, there's a big fight, Mike gets hurt. they see the T.C.R.I. building, they try to find out more about it (but can't), they decide to surreptitiously enter it to find out more, they encounter the weird T.C.R.I. aliens (the Utroms -- they are little squishy brain-like creatures about the size of a basketball, and ride around in the stomach cavity of their humanoid robot vehicles), there's another fight, the transmat machine the Utroms have been building is accidentally switched on and goes wild, and in the ensuing melee three Triceratons are beamed in. This makes for an even more intense fight, ending with one of the Triceratons being stunned and the other two killed. Somehow, the Utroms ad the Turtles reach an understanding, and Donatello helps them repair their transmat, while Leo and the other Turtles help hold off the forces of the New York City police and the National Guard, who are trying to force their way into the building (the power surge from the accidentally activated transmat blacked out ten city blocks). In the end, the aliens are able to beam themselves back to their home planet, the Turtles escape, the building collapses, and all is well in the world.

(Note that this sets up a scenario in which the "Return to New York" story [as told by us in issues 19, 20 and 21 of TMNT] could be the basis of a third movie, involving the return and ultimate fate of the Shredder, and the mutated Triceraton's team-up with the Turtles to invade the Shredder's domain.)

I think that there are a number of new elements from the first movie that could be easily integrated into this plot. There could be an extension of the developing relationship between Casey and April, possibly with Charles Pennington as a third party in a kind of romantic triangle (some potentially interesting contrast of Casey's and Charles' personalities here). Danny could be brought back, and possibly he could try to help the Turtles by infiltrating the T.C.R.I. building -- but he gets caught by the Utroms, and ends up in one of their suspended animation tanks, to be discovered by the Turtles… in fact, his disappearance could be one of the reasons they enter the building. Actually, for that matter it could be April who does it, doing her nosey reporter thing… except she gets too nosey, and the aliens take her captive. That might even be a good reason for Casey to go with the Turtles, getting him in on the action (and providing a good opportunity for a rescue/reunion clinch with April).

The T.C.R.I. aliens could be a really neat effect, relatively easily done by the Henson shop. Envision a robot body similar to the Terminator's metal skeleton, with a squishy alien brain in its midriff. As we drew them in the comics, they would be pretty workable as a combination bodysuit/radio-controlled puppet (for the alien part). Major facial movements for the aliens could be done in medium closeups, without the need for the stunt person or actor to be inside the robot suit.

Similarly, the Triceratons could be accomplished by the geniuses at the Henson group without much of a problem.

Another element that we feel should be in the second movie is the spiritual nature of the Turtles' martial arts training, and the fact that Splinter has taught them the ways of the ninja with a twist: they follow the pacifist/warrior ways of the Shaolin monks of China, who advised that, when confronted with aggression, one should "avoid rather than check, check rather than hurt, hurt rather than maim, maim rather than kill." This could be well done in a scene where the Turtles are trying to teach Casey some of their moves, and his temper gets the best of him until Splinter intervenes.

----------------------

more thoughts -- 5-8-1990

We could use the whole mouser scenario that is in book 2… only tie the mousers in with the T.C.R.I. guys -- they created the mousers. Baxter Stockman is actually a T.C.R.I. alien, fronting his mouser idea as a way of making money for the company, to aid their efforts to get off the planet.

(This sets up a scene where Casey confronts Baxter (in the T.C.R.I. building, where he and April have gone to investigate further, with Casey posing as April's cameraman), socking him in the jaw… with the result that Casey almost breaks his hand, and Baxter pulls open his shirt to reveal the T.C.R.I. alien in his robotic belly."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the second file:

"Teenage Mutant NInja Turtles #2: The Sequel

A Proposed Outline

We open on April O'Neil doing a remote spot covering the test of a new anti-rodent device, called the MOUSER, at the laboratory of Dr. Baxter Stockman, a 30-ish, bespectacled and mustachioed black man. Stockman runs the MOUSER through its paces -- the little robot with the savage gaping jaws chases a large rat through a maze and devours it in less than twenty second -- and, in response to a question from an unnerved April about what he plans to do with his device, Stockman replies that the city of New York has already given him funds to develop an initial force of a dozen mousers, to, in his words, "begin to take care of the city's rat problem -- once and for all!" Closeup on April's face, as she reacts to this statement…

… and dissolve to a closeup of Splinter's hairy face, and pull back to show him sitting cross-legged in front of a TV set, looking very thoughtful as we hear the tail end of April's report. Nearby, Donatello works on a circuit board, soldering small pieces of wire to it… tool and miscellaneous supplies are strewn around the floor. Across from him, Leonardo sits next to Splinter, carefully polishing one of his katana blades. We hear the background noise of sparring going on.

Suddenly, Raphael flies into view, crashing down on a coffee table and smashing it into pieces. Michaelangelo, who has worked a masterful judo move on Raphael, calls out affectionate jibes from the sidelines.

But Raphael doesn't see them as affectionate. He's well on his way to losing his temper, and as he loses it, her gets more careless, allowing Mike to continually get the upper hand on him. Gradually, though, Mike starts to see that Raph is getting vicious. Splinter and the two Turtles notice it too, but not before Raph grabs one of Leo's swords and goes after a shocked Michaelangelo, who stumbles and loses his footing, leaving him defenseless against Raph's berserker rage. It looks bad…

… but just then Leo and Don grab Raph's arms, holding him back Leo yells at Raph "Are you nuts??! What are you trying to do, lill Mike??!! It's just sparring, for Gods sake… just practice!"

With a start, Raphael realizes what he's doing. He drops the sword like it's suddenly red hot, and begins to stammer out a halting apology. Splinter comes over to try to calm Raph down, but Raph's anger and shame overcome him -- he tears away and goes bounding off. Leo starts to follow, but Splinter stops him, saying "Raphael will return… let him deal with his anger first."

(Note: All this takes place in the Turtles' and Splinter's new home in the sewers, a new lair that they have fixed up since the battle with the Foot in the first movie.)

Later… Casey arrives at the TV station to pick April up for their date. April, who's been waiting outside for the last half hour, is quietly fuming… and not at all amused with Casey's half-hearted excuses for his lateness -- or by his car, a real rattletrap. They get in, and Casey tries to start the car -- it won't start. As Casey tries again, and April rolls her eyes, Charles Pennington comes out of the building. His eyes narrow a bit when he sees Casey with April, and then he smirks at Casey's malfunctioning wreck of a vehicle. "Need a lift, April?" he asks, gesturing at his brand new BMW. She hesitates… until Casey, with his usual thing layer of tact frayed even further by the bad start this date with April has gotten off to, says something like :Yeah, why don't you go ridin' with the four-eyed wonder." At this, April gets pissed, and she does just that, leaving Casey sitting in his car, giving it an occasional kick and curse.

A week or so later: April is doing a news story about a strange series of robberies, in which bank vaults were tunneled into and valuables extracted, with no trace of the culprits.

That's where the second file ends. I am not sure why I never finished it. -- PL

Blast from the Past #482: August 6, 2005: Re: TMNT Season 6 revised Designs

2012-02-28T06:44:00.001-08:00

Subj: Re: TMNT Season 6 revised Designs
Date: Saturday, August 6, 2005 12:33:26 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Jonathan

In a message dated 8/5/05 7:00:30 PM, Jonathan writes:

Peter,

Please find attached the following revised designs from Season 6, for your approval:

1. Combined Vehicle
2. Combined Vehicle Rear
3. Darius Dunn
4. Darius Dunn Expressions
5. Darius Dunn Expressions 2
6. Enviro-paks
7. Shell Racer
8. Shell Racer Shaded
9. Turtle Tank
10. Turtle Tank Rear

Jonathan,

All of these are fine by me except for the Enviro-paks... which are BASICALLY okay, but too "pointy" for my tastes. I will attach a tweaked version which shows how I'd prefer them to look.

-- Peter

Blast from the Past #481: August 4, 2005: Re: Show 121 ("Headlock Prime") Outline and Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Premise, and August 5, 2005: Re: TMNT Show 118 ("Future Shellshock") Third Draft

2012-02-27T06:48:00.001-08:00

Subj: Re: Show 121 ("Headlock Prime") Outline
Date: Thursday, August 4, 2005 12:05:06 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the Ep. 121 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"Leo (VO): “It was supposed to be a simple night on the town. Me and Raph were gonna check out what passes for entertainment in the twenty-second century.”"

Leo would say "Raph and I were going to..."

2.) Re: the following:

"Leo: “Raph, you gotta get outta there. I think this is for real...”"

Leo would say "Raph, you've got to get out of there."

3.) Re: the following:

"Leo draws one of his new swords and tries to cut through the titanium cage. Sparks fly, but the metal is undamaged. Leo starts hacking away at the metal.

Leo: “I’m coming, Raph, try to not get beat up.”

Leo tries to “coach” his brother as he continues to chop at the titanium cage. Raph gets up and starts to dodge the Fat Lady."

If the metal of the cage continues to be undamaged, it would seem to be unwise for Leo to spend any more time hacking at it.

4.) Re: the following:

"The Announcer, meanwhile, has followed them and continues to regale his audience with an increasingly florid account of the melee."

Perhaps it would be a good idea if the Announcer's seat was actually part of a platform which could become a mobile camera rig.

-- Pete

-------------------------------------------

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 122 ("Playtime's Over") Premise
Date: Thursday, August 4, 2005 12:18:27 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the Ep. 122 premise.

1.) Re: the following:

"Witnessing the crime, the Turtles race off to retrieve the stolen goods…except for MIKEY (who’s distracted by some new-wave toy) As the Turtles take off, Don yells to Mikey that he has to STALL for his presentation. “This day has to be perfect for Cody!” Mikey redirects Cody and Starlee, doing his best to cover… "

Perhaps it would be good if Don was shown to be torn between staying at the show and going off to fight the Street Phantoms.

2.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, we intercut to Mikey who is desperately trying to decipher Don’s notes, making a mockery of history to all the kids. Giving up, Mikey tries to ad-lib, remembering what his brothers said was cool about the 20th century, beginning with COMBUSTION…

Cody is mortified as Mikey mixes chemicals and blows up half the stage."

Perhaps it would be a good idea to know where Mikey gets these explosive chemicals. It doesn't seem that Donatello would be using them in his presentation. Perhaps we don't need an explosion -- maybe Mikey can do something funny based on 20th century pop culture.

3.) Re: the following:

"By this time Mikey has clobbered a bunch of plastic standees decorated to look like FOOT NINJA. The kids are thoroughly confused, and Starlee isn’t taking this well."

I'm not sure why Mikey has decorated plastic standees as Foot Soldiers. It seems a bit obscure.

4.) Re: the following:

"All except Mikey, who admits that he just wants to read a comic book… except that he burned them all up."

I am confused by this. Where did the comic books come from? I thought that in the beginning of this premise, Leo is complaining about the fact that there aren't any paper books in the future.

-- Pete

--------------------------------------

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 118 ("Future Shellshock") Third Draft
Date: Friday, August 5, 2005 2:43:39 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the Ep. 118 3rd draft:

1.) Re: the following:

"INT. ACCESS TO SURFACE - SECONDS LATER
Splinter and the Turtles make their way upwards, <HUFFING AND PUFFING>, their movements slow and lumbering.
DONATELLO
Is it... just me... or is it... really hard... to breathe... all of a sudden?
** MICHELANGELO
Yeah... like my chest weighs a ton. And my legs…and my—WHOA! "

So far I have commented at least twice on how odd this bit is, and it continues to stay in the script. Given that we have several other moments like this which make more sense later in the script, this one seems to me to be extraneous and not particularly well-placed. Please remove, or supply a good rationale for why the atmosphere and gravity in this particular underground access tunnel from their lair should be different from "Earth normal".

2.) Re: the following:

"SERLING - <SNAPS> the belt around Raph's waist, and instantly the turtle takes a <DEEP BREATH> and springs to his feet!
* RAPHAEL
Hey! The walkin’ toolbox turned the air back on! And my legs too!"

The timing of this bit is very odd. Why are the Turtles and Splinter still experiencing the negative effects of other gravity/atmosphere when they are on the landing pad of Cody's penthouse? Does it make any sense that either this landing pad OR the limo that Serling uses to pick up the Turtles would have either gravity or atmosphere which are not "Earth normal", given that both of these things would be used by Cody, who is a normal human? Perhaps this bit of action would be better placed directly immediately after Serling picks up the Turtles and Splinter, when they all get into the limo, and might logically be said to be still feeling the effects of the different zones. This might actually add to the sense of "faux danger" if Serling immediately tries to put the guys into what SEEM to them to be some kinds of restraints. And it might also make sense that he CAN do this (perhaps while putting the limo on autopilot back to Cody's apartment) while they are still a little disoriented and weakened by the effects of the gravity and atmosphere zone they were just in.

3.) Re: the following:

"** LEONARDO
Look, Threepio, we appreciate you helping us breathe --
SERLING
The name is Serling, sir."

Leo sarcastically calling Serling "Threepio" sounds out of character for him, more like something Raph would say. Perhaps it would be better if he fumbled for what might sound like -- given their circumstances -- an appropriately respectful name for this robot. Or even something as simple as having him start his line like this:

"** LEONARDO
Look... uh... Threepio... we appreciate you helping us breathe --"

... might be enough to take the "wise guy" attitude out of his line.

4.) Re: the following:

"REVERSE - A 14-year-old kid stands just in the shadows, framed in a doorway to a SIDE CHAMBER, eyes wide with awe.
CODY
You're a lot taller than I imagined... greener too."

Apparently no one but me finds this strange, so I'll only comment one more time on it: For -- apparently -- the sake of doing a "mistaken identity" gag three times in this script (a gag I don't find particularly funny), we have to swallow the (to me, anyway) huge illogic of this premise: That Cody, super-Turtle fan #1, who has the following in his "trophy room":

"REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL - A SHRINE TO THE TURTLES! Wall to wall bits of memorabilia, old newspaper clippings, the TCRI canister, a Shredder helmet, even the Turtles' masks. And at the center of it all... CASEY JONES' HOCKEY MASK, GOLF BAG, BATS, HOCKEY STICK, ETC. "

... doesn't have ONE SINGLE IMAGE of the Turtles. To my mind, that makes no sense at all. Especially when you consider the fact that Cody had a "time window" machine to peek in on the Turtles in the past. It has been suggested that he never got enough time to actually LOOK at them through the time window before it inadvertently became a time PORTAL, but that seems like tortured logic when you consider the following scene:

"* The FLOOR OPENS at the Turtle’s feet. They jump back as…
* WIDE - an impressive array of machinery floats up through the hole in the floor… the TIME WINDOW! An IMAGE OF THE TURTLES' LAIR (as it is in 2105) appears on a circular monitor set in the center of the device."

So we are asked to accept the idea that the time window worked to get a view of the lair, sans Turtles, but NOT any views of the Turtles themselves. All this illogic for -- in my view -- the service of a pretty silly gag.

4.) Re: the following:

"* CODY
Unfortunately, yes. The four of--
(beat, realizing)
Hey, where IS number four?"

Perhaps it would be a good time to point out that it has taken Cody -- boy genius AND #1 Turtle fan, remember -- this long to realize that he has only three Turtles in his presence.

5.) Re: the following:

"ON HANGAR - The doors slide open, revealing THE HOVER SHELL - a sleek new Turtles-inspired hover vehicle.
** LEONARDO
Now that’s cool... but you have way too much time on your hands."

Perhaps I am missing something, but I still don't see why Leo is being so sarcastic and nasty to Cody. What is the point of this insult? I would take out everything in this line except "Now that's cool..." or give the insult line to Raph.

6.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
And you guys shoulda mention the BIG UGLY ATTACK ROBOT!"

I'm pretty sure that should be "mentioned" instead of "mention".

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #480: August 3, 2005: Re: Show 118 ("Future Shellshock") Second Draft and Show 120 ("Home Invasion") Outline

2012-02-26T07:09:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: Show 118 ("Future Shellshock") Second Draft and Show 120 ("Home Invasion") Outline
Date: Wednesday, August 3, 2005 1:29:57 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the 118 second draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"REVEAL SPLINTER - His robe and walking stick are gone.
* SPLINTER
You don' t say. "

This is slightly less lame than the line it replaces, but it's still bad. It doesn't sound at all like Splinter. Let's just have him do a "take" as he realizes that his clothes are gone. Or just skip this bit entirely.

2.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Forget the TV. The whole lair is gone!
* DONATELLO
No, more like it decomposed."

Don's line is worse than the one it replaced:

"DONATELLO
It's like the place suddenly... aged."

Why the change? "Aged" is far more appropriate to the situation -- and how the lair looks -- than "decomposed". And because "decomposed" generally refers to things that were once alive going through the process of rotting after death, it's really not appropriate, ESPECIALLY coming from science nerd Don.

3.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
What the shell just happened?
ON SPLINTER - heading for the exit.
* SPLINTER
An attack? We must inspect the damage."

Again, a line inferior to the one it replaces:

"SPLINTER
There is only one way to find out..."

The new line is weird and goofy -- Splinter thinks the lair has been attacked... so he goes OUTSIDE to "inspect the damage"?
I think there may be too much effort going on in this script to hold off the big reveal of the "surprise" -- that the Turtles and Splinter have been zapped into the future -- when in all likelihood it's not going to be too much of a surprise, given the clues that we are dropping. And there is a real danger of making the Turtles -- who have been through many weird adventures INCLUDING time travel -- look pretty DUMB if they don't at least have SOME inkling of what may have just happened. I mean, think about it -- they ALL recognize that they are in the same lair, but everything looks old. Hmmm...

4.) Re: the following:

"INT. ACCESS TO SURFACE - SECONDS LATER
Splinter and the Turtles make their way upwards, <HUFFING AND PUFFING>, their movements slow and lumbering.
DONATELLO
Is it... just me... or is it... really hard... to breathe... all of a sudden?
MICHELANGELO
And why does... my body... feel like it... weighs a ton?
* RAPHAEL
Prob'ly all that... junk food, Porkins. "

I still feel this is a very poor introduction to the gravity/atmosphere zones concept, ESPECIALLY as, when you consider what happens a few pages later, it's really superfluous... on top of not making much sense. See my last set of comments for more detail.

5.) Re: the following:

"ON TURTLES AND SPLINTER - on their hands and knees, weighted down by gravity and breathlessness, barely able to move, while Splinter seems to be unaffected by it all."

I might -- MIGHT -- buy the idea that Splinter has better breath control than the Turtles and can thus resist longer the effects of the different atmosphere. But the idea that he can somehow not be affected by the gravity that is weighing down the Turtles is just dopey.

6.) Re: the following:

"* BIGGLES
Quite the blaster buster, wot? Identification."

"Blaster buster"? If this is an attempt at "future slang", it's lame. It's also unnecessary.

7.) Re: the following:

"* BIGGLES
Crumpets. Look high and low! They can t be far!"

"Crumpets"? See point 6.

8.) Re: the following:

"* RAPHAEL
All right, you got our attention. Talk --
* DONATELLO
(sotto)
Or we ll pass out all over his fine Corinthian leather?"

Why is Don doing a bad Mikey joke, and why is he phrasing it as a question? I'd lose this and go back to the original.

9.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly Mikey's descent slows as if he's light as a feather... which he is because there's hardly any gravity here. He takes a <DEEP BREATH>, overjoyed... but when he tries to speak &
* BUBBLES come out of his ears. "

Has the writer actually SEEN any of the TMNT episodes? Where, exactly are these ears the bubbles will be coming out of?

10.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
Dat s it! I m done with all this crazy alien no air Twilight Zone bunk! Talk!"

"Dat's"?

11.) Re: the following:

* LEONARDO
I think I still have blue smoke in my brain. We're still in New York... a hundred years in the future? And aliens live here? And buildings fly? And--?"

Another inferior substitution for this original:

"LEONARDO
You mean we're still in New York... a hundred years in the future?"

Please, let's remember that these Turtles ARE NOT STUPID!!! The idea that they might be in the future MUST have occurred to them, especially after just having seen the Empire State building in a previous scene. Leo sounds like a complete moron as written here.

12.) Re: the following:

"* CODY
(to Donatello)
Pretty Phat Boss , huh, Leonardo?
LEO - waves his hand and points to Don. Cody looks sheepish.
LEONARDO
Uh, I'M Leonardo. That's Donatello."

As I said in my previous set of comments, these misidentification gags are painfully DUMB. Let's get rid of them and not waste time and lines on dopey stuff like this.

13.) Re: the following:

"* CODY
How did you ever tell them apart?
* SPLINTER
Color coded diapers.
* DONATELLO
Do they still have the saying TMI? Too much Information?"

This is an excellent example of "going over the line" with silly, dopey, inappropriate-to-character humor. This hurts my brain. Remember -- CODY IS THE BIGGEST TURTLES FAN IN THE ENTIRE FREAKIN' WORLD! HE KNOWS HOW TO TELL THEM APART! Jeez...

14.) Re: the following:

"CODY
2105 is no place for a mutated turtle from the twentieth century! He ll be torn apart out there! Come on--!
SERLING - <WHIRS> over and blocks Cody's path.
SERLING
Master, while I m certain you feel pity for these wretched things, you shouldn t just up and leave the house."

Again -- is Cody not PERMITTED to leave the house or is he too agoraphobic or timid to leave the house? I thought it was the latter. But whichever, it's important to decide now. I think it makes Cody a more interesting character if he has to fight his own fears about going outside.

15.) Re: the following:

"SERLING
(explaining to Turtles/Splinter)
Master Jones is the owner of O'Neil Tech, a prominent manufacturer of terran technologies
DONATELLO
As in April O Neil? You go, genius!"

Don's line is dopey... more of a Mikey line, but I don't even think it would be good for him. It's also very obvious... we just saw a page or so ago that Cody is April's descendant. Why is Don then so surprised?

16.) Re: the following:

"* MICHELANGELO
(Bubbling)
How hard is it to find three talking turtles and a rat in this place? "

Extremely dopey.

17.) Re: the following:

"* CODY
Good news. I'm tracking Michelangelo's temporal displacement signature -- (off of Raph s puzzled look) Funk that stuck to his shell from the twentieth century.
* RAPHAEL
Mikey stinks. Check. "

While I am not in any way opposed to a good Raph jab at Mikey's bodily habits, THIS is just plain dopey and makes NO SENSE.

18.) Re: the following:

"* RAPHAEL
Mikey stinks. Check.
*WIDEN - All react to an urgent <KLAXON> as <ENERGY CRACKLES> out of the TIME WINDOW, knocking Raph on his shell!
*LEO AND DON help Raph to his feet &
* RAPHAEL
It was just a joke --"

Dopey. Who is Raph talking to? Why would he think that his stupid little joke about Mikey caused anything to happen?

19.) Re: the following:

"ON HANGAR - The doors slide open, revealing THE HOVER SHELL - a sleek new Turtles-inspired hover vehicle.
* LEONARDO
You have way too much time on your hands."

Why is Leo being such an asshole here? Totally out of character, especially under the circumstances. Another dumbass "throw in a joke" bit -- who cares if it's not at all appropriate to the situation?

20.) Re: the following:

"MIKEY'S POV - The Alien Street Vendor is gone. The alley is empty, save for a HOVER TRANSPORT, parked at the end.
* MIKEY
Great. Where am I now? Invisible town?"

"Invisible town" seems odd. Maybe "Invisible alien town" would be better.

21.) Re: the following:

"MICHELANGELO
And you guys shoulda mention the BIG UGLY ATTACK ROBOT!"

That should be "mentioned", not "mention".

-- Peter

Blast from the Past #479: August 3, 2005: Re: FW: Show 120 ("Home Invasion") Outline

2012-02-25T06:46:00.001-08:00

Subj: Re: FW: Show 120 ("Home Invasion") Outline
Date: Wednesday, August 3, 2005 2:15:07 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on outline 120.

1.) Re: the following:

"The little elves charge him, and he fends them off with his Katana swords, but it’s difficult because they’re so short!

LEONARDO: Time to lower my defenses…

He flips into a one-armed handstand. This lowers his eyeline so that he can meet their attacks head-on. "

Clever, but questionable -- Leo is then only able to use one arm/hand to fight with, and I really think any advantage gained by "lowering his eyeline" is probably offset by the increased difficulty of fighting upside-down with only one arm free. A better alternative might be this -- I believe there is a style or technique of swordplay where you have one leg folded on the floor behind/underneath you and the other bent at the knee and upright in front of you, with that leg's foot flat on the floor, and you kind of crab walk/scoot in that position. This brings your eyeline down but also leaves both hands and arms free to battle, as well as giving you a more secure and steady position to fight from -- and of course, you're not upside-down!

2.) Re: the following:

"In the next room, we see Raph sitting and reading “Jurassic Park”. But his brothers teasingly yell taunts back at him until he sighs and gives up. But when he stands, we hear a polite voice saying, “Don’t forget to put the lid down.” Raph rolls his eyes in disbelief.

RAPHAEL: You gotta be kiddin’ me! "

So -- Raph's reading on the toilet? Do we really want to do this?

3.) Re: the following:

"A trail of exploding sparks surges along the power lines and disrupts everything in its path. In a restaurant, SERVER DROIDS lose control and fling plates of food at the startled customers! SPLAT! In skyscrapers, AUTOMATED ELEVATORS yo-yo up and down, terrifying their trapped passengers. And in the street, robotic GARBAGE TRUCKS rip up news kiosks and dump their contents like trash.
As we follow the surging trail of sparks along the power lines, we see that it is heading directly for Cody’s penthouse! "

This could be fun. I think it would be good if we could think up a unique visual signature for these sparks so that they are not just your random cartoon sparks but unique to Viral's presence, so that whenever we see these in a future episode, it will alert us to the fact that Viral is coming. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking some kind of spiral spark which could wrap around conduits (making even a kind of crazy "double helix" -- almost like these sparks represent Viral's "DNA"), or maybe a kind of staggered ring-shaped series of sparks.

4.) Re: the following:

"Cody proudly leads them into the Holo-Simulator room where Leo and Splinter are waiting. At first they are confused until Leo explains that it’s a high-tech Dojo where they can sharpen their skills. Leo shows off the automated assault sequences and state-of-the-art weaponry. "

Might be fun if Cody has programmed the "start point" of the simulator to look like the Turtles' old lair.

5.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO: It’s like, Dojorama!

MICHAELANGELO: Dojorama Extreme! Sweet! "

As Don's line doesn't really sound like a Don line to me, I would combine the two and give the resulting line to Mikey, as follows:

"MICHAELANGELO: It's like Dojorama Extreme! Sweet! "

6.) Re: the following:

"Donny asks Cody if there’s any way to find out what’s going on inside. Cody says he can tap into the Dojo room’s camera on his laptop. They creep back to Cody’s laptop, and Cody accesses the Dojo’s surveillance feed. "

If Viral has infiltrated all of the electronics in the building -- including stand-alone units like Serling -- why hasn't it also gotten into Cody's laptop?

7.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, Splinter and the Turtles are fighting for their lives. Unfortunately, Splinter gets ZAPPED by a high-voltage charge which knocks him out and makes his hair comically stand on end!

MICHAELANGELO: Ooh, bad hair day"

For Mike to make a "bad hair day" joke while Splinter is lying unconscious on the floor after getting zapped by a high-voltage charge is just WRONG. Mike would not make a joke like that at a moment when he's not sure if his master is seriously injured -- that's not funny, it's bad taste. However, it COULD be funny if he said it AFTER Splinter gets up off the floor and his hair is still standing on end.

8.) Re: the following:

"Viral goes on to explain that he has been sent to pillage classified information from O’Neil Tech’s systems, and he calculated that only the Turtles had the potential to stop him. "

Huh? How is it that Viral even KNOWS about the Turtles and their capabilities?

9.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly, the three Turtles find themselves standing an OLD WEST SALOON, surrounded by tough-looking COWBOYS. As the cowboys frown and narrow their steely eyes, Mikey grins and waves. "

A couple of ideas here: It could be cool if these cowboys are twisted in some fashion by Viral's influence -- maybe they have all the cowboy clothes and gear, but they are APES or DINOSAURS (Triceratons?) or INSECTS or something.

I might also be fun -- if we could work it out legally -- if the "cowboys" that the Turtles fight here are actually some of the characters from my friend Ryan Brown's "Wild West Cowboys of Moo Mesa" property. It would be a fun "in-joke", and I'm pretty sure Ryan would go for it.

10.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, ELSEWHERE IN THE PENTHOUSE, Cody and Donny are running a system check on the network. They detect Viral, and see that he has infected much of O’Neil Tech’s network, but a firewall is still keeping him out of the top secret classified research files.

CODY: I’ll try to delete him…

But when Cody hits the delete button, Viral senses the attack. Abandoning his Bartender guises, he leaves the Dojo and zips through the wires toward Cody’s computer.

Donny notices the lights flickering and sees a spray of sparking explosions surging toward them.

DONATELLO: Unplug!

He yanks the Ethernet plug out of the computer just before Viral gets there. Then, they flee down the hallway with the wiring burning up in the wall behind them. "

See my comment #6 above. And, 100 years in the future, would Cody's laptop REALLY be literally plugged in via Ethernet? I mean, we're almost living in a wireless society NOW! The gag above could still work exactly as is if instead of Cody's computer being plugged in, it is working wirelessly, but it contains the same firewall that the other O'Neil secret classified research computers have. Viral could sense the laptop's presence, even though it couldn't get into it, and still send the same power surges in its direction as above.

11.) Re: the following:

"After Viral fades away, we PAN DOWN the outside of the penthouse and see that Donny is hanging from a ledge by one hand and holding a shaken Cody with the other.

DONATELLO: We’re safe, kid.

But Cody looks down at the dizzying drop and closes his eyes in terror.

CODY: You call this safe?

Urging Cody to trust him, Donny uses his foot to slide open a window, and they swing inside to safety.

DONATELLO: This looks like our floor. "

Don's last line here sounds like dopey "snappy patter". And I'm not so sure about the convenient window Don can slide open with his foot doesn't make the building sound very secure. Hmmm... of course, maybe the windows are all unlocked as one of the results of Viral's invasion of the building's electronics -- and it could be good to have Don mention it when they are able to get in that way.

12.) Re: the following:

"Furious, Viral explodes with anger and the whole scene disappears in a fuzz of VIDEO STATIC.

When the image resolves, they find themselves in a new holo-simulation, one that looks very familiar… Their old SEWER HIDEOUT. At first they are delighted.

RAPHAEL: Home, sweet home!

MICHAELANGELO: Hey, I wonder if that leftover pepperoni pizza is still in the fridge!

Leo reminds them that this is just a simulation. And then they see something moving in the shadows. It’s the FOOT CLAN! "

Ah, now I see that my idea for the old lair being part of this holographic training thing (see point #4 above) has already been thought of. However, I think it works better per my suggestion, and I think it would be cooler if we used instead a NYC rooftop scenario for this battle.

13.) Re: the following:

"As a wave of Foot soldiers attack them, Viral’s face gloatingly appears on one of the Lieutenants. "

Wouldn't it be much cooler if instead of a mere Lieutenant, it's a simulated SHREDDER?

14.) Re: the following:

"VIRAL: You fight well now. But your pathetic flesh is weak. Soon you will tire. But my soldiers are inexhaustible!

As another wave of Foot soldiers appears from the darkness, Mikey begins to look concerned. He realizes that Viral is right. They can’t keep up this pace forever! As Viral laughs malevolently, the epic fight continues. "

Not that we have to get into the tech stuff TOO deeply, but Viral's line here made me think -- given that we establish that the rock troll Leo fights in the opening simulation was actually a holographically disguised robot, WHAT exactly are these Foot soldiers the Turtles are fighting (and for that matter, the little elves Leo was fighting in the beginning)? Are they, too, robots cloaked in holograms? If so, wouldn't it make sense that Viral's supply of Foot soldiers would NOT be unlimited? I think they would only be unlimited if we establish that in some ways this training room works like STAR TREK's "Holodeck", which uses force fields to simulate physical objects. And maybe only some special opponents -- like the rock troll -- are based on real, physical machines. Although, when you think of it, why bother if you can create holograms which feel like physical objects?

15.) Re: the following:

"Donny explains that he tricked Viral into streaming into an area that he thought was O’Neil Tech’s classified files, but instead it was a dead-end where Donny was able to lock him in.

The other Turtles think Donny’s brilliant until Leo asks where exactly he locked Viral up.

Suddenly, the room SHAKES, and a huge, hulking, six-armed DOJO BATTLE BOT burst out of the wall. They see that Viral’s face is trapped in its viewscreen. Exasperated, Raph turns to Leo. "

Hmm... now WHY, exactly, does bright boy Donny do such a stupid thing? Wouldn't it have occurred to him that putting a malevolent entity like Viral in a dangerous robot's body might not be such a great idea?

It might work well if Don explains (maybe when the others give him some shit about it) that it was the lesser of two evils -- he could either have let Viral continue to pillage O'Neil Tech's computers (unacceptable) or lure Viral into the only place he could figure out to contain it -- the robot body (dangerous, but better than option #1).

16.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO: I’m gonna lose my linguini! "

NOT a Leo line -- Raph or Mike might say something like this.

17.) Re: the following:

"As the maddened Viral Bot charges at our heroes, Donny tells them to break off the transponder that is located just behind the left shoulder.

Easier said than done! But at great risk, Leo manages to slice the transponder off. However, it doesn’t slow down the lumbering juggernaut. “It didn’t stop him!” complains Leo.

DONATELLO: No, but it cuts off his line of transmission! Now he can’t upload himself out of that robot. "

This seems like a waste of time and an unnecessary action bit -- didn't Don already "lock off all avenues of escape" in Act 3?

18.) Re: the following:

"SERLING: Oh dear! Some of these priceless antiques are a hundred years old!

MICHAELANGELO: Hey! Who’re you calling antiques?

Serling is mortified, and explains that he didn’t mean the Turtles because even though they are a hundred years old, they certainly don’t look it! And furthermore… Mikey laughs and cuts him off. "

Okay, I'm confused -- is Serling a prissy, timid 'droid as he is portrayed in this scene, or the snippy, sarcastic 'droid we saw in the first episode?

19.) Re: the following:

"As Cody takes the Lotus position, Mikey walks by Splinter and chuckles at his frizzed fur.

MICHAELANGELO: Nice doo, master.

When Splinter starts to protest that it’s only temporary, Raph stops him.

RAPHAEL: I thought a true warrior must always adapt to any new situation.

For once, Splinter is at a loss for words. Raph laughs as he walks away, and says that maybe the future isn’t so bad, after all. "

This might be a good place to use the "bad hair day" joke misused earlier (see my comment #7 above).

I'm a little concerned with what I see as the subtext of this scene -- if I am reading it right, Raph is thinking that the future might not be so bad because they can make fun of Master Splinter. That doesn't seem right.

20. ) Re: the following:

"Inside, the vault is crammed with computer equipment. Viral sits amidst the gear and works on repairing his broken robot body. He flexes his repaired hand with obvious satisfaction.

VIRAL: Yes! I’m beginning to like this physical form.

Just then, a vid-screen BEEPS, and he goes to answer it. On the screen, we see a glitchy distorted image of the shadowy and mysterious SH’OKANABO. She is not happy.

SH’OKANABO: You have failed me.

Viral bows his head in shame.

VIRAL: Yes, mistress. But in this form, I am more powerful than ever. Give me one more chance to get down and dirty with those cursed Turtles, and they will pay!"

This doesn't make sense to me. First, it is OBVIOUS that Viral is far LESS powerful trapped in a robot body than he was when he could enter all kinds of electronic systems as will and disrupt/manipulate them. And second, I seriously doubt that after having all that power -- and then having it taken away from him when Don trapped him in this robot -- Viral would "begin to like" this metal body he is STUCK IN.

Also, if Viral is going to reappear in a future episode, do we really want him to be just another hulking robot, or the very dangerous sentient digital intelligence he was in this episode? I think the latter.

Perhaps a better way to play this would be as follows: Viral is not liking his new metal form, he's CURSING it. He pleads with SH'OKANABO to help free him from this prison, but SH'OKANABO expresses his displeasure with Viral's failure by telling him that he must remain in this limited form, as punishment, until SH'OKANABO deigns to free him, for his next mission (whatever that will be).

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #478: July 29, 2005: Re: TMNT 2105 - B/W Model, July 31, 2005: concept models, and July 31, 2005: Re: 118 ("Future Shellshock") foist draft

2012-02-24T06:47:00.001-08:00

Subj: Re: TMNT 2105 - B/W Model
Date: Friday, July 29, 2005 12:50:35 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Re: the following:

serling.jpg -- nice drawing, and a fun-looking robot, but not at all what I was expecting Serling to look like -- this thing looks like a war robot or a wrestler. How's it going to fit into the driver's seat of the limo... or through doors? WAY too bulky.

serlingw?cody.jpg -- This one is pretty messy and hard to make out what is going on, exactly -- but if I squint it LOOKS to me like there is some very bizarre idea that Cody can get inside the robot Serling's body...? What's up with that?

-- Pete

---------------------------------------

Subj: concept models
Date: Sunday, July 31, 2005 9:35:46 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

It's kind of difficult ot comment accurately on models which I know nothing about (which is about half or more of these), but I'll give it a try.

Re: the following

WristGauntlet3rev.jpg -- kind of cool, but I have no idea what it is for

BishopArmor.jpg, BishopNanoArmor.jpg -- Are these two versions of the same armor? Is this some kind of "transforming" thing for Bishop? Would be nice to know.

InuwashiGunjin1.jpg -- Cool!

PresBishop1Revised.jpg -- Looks okay.

DarkDonRevised2.jpg, DarkLeo.jpg, DarkMikey.jpg, DarkRaph.jpg -- Not really sure what is up with these "Dark" Turtles, but I don't like any of them.

Serling#1.jpg -- Much more believable as a butler robot. This is more in line with how I was envisioning Serling. The giant-torso version may have some use at some point, however. Maybe that could represent an earlier version of Serling (Serling 1.0) which Cody set aside when this version (2.0? 3.0? 4.0?) was created.

hovershell#2.jpg -- Cool!

FutureLeo1.jpg -- Sorry -- but this look still says "recuperating from injuries" to me. I think it's because there seems to be no rhyme or reason to the look and/or placement of the various pieces.

Viral4.jpg -- both of these look okay (though if asked to choose I would go with the one on the left), though I'm not sure if they are meant to represent Viral in the virtual world (i.e. as the program that he is) or some kind of physical version.

hovershell#1.jpg -- Cool!

Splinter2Revised.jpg -- Eh... kind of boring. "Futuristic" robe-looking thing. Doesn't look like something Splinter would wear. No spirituality to it.

splinterwalkingstick.jpg -- not horrible looking, but not great either. And what's up with the two-position handle? Seems silly -- does it do anything other than make the walking stick a few inches longer?

nunchuk.jpg -- Same problems as with sais.

sais.jpg -- Eh... still not too exciting. And still looking too ornate and fussy. Might be nice if whatever look we come up with has the outward-pointing tips for the side prongs as in the classic sai.

bo.jpg -- of these three, the lowest is least objectionable, as it at least has some elegance the others sorely lack.

katanas.jpg -- Of these three, the bottom one is least objectionable. But I would make the blade guard (above the hilt) more symmetrical.

shellspeeder4.jpg -- Cool!

bigwheel5.jpg -- Don't know what the hell it is, but it looks cool.

-- Pete

----------------------------------

Subj: Re: 118 ("Future Shellshock") foist draft
Date: Sunday, July 31, 2005 11:58:16 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 7/31/05 4:22:50 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete –

Just a reminder, we’re looking for your notes on 118 script as soon as possible.

Also, FYI, after Monday I will be out of town for the rest of the week. I have to travel to England on behalf of some other 4Kids business, but hopefully I will be able to access my e-mail. We return late Friday.

Hope yer havin’ a nice weekend…

Lloyd

Lloyd,

Here are my notes on the 118 first draft.

1.) Re: the following:

"RAPHAEL
Where's our masks? And our WEAPONS?! I feel totally naked here!
REVEAL SPLINTER - His robe and walking stick are gone.
SPLINTER
Speak for yourselves, my sons."

Splinter's line is kind of lame and unnecessary. And why is he referring to all of the Turtles when it was just Raph who talked about being naked? It also doesn't make any sense -- if Raph were naked but Splinter clothed, THEN it would make sense. But they're both naked!

2.) Reading this, a thought occurred to me -- if Cody is such a big fan of and knows so much about the Turtles, AND he obviously knows this used to be their lair (he is using his "time window"on them, after all) -- wouldn't he have previously EMPTIED the lair of any objects of significance? If so, maybe that should be reflected in the state of the lair, i.e. it is mostly empty of artifacts.

3.) Re: the following:

"INT. ACCESS TUNNEL TO SURFACE - SECONDS LATER
Splinter and the Turtles trudge through the tunnel, <HUFFING AND PUFFING>, their movements slow and lumbering.
DONATELLO
Is it... just me... or is it... really hard... to breathe... all of a sudden?
MICHELANGELO
And why does... my body... feel like it... weighs a ton?
RAPHAEL
Prob'ly from all that... junk food.
The Turtles and Splinter arrive at the surface access (not sure where this is), THEIR FACES SUDDENLY BATHED IN LIGHT, reacting in open-mouthed shock to what they see outside. "

It seems really weird that this happens in a TUNNEL (and what's up with this "access tunnel", anyway? If it's something new that was added AFTER they were taken from the lair by the time window, why don't they comment on it? And do they really NEED a tunnel to get into/out of their lair? I can't remember the layout too clearly. And how much of Central Park has survived into the future?) ... and then isn't referenced again for several pages. And then there's THIS weird line a few pages later:

"DONATELLO
Worse than it was on the ground..."

Weird because when it happened to them before, they weren't ON the ground, they were UNDER the ground. I think the introduction to our atmosphere/gravity zones concept needs to be handled better.

4.) Re: the following:

"LEONARDO
Guys? I know it's a cliche, but I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

That is a cliche, and one of the most egregiously over-used in the world. We don't need it. Let's lose it, and not have anything there, or think up a better expression.

5.) In the scene where Mike jumps onto the flatbed with the Triiceratons, it's unclear whether they notice him jumping on or not.

6.) Re: the following:

"NEW ANGLE - Leaping from Hovercar to Hovercar, the Turtles and Splinter pass a FLOATING SIGN with unreadable alien writing. After they pass, the sign turns to English and reads:
UPTOWN, LEVEL 1 (TEMPERATURE: 72∞ (GRAVITY: 3 ATMOSPHERES (AIR CONTENT: SULPHUROUS"

It seems odd to have a measurement of GRAVITY be "3 atmospheres" (especially when "atmospheres" is a measure of AIR PRESSURE in our present. It is also more than a a little confusing when we are dealing with our new concept of different gravity and atmosphere zones... why conflate the two?

7.) Re: the following:

"ON TURTLES AND SPLINTER - on their hands and knees, weighted down by gravity and breathlessness, barely able to move, while Splinter seems to be unaffected by it all."

Okay... why is Splinter not affected? Seems weird and illogical.

8.) Re: the following:

"SPLINTER
Use your Ninja training, my sons. Control your breathing. Adapt your bodies to your surroundings.
Slowly, Leo, Don and Raph, <BREATHE EASIER> rising to their feet (Biggles still prattling on in b.g.)."

Okay, so now they can use ninja techniques to breathe different atmospheres and defy gravity? I don't think so.

9.) Re: the following:

"REVERSE - A 14-year-old kid stands framed in the doorway, eyes wide with awe.
CODY
You're a lot taller than I imagined... greener too.
SPLINTER AND THE TURTLES - jump off Serling and rush to Cody."

Why do they "rush to Cody"?

10.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO - looks past Cody into the Penthouse, eyes wide and jaw dropping at what he sees.
DONATELLO
(shocked)
And what the heck is THAT?

INT. PENTHOUSE - ENTRY HALL/TROPHY ROOM - CONTINUOUS
REVERSE ANGLE TO REVEAL - A SHRINE TO THE TURTLES! Wall to wall bits of memorabilia, old newspaper clippings, the TCRI canister, a Shredder helmet, even the Turtles' masks. And at the center of it all... CASEY JONES' HOCKEY MASK, GOLF BAG, BATS, HOCKEY STICK, ETC. The Turtles and Splinter enter, shocked and awed."

If this IS indeed the layout that we pan to use, then I have to raise my question once more (the one that I posed in a previous email) -- does Darius know about Cody's TMNT collection? It seems like it's pretty obvious, like anyone who enters the penthouse would just see it (like Don does here), and doesn't it make sense that Darius would have been in Cody's penthouse any number of times?

11.) Re: the following:

"He crabs Cody by the color, lifting him off the floor."

I think that should be:

"He grabs Cody by the collar, lifting him off the floor."

12.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Please... don't be mad... I-it's mine. It belonged to me great grandparents!"

"ME great grandparents"...?

13.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Sorry. My great grandfather's journal didn't have any pictures of you guys. "

WHAT???!!! All this stuff, and he doesn't have ONE PICTURE OF THEM???!! Just totally, ridiculously silly.( And wasn't he just looking at them through the FREAKIN' TIME WINDOW???!!!)
If we want to do a gag where Cody can't tell them apart, just do the obvious one -- it really IS hard (even for us!) to tell the Turtles apart when they are "naked".

14.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Sorry. Y'know, you guys should have, like, color coded masks or something. "

Another totally silly bit. See point 13 above. (And didn't we already see a page or so ago that Cody has the Turtles' colored masks IN HIS FREAKIN' COLLECTION???!!!)

15.) Re: the following:

"REVEAL THE TIME WINDOW - an impressive array of machinery.
DONATELLO
A time machine?
CLOSE ON CODY - As he fiddles with controls, an IMAGE OF THE TURTLES' LAIR (as it is in 2105) appears on a monitor.
CODY
Actually, a time WINDOW. It was only supposed to VIEW the past. The time TRAVEL part was an accident. One that I have no idea how to recreate, Mikey.
WIDEN TO REVEAL - Cody's looking at Leo, who's pretty miffed.
LEONARDO
STILL Leo. And does that mean we're stuck here in the future? "

Sigh... this makes it the THIRD time Cody has made the same STUPID mistake. THIS is the brilliant inventor of a time window? Shouldn't he have started to recognize Leo's VOICE by now?

16.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Unfortunately, yes.
(beat, realizing)
Say, where IS Mikey?
RAPHAEL - <CLONKS> Serling on the back of the head.
RAPHAEL
We lost him! That's what we been tryin' ta tell yer walkin' toaster here.
CODY - rushes to the exit.
CODY
Then we need to find him before he causes too much trouble!
SERLING - <WHIRS> over and blocks Cody's path.
SERLING
Now, master. You KNOW you're not allowed to leave the house. "

Cody's words ("we need to find him before he causes too much trouble!") and his actions (rushing to the exit) are very weird. Why is Cody so worried about Mikey "causing too much trouble"? Wouldn't he be more likely worried that Mikey would GET into trouble that he doesn't himself CAUSE, simply because he's in a future he knows little or nothing about? And I thought Cody didn't go outside because he was scared/timid/agoraphobic, not because he wasn't ALLOWED to. How does his immediately "rushing to the exit" fit with that?

17.) Re: the following:

"SERLING
(explaining to Turtles/Splinter)
Master Jones is the owner of O'Neil Tech, the premiere manufacturer of terran technologies on this or any planet. The outside world is far too dangerous place for him. "

As we discussed in previous emails, O'Neil Tech is NOT "the premiere manufacturer of terran technologies on this or any planet".

18.) Re: the following:

"CODY - examines the readout more closely, reacting disappointed.
CODY
Bad news. You only have ten minutes before it closes up permanently. "

How does Cody know this? Isn't it already clear that Cody was as surprised as anyone by the opening of the time portal? How, then, does he know so much so definitively about how it works? This could be fixed easily, as follows:

"CODY - examines the readout more closely, reacting disappointed.
CODY
Bad news. You only have ten minutes before it closes up -- maybe permanently this time! "

19.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles and Splinter scramble into the vehicle. Cody is about to pile in after them when Serling steps in his way.
SERLING
Surely you're not thinking of going with them, Master?
Cody wriggles past Serling and inside the Speeder.
CODY
I wouldn't miss this for the world."

Again, what is up with Cody? Is he a kid who WANTS to go outside but is held back, or is he SCARED to go outside most of the time? I thought from our previous discussions it was the latter, but this makes it seem like the former.

20.) Re: the following:

"DONNIE - <REVS UP THE ENGINE> and puts it in gear.
DONATELLO
I'm assuming this thing drives just like the BattleShell."

The BattleShell, as far as I can recall, didn't FLY. Maybe this could be enhanced as follows:

"DONNIE - <REVS UP THE ENGINE> and puts it in gear.
DONATELLO
I'm assuming this thing drives just like the BattleShell.
(beat) Except for the flying part."

21.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Sorry, Darius, you're breaking up.
(calling back to Turtles)
And what's with the disappearing act?
The Turtles and Splinter pull themselves out of the shadows.
LEONARDO
Sorry. Force of habit."

So Cody knows all about them... but he doesn't know about their "ninja hiding" thing?

22.) Re: the following:

"LEO, RAPH, DON AND SPLINTER - leap at the Street Phantoms, who TURN INTANGIBLE, causing our heroes to phase right through them and <CRASH> hard into the wall behind them.
MICHELANGELO
Oh yeah. Prob'ly shoulda mentioned they can do that."

And why should Mikey have mentioned that? As far as I can tell, he's NEVER SEEN THEM DO IT BEFORE!!!

23.) Re: the following:

"CODY
Oh man! They need help!
(beat realizing)
How can they need help? I thought they were invincible."

Why would Cody think the Turtles were "invincible"?

24.) Re: the following:

"DON AND A STREET PHANTOM - circle one another, each one feinting, but not attacking (they've both wised up by this point). Suddenly another Phantom PHASES up from the ground behind Don and TURNS SOLID. Thinking fast, Don leaps up and grabs onto an overhang (fire escape?), as the two Phantoms leap in to attack and end up <SLAMMING> into each other. "

Might be cool and creepy to do something here where when the two Street Phantoms slam into each other, they accidentally phase into each other and get STUCK, forming a bizarre-looking combination creature.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #477: July 28, 2005: Re: Outline 119 ("Obsolete") Reminder

2012-02-23T06:51:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: Outline 119 ("Obsolete") Reminder
Date: Thursday, July 28, 2005 3:10:32 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 7/28/05 12:34:33 AM, Lloyd Goldfine writes:

Hey Pete –

With all the hubbub over the design stuff, please don’t forget to take a look at the outline for 119. We’d love your notes so we can get a first draft script goin’.

Thanks,

Lloyd

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 119 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"THE FIGURE steps out from behind Serling, revealing himself to be DARIUS. Adopting a concerned face, he walks forward toward Cody, and we TRACK WITH HIM as he unsuspectingly passes the hidden Turtles, each of whom makes a mocking face at the visitor."

I could see maybe Mikey making a "mocking face", but why all four of them? Seems infantile and out of character.

2.) Re: the following:

"CUT TO OUTSIDE, where Cody finds the four brothers waiting for him…inside the Hovershell! They tell him he can’t let Darius always tell him what to do…and that’s why it’s time for a field trip! Instead of bringing gear from the company to them, they’ll go to the company!"

Again, I think it's important to know why we are calling this flying craft the "Hovershell". If, as you said in our phone conversation a few days ago, it is a Turtleized vehicle that super TMNT fan had had made before he brought the Turtles to the future -- which is fine -- then that should be made clear.

Also, there's something about the Turtles encouraging Cody to misbehave which is a little troubling, even if Darius is a "jerk". (Where's Splinter as all this is happening, anyway?) I think there should be some disagreement among the brothers -- Leo would likely discourage Cody from coming, while Raph would definitely egg him on. The end result could be the same...

... though the reason for their excursion seems a bit weak. Given that we just had a scene where Cody demonstrates that they can order and have delivered ANYTHING via the Internet, I don't see why they have to go out to get stuff. Maybe we should think up another rationale -- "Time to explore the city and see what's changed -- a ninja's knowledge of his environment is one of his most potent weapons".

3.) Re: the following:

"INSIDE –The Turtles and Cody see the ground rushing up at them! Cody’s scared stiff, but there’s no time for argument or convincing! Leo scoops him up, and all five bail out!

STREET LEVEL – The Turtles and Cody drop down from the Hovershell, which is falling itself – and land right in the middle of oncoming traffic!"

This is interesting. How do they escape being SPLATTED on the road surface? After all, they have just been falling from the sky along with the Hovershell. And if the answer is "the gravity circuits in their Enviropaks saved them", then I think we have a bigger problem, as giving the enviropaks that kind of ability sort of turns everyone into a superhero of sorts, about to fall off the tallest building or leap out of an aircraft with no worry.

4.) Re: the following:

"GROUND ANGLE – The Hovershell pulls up on its own at the last moment, soaring over their heads and past them in the direction of the oncoming traffic!"

This I don't get -- why does the Hovershell suddenly start working again? The blinking gizmo is still attached to it, right?

Reading further, it SEEMS as if this blinking gizmo has the ability to take over control of the Hovershell and bring it in for a safe, controlled landing. The question then becomes, if it can exert that kind of control over the flight systems of the Hovershell, why doesn't it just pilot the Hovershell to a remote location (rather than the busy center of the city) where kidnapping Cody would be far more simple?

5.) Re: the following:

"No time to worry about that now, as the Turtles leap up in sync and –

QUICK CUTS, ALL MOVING – We see them leaping from roof to roof, hood to hood, on the oncoming cars, effectively SURFING the oncoming wave of Detroit steel! Finally, somersaulting to safe ground, they look ahead in time to see"

So who's carrying Cody? Surely we're not saying that Cody has the acrobatic ability that the Turtles have.

6.) Re: the following:

"FIND MIKEY, checking out the dented car struck by the Hovershell.

MIKEY: “I dunno…I think it hit Biggles’ car, so maybe it’s working
better than ever!”"

How does Mikey know this is Biggles' car? And are we setting up too many coincidental Biggles encounters?

7.) Here's a thought that just occurred to me, not specific to this episode but perhaps germane overall to this season: If Cody is such a HUGE fan of the Turtles, and has his "TMNT room" full of memorabilia, is Darius Whatever aware of this? It would seem likely that he would be. If so, wouldn't/shouldn't Darius RECOGNIZE the Turtles as the Turtles? If so, that would be an important factor going forward.

Here's another, related question: Are the Turtles still a secret to the general public... or was their existence somehow revealed in the past, and it's not just Cody who knows about them?

8.) Re: the following:

"Using the lathe, Don imagines a new BO STAFF for himself, using wood from an alien planet that allows the wielder a special TBD ability."

I'm a bit hesitant to suggest this, given how many dick jokes could spring from it, but it occurred to me that a cool feature of this "alien wood" might be that even though it is formed in the shape of a bo staff, it can "relax" on command and be coiled up. Thus it could be used as a short whip when needed, used in climbing (coil it around projections when hauling oneself upward), etc..

9.) Re: the following:

"DRAMATIC ANGLE as the roof caves in with a tremendous crash! The Turtles flip, duck and roll, dodging enormous shards of glass and debris, Donny protecting Cody from damage. The Winged Warriors swoop in, identifying themselves as the INUWASHI GUNJIN, mercenaries for hire with a job to complete!"

How is it that the "roof caves in"? Is this main lab on the top floor? Also, why/how do the INUWASHI GUNJIN identify themselves?

10.) Re: the following:

"A few times, the Turtles get close to their quarry, but the Inuwashi Gunjin’s maneuverability takes advantage of the Turtles’ inexperience on the sky-bikes, and they’re able to trick the Turtles into slamming into each other, knocking their transportation out of commission. The winged warriors get away – with Cody. TIME DISSOLVE TO:

BACK AT O’NEIL, Darius holds a press conference to detail the latest happenings, really playing up how worried he is for Cody’s safety, and pleading for his safe return.

IN THE SHADOWS, the grim Turtles watch the press conference, trusting Darius as far as they can throw him. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot they can do at this point. Of course, that doesn’t stop Donny from wracking his brain, trying."

I don't see why the Turtles go from chasing the INUWASHI GUNJIN to watching Darius give a press conference back at O'Neil industries. I would think that they would be trying to follow/find the kidnappers. If there IS some specific reason that they go to the press conference rather than take some action, it should be made clear. As I read further, there doesn't really seem to BE a reason for them to be there -- I mean, they don't actually LEARN anything, they just talk about how they don't trust Darius. I don't object to the idea of Darius giving the press conference, but maybe we just cut away from wherever the Turtles are to show it, then cut back to the Turtles.

Reading even further, I see that Leo is taking note of the fact that Darius is for some reason not using the "homing beacons" to find Cody. This is an important detail, but I still think it would be kind of silly and out of character for the Turtles to return to O'Neil Industries instead of doing something more active to find Cody. Here's a thought -- if it is a press conference, there would be, well, PRESS there, and they would likely be broadcasting it. Maybe the broadcast appears on various flying holographic video billboards (or whatever) that the Turtles see as they continue their search for Cody, and THAT'S how Leo gets that little nugget of information.

Here's another issue: If Serling has this information, why isn't he passing it along to the authorities, i.e. Constable Biggles? I could maybe see that he doesn't trust Darius, but surely he would have no reason to keep this vital info from the police.

11.) Re: the following:

"INCLUDE THE OTHERS, showing their gauntlets are beeping as well! MIKEY hops about in distress, trying to shake loose the gauntlet, still not quite getting the hang of all this future tech.

Mikey: “Don’t let it eat my arm! Don’t let it eat my arm!”"

That's pretty dopey.

12.) Re: the following:

"IN FLASHBACK, we see winged warriors like these guys flying above a battlefield, striking ground troops from the air.

I.G. (VO): “We were mercenaries, genetically engineered for the ‘old wars,’ but when they were over, we were deemed unnecessary and deactivated.”

Would it be too much to link this to the Avians from previous episodes? The line above could be altered as follows:

"I.G. (VO): “We were mercenaries, genetically engineered from captive members of an ancient race of flying beings, molded into fighters for the ‘old wars,’ but when they were over, we were deemed unnecessary and deactivated.”

13.) Re: the following:

"Thinking fast, Raph swings up to the back of the I.G. he’s fighting and hooks his sai into the mercenary’s harness, using them to steer him against his will into a steep dive!

RAPH: “C’mon, tweety, let’s see how fast you can fly!”

DIVING WITH RAPH AND I.G. – It’s a heart-stopping sequence as Raph zooms his I.G. under Cody at the last minute, catching him. But in doing so, he releases control of the I.G., who pulls up sharply, sending Raph and Cody flying!"

This action bit just seems totally unbelievable. Remember, we're not talking about some dumb animal that Raph can poke and prod with his sais to get it to move in the direction he wants it to go -- this is a cunning and powerful and intelligent trained warrior -- it would NEVER do this. It's just plain silly.

We need to think of another way to do this, if it is in fact necessary. Actually, a thought just occurred to me as I noticed another silly bit in a previous paragraph, as follows:

"Finally, in a desperate bid to maintain their freedom, the I.G. pitch Cody off the roof!"

Given that their employer has just given them strict instructions that they should not HARM Cody, just FRIGHTEN him, this action seems ludicrous. BUT... it also might be a way to make the other sequence work. Here's my thought: The I.G. throw Cody off the roof -- their intent is to startle the Turtles into breaking off their attack just enough so that the I.G. can break free. This is, in fact, what happens... but because the I.G. are still under orders not to harm Cody, they ALSO use this to immediately fly down to CATCH Cody before he hits the ground. One of the Turtles -- it could be Raph, I suppose -- thinks fast and dives out after them. In one of our patented ignoring of the laws of physics, Raph could catch up to the I.G. who has JUST GRABBED CODY and Raph's weight forces the I.G. to waver off course and DROP Cody and Raph into the lake. (Maybe Raph beats on the I.G. a little to hasten this.)

14.) There seems to be either a lapse of logic or a scene missing somewhere between the time that Cody and Raph "safely – and luckily – splashing down in Central Park Lake" and in the third or fourth following paragraph wherein we see Don, Raph and Leo chasing the I.G. Didn't Raph fall into the lake with Cody? And further on, here's this confusing paragraph:

"With the three I.G. grounded, Leo, Donny and Ralph put the finishing touches on them, just as Cody and Raph come rushing up, dragging their own unconscious enemy."

15.) Re: the following:

"But before the lead I.G. can speak, there’s a HUM, then a GREEN GLOW surrounds all four mercenaries, and a moment later, the energy hardens into the STASIS CAPSULES! Raph pounds on the capsules with his sai, but even their redesigned abilities can’t penetrate the green shielding."

This seems to me a very odd way to wrap this up (no pun intended). In front of everyone at this press conference (which is surely being recorded and broadcast), these I.G.'s who kidnapped Cody suddenly get encapsulated in stasis fields... and then Darius is allowed to just cart them away to his own choice of location? Wouldn't this be a police matter?

-- Pete

What to do...?

2012-02-21T18:32:00.000-08:00

Back when I started posting these "behind the scenes" emails between me and Lloyd Goldfine, head writer on the 4Kids TMNT animated series, I kind of started halfway through the second season, around episode 45. I am not quite certain why I started there, but it is possible that the email I used for that post was the earliest one I could find at that time on my laptop.

For months, I have been meaning to boot up my dusty old desktop Mac, and see if I could find any older emails relating to the development of the 4Kids show. Today, I did just that, and was pleased to discover emails dating back to early 2002, from the beginning of the series.

I'm planning to use these -- but I am not sure if I should start doing that NOW, or continue on with the "Fast Forward" stuff and then with "Back to the Sewers" and hopefully "Turtles Forever", if I can find my notes from those projects... and once all that's done, THEN go back and start from the beginning.

What do you think? -- PL

Blast from the Past #476: July 26, 2005: comments on 120 ("Home Invasion") and 121 ("Headlock Prime") premises

2012-02-21T05:42:00.000-08:00

Subj: comments on 120 and 121 premises
Date: Tuesday, July 26, 2005 1:23:24 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments (just a few) on the 120 and 121 premises.

---------------

comments on premise for Ep. 120 "Home Invasion"

1.) Re: the following:

"Don and Cody manage to sequester themselves and try to attack Viral by working within NETHERSPACE – a purely digital domain operating below all computer programming (NOT a virtual reality, but a digital realm of numbers where they exist as flickering lines of information. There they see Viral in his DIGITAL FORM, and set traps for him while Raph and the rest fend off a building gone wrong."

Maybe it's the wording, but I don't quite get what is meant by "a purely digital domain operating below all computer programming (NOT a virtual reality, but a digital realm of numbers where they exist as flickering lines of information" -- that sounds to me like EXACTLY what programming is: lines of information. I hope this is not just an excuse to use that already over-used cheesy scrolling green characters MATRIX thing. Unless there is something I am missing, there's no need to create something like "Netherspace" for this story -- Don and Cody are just doing programming. (Or counter-programming, in this instance.) "Netherspace" is a cool word, though -- maybe we should save it for a future use.

2.) Re: the following:

"Don and Cody manage to build a “trap door” for Viral that appears to be the key to O’Neil security, but instead traps him in the Dojo. Viral is tricked into downloading his entire program into one DOJO PRACTICE ROBOT – (a nasty juggernaut of a construct that will be his body in the future!) From here Viral’s certain that he can destroy the Turtles (with the visceral thrill of using “his own six hands”) but gets more than he bargained for when Raph takes out all of his “future frustration” on the robot, kicking the shell out of it. (Body and Mind… the Physical and the Spiritual, working in consort…)

In the end, Viral uses the body (now a virtual prison) to escape, barely making it out with his circuits in tact. O’Neil has been saved, and Raph is a little more at peace…just a little.

In a final coda, Viral appeals to his mysterious “creator” to free him from the robotic body, but she refuses, and we see once again a glimpse of the mysterious Sh’okanabo. What was she looking for at O’Neil..? Time will tell!"

While the idea that Viral can be trapped in the robot body is a neat way of concluding this episode, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Why can't Viral get out? What makes this robot so special and different from all of the other cybernetic systems Viral apparently got into and out of throughout the city? And even more baffling -- why would Viral's mysterious creator not let him out of the robot body? Surely Viral would be of far greater use to Sh'okanabo as a powerful computer virus than one beat-up robot.
I wonder if it might work better if it is Viral's CHOICE to keep the robot body -- though not necessarily as a permanent "home" -- because in the short time it had spent battling Raph in the dojo, it acquired something new: a "taste" for physical combat, something which it could expand upon in later episodes without losing its unique ability to infiltrate computer-driven systems as a virus. And perhaps Sh'okanabo allows it to keep this robot body, but with the threat of taking it away if Viral does not do what Sh'okanabo commands. The next question, of course, is this -- why would Viral care about THIS robot in particular... when there are very likely millions of other robot bodies it could take over and utilize? The answer might be that this robot is a special O'Neil Industries prototype with special chips and circuitry which approximate FEELINGS and SENSATIONS... which are suddenly intriguing to the previously totally digital Viral.

2.) When Viral attacks Cody's building, does his robot butler Serling also get invaded by the virus? Or is he immune somehow?

---------------------------------------------

comments on premise for Ep. 121 "Headlock Prime"

1.) Re: the following:

"BADOOM! A tremendous woman explodes from the box office and lands in the ring – with the nights’ BOX OFFICE! The FAT LADY swats aside a few of the wrestlers, who recognize her from her days as a former wrestler. (She was banned from the league for being too violent!) Thinking fast, Raph activates the “titanium cage,” trapping himself in the ring with her. "

Aside from being convenient for the plot, WHY does the Fat Lady (I sure hope we come up with a better name) go from the box office into the ring? Seems kind of silly if her goal is to steal the box office take and get out with it. Maybe it's because she also has a score (or scores) to settle with a few of the wrestlers who are in the ring at the moment.
Also, I'm not really sure why it's "thinking fast" for Raph to trap himself in a cage with this violent psycho. Sounds like a DUMB move to me. Maybe it would work better if it's an automatic security thing for the protection of the patrons if the wrestling gets out of hand. The rest of it -- Raph fighting, Leo "coaching" -- would work as is.

2.) Re; the following:

"The Fat Lady leaves with all of the cash, and Raph’s pride!"

"Cash"? We're a hundred years in the future and they're still using cash? Maybe that's possible -- albeit unlikely -- but perhaps there is something more valuable AND unique to this particular venue that she is stealing. How about the Pan-Galactic Wrestling Federation Ultra-Mega-Heavyweight belt made of jewel-encrusted Unobtanium?

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #475: July 22, 2005: Re: FW: 118 ("Future Shellshock") Outline

2012-02-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: FW: 118 ("Future Shellshock") Outline
Date: Friday, July 22, 2005 2:44:46 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 7/21/05 8:40:45 PM, Lloyd writes:

"Howdy all -

Attached please find the first rough draft outline for TMNT episode 118
(aka TMNT 2105 episode ONE!).

We're anxious to get our writer started scripting over the weekend, so
it would be greatly appreciated if we could have your comments by end of
day tomorrow (EST).

Feel free to call with any questions, comments, concerns, curses, etc.

Thanks mucho,

Lloyd"

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep.118 outline.

1.) Re: the following:

"Splinter sighs: "Fifteen years of ninja training and it all boils down to Ultimate Sumo Makeover vs. Zombies From Saturn: The Director's Cut." "

This line is fine -- it just doesn't sound like it's coming from Splinter. Maybe Leo or Don should say it.

2.) Before I forget -- I think we need to do a little something in this season's shows -- not TOO much, but SOMETHING -- to show that they guys MISS their friends (Casey, April, the Professor, SIlver Sentry, Angel, etc.) and their environment from the past. In other words, while they are prepared to adapt to the future NYC (and they will adapt) , they're still not really HAPPY to be there.

3.) Re: the following:

"(NOTE: If there's room, I'd like to get a running gag out of Splinter not being able to tell the Turtles apart without their masks.)"

To my mind, this is a REALLY dumb, lazy gag -- after raising them for fifteen-plus years, Splinter SURELY knows how to tell one Turtle from another. He could tell them apart with his eyes closed! Now CODY -- that's another story. It might be funny when he meets them for the first time, he mixes up their names.

4.) Re: the following:

"Splinter urges his sons to remain in the shadows and observe... but overzealous Mikey leaps onto the truck, prepared to strike from above. Just then, the Triceratons reach into the back of the vehicle and pull out... a stack of newspapers?! Only they're not like any newspapers we've ever seen: they're like disposable, flexible laptop screens with scrolling strange alien writing and moving pictures!

The guys are so dumbstruck that they don't notice the Triceratons hop back into their vehicle and take off like a shot -- with Mikey on top!"

The description of the future "newspapers" is cool... but I'd like to suggest an addition -- these "videopapers" also have a daily VIDEOGAME built into them! Complete with an obvious "control pad" with buttons at the bottom of the front page. If it worked out, we could actually have Mikey notice this and -- given his videogame addiction -- he could get distracted by this, adding to the likelihood that he wouldn't notice that he should jump off the Triceratons' paper delivery vehicle.

5.) Re: the following:

"The guys quickly lose the Hover Limo among what turn out to be holographic trees -- when a MASSIVE VEHICLE lands nearby and out leap two TRICERATONS. "

"Holographic trees" is an interesting idea -- but maybe misused in this context. I don't see WHY they should be there.

6.) Re: the following:

"Leo urges them to take to the rooftops but... where are the rooftops?! The buildings are so tall now you can't even see the tops through the clouds!"

That seems more than a little preposterous... and if TRUE, seriously cuts down on one of the most fun action things the Turtles typically do -- run around on rooftops.

7.) Re: the following:

"PENTHOUSE - Stepping from the limo, the guys enter the most palatial apartment they've ever seen. It's a testament to wealth and power, a technological marvel. It's enough to make a Turtle swoon. In fact, they all swoon, not from the sight, but from the lack of atmosphere up here. Splinter and the Turtles promptly BLACK OUT..."

This is a good example of how ridiculous this whole atmosphere bit can become if we let it. Think about it -- the guys have just entered Cody's apartment -- and there's NO BREATHABLE AIR???!! That's just silly. I think it would work much better if Serling sees that the Turtles and Splinter are still having breathing problems from the strange atmosphere previous scene, and because of THAT he gives them the breathing devices.
Speaking of which -- it seems logical that ALL living beings should be outfitted with these Enviropacks if they intend to move freely throughout the city -- so Cody, Biggles et al should be wearing them. Maybe some thought should be given to slightly different designs for these things to indicate occupation, status, etc., keeping a few common practical elements but allowing for some freedom of design. For example, the Peacekeepers might have enviropacks that have a more military/police look to them, and so on.
Speaking of Peacekeepers -- is their another cool word we could use/invent for their name? "Peacekeeper", while a perfectly fine word, has already been used prominently in sci-fi (I'm thinking "Farscape" right now). How about "Pacifactors"?

8.) Re: the following:

"Cody shyly fesses up that he's read about the Turtles in his great grandfather's journal (prompting Don to remark, "I didn't know Casey could read, let alone write!")."

That kind of line sounds like something Mike or Raph would say, not Don.

9.) Re: the following:

"We go into a FLASHBACK as Cody explains that, dying for just a glimpse of his heroes in action, he tried inventing a "time window" that would let him observe them in their own time. Only there was an accident and the Turtles sort of... fell through. "

Given that we desperately want to avoid "Wesley Crusher" syndrome, while making clear that Cody is an extremely bright kid, it occurred to me while reading this that it might be a great way to introduce the Utroms into this new future setting, and specifically one Utrom who I have featured in several issues of the TMNT comic -- the young and brilliant unconventional Glurin, who, in one of the TMNT comics, had been experimenting with Utrom transmat tech to construct a trans-dimensional viewer. Wouldn't it be cool if young Cody had an Utrom pal? I think it would. And maybe Glurin supplied Cody with some of the tech that he used to make his "time viewer". And maybe Glurin is the SECOND biggest Turtle fan (after Cody), one of the reasons being that the Turtles knew his father, Mr. Mortu!

10.) Re: the following:

"Cody proudly shows off his PERSONAL LAB, explaining that he "sort of owns a company... the biggest company... anywhere." "

While it is fine by me that O'Neiltech (should be one word, I think) is a BIG company, I see no compelling reason why it should be "the biggest company... anywhere". In fact, there are several good reasons why it SHOULDN'T be, not the least being that if it WERE "the biggest company... anywhere", Cody -- as owner -- would be the center of insanely intense scrutiny by the press, and that could make his interactions with the Turtles and Splinter problematic to say the least.

11.) Re: the following:

"Observing a monitor, Cody suddenly panics. It looks like the "time window" he accidentally opened is starting to close. "

I think we need to get this straight. Cody didn't "accidentally" open a time WINDOW (i.e. for VIEWING the past) -- he DELIBERATELY did that -- but he DID accidentally open up a time PORTAL (through which things from the past can come).
Also, I don't think Cody should "suddenly panic" while "observing a monitor" -- I think it would be better if he is aware all this time that the portal is still open, and also that he himself isn't really sure how much longer it will be there -- but his best guess is not very long. Also, HE shouldn't be the one who pushes the idea of the Turtles' returning to the past -- it should be the Turtles who press him on this. After all, they don't really want to be here, and they are (at least at this point in time, they might mellow some later) ticked off at this little brat for bringing them here against their will.

12.) Re: the following:

"Serling explains that he was instructed to retrieve "the Turtles". The Master didn't specify how many. "

There is an opportunity for humor here, but this is not it. It's ridiculous to think that Serling would not know how many Turtles there are if his Master is such a huge fan of them.

13.) Re: the following:

In any case, they need to get moving and find Mikey! But before they do... “Can we borrow those old masks?”

There might be some fun in having some comments about how funky the old masks smell. I also thought it might be fun if -- as temporary cover -- Serling gives Splinter one of Cody's bathrobes to wear (maybe at Cody's order) because the ancient Spliinter robe on display is literally falling apart. Some fun might be had here if the bathrobe was ALMOST the right size ( I suspect that Cody is a little taller than Splinter?). Maybe Cody has even had images of the Turtles woven into the bathrobe! (A sneaky little fun comment about merchandising.)

14.) It just occurred to me that there might be a fun way to get flashes of the old episodes into this season -- Cody could have a very high tech "holodeck" type thing which he puts at the Turtles' disposal... and in one episode Don might program it with a battle training program featuring -- THE SHREDDER and the FOOT and KARAI! And if we really wanted to push it, we could even do an episode where somehow these villains escape the "holodeck" and wreak havoc, or the Turtles get trapped in the holodeck's imaginary world with the "safeties" off! The fans would love it, I think.

15.) Re: the following:

" They pile in, waiting for Cody to drive... but he's still afraid to leave the house. "I could get in trouble.""

If we are really going to do this bit about Cody never leaving the apartment, we should have a REALLY good reason for it. What "trouble" is he going to get into? Is he traumatized because his parents went out and got killed in a flying car accident? Is he agoraphobic? Is he just painfully shy? This gag will only work if we have a solid base for it. Right now, I don't even see a halfway decent reason for it, and the story works fine without it.

16.) Re: the following:

"Cody neglected to mention that he doesn't know how to drive. Donny takes the wheel as they nearly crash into Constable Biggles, forcing him to spill his alien sushi all over himself and worse, his beloved paperwork. "

The "doesn't know how to drive" gag is pretty tired, and pretty DOPEY, considering that this kid has the resources and smarts to practice driving in a SIMULATOR, even if he never does it in the "real" world. Maybe that could be the gag instead of not knowing how to drive -- Cody knows how to drive, but all his experience has been simulated and this is his first trip in the the chaotic and messy "real world". So he can get around okay, but with a lot of close calls that could rattle the Turtles in amusing ways.

17.) Re: the following:

"MEANWHILE, IN THE ALLEY - Mikey enters, finding the Alien Street Vendor is gone. Instead, THE STREET PHANTOMS, a multi-species street gang led by JAMMER-HEAD, "decloak" and seemingly materialize out of nowhere, surrounding Mikey. "

I think we should try to make the effect for these guys significantly differently than our cloaked Foot Tech Ninjas from past episodes. One thought I had is that when these guys decloak, they start to appear from one body part and then it's like they are on a screen which is unrolling (or extending) until you see their whole bodies (and the reverse for cloaking). Or maybe they flash briefly in a negative version of themselves before they cloak or decloak.

18.) Re: the following:

"The guys turn to Cody. Can he create another window? Yes. Absolutely. In theory. As soon as he can figure out what caused the accident that created the first one. Looks like they're gonna be stuck in the future for a little while. "Oh well," says Mikey, "At least we still have our old lair."

Then suddenly... Metal <GROANS>, granite <CRASHES> around them. The guys haul shell outta their just in the nick of time as THE ENTIRE LAIR COLLAPSES!"

It's a funny visual gag, but why does the lair collapse RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT? This is the kind of slapstick humor that I'm not crazy about -- things happening with no rhyme or reason other than "it's funny!". I think we need SOME kind of explanation, even if it's some pseudoscientific claptrap from Don or Cody (i.e. "It appears the temporal displacement field weakened the main support structures of the lair").
Actually, it might be funny if Mikey does something like pats one of the beams before he says his line... and THAT'S the "straw that broke the camel's back", that small impact pushing the damaged lair over the edge.

19.) Re: the following:

"Suddenly the Speeder <CRASHES> into a floating billboard. "...or how to drive."

And with the Shell Speeder embedded into the face of an alien spokesmodel we FADE OUT. "

This is a dopey gag ripped off from the credit/intro sequence from "Futurama" -- let's lose it. A near miss/scrape would be better in my opinion.
Also, while I SUSPECT that calling the vehicle they are in the "Shell Speeder" is a shorthand way for us to understand that this will be -- or will serve as the basis for -- a "Turtleized" vehicle in later episodes, we should all recognize that there is no way at this point in the season that they could possibly have a "Shell Speeder" per se. Right?

-- Pete

P.S. What is your take on my earlier comment about the name "Darius Dun"?

Odd coincidence department

2012-02-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I was doing something on the Internet and stumbled upon this page. I really can't remember WHAT I was doing, exactly -- it may have been as simple as getting a "Google alert" to this link.

But when I got to this page, and saw "Mouser Electronics" and "Laird Technologies", I had to chuckle at the coincidence. -- PL

Blast from the Past #474: July 25, 2005: re: new TMNT lineup, and July 21, 2005: Re: TMNT Show 119 Premise - First Draft

2012-02-18T07:01:00.000-08:00

Subj: re: new TMNT lineup
Date: Monday, July 25, 2005 3:13:30 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I'm pretty disappointed in the art you sent me for the new look of the "future Turtles". It's a nice drawing, but my reaction when I first got it was "Why are the Turtles wearing goofy black Ace bandages?"
These designs do not in any way reflect what I had been envisioning for what we have been discussing for the "enviropacks" that the Turtles would be given and be wearing to help them deal with the different atmospheres and gravity zones in new NYC. That they are all different patterns/designs with different belts baffles me, too -- I don't see the logic in it, other than to make each Turtle look different for no particular reason. Maybe I'll give it a shot to see what I can come up with.
In regards to the size/build differences that we discussed, Don, Mike and Leo are fine, but Raph looks a shade too big to me, plus his upper plastron looks weird -- too much of a "V" shape. I don't think Raph's overall torso shape has to change to indicate that he is slightly bigger/more muscular than his brothers.
I think it is back to the drawing board on this one. Might be helpful to see what designs Playmates nixed.
Cody, on the other hand, Ihave no problem with... though if part of his outfit is meant to be an "enviropack", perhaps that should be redesigned.

-- Pete

-----------------------------------

Subj: Re: TMNT Show 119 Premise - First Draft
Date: Thursday, July 21, 2005 2:29:31 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Ep. 119 premise.

1.) Re: the following:

"Cody takes the Turtles into his COMPUTER ROOM, a complete 360 VR dome, and calls up a thousand WEAPON SITES on the Internet."

I wonder if we can think up a clever word to supplant "Internet" to reflect the idea that in the future, the Internet that we know has grown into an almost infinite resource, bridging many star systems and inhabited planets. Here are a few suggestions:

-- Galactinet
-- Infininet (hard to say!) or maybe Infinet
-- Ultranet
-- Meganet
-- U-Net (for "Universal Network")

2.) Re: the following:

"The guys stare at Cody, You OWN a company? You don t even leave the house!"

This last comment seems a bit odd -- didn't Cody leave his house in the first episode of Season Six so he could pick up the Turtles?

3.) Re: the following:

"And DARIUS walks in! The Ninja Turtles immediately disappear, winking at Cody from the shadows and mocking Darious, unseen."

Why do the Turtles "mock" Darius? What is the point? And do they do thing mocking just unseen, or unseen and UNHEARD?

4.) Re: the following:

"Cody finds it impossible to stand up to his almost uncle and agrees to stay inside when Darius leaves. When Cody looks for the Turtles, he finds them outside, waiting in the Hovershell! Rules were meant to be broken, kid &especially rules from a jerk! Cody resists, but they throw him in the hovershell and take off!"

Where did this "Hovershell" come from? I appreciate the idea that we should get some neat Turtle vehicles into this show, but this seems WAY to quick for them to already have a Turtle-ized future vehicle. They don't even have their weapons yet!

Also, I question whether ALL the Turtles would be behind this "rules were made to be broken" bit -- seems pretty irresponsible of them. I could definitely see Raph pulling that line, and maybe Mikey, but definitely not Leo and Don, especially in these circumstances (they're brand-new to this future city, they don't know their way around, they don't know what kinds of dangers lurk, and yet they want to yank this kid out into a vehicle they haven't flown in before?). And as written, they actually FORCE Cody to disobey Darius -- it's not his choice. And that's not like our guys.

This scene might work better for me if set up something like this: Don and Leo go off to try to work on their weapons. Meanwhile, Mikey and Raph spot A VEHICLE floating outside one of the windows. They jump into it and start fooling around with the controls. Cody nervously asks them to cut it out, but they continue and pester him to teach them how to fly it... they just want to cruise around and check out how the city has changed. Cody finally gives in -- if only to keep these two goons from hurting themselves and/or wrecking the flyer -- and takes off with them.

5.) Re: the following:

"Splinter interrupts, This is freaking awesome, my sons. Splinter points out that it isn t the craftsman s tools that make a fine weapon, but the craftsman himself. He encourages Donny to try first."

Bad Splinter line.

6.) Unrelated to this story, but this thought just occurred to me: Would it be fun to do a story which deals with the beginning of the "Society for the Preservation of Internal Combustion"? This, as we all know, is the group which started and continues to sponsor the Planet Racing series as seen in the "PLANET RACERS" graphic novels. Maybe Raph somehow gets hooked up with them in one of their first races, and he encounters either Godman Falcon's mom (either as a youngster or an adult) or a young Godman Falcon. Might be neat to tie in the third season "Across the Universe" episode with this new season six.
Actually, it might be fun to one of those ironic time travel story twists and have Raph somehow end up being a significant factor in the birth of Planet Racing.

7.) Re: the following:

"Leo, though skeptical, will try anything once, and imagines his ideal swords. Being a little snotty, he wants a sword folded 40,000 times with a blade so sharp it s only a hair s width thick. Cody smirks, what about one molecule thick? "

I don't think Leo has to be "a little snotty" (not generally a characteristic we associate with Leo) to fantasize about having a super-sharp blade. Also, do we want to have the blade itself be one molecule thick or just the leading/cutting edge of it? As I read this, I thought of an idea which might work or might be too goofy (or both!): Imagine a blade which was only one molecule thick -- you could roll that up into a tiny cylinder. If you could somehow press a release button and the sword unrolled AND if the material when unrolled then became ultra-rigid (no jokes, please), then we could give Leo a pair of swords which wouldn't have to be carried in sheathes on his back, but rather he could carry them on his belt.

Maybe instead of unROLLING, the sword could unFOLD when needed. Maybe this material could be sourced from a research project to create super protective fold-up emergency space suits or something. If we did go this way, I think we would definitely need a key scene where a skeptical Leo is shown how strong this material can be when expanded (maybe have a bit where Mike, Raph and Don all perch on a blade-length sample of the material, and it barely deflects under all their weight). One practical issue with a blade which is only one molecule thick -- unlike a traditional blade, this would be one molecule thick on BOTH edges... which would be great if you were in a situation where you wanted to cut on both forward and return strokes, but not so great if you needed to PUSH on the back edge of the blade. Maybe this meterial could have a built in "safety edge" which configures itself when the blade is unfolded.

8.) Re: the following:

"AT O NEIL Darius is all ready giving a press conference about what s happened, really playing up the worry and begging for the safe return of the boy. The Turtles, returning and watching from the shadows, don t trust him at all. Looking outside, Donny rattles his brain about how they can find Cody & when all of their WATCHES begin beeping."

When did the Turtles start wearing watches? This should be given some kind of setup earlier.

9.) Re: the following:

"The Turtles attack & zooming in on their TBD VEHICLES with NEW WEAPONS! Mikey is first on the scene, going crazy with his Turtletech battle armor go plus infinity! A battle ensues, and this time around, our boys have the upper hand. The new weapons work even better than expected &except for Mikey s BATTLE ARMOR, which misfires, falls apart in pieces, etc. "

A slight problem with timing here -- Mike's battle armor had not been finished yet -- as shown in the following from earlier in the premise:

"Mikey jumps into the drivers seat and whips up a mech-body armor nightmare with rockets and lasers and a soda dispenser, etc. As everything is logged in and construction begins &

KATHOOM! A the roof caves in, and the guys must dodge truck-sized shards of glass as the Winged Warriors finally reveal themselves The Inuwashi Gunjin!"

So either he should finish in before the attack, or we should somehow show or say that he finished it -- and went to pick it up -- sometime before the Turtles went off to find Cody. And I think we need to do something somewhere in here which would explain how the same tech that can build the Turtles' new perfect weapons also builds something like Mike's battle armor which "misfires, falls apart" -- NOT something to inspire a lot of confidence in the other weapons which come out of the "Transcendental Lathe" (great name, by the way).

The solution to this problem could be as simple as doing something like this: When Mikey is whipping up his battle armor and putting everything but the kitchen sink into it, the Transcendental Lathe machine could start flashing warnings about the number of options being chosen and their viability as a reliable weapons system -- which warnings Mike chooses to ignore. This could set up the weakness of the "over-muscled" battle armor for this fight scene.

10.) Re: the following:

"Thinking fast, Raph forces one of the I.G. he s fighting (and riding) in the air to change direction and swoop down to intercept Cody. Raph catches him and they land safely in the Central Park lake."

The idea that Raph could basically "pilot" one of these fearsome I.G.'s is a bit much. I think more thought should go into this rescue bit. Also, I'm a little unclear on the geography here -- is this Central Park Aerie thing a real thing, and is it near enough to the lake that they could fall into it after being thrown from the top? Or is this all new imaginary stuff? (Actually, the "falling into the lake" question still applies -- how threatening is being thrown off a building if you are going to land safely in a lake?)

11.) Re: the following:

"A final race through town ensues, winding up back at O NEIL where Darius s press conference is rudely interrupted! The Turtles finally ground the I.G., beating them senseless as Raph arrives with Cody. When Leo tries to interrogate the leader about who hired them, the leader is about to tell when ZZZAPT! The mercenaries short out, returning to a stasis like state.
(Darius meets the Turtles for the first time, and thanks them for their help. He suggests that professionals will take over now, but Cody steps up to the plate and tells everyone that he has it under control with his new, uh & The turtles jump in, Bodyguards? Protectors? Security Force? Cody smiles, UNCLES.

They leave everyone at the press conference confused and speechless, especially Darius."

Much like the "confused and speechless" press corps in this scene, I'm not totally clear on WHY this battle ends up back at Darius' press conference, but maybe that will come in future drafts. However, what needs to happen here is SOME kind of public statement from Cody about the Turtles explaining who/what they are instead of just calling them his "Uncles" (which is pretty goofy, given the circumstances... no wonder the press are "confused and speechless"). I think Cody should have enough smarts to perceive that, given the circumstances, he should say something that DEFLECTS curiosity rather than AMPLIFIES it, and thus should say something like "these are my great new bodyguards that Darius hired for me -- they're from (some newly discovered planet or something)".

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #473: July 18, 2005: Re: Uber Villain

2012-02-17T06:58:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: Uber Villain
Date: Monday, July 18, 2005 2:31:25 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 7/17/05 11:33:18 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete –

One of the notes we got from Playmates on the bible for TMNT 2105 was that they wanted us to create one main villain that was controlling all the other villains. In our talks we discussed perhaps making Darius Dun more of this main villain type, but the more I discussed this with the story editor, the more he began to feel like a second rate Oroku Saki/Shredder type of character. Instead, we shifted gears and decided to try the following. Give it a read and let me know what you think. It’s just a preliminary idea, but if we like the general concept we will flesh it out as we go.

Thanks,

Lloyd

"Ambassador Dirge

If Ambassador Dirge smiles at you, your blood would freeze in your heart. Deadly as a cobra, powerful as a lioness, slippery as a mongoose, Dirge is a wolf in ambassador’s clothing. Appointed to the inner council of the Pan Galactic Alliance, Dirge seeks to undermine the peace and harmony while testing the Alliance for possible weaknesses. But why? Why would she do such a thing?

Well, unbeknownst to anyone but those of us working on this here series, Dirge has a secret agenda. She is an advance agent for a deadly race of beings long thought dead; a race of shapeshifting beings that have their sights set on taking the Earth for their own nefarious purposes. They are known only as the Sh’oka.

The biggest problem Dirge has to contend with is her fellow council member, Alliance President Bishop, who won’t take his eyes off her even for a moment… blast him! He suspects something is not quite right with her. But Bishop has no idea just how dangerous the truth really is. He has no idea that Ambassador Dirge is really…

Sh’okaNabo

In 2105 the Sh’okaNabo is thought of as a cautionary tale, a dark myth, a twisted wives’ tale, a boogieman frustrated parents conjure up to get their defiant kids to sonic their teeth and go to bed.

But we are here to tell you that Sh’okaNabo is no myth. It is a devious, ruthless, relentless, shape-shifting creature that lets nothing stand in it the way of its purpose: survival for itself and the rest of its race.

In 2105, the Sh’oka, one of the oldest and most feared races in the universe, have found themselves in need of a new homeworld, and they have set their sights on Earth. They have sent one advance agent, highly trained, incredibly skilled, amazingly strong, disturbingly lethal, and have planted this covert op among the denizens of New Manhattan in the role of Ambassador Dirge. Part of the fun over the course of these 26 episodes will be revealing which 2105 Turtle villain Sh’okaNabo actually is.

Sh’okaNabo will spend much of its time in New Manhattan bullying and manipulating the other villains, pulling their strings, all in the service of its ultimate goal: to steal the Earth so it can be used as a homeworld for its own people!"

Lloyd,

I think these two identities both have potential, but there are a few things that to me seem problematic. First is the obvious comparison to the STAR WARS duality of Senator Palpatine/Darth Sidious. Do we care? Does it matter?

Second, I don't see exactly how "bullying and manipulating the other villains, pulling their strings" leads to Sh'okaNabo's goal to "steal the Earth". How does it get "stolen"? Also: How many others of Sh'okaNabo's species exist? Where are they? How are they going to use Earth as a new homeworld? Are they all on a spaceship or spaceships somewhere? How have they escaped detection up to this point? Why Earth and not some other, less heavily populated and defended planet? Earth is also now home to lots of alien species -- does Sh'okaNabo's species want all these aliens to know that its species still exists? Why do they need a new homeworld? What is there about Earth which fits their requirements? Are Sh'okaNabo's species TRYING to stay hidden? Why are they "one of the oldest and most feared races in the universe"? If they are seen as such, do all the other species who are aware of them have special procedures used to detect them? Or are you saying that as this point, the Sh'oka are believed to no longer exist except as nightmare figures from the galactic past? Was there some great war in the past to eradicate them?

The other big problem here is one faced by any show which uses shapeshifters as villains -- DEEP SPACE NINE barely pulled it off -- which is that it quickly becomes tedious ("Is he one of them? Is she?" etc. etc. blah blah blah). It's one of the reasons the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA has lost my interest. You also run into a problem of logic -- if these shapeshifters are so good at it that they can fool anybody, why don't they just arriveen masse, slither their way undetected into the population, and then kill everybody? They would certainly have a great tactical advantage, taking everyone by surprise.

To sum up, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not opposed to this idea, but I think it needs to be thought out some more. Actually, a lot more.

-- Pete

P.S. Maybe the whole "stealing the earth for a new homeworld" angle is not the best angle. Maybe the Sh'oka don't really want Earth, they want PAYBACK (perhaps for the genocidal war which nearly wiped them out), and they are targeting Earth because it is now the most prominent galactic center of commerce, trade and politics.

P.P.S. I know that you said in a recent email something to the effect that we don't need to do the "Utroms on Earth" thing as I have done in the new comics, and I agree with you. BUT... let's turn that around and ask: Why NOT do it? Is there any compelling reason to not use that as part of the backstory about how the Earth joined the Galactic Fellowship (or whatever we're calling it)? Maybe 90 years ago the Utroms arrived as in the comics and that kicked off the process which brought all the other aliens to Earth.
I'm not married to the idea, but I think there are at least two good reasons to use it:

-- it's a nice way to bridge the gap between the animation and the comics, and the fans of both would dig it

-- the more I think about it, if we DON'T include the Utroms in this new future Turtles scenario in some significant way, their absence will feel VERY weird, given that we have already established their close connection to Earth over the last three seasons

Fanga™

2012-02-16T07:43:00.000-08:00

The world of fandom is multifaceted, and one of the most interesting facets of that world is the creativity of a large number of fans, who express their love for a particular tv show, movie, book or comic book in a variety of ways -- in stories, poems, sculptures, paintings, illustrations, comics, or short films, for example. These can range from pretty crude to extremely sophisticated… but the common thread is the love for the source material, and the characters and concepts therein.

I've seen a number of these things over the years, and it's interesting that with the emergence of relatively inexpensive video and video editing hardware and software, the film and animation end of this fan-generated expression has gotten increasingly more… well, professional.

I was reminded of this yesterday when someone asked me a question on my "Ask PL" blog post about two recent fanmade short films, "Fight the Foot" and "Casey Jones". They are both intriguing pieces, but of the two, "Casey Jones", a film by Polaris Banks, is far superior and much more satisfying. It has excellent cinematography, the costumes are great, and much of the acting is very good.

But the thing I liked most about it was the attention to details drawn from the original comics (like the mention of Northampton, Casey's cousin Sid, Casey's mother calling him "Arnold", the fact that Casey throws two bats at the punk running away from him -- just like in the "Raphael One Issue Micro Series" -- and so on).

The inclusion of a yellow jumpsuit-clad April O'Neil, reporter from Channel 6 News, and a brief shot of "Krang" I could have done without -- both elements which I think could be edited out of the film without changing it greatly -- but I must confess that seeing them in there made me smile a couple of times. Seeing those icons from the goofy first TMNT TV series took me out of the gritty, realistic feel established from almost the very first shot (the hockey player colliding with the plexiglass wall and leaving a streak of blood).

The only other real criticism I have of "Casey Jones" is that the lighting during the extended fight scene in the alleyway is often too dark to really be able to see adequately what's happening. But all in all, it is a VERY impressive piece of work, and I think the people behind it could go far.

You can watch the "Casey Jones" film here:

http://caseyjonesthemovie.com/

... and "Fight the Foot" can be found on YouTube here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldC6krN7PNM

Another fan work -- this time in the comics realm -- to which I was recently introduced (well, "recently" in this case meaning late last year) is "Donatello; Dark Energy" by Matthew Montelione (writer) and Pedro Lajud (artist), a five-page story featuring my favorite Turtle. It's not quite professional-level work, but the potential is definitely there.

It's a quiet story (or, more accurately, part of a story) with a lot of heart, and a somber mood which I found quite appealing. The two creators plan a second installment of "Donatello: Dark Energy", and I look forward to reading that one as well. You can find the first part here:

http://betweenthelines.mutantooze.org/comics/TMNT_DE1.pdf

It's an amazing thing to see how something you had a hand in creating more than a quarter of a century ago could have had enough of an impact on people that they would do stuff like this. -- PL

P.S. The title of this post -- "FANGA™" -- is just a word I made up to use as "shorthand" identify these types of fan-created works. I was trying to think of something short and punchy, and this word (a variant of "manga", obviously) popped into my head.

Blast from the Past #472: July 14, 2005: Re: TMNT2105 Episode 1?

2012-02-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: TMNT2105 Episode 1?
Date: Thursday, July 14, 2005 1:10:58 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 7/13/05 2:37:42 PM, Lloyd writes:

Hey Pete –

Attached is a very rough premise for the first episode. It needs some adjustment, but I think it’s a good jumping off point for us to get a writer working on a full-up outline. Give it a look-see, send me your notes, and lets discuss. I haven’t sent it out to the rest of the distribution list yet - - I wanted your thoughts first!

As always, thanks mucho!

Lloyd

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the Episode 1 Premise (and a little bit more).

1.) Re: the state of the lair when they arrive in the future: I think it would be fun to play with some little mystery -- which we may or may not explain in future episodes -- by having things be, in addition to dusty and rotting, slightly altered (i.e. furniture moved around, new machines and gizmos in the lair, etc.) implying that somebody was in the lair AFTER they were. The Turtles can briefly remark on it as they find their way out. One question which just occurred to me: We currently have the Turtles' lair in that old pumping station in Central Park. Is it likely that a century could have gone by without someone discovering it? Might want to think about that a little.

2.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, Mikey finds a kind ALIEN who lends him an ENVIROPACK that helps with his breathing the “new air” and dealing with the extra gravity of the new world."

I'm still not one hundred percent crazy about the "new air" thing. Maybe the extra purity of the air doesn't make them choke and gag, but actually acts like alcohol or some other inebriating substance -- they could get a little "drunk" on the air. (Or "silly" or "lightheaded" might be a better way to put it for Saturday morning.) However we play this gag, I think we should quickly lose it (I'm already tired of it) by doing something like having their mutant biology rapidly adapt to it or something.
And by "extra gravity", is the writer referring to the different "gravity zones" we talked about? I don't think it would be a good idea to have Earth's overall gravity be changed.

3.) Re: the following:

"This Kid knows all about them, but isn’t saying anything, just that he’s “there to help.”

I think it would be more fun if the kid THINKS he knows all about them, but it will turn out that his knowledge of the Turtles and their history is incomplete, due to the fact that there was little recorded about them, and most of what he has to go on has been passed down through his family. An initial fun gag might be that he's a little intimidated by them -- "Y-You're bigger than I thought you'd be!"

4.) Re: the following:

"Mikey’s having a ball trying to live out all of his favorite scenes from sci-fi flicks! (Trying to get aliens to heal his cut finger. Making things burst from his chest, etc.) And in doing so, he runs afoul some ALIEN THUGS who don’t get the joke… uh oh…"

"Making things burst from his chest"...? Not sure that one works. Anyway, it seems a little off that Mike would just be playing around in these strange circumstances -- I'd think he would want to find his brothers quickly rather than just goof around

5.) This thought just came to me: Maybe one of the ways --especially in big cities of the future -- that the air is kept pure and clean is that there are hundreds of flying "Scrubbers"... dirigible-sized robot drone ships that endlessly fly at low speeds thought the city airspace, sucking in air and filtering out anything nasty. A couple of possible uses for these in future episodes:

-- the contaminants and poisons that the scrubbers filter out of the air are stored onboard and later emptied into safe holding facilities. This concentrated and dangerous filth might be used for some nefarious purpose by some evildoers.

-- because the Scrubbers suck in all these particulates that are in the air, they also suck in various biological material -- skin flakes, hair, bad breath -- and computers onboard record and file time-coded information on all of these pollutants. If the Turtles needed to try to find someone (one of their friends or one of their enemies), Don could get the brilliant idea to hack into the ScrubNet and try to get a DNA match on some of these particles, leading the Turtles to the general area where the particles were found.

6.) I think we need to be very careful to not make Cody into one of those impossibly smart kids who solves every problem -- in other words (to use a STAR TREK reference) let's not Wesley Crusher-ize him. He should have at least as many flaws and foibles as he has smarts and wealth.

7.) Another thought that just came to me: It might be fun to have holographic computer simulated versions (either insubstantial or solid like STAR TREK holodeck holograms) of the original Casey and April, programmed by them (and their descendants) to be as close to the originals as possible. They could be used by Cody for teaching and reference... and to some extent, companionship. Might make for some fun interactions with the Turtles and Splinter. And maybe one of Don's projects is to use his first-hand knowledge of the original Casey and April to reprogram the holograms so that they are more like the actual people that he knew.

-- Pete

Blast from the Past #471: July 13, 2005: Re: TMNT 2015 Bible

2012-02-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: TMNT 2015 Bible
Date: Wednesday, July 13, 2005 12:53:52 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 7/7/05 12:02:44 AM, Lloyd Goldfine writes:

Hey Pete –

Here are a few quick responses to your notes. As you know, everything's negotiable (hey, I’m easy!)! ;)

   "1.) What if "O'Neil Tech" was named "Joneil Tech" instead (a combination of April and Casey's last names)? It would also be helpful to know what kinds of "trusted, ubiquitous technology" the company has invented and prospered with.

I figured since April was really the BRAINS of the duo (Casey probably didn’t contribute much), and since Cody sports Casey’s last name, calling it O’Neil Tech was a nice way to keep April’s name/memory alive in the show. Joneil is a nice combo, but it won’t conjure up April."

I think it could be argued that "Joneil" DOES remind us of April -- I mean, the major sounds of the name are those of the name "O'Neil". And we don't really know yet what, if anything, Casey had to do with the success of the company -- maybe that would be an interesting twist if we delve into the backstory, that Casey accidentally stumbled onto an idea or something that jump-started the company (tweaking expectations). And is it totally necessary that Cody's last name be "Jones"? Maybe he has a different last name and it is revealed later (maybe later in the first episode) that his grandfather was named Jones, but his father had a different name.

  " 3.) Re: the following:

"They’re going to find it hard to breathe. In 2105 pollution is virtually non-existent. The pure, clean environment is going to cause our boys to choke and gag, and they are going to need special equipment to help them acclimate to the new atmosphere."

   A funny gag (no pun intended!) but kind of too silly."

The breathing thing is just another reason/rational to give the Turtles new accessories. I’m not talking about masks or filters that cover their faces, but I was thinking that if we required a rational for some of the new design accessories (that, as we discussed, Playmates is keen to add to the Turtles), a belt device or chest panel that help with their respiration (or gravity, or any number of other reasons) could be part of the explanation. It might also become a story point in a fight scene later on…

I'm not objecting to more accessories per se -- I'm all for them if they make sense -- but this one just kind of makes me cringe. I mean, haven't the Turtles encountered fresh air/clean environments before? I don't recall them suffering from it. To me, the gag is over the top.

  " 4.) Re: the following:

"For one thing, the Turtles will find that their tried and true ninja weapons did not make the trip through time with them. This will mean that they are going to have to acquire new weapons in 2105."

This was to accommodate Playmates desire to give the Turtles new versions of their tried and true ninja weapons. Much like we gave them special mystical versions of their weapons in season 5, we would design the 2105 version of a katana, bo staff, nunchuks and sais. Playmates is very keen on keeping their roleplay line going. I don’t think we have to be firing lasers and all that crap ;) but maybe new materials, new effects?

After talking today, I gave it some more thought and have decided that I am cool with doing "new materials" versions of their classic weapons, like, for example, having Leo's swords being given a monomolecular cutting edge. Another thought I had today was that it might be fun if Mike's nunchakus had the ability to magnetize their tips, so Mike could use them to walk up metal walls or pick up metal things with them.

   " 8.) Re: the following:

"Dark Turtles

Back in 2004, Agent Bishop had stolen samples of the Turtles DNA. Now in 2105, Bishop reports that those samples have been stolen. The Turtles are confronted with dark versions of themselves, genetically enhanced copies, speed grown into twisted versions of our beloved boys in green! They have all the skills of our heroes, but their strength and speed are superhuman. Our guys don’t stand a chance!"

   I don't think it is at all necessary that the "Dark Turtles" have "superhuman" (shouldn't that be "supermutant" or "superturtle" !?) strength and speed, so that "our guys don't stand a chance!" Instead, they should maybe have a LITTLE bit more strength and speed, but there REAL advantage (at least at first) is that they fight DIRTY."

Yeah, we’ll work this out at the story stage. It’s just that I imagine that in 2105, when they actually get around to making them, they’d probably do SOMETHING to amp ‘em up. I mean, every clone or genetic engineering story we’ve done thus far has BIGGER and BETTER written all over it (Stockman, Slayer, Bishop, etc.). Now we jump 99.9 years into the future and they just make replicas that fight dirty? Feels like it needs a little more 2105 seasoning…>>

I think I know what you mean, but I could argue that just because we are 99.9 years in the future, it doens't mean that this future world is 99.9 years ahead of 2005 in terms of advanced gentic engineering. For all we know, a repressive conservative religious government took over at some point during that time and closed the door on genetic engineering for fifty years -- maybe even DESTROYING a lot of what had been developed up to that time, so that it took even longer to progress SOMEWHAT beyond the 2005 level of gentic engineering.
But the major problem is that when I hear phrases like "Our guys don’t stand a chance!" and "their strength and speed are superhuman", I see the Turtles being overwhelmed quickly. And isn't a character will all the skills and strength of a TMNT but with an EVIL nature scary and threatening enough, without being "superhuman" (or maybe "supermutant" would be a more appropriate term)? I think sometimes more is less.

  " 11.) Re: the following:

"Curiously, the knowledge in Cody’s journals include adventures that the Turtles themselves haven’t experienced yet because they were suddenly ripped from the past and transported to the year 2105! The fact that these future journal entries exist take any and all worry out of the question “Will the Turtles ever get back to their own time?” The obvious, angst-free answer is “YES!” It also allows us to play some comedy with Cody lording his “fore-knowledge Turtles history” over the Turtles from time to time. "

   I have to say I'm not loving this idea. I think there SHOULD be some question about whether the Turtles will return to their original time period -- otherwise, EVERYTHING that happens to them in the future essentially has no weight, no effect on them. And on the flip side, there is the possibility that maybe we'll love the Turtles in the future so much that we'll never send them back! In any event, there are enough flexible parameters to time travel tales that I don't think we need to worry overmuch about this.
   And it also serves to relieve Cody of any responsibility for his actions, which I think is wrong -- he SHOULD be held responsible. In fact, I don't think the Turtles and Splinter should be very pleased with young Cody for having snatched them from their past lives (apparently on nothing more than a 12-year-old's whim!) -- they should be pretty pissed off at him, as his action is REALLY not a very good one... in fact, it's pretty stupid and selfish.
   It might add some weight to the story if Cody's great-grandparents' journals and records show that indeed the Turtles DID disappear mysteriously at some point in the past, and Cody is using his time viewer machine to find out HOW and WHY -- and it malfunctions somehow while he is doing this viewing, and actually transports the Turtles and Splinter into the future. And so Cody, without meaning to, actually CAUSED the mysterious disappearance he is investigating!
   This clearly needs to be given more thought."

I know we talked about this, and I know it was a conundrum that we didn’t arrive at a satisfying conclusion about. Why I did include it though, was that in my conversations with both Playmates and 4Kids, it was made clear that once the Turtles are in the future they don’t want ANY ANGSTING over how the Turtles are going to get back to their own time, or how could Cody do such a thing. It takes the weight off, and it relieves of Cody of all responsibity. It lets us get on with telling the stories of the Turtles in the future. Anyway, while trying to do what was requested, I then began to think that we might be able to have some fun with Cody having this fore-knowledge, and could even turn it into a running gag…

The truth is, maybe we just don’t have to raise any of this. Ever. Maybe that’s the best way to deal with it? Just never go there?

This is when I start getting some bad feelings about where this new approach may be heading. I think it's a terrible idea to have this little twerp yank five characters out of their lives and maroon them in a future they never asked to be taken to and not have a shred of responsibility for his actions. I mean, what kind of message is that for the kids who watch the show? "Yeah, just do what ya want -- who cares who gets hurt?!"

We don't have to DWELL on it, and we don't have to be morose and "ANGSTY" about it all the time. But I think it should definitely be part of this new situation. And if you think about it, it makes an excellent jumping off point for a "growing up" arc for this young pup Cody.

-- Pete

Ask PL #6

2012-02-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

Haven't done one of these since last April, I think... so...

Any questions? I might have answers... then again, maybe not. -- PL

Blast from the Past #470: June 15, 2005: re: minis "Ice Scream" and "Faster", and June 16, 2005: comments on the "Free Comic Day" mini

2012-02-09T15:27:00.000-08:00

Subj: re: minis "Ice Scream" and "Faster"
Date: Wednesday, June 15, 2005 11:19:05 AM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on the two new minis.

comments on mini "Faster"

1.) I'm not crazy about the "Raph and Bike" shaped hole ending of this one -- we're getting into "RoadRunner" territory here -- but the setup for the gag doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Raph's just sitting on the bike in the garage and blipping the throttle, yet he keeps saying "Faster!" How does he know how fast the thing can go at each tuning stage if he's not actually riding it? This MIGHT work if instead of the bike just sitting there on its kickstand it was in some kind of dyno/riding simulator rig where the rear wheel is set on rollers so that you could reasonably estimate how fast it can go (without the bike actually moving anywhere.

Actually, that might make the hole in the wall gag more palatable for me. Imagine that this simulator rig has a big screen in front of the bike which displays a simulated road course so that at the same time Don is tuning the bike, Raph can be trying it out. Then, instead of actually going through a stone or brick WALL when he hits the red button, Raph can go through the SCREEN, leaving the same kind of "Raph and Bike" shaped hole.

-----------------

comments on mini "Ice Scream"

1.) This is... bizarre. I'm not sure it's actually funny. As I was reading it, I thought it was leading up to an ending with Mikey sitting up in bed in a cold sweat and saying something like "Gotta lay off those late night mega sundaes! The idea that Mikey would FAINT because Leatherhead roared at him is kind of dopey and out of character.

-- Pete

----------------------------------------

Subj: Fwd: Number 5 coming your way!
Date: Thursday, June 16, 2005 10:25:40 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

   Here are my comments on the "Free Comic Day" mini

   1.) Re: the following:

"DONATELLO
Where we going? Is someone in trouble?"

   Don would say "Where ARE we going?"

   2.) I fell compelled to point out that this is yet ANOTHER of these minis which depends upon BEATING on somebody (in this case Mikey) for the "humorous" punchline. That makes three out of five -- NOT good. And Mikey is the victim in all three of them.
   This approach just feels lazy to me. And do we REALLY want to encourage kids to think that it's REALLY funny to bash somebody's head? I think the ratio of "humorous" beatings to other actually funny stuff should be no greater than 1 out of 10 -- DEFINITELY not 3 out of 5 as it stands now.
   For this one, why not instead have Mikey rush to the front of the line at the comics store, greedily pushing his way in and grabbing a huge armload of free comics, then rushing back to the alley... only to find that the other guys have already lifted off in the copter, and either:

   a.) the other Turtles yell down something funny as they lift off (maybe something about another "emergency" they have to attend to, something goofy like "Splinter just called us on the ShellCel -- he ran out of hair gel!" or something of that nature. And Mikey is left to slog all the way home with his huge pile of comics. And it starts raining at that moment. ("Aw... Shell! Now they won't be "mint"!")

   b.) Mike sees the guys leaving in the helicopter, then hears a noise behind him -- and turns around to see an advancing crowd of pissed-off comic geeks (pissed off because Mikey cut the line and grabbed too many comics). End on a classic "Mikey girly scream".

   -- Pete

Blast from the Past #469: June 12, 2005: Re: "Punching Bag" mini adventure, and Re: FW: Turtles Season Six

2012-02-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

Subj: Re: Checking In
Date: Sunday, June 12, 2005 6:01:07 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

Lloyd,

I don't have much to say about the "Punching Bag" mini -- except that I think we should probably be careful about depending on physical abuse as a (no pun intended!) punchline.

Here are my comments on the “Sidekick” MINI ADVENTURE.

1.) Re: the following:

"*RAPHAEL
<DISGUST REACT> Mikey, comic books are for LOSERS! I wish you’d give them up!
*Mikey stands and starts flipping a COIN he pulls from his belt.
*MICHELANGELO
Well…you a “bettin man” Raphie?
*RAPHAEL
What’s on your oh-so-small mind?
*MICHELANGELO
Heads, I give up comics! Tails, you…well…I’ll think of somethin’. Whaddya say? Not CHICKEN ARE YA?"

This would work a lot better if the bet has something to do with comic books -- I'm not sure what, maybe some interesting factoid that Mikey has learned from reading comics -- instead of just a random coin toss, which is kind of meaningless.

2.) Re: the following:

"*MICHELANGELO
Know what else you ain’t gonna believe, what you’ve got to do for me <WHISPER>"

This is really awkward wording, and I'm especially not loving the "you ain't gonna" bit -- makes Mike sound like a moron.

3.) The ending of this one is kind of weak -- Raph beating on Mike is not very funny... especially right after reading the one about the punching bag. If the gag is Raph in a silly costume, maybe we should just end on that.

-- Pete

---------------------------------

Subj: Re: FW: Turtles Season Six
Date: Sunday, June 12, 2005 5:57:59 PM
From: Peter Laird
To: Lloyd Goldfine

<<Howdy all –

Attached please find the jumping off point for Turtles Season Six. It’s got all the new stuff we’ve all been discussing, some of the old information that new writers will still need to know, and few new things to think about.

Give a read through and then let’s discuss.

Cheers!

Lloyd>>

Lloyd,

Here are my comments on your mini-bible. Thanks for putting it together, by the way!

1.) Re: the following:

"The stories this season will be fun, self-contained, and unencumbered by the complex continuity that we have built up over the past seasons. "

This is fine as long as we don't start doing stories that ignore and/or contradict previously established continuity.

2.) Re: the following:

"Or picture a turtle roll-call sequence. As their names are called out, each turtle leaps forward and spectacularly executes his “signature” ninja move with their “signature” ninja weapon! But as Michelangelo flips forward, he over rotates and winds up landing in a heap next to his battle-ready brothers! At which point, the other three, heroically posed and trying not to lose their composure, begin to chuckle and rag on their fallen brother! “Aw man!” “Dude, yer makin’ us look weak!” “Ya gotta stick those landings Mikey!”"

This kind of thing will get old VERY quickly, especially once you consider that we've had five seasons during which the Turtles have demonstrated over and over again that they are highly proficient martial artists. For them -- even just Mikey -- to suddenly turn into bumbling, inept goofballs is just silly.

3.) Re: the following:

"Lastly, if it’s a really great moment and a really great line, the Turtles are not above addressing the audience directly. For example, in the stunned-silent aftermath of one of Raphael’s hotheaded, overblown temper-tantrums, Mike might look out at us an say, “I hate when he does that…” "

NO!!! To my mind, this takes us right down to the level of the old Fred Wolf show.

4.) Re: the following:

"Casey Jones is a son-of-a-bitch"

Huh??? Maybe there is another meaning to that phrase that escapes me, but for me it has always meant "asshole". And I don't think of Casey that way.

5.) Re: the following:

"Turtle Boy
The Turtle encounter a kid who seems to know a lot about them. He’s got clippings from the Weekly Weird News, evidence from past battles, and he’s wearing a homemade shell! He calls himself Turtle Boy, and he’s their number one fan!"

This one makes me feel a bit queasy, given its similarity to the whole "Fifth Turtle" nonsense from the old Fred Wolf show. I would only approve something like this if it was done in a REALLY clever way, maybe focusing on the ridiculous aspects of extreme fandom. And it doesn't have to be a boy -- it could be a girl.

6.) Re: the following:

"Tiger Shark
There’s a new ninja in town. A highly skilled fighter with strange powers and criminal intentions. He calls himself the Tiger Shark. And the Tiger Shark is the only known natural predator of the turtle..!"

There's something a bit cliche about the name of this character (I'm almost certain that there have been other characters with the same name). And I'm pretty sure that turtles have other predators. And why is he a ninja? Is he involved with the Foot? Where are the Foot, anyway? What's happened to Karai?

7.) I am really trying to keep an open mind about this new approach to the show, but I am also really hoping that it doesn't turn out as goofy as it appears it might from some of the stuff in this mini-bible.
I understand the desire (although not the perceived necessity) to go for standalone episodes and a lighter overall tone, but I think it would behoove us to not just throw out five years of effort, during which we have created a complex and compelling universe for the characters that many fans would be very unhappy to see disappear or be demeaned. I think the attitude we should have is that this is the same show and the same characters and the same universe -- we're just focussing more closely on certain aspects of it.

-- Pete